


It's You I'm Fighting For

by Macadamia440



Category: Malex - Fandom, Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Anxiety Attacks, Gunshot Wounds, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Multi, References to Depression, Sobriety, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:42:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 121,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25318501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macadamia440/pseuds/Macadamia440
Summary: Michael had been working harder than he had for most of his life, but he felt the inevitable downs that he had in the past turned to alcohol for. One day, about six weeks from that night at the Pony when Alex performed for the first time, Michael ran into Sheriff Valenti. She made a comment about not seeing his face in her drunk tank in weeks, so he told her he’d been trying to better his life and make smarter decisions. He’d been surprised when she’d invited him to lunch the next day but readily accepted. When she asked about some of the life changes he was trying to make as they sat down in a booth at the Crashdown, she seemed genuinely interested. When he brought up cutting out the drinking because he’d been using it as a way to deal with his pain, Sheriff Valenti gently asked if he’d ever thought about therapy.OR The Malex story where both Alex and Michael have been trying to get their respective shit together and we get to see how that can bring them back to one another.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 410
Kudos: 224
Collections: Malex Week 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever attempt at writing a fic. I’m usually the one reading all the content on here for my various fandoms so I really hope you enjoy it. If you do, you can thank the 24-hour fever dream I was in that produced this. 
> 
> This story takes place six months after the night at the Wild Pony when Tyler Blackburn sang that amazing song as Alex Manes and I will never forgive either one for making me cry at how beautiful it is. 
> 
> The focus is Malex, but you’ll find most of the current Roswell, New Mexico characters in there. Honestly, this story only happened because it would NOT get out of my head. Malex is endgame, their issues get worked out, and we meet a few new minor characters my brain felt this story needed. The chapters jump from Alex's POV to Michael's with some chapters from the perspective of someone close to both of them. 
> 
> I hope I captured the characters well, but if not, it’s a good thing this is fanfiction and I’m never getting near the writers of Roswell, New Mexico.
> 
> For the love of my stress levels, please enjoy!

“Damn it, this thing is impossible!”

Michael let out a growl of frustration at the piece of human technology in front of him. He heard the others pacing around him, but it took all of Michael’s concentration to focus on the task at hand. It kept him from snapping at everyone, at least.

“We need this to work.”

“Can’t we just call-”

“NO. We are not calling Alex.”

Michael couldn’t see Max, Liz, Isobel and Kyle rolling their eyes at him, but he could hear their sighs and mutters of “stubborn” clearly enough.

“Alex could really help though Michael. I know you think you can do it.” Michael lifted his head and glared at Max. Max held up his hands despite the heavy white bandage around his arm and said, “I know you _can_ do it, but Michael, we don’t really have the time to wait for you to crack it.”

“Look Michael, you’re a genius, yes, we’re all aware, but your know-how lies in mechanics and physics, not coding and computer analytics. Alex is the best option.”

Michael let out a resolute sigh and said, “You guys are right, okay? I don’t exactly know how to get to the information we need out of this damn thing, but we are not calling Alex. He isn’t obligated to drop everything to help us and we can’t keep asking him to. Alex deserves to live his life however he wants to. He doesn’t have his dad interfering with his decisions anymore and he…” Michael trailed off and swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat. “He has a boyfriend who would notice a phone call taking Alex away at two o’clock in the morning.”

Behind him, Max and Liz exchanged worried glances and Kyle rubbed his tired eyes.

Michael ran his hands into his riot of curls and let out a bone-weary sigh. He felt Isobel’s hands gently squeeze his shoulders before she said, “Okay Michael. We won’t call him right now, but can you just agree we will need him at some point to get through to the information?” Michael moved his hands down his face to rest under his chin and replied, “Just give me seven more hours, okay? If I can’t make any progress, then fine, call him. But the sun better be lighting the sky before you do.”

He heard the murmured agreements before Michael threw his concentration back to the computer in front of him.

****

“’Lo?” Alex asked groggily into his phone. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. _Geez, who the hell is calling at five am?_

“Alex, man, I am so sorry to wake you up, but I checked my phone and the sun is rising literally this minute, so I’m officially allowed to call you.”

“Kyle?”

“Yeah, again, sorry but we could really use your help.”

Alex rubbed his left hand over his face and cleared the gunk from his eyes as he attempted to wake up without coffee. He wasn’t very successful as it turned out since the only words he understood from Kyle’s ramblings were ‘computer’, ‘files’, ‘alien’, and ‘Michael’. As Alex’s fuzzy brain attempted to keep up, his hands, almost by instinct now, went through the process of putting on his leg.

“Kyle,” Alex growled in an attempt to get Kyle’s attention. When he heard a brief silence on the other end Alex continued, “Honestly, Kyle I didn’t really get much of that. You woke me from a dead sleep of only five hours down after a solid twenty-four up, so my brain is still trying to process being awake again. Can you give me a few minutes to get some coffee and you can say that all again, but slower?”

As Alex made his way into his kitchen and started a pot of coffee, he listened to his friend explain again, slower, what had happened the night before. By the time Kyle had finished, Alex was dressed and walking out his door saying, “I’m on my way.”

********

Alex stood at Max Evan’s glass doors and peered in. The sun had barely lightened the dark blue of the night sky so pre-dawn light was all he had to see by.

He saw a shadow move across the living room until Alex made out Kyle’s features. Kyle opened the door partially and slid out carefully, his movements clearly not wanting to alert anyone in the house there was a visitor.

Alex took a step back as Kyle stood in front of him fully dressed but rumpled and whispered, “God, Alex thank you so much for coming so quickly. I know you’ve been working night shifts and last night was your twenty-four on before you could switch back to days, so I triple appreciate you coming. I would have called you earlier, but we all promised…”

When Kyle didn’t continue, Alex asked, “You mentioned when you called that you couldn’t until sunrise but what does that mean?”

“Well,” Kyle started, “I told you Guerin was the one attempting to get into the system’s firewalls. He wasn’t making much progress so Max, Liz, Isobel and I were talking about calling you, but Guerin wouldn’t have it. That was two this morning, so I suppose he had a point.” Alex smiled and said, “Well I do appreciate not getting pulled out of bed at two considering I was down at midnight after a full day of being awake, but it’s not like it would be the first time one of you has called in the early hours of the morning.”

“Yeah, well, Guerin had some other points and he made us all agree we wouldn’t bug you until, and I quote, ‘the sun better be lighting the sky’, and since sunrise is considered the time the sunlight rises into the sky, I took advantage of the loophole and called.”

Alex wanted Kyle to elaborate on the other points Michael had made, but Alex was made aware of the time crunch Kyle already mentioned. So instead he said, “I’m glad you did. Let me go in and I can take a crack at the computer.”

Kyle nodded but before he moved to lead Alex into Max’s house, he said, “The computer is in the living room. Guerin passed out on one of the couches with it about an hour ago. Max had been waiting up with Michael so he’s on the other couch. I crashed in the guest bedroom and Liz and Isobel are in Max’s. I have to start my shift covering for another doctor in a half hour so try not to wake anyone up. We’re all running low on sleep it seems.” Kyle rubbed his eyes and let out a yawn and Alex immediately ground down his molars to keep from yawning too.

“Shit, Kyle, if you have a shift, how are you going to make it through on almost no sleep for the next twelve hours?” Alex asked, worried. Kyle smirked and replied, “It’s not like it would be the first time,” parroting Alex’s words back at him.

Alex snorted a laugh and nodded. “No truer words, my friend. You go on. Save a life today Valenti,” Alex said as he nudged Kyle towards the driveway. Kyle nodded back and said, “Call me as soon as something changes, okay? Later Alex.”

Alex slipped into the living room as Kyle walked away. He quietly closed the door behind him and looked at the two slumbering aliens in the living room.

Max was gently snoring on the full-length couch, but Michael, who contrary to what Kyle said, was actually sitting on the floor in front of the loveseat, his head resting on the couch behind him.

Alex spotted the laptop computer stationed on the coffee table in front of Michael and took a seat on the second loveseat cushion. He put his bag down by his metal foot, pulled the device towards him and got to work.

****

It was about ten minutes after Alex started working on the computer’s encrypted system when he noticed Michael moving next to him. Alex pulled his eyes away from the strings of code in front of him to look at the beautiful man. Alex thought he may have woken up, but the still sleeping Michael Guerin turned towards Alex and snuggled into Alex’s left side.

Alex smiled at the peaceful look on Michael’s face before it was tucked down to rest against Alex’s hip. Despite his head telling him it was a bad idea, Alex’s fingers itched to run them through Michael’s soft curls.

Alex sighed gently. Michael Guerin in almost any form was hard to resist, but sleepy, affectionate Michael? That one was a particular favorite of what Alex secretly referred to as his ‘Michael-isms’. They’d had less than a handful of times when they’d been able to wake up together, so it was also rare for Alex to see Michael content in sleep and snuggly.

As Alex had the thought, one of Michael’s arms stretched to snake around Alex’s waist and the other wrapped around his leg.

Alex’s smile got a bit wider as he turned back to the computer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More details on what the Pod Squad and their favorite humans are into this time

Thirty-five minutes later Alex heard shuffling from the back rooms of Max’s house just as he was finishing analyzing the data he’d copied over from the encrypted laptop. Michael had stayed wrapped around Alex, still asleep, the whole time he’d been working. Alex saw a figure move out of the corner of his eye and turned to see a sleepy, raven-haired Liz Ortecho blink at him. Before she could say anything, he raised a finger to his lips, then pointed down to Michael and over at Max on the other couch. Liz nodded, then stepped over to Max and smiled down at him. Alex saw her fingers brush over the bandage on his arm before she swept a lock of hair out of his closed eyes. Alex turned his attention back to the data as Liz made her way into the kitchen, the smell of coffee filling the air moments later.

Alex kept his eyes on the screen in front of him when he heard another figure, Isobel, shuffle into the living room and make her way to the coffee pot in the kitchen. Alex heard their murmurs getting closer as he finished his baseline analysis. When a coffee mug was gently placed on the table in front of him, Alex finally looked up and saw Liz’s attention on a newly awoken Max and Isobel’s on the still sleeping Michael at his side. When Isobel’s gaze met Alex’s, she smiled and took a spot on the floor with her coffee.

Alex spoke first.

“Well now that most of you are awake,” Alex said softly, not wanting Michael to wake up, “you can finally tell me what the hell is going on.”

He saw the glances between Liz, Max and Isobel before they looked back to him. Liz spoke next. “I assume you’re here, Alex, because Kyle called you?”

Alex nodded and replied, “Yeah at five this morning telling me Max had been shot last night and you all ended up with a computer you shouldn’t legally have with documents related to legitimate alien information. Any additional details about what you all have gotten into _now_ would be extremely helpful.”

“I’ll start at the beginning,” Isobel said. “Michael and I have been for the last few months trying to test out more of our abilities. We’ve been going out to practice and test our connections to one another when we use them. We thought it was best we figure out more of _what_ we can do and how to minimize attention on us _when_ we do it. Michael has been trying to get more research about anything alien related and sift through it. Since CrashCon, despite how gaudy it all was,” Isobel said with a dramatic eye roll, “it seems aliens have made a comeback. Alien information has been shared almost constantly over the last six months. The console brought out all kinds people and theories and information has been swirling around non-stop. Michael, Max, Liz and I were at the Crashdown for a late dinner around nine last night when we overheard this group of three out-of-towners talking about how one of their great-something-or-whatever I think, used to work on a farm here in Roswell and they recorded their sightings of aliens. They were planning to go to check it out.”

Alex felt a slither of discomfort at the idea. It was bad enough there were folks in town who were obsessed with aliens, but folks coming into Roswell to actively seek out anything alien related did not sit well with Alex.

“Let me guess,” Alex said, “you all followed them?”

“Well of course we did Alex!” Isobel said in a loud whisper, her eyes flittering to Michael’s sleeping form. “And I’m sure you can guess what farm we ended up at?” Isobel said in a hard tone.

Alex knew he’d be hearing the Long name in 3...2...1…

“If you were thinking the Long farm, then you were right, congratulations Manes,” Isobel said sarcastically. She continued, “The idiots were sneaking around, loudly. The one guy who mentioned his relative had worked on the farm once upon a time was boasting about all the alien information he had from his great-whatever’s records. They were reckless, trampling into the horse corral and banging on the barn doors before going inside. Max and Michael went out to try to stop them from doing anything worse and risk getting the sheriff called while I thought I’d get a peek at the guy’s laptop. That’s when everything sort of went sideways.”

Liz snorted loudly, then nervously looked back towards Michael who was still blissfully asleep at Alex’s side.

“Sideways, really Izzy?” Max said with a grunt and a frown. He turned towards Alex and picked up the story. “Michael and I were getting close to the barn where the three guys were inside scaring the horses. They came barreling out screaming and that’s when we heard shouting from the main house. Wyatt Long was running towards us and started shooting. Michael managed to send the bullets away from us, but as I was trying to get to one of the guys who tripped, I caught a bullet to the arm. We made it out of there but just barely.”

Liz was trailing her hand up and down Max’s uninjured arm soothingly when she began speaking. “Isobel and I found the laptop and when we heard the shouts then the gunfire, I sort of, grabbed the bag with the computer then ran back to Isobel’s SUV. She thought the guys were following us, so Isobel started driving like a crazy person until she thought she’d lost them.”

“They _were_ following us, Liz!” Isobel argued in a loud whisper.

“Were not!” Liz whisper-yelled back.

“Were too!” Isobel spat out defiantly.

“Urgh!” Liz exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in defeat. “ _Anyways_ , Max was bleeding everywhere while ‘Driving-Miss-Izzy’ was trying to get rid of the invisible car following us,” Liz rolled her eyes at Isobel but continued, “so I called Kyle to meet us out here when he could. Michael was going through the computer in the bag when he found a few disturbing files without the encryption. He tried for about four hours or so to get into the system but didn’t have much luck while we waited for Kyle to get off his shift. That’s when we were thinking of calling you.”

Alex took in a deep breath and looked over at Max. “Are you okay? Are you still hurt?”

Max gave him a small smile and gestured to his siblings saying, “I’m fine. It does still hurt but that’s because these two haven’t figured out how to heal yet.”

Alex nodded and turned back to Isobel. “Kyle mentioned Michael wouldn’t let anyone call me be before sunrise.”

Isobel rolled her eyes at the still slumbering Michael and said, “He’s so stubborn.” Her expression changed to one of concern when she said, “I pointed out we would need computer skills, not mechanic skills to get into that computer but Michael insisted to give him seven more hours. He said you aren’t obligated to come help us whenever we need you and we shouldn’t keep asking. He said now that your dad is gone, you can finally live your own life without him interfering and that…” Isobel trialed off. Then Alex saw her raise her chin and level her stare at Alex before saying, “That your boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate an early wake up call.”

Alex wanted to squirm in discomfort at the cutting look Isobel Evans was aiming his direction, but he’d been trained to keep still under scrutiny. His father taught him that particular lesson when he was four. Alex kept his facial expression neutral when he responded, “I’m curious, if you all were at the Long farm, why would you think Forrest would be an issue in calling me?”

Max let out a derisive snort. “Seriously?”

At Alex’s unchanged expression Max continued, “We didn’t see Forrest there Alex, just Wyatt Long and his gun. For all we knew you both were… _enjoying_ the end of a date.”

Alex had two warring thoughts. He was glad Michael was respecting Alex’s need for space while he figured out how he wanted to live his life now that Jesse Manes was dead and while Alex was figuring out his relationship with another man. Alex was also irritated Michael’s first instinct when needing help hadn’t been to call him immediately, instead choosing to keep Alex in the dark. He knew it would sound ridiculous if he said any of that out loud, especially given both of Michael’s siblings were currently giving him twin disapproving looks. Alex wisely kept it to himself.

“After working seven straight night shifts, then needing to stay awake for another twenty-four hours before I got to experience the five hours of interrupted sleep I actually got, _alone_ ,” Alex said, pointedly, “I appreciate Michael being considerate.” Alex relaxed his tone and said, “But I hope you all know you can still call me if you have a problem that I can help fix.” Alex locked eyes with Max and Isobel for several seconds each before saying, “I consider you my friends so please, next time, just call, okay?”

Isobel and Max nodded in unison when Liz said with a smile, “ _Si mi amigo, lo prometo_.”

“So, what did you find on that computer Manes?” Isobel asked after a minute in a softer tone.

“I’d rather Michael be awake if you guys don’t mind waiting a bit longer,” Alex said as he looked down at Michael’s curls, his face still nestled into Alex’s side.

“Let’s pull ourselves together, then we can all talk. Do you mind waking him up Alex?” Max asked. Alex shook his head. “Alright, Iz, some of your stuff is in the guest room. Liz and I will get ready and we can have breakfast afterwards.”

As the three of the filed out of the living room, Alex found himself alone with Michael still wrapped around him. Alex really didn’t want to wake him after only getting a little over two hours of sleep, but Alex needed to tell them all what he’d found in the newly decrypted files. So, Alex finally gave into the temptation to run his fingers through Michael’s soft curls.

Alex wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but Alex had always wanted the freedom to touch Michael whenever they found themselves in the same space. Alex wasn’t tactile with anyone else. He practically hated being touched at all most of the time. Something about the slumbering man at his side always had Alex fighting to keep his hands to himself whenever he found himself around Michael Guerin. The temptation was always there, so Alex made sure to keep a safe distance of at least three feet from Michael when they were around other people. Sometimes Alex would purposely place himself across from Michael out of any sort of touching range. But that always left Alex’s eyes to wander which, if Alex was being honest with himself, he wanted the freedom to look just as much as touch.

As Alex’s hand moved to rest against Michael neck, he felt Michael’s strong and steady pulse. Alex learned a long time ago to steady his panic and anxiety by regulating his heartbeat, but Michael’s had never failed to soothe Alex almost instantly. Alex felt the urge to curl up with Michael so they could both have some peaceful rest, but again, Alex had to fight against it. Alex had no right to any part of Michael anymore so, he did the absolute last thing he wanted in that moment.

“Michael, wake up.” Alex gently squeezed the muscles in the back of Michael’s neck with his left hand. He reached down to wrap his right hand around Michael’s left bicep and gently applied pressure there too.

“Michael,” Alex said more firmly as he kept the pressure steady against Michael’s skin. Michael let out a grunt and burrowed further into Alex’s side. Alex bit back a laugh before calling his name again.

Michael let out a pitiful whine when Alex called his name _again_ , but eventually Michael lifted his head and his half-lidded hazel gaze met Alex’s. Alex felt his heart clench at the drowsy look on Michael’s face. He looked adorable with an imprint of Alex’s denim jeans on his cheek and his curls falling onto his creased forehead. Michael blinked up at Alex with his voice that deliciously low gravely tone that made Alex shiver and said, “Alex?”

Alex couldn’t look away from Michael’s sleepy gaze and Michael gave no indication he wanted to move. Alex had long ago stopped wishing they could have hours and days to spend wrapped up in one another. It hurt too much when each time it seemed like they’d get close to a chance at together, they’d inevitably fail. Alex had to keep his breathing steady and remember there were three other people in the house and all five of them were all under Max’s roof for a reason.

“Hey. I wish you could keep sleeping but you gotta wake up now Michael.”

Michael finally seemed to break out of the delicate spell their shared gazes caused because he looked around in confusion and slowly moved to put some distance between their bodies. Alex inhaled sharply when Michael’s fingers brushed at the narrow strip of skin on Alex’s back that his shirt exposed. But Michael didn’t seem to notice since he’d turned his attention to the laptop on the coffee table. Michael scrubbed his eyes and stared at the computer before rising up to sit next to Alex on the loveseat.

“That’s not the computer from last night. That’s one of yours, isn’t it?” Michael asked, his voice still rough from sleep.

Alex nodded.

“So, you cracked through the firewalls then. Wait…” Michael glanced at the time on Max’s mantle then looked out the doors to the early morning sunlight. Michael’s expression instantly went hard. “Son of a-I told them not to call you!”

“Hey, Michael look at me,” Alex said sternly. When Michael’s angry expression was turned onto Alex, Alex said, “I get why you didn’t want to bother me with this. I appreciate it Michael, I really do. But this kind of thing,” Alex gestured to his computer, “is what I do. It’s pretty much the only thing outside of music I can say with certainty I do well.”

When Michael’s angry expression faded and he let out a resolute sigh, Alex put his hand back at the nape of Michael’s neck and said, “I know you spent about six hours working on the encryption which must have been frustrating and exhausting. Am I right?” At Michael’s quiet _‘yes’_ , Alex continued, “I am really impressed you got as far as you did. I just hope next time you’ll save yourself that frustration and exhaustion and call me.”

Alex saw Michael wanted to say something but hesitated and stayed silent, so Alex went for his second favorite ‘Michael-ism’: hearing him laugh.

“I know you can fix an engine in forty-five minutes or less. You know though, from first-hand experience, that my particular skill set can also be achieved in forty-five minutes,” Alex said with a purposeful leer.

_God, it felt good to tease Michael again._

Alex’s hand slipped off of Michael’s neck as his laughter rang out and Alex couldn’t keep the wide smile off his face.

“Michael!” Alex exclaimed in mock offense, “get your mind out of the gutter! I was taking about computers!”

Michael just laughed harder and Alex saw a tear slip down Michael’s cheek. Alex just shook his head, his smile still in place and quietly said, “What am I gonna do with you Guerin?”

Michael’s smile matched Alex’s as he wiped at his face before replying, “I can think of about a thousand things but they’re in the gutter. Want me to go back and get them?” Alex’s replying laughter followed Michael into the kitchen.

****

After Max, Liz, Isobel and Michael had made their way back into the living room, Alex began showing them the files he’d been able to pull from behind the heavy encryption.

“I’m going to give you a brief rundown on the family who had these files, then go into what they contain. These documents originally belonged to a Douglas Calhoun dating back to the late fifties. He was originally from Portland, joined the Army, was deployment to Hawaii during WWII, survived Pearl Harbor and stayed to rebuild after the attack. Once his active duty was finished in 1949, Calhoun went off the grid for a few years. Eventually he made his way to Texas where he settled down for a spell and had racked up quite a rap sheet. Mostly drunk and disorderly charges. It wasn’t until a former commander tracked him down and invited him to Roswell. That was 1955. Calhoun stayed and worked on his sobriety at the Long farm for a few months until he started a more permanent job. He wasn’t military anymore, but his former C.O. got him a guard position.” Alex glanced up and locked eyes with Michael.

“Fuck. He was a guard at Caufield, wasn’t he?” Michael asked angrily before getting up and pacing around Max’s living room. Alex’s eyes tracked Michael’s movements and waited until the worst of his agitation was walked off before Alex continued.

“Calhoun married a local girl and had a son, Roger, by 1957. Douglas Calhoun was at Caulfield when he died in 1973 from an accident there. Roger was sixteen years old at the time. He had grown up and became a guard at Caulfield, just like his father. When Roger was thirty-one, he had gone to Portland to visit family where he met Sally Reynolds. She became pregnant with their son, Fredrick, born 1989. Roger was back in Roswell at the time and Fredrick, who lived with his mother in Portland, spent his first eight summers here until Roger died in 1997. Fredrick Calhoun was the loudmouth you four witnessed bragging about his relatives here in Roswell last night.

“Douglas didn’t have as much information as Caulfield’s servers did regarding what went on there, but he kept a journal of what he saw and what his day-to-day entailed. Over the decades, Roger added to the pile of information about the inhabitants of Caulfield. Eventually, Fredrick Calhoun inherited his father’s and grandfather’s journals and digitized them along with photos taken by both men. Fredrick isn’t some obsessive alien fanatic, but his is handy at writing code. He came to Roswell to research his family ties. My guess is he intends to find Caulfield and see where his father and grandfather took inspiration for their journals. Unfortunately, both Douglas and Roger were both insanely detailed, so there’s a lot of information during their years on the job. I decrypted the files, copied them over, set up poofing codes, then erased any trace someone had accessed his computer. So I recommend this laptop and Fredrick’s bag get taken back to the Long farm and carefully placed near where their vehicle was, staging it as if it dropped out of the car, or placed back into the vehicle now before Fredrick Calhoun realizes it’s missing if he hasn’t already.”

Max raised his hand with a sheepish look on his face and asked, “I followed most of that, but what the hell is a poofing code?”

Alex let out a small chuckle before explaining, “The poofing code will essentially degrade the digital file so badly it’s practically unrecognizable if it is uploaded to any site connected to the internet or transferred to any drive so the file contents disappear. Hence ‘poof’. As much as I want to, I couldn’t just delete the files so this way at least the digital copy can never leave the laptop’s hard drive. I corrupted the document’s coding on all of Calhoun’s cloud storages so those are safe from being shared, but the ones on his hard drives I had to leave alone. Everything else is suspicious enough as it is.”

Max nodded in understanding as Isobel asked, “So which option do we choose? Putting the laptop and bag at the Long farm or back in his car?”

“Well,” Alex said with a shrug, “it depends on if Calhoun and his two friends saw any of you last night. If they recognized any of you from the farm or even the diner, then it’s safer to leave on the Long property. If they didn’t, then back in the car. We absolutely do not want Sheriff Valenti to hear from Fredrick Calhoun about his missing property and strangers who may have taken it.”

“And how are we supposed to find out if they saw us or not?” Liz asked.

Alex surveyed his friends in front of him and said, “I have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story will be picking up, so stay tuned! Also, I know nothing about computers and less about coding so I highly doubt there is a such thing as a 'poofing code'.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's idea and a bit of Michael's perspective on how the last few months have been going for him.

“I know I said this earlier, but I’m gonna say it again. This has to be one of the worst ideas you’ve ever had Alex,” Michael stated as they walked up the stairs towards the front door.

“Well, I asked if anyone else had a better idea. Since no one, you included Guerin, offered one, here we are.”

“You’re a braver man than I am, Manes.”

After waking up and thinking he was hallucinating, Michael’s day kept getting worse. Who was he kidding? It had been one shitty thing after the other since dinner last night. With the mood he was in though, Michael was inclined to vote he’d had a shitty last two decades.

Michael had been frustrated by the computer from the nighttime into the early hours of the morning. No matter what he’d tried, he couldn’t make much sense of what he’d been looking at. He was a genius, but not particularly proficient at computers. He’d desperately wanted to call Alex himself when he’d hit the fifth hour, but his initial reasons for not pulling the man away from his bed and whoever may have been in it with him, kept him from dialing.

Even though Max had fallen asleep not too long after Kyle fixed him up, he appreciated his brother’s efforts to keep him company despite Max clearly being in pain. Michael himself finally passed out just before five o’clock that morning.

Valenti, the nosy fucker, had called Alex and brought their mess into his day. Michael had really hoped he wouldn’t have to involve Alex, but the decision was taken out of his hands.

_Shouldn’t have fallen asleep then, huh?_

Michael sighed. He could have swigged a bottle of acetone, but he’d really been trying to make better choices. Cutting out alcohol and weaning himself off his dependence for acetone had been step one. In the six months since he made that decision, he only drank acetone when he and Isobel had been training with their abilities and only when he desperately needed it. Isobel had told him she was proud of him and even made him a chip to celebrate. He’d rolled his eyes at her attempt at a makeshift AA chip, but he still kept the silver dollar painted with nail polish in his pocket. He smiled remembering the day she gave it to him.

_"You painted it with nail polish, really Iz?”_

_“Come on Michael, it’s funny! You’d have to use the nail polish remover to change it, but then you’d ruin your chip because you’re ‘using’! Get it?”_

Michael had let her have her laugh, but he’d ultimately hugged her and thanked her for being supportive.

As he followed Alex to the front door of the apartment, Michael knew he’d been exhausted because when he’d woken up to Alex touching him and calling his name, Michael for a moment thought they’d been somewhere else. He hadn’t recognized Max’s living room or that Alex was sitting on a couch while Michael was on the floor. It hadn’t even registered to Michael that he shouldn’t have been curled into Alex’s body. All Michael could understand was the man Michael has been in love with since they were seventeen was touching him, saying his name, and looking into his eyes. Michael had felt safer in that moment than he’d felt in over a year.

Michael and Alex had so few nights over the years when they’d been able to wake up together, so it was rare for Michael to wake up to the sight of Alex’s warm, chocolate eyes. Alex Manes in just about any form was hard to resist, but relaxed, open Alex? That one was a particular favorite of Michael’s, what Michael secretly referred to as ‘Alex-tics’.

It wasn’t until Michael heard Alex apologize to him for waking him up that Michael remembered what he’d fallen asleep doing in the first place. He’d also remembered that Michael had no right to any part of Alex anymore so, he did the absolute last thing he wanted in that moment. Michael unwrapped his arm from Alex’s leg and shuffled back from the warmth of Alex’s body. He’d pulled his arm back from around Alex’s waist, but he hadn’t been expecting his fingers to brush against the sliver of skin exposed by the back of Alex’s shirt. He hoped Alex didn’t realized he’d slowed down a fraction to let his skin rest the tiniest bit longer against Alex’s.

Michael was hopeless. Still utterly in love with the same man. Still not able to claim him as his own. Michael glanced back towards the bottom of the stairs and had the brief thought of just falling backwards, let gravity make him forget about Alex Manes for just a little bit. But then Michael remembered he wasn’t as melodramatic as his siblings tended to be sometimes, so he faced the wooden door in front of him as Alex knocked.

Michael took in a deep breath as Maria DeLuca opened the door.

****

In the six months since Alex played his song at the Wild Pony, Michael had made some life changes. Aside from stopping the drinking and dependency on acetone, he’d also made the effort to be a better friend and brother. Michael had started with Maria. He knew she was right when she’d broken things off with him, but he knew he didn’t want to lose what drew him to her in the first place. That light and warmth she had was something Michael knew he’d need to appreciate more. It helped them both that he wasn’t hanging around the Pony anymore attempting to score free booze to numb whatever awful new thing he’d learned about his origins that week disguised as him wanting to see her. He’d even come in before they’d opened a few weeks after she’d been released from the hospital and was back running the bar and paid his tab.

In full.

Maria had been in shock and as much as it stung to see the expression on her face, Rosa had taken a quick photo of Maria standing stock still with a palm full of cash and her mouth hanging open and Michael couldn't help but laugh along with them both. 

_“That’s a lot of cash pendejo. How long have you been drinking for free?” Rosa had asked with as much attitude as she could muster._

_“Too long.” He’d turned to Maria and said, “I just want you to know, I’m trying to be better and I’m starting with the most recent person I hurt in the long line of them. So, you have a standing offer for whatever needs fixing around here or at home. Also, I really want to still be your friend. You’ve been a great one to me and it’s my turn to do the same. Plus, I’m officially sober for the foreseeable future, so I won’t even take advantage of the fact that my friend owns a bar and ask for a drink in return.”_

_Maria stared at Michael for a long minute and he let her see how serious he was. She eventually looked down at the cash in her hand and back at Michael. She seemed to accept what she saw because her next words were, “How can I resist an offer like that?”_

Michael was proud of the way he and Maria had fallen into their friendship over the last few months. They talked about heavy stuff and lighter topics. They’d gotten to a place where he couldn’t imagine his life without her wise wisdom and sarcastic wit, but the attraction to her had faded. Michael would always find Maria DeLuca beautiful; he’d have to be blind not to, but Michael no longer felt the urge to _be_ with her. Michael knew he still loved Maria, but that love was rooted in friendship and respect.

He’d taken to calling her Cricket, much to her chagrin, since she strongly resembled the conscious their ragtag group of friends desperately needed.

“Why am I seeing anyone at my door, much less you two, at six-thirty in the morning on a _Wednesday?_ ” Maria asked with annoyance when she’d answered her door.

Michael looked at Alex with a raised eyebrow. It was Alex’s idea to go to Maria when she’d probably only just gotten to bed. As Michael thought about it, their group also needed a Sandman, someone who made sure they were always well rested since none of them seemed to be capable of getting enough sleep on their own.

Alex cleared his throat and looked back towards his friend and said, “I’m really sorry to wake you Maria, but we could use your help.”

Maria stared at them both until she let out a sigh, pushed her door fully open and walked into her apartment towards the kitchen muttering, “I’m going to need so much coffee for this visit.”

Alex and Michael exchanged a glance before Alex stepped in and Michael closed the door behind them.

“Do you two sleep-deprivers want any coffee while I’m making some?” Maria called out.

“None for me, thanks though Cricket,” Michael said as he and Alex followed her into the kitchen. Maria rolled her eyes and Alex looked at Michael quizzically. “Uh, none for me, Maria but thank you. I think we’ve both had about six cups between the two of us already this morning,” Alex answered.

Maria raised her mug to her lips as her eyebrow shot up then said, “You both better explain what brought you to my door already wired on caffeine then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are longer chapters after these next few that really deep dive into the work Michael and Alex are doing to get themselves to a stable and healthy place. I'll post warnings at the beginnings of those chapters when they pop up.  
> Also, there are more chapters like this one where one of the guys is present in what he's doing, but he's recalling instances from the last few months that are relevant so you get an idea of what they're dealing with.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter from Alex's perspective makes me laugh :)

“I’m still surprised DeLuca agreed to this.”

“You and me both Isobel. I thought she’d laugh in both their faces, then kick them out and go back to sleep.”

“Honestly, so did we Liz.”

“Maria loves us even when we drag her out of bed to seduce out-of-towners over breakfast to find out if they remember a group of strangers at the Long farm with them in relative darkness at nine o’clock last night.”

“Seriously, we’re gonna owe her big after this Michael.”

“Bake-her-cookies big?”

“No Guerin, resurface-the-wooden-floors-of-the-Pony-and-probably-paint-the-walls big.”

“Well Manes, you best break out your coveralls because I’m gonna remind you again, _this was your idea._ But leave the shirt at home. Maria deserves something amazing to look at that’s prettier than her bar will ever be while it gets some TLC.”

Alex rolled his eyes at Michael while Liz and Isobel collapsed into a fit of giggles at their banter.

Despite the brief humorous reprieve from the past hours of stress, Alex was still on edge. Thankfully, it didn’t take much to convince Maria to come to the Crashdown and work her magic. Alex could already tell the three men were entranced by her beauty and charm. It didn’t hurt that she probably already mentioned she owned the local bar. Hopefully, like most people do when beautiful women and alcohol are combined, they started talking sooner rather than later.

Alex prided himself on his ability to strategize under pressure. The group’s current predicament wasn’t the worst or even the most stressful thing they’d had to deal with in the past year, but people who came into Roswell had no issue going to the local authorities when something didn’t go their way. Alex hoped the shots fired from Wyatt Long would keep the trio from talking to Sheriff Valenti or one of the deputies, but lost property, that would be a surefire way to get the sheriff involved.

As Alex sat on the outside of the booth tucked closer to the kitchen facing the front doors to the Crashdown, he could see Maria in the booth by the sidewalk windows with the trio flirting openly and the men responding. Liz and Isobel were staying as close to out of sight as they could across from Alex at the table, just in case. Normally Alex would be cool as a cucumber, but unfortunately for his concentration, Michael was sitting next to Alex but on the inside by the window. Michael’s leg and arm were millimeters away from his and every time Michael tried to peek at the booth Maria was in, he leaned over. So much for that three feet.

Alex had never smelled Michael’s natural scent so strongly before. In the past, it had always been overpowered by the strong mix of bourbon, grease, oil and the chemical hint of acetone. After a few minutes of sitting with Michael so close to him, practically glued to his side (this time though it was Michael’s whole body unlike that morning when Michael was only against Alex’s leg and hip) Alex felt drenched in the scent of desert rain. It was making his head spin, and the more Michael leaned over him, the more Alex couldn’t help himself from taking several hopefully unnoticed deep breaths.

When Alex finally saw the signal from Maria, he exhaled in a rush and immediately called Max.

“We’re good to go Max. Get the bag in the car, wedge it under the seats as best you can, then lock the door and get out of there.”

Alex looked over at Liz and Isobel as he hung up. “They don’t remember anyone else at the Long farm. Max is clear to place the computer bag in the rental. Let’s just wait until they leave, and we can hopefully have the rest of the day to not deal with anything else alien related, sound good?” Alex didn’t mean to sound flippant, but like any op where he wasn’t in complete control and not reliant on other factors, Alex tended to stay on edge until everyone was clear; Max was still breaking into a car after all. Michael incredible scent filling his nostrils wasn’t helping either.

His focus on Maria and watching the doors made him miss the glances between Liz, Isobel and Michael. Alex hadn’t even noticed Michael had slowly shifted away, his limbs no longer almost pressing directly against his own. It wasn’t until seven minutes later when the trio left, and Maria was walking towards their booth that Alex noticed his right side wasn’t absorbing as much heat and the scent of rain wasn’t as strong. Alex glanced over at Michael who had his head down, staring at his left hand. Alex opened his mouth (to say what, he had no idea) when Maria slid in next to Liz and Isobel and Alex’s attention immediately shifted to her.

“What did they say Maria? Don’t leave anything out.”

Maria smiled at Alex despite the determined look he was sure was plastered on his face and started, “When I passed by their booth initially, I stopped and welcomed them to town. They were a bit dumbstruck at first, it happens,” she added with a smirk, “but then the lanky one with red hair and freckles for days, Todd Marsden, he wanted to know how he could have missed a beauty like me walking around. Such the flirt that one,” Maria said with a playful eye roll. She continued, “I told him I don’t walk, _I ride_ , and the boy practically melted into the booth. Then the other guy, Chester Owens, bland brown hair, bland personality too as it turns out, started a tirade about how dangerous motorcycles are. Didn’t even try to flirt with me. But I’m a big girl so I turned to the last one, your Fredrick Calhoun and asked him if he’d ever done something as dangerous as ride a motorcycle.” Maria’s smile was all cat-and-canary as she went on, “Sweet Fredrick then told me all about their little foray around town where they, _gasp!_ were shot at! Can you believe it!”

Maria had clearly enjoyed toying with the men from out of town and her theatrics could, no doubt, Alex thought fondly, carry her to the set of a tv drama.

“I was of course immediately concerned for their safety and expressed just how serious the sheriff takes gunfire in her town. But, as it turns out, they admitted to being on the Long farm. We locals are a pretty territorial bunch, especially the old farmer families, I told them. If anyone at the Long family thought they were trespassing and shot one of them, they could go to the sheriff. Anyone who was there would be a witness. But alas ladies and fine-looking gentlemen,” Maria said, twisting her hair around her finger in the signal Alex had instructed her to use, “the three men from beyond our borders didn’t see anyone else there but the, and I quote, ‘crazy farmer with two heads and two shot guns’.”

At Maria’s last words, Alex tilted his head to the side. He was missing something. If the three men made their way to a farm in the dark of night, were recklessly scaring horses, saw Wyatt Long with impossibly two heads holding an improbable two shotguns, hadn’t seen the people coming to save them from making a bad situation worse, seemingly unphased about a missing computer with alien information, not going to the sheriff, and (as Alex looked at their table being cleared of dishes) a bunch of greasy plates for breakfast…

“They’d gone to Saturn’s Ring before stopping here for dinner,” Michael stated with a grunt.

“Guessed it in one,” Maria said. Her demeaner shifted back from the flirty local to the tired bar owner she was. “They’re heading out of town today. They’d found out yesterday Caulfield was leveled,” Maria glanced at Michael who still had his head down and was now so far from Alex he was practically hugging the wall before continuing, “so they decided to head back to Portland. I wished them a safe flight and to find a different town to visit in the future if they wanted to go sightseeing. Then they left.”

Alex let out a relieved sigh and slumped against the back of the booth. That’s one problem taken care of.

“Thanks Maria, we really owe you one.”

“Oh, don’t think I’ll be forgetting this any time soon. You all owe me big.” Maria kissed Liz’s temple before getting up and kissing Alex’s. Then she waved to Michael and Isobel before leaving the Crashdown and heading back to her apartment and, Alex thought enviously, bed.

Not even a minute later Max strolled in, but Liz was already out of the booth and tugging him towards the family quarters before he could stop and ask what happened. “I’ll fill him in and see you all later,” Liz said with Max trailing behind her.

Isobel let out a sigh and slid out of the booth next. She stood in front of Alex and with as much grace as Isobel Evans possessed, said, “Thank you Alex. Sincerely, I appreciate everything you did for us all today. I’m going to head home to get some sleep, but I wanted to ask, those files you got today, could you bring them by whatever day is best for you this week? I’d like to be able to add them to our collection of research.”

Alex nodded and replied, “Of course. I can bring them by any day.”

Isobel nodded back before looking to Michael. “Michael, I’ll drop you off if you want a ride.”

Michael cleared his throat and said, “Please. Thanks, Iz.”

He turned towards Alex for the first time in what must have been twenty minutes but felt like longer. The scent of rain immediately filled his senses again. Alex sat still for a beat before realizing Michael needed to be let out of the booth. Alex rose carefully (his leg required constant attention when it came to sliding; he couldn’t feel if his leg caught on anything anymore until it seemed like his leg was trying to be tugged off) and stepped to the side to let Michael out.

Michael slid out gracefully and took a step back then around Alex to stand by Isobel’s side. Goosebumps ran along his arm and thigh when he realized how cold both were. Michael briefly glanced at Alex before roughly saying, “Thanks again. For today.”

Then they were gone, and the scent of rain faded away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another short one for you all, but the longer chapters are coming!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we get a glimpse into Michael's life since he walked out the door of the Wild Pony...

Michael took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. He hadn’t realized until he and Izzy were driving in her SUV to Sander’s that it had been the first day in six months he’d spent more than five minutes in Alex’s close proximity. Michael wanted to curl up in his corner of the trailer, hide under the blankets and relieve every moment he was in Alex’s presence.

Until he remembered Alex wasn’t exactly thrilled he had to be in Michael’s.

Michael swallowed the disappointment and sadness he felt when he recalled what Alex had said at the Crashdown. Michael had thought they were getting along despite getting entangled in another alien related incident. He’d tested, yet respected, Alex’s physical boundaries by trying to see past Alex in the booth and intentionally put his body closer to, but not touching, Alex’s. He knew it was having some kind of effect because Michael was fighting it on his end.

But then Alex made his offhand comment and Michael was suddenly slammed back into reality. Alex didn’t want to be there. He’d helped because he was the best person for the job, but that’s where Alex drew the line. Michael had gotten so caught up in being near Alex again, planning together and tackling problems, he’d forgotten why he’d spent six months keeping his distance.

Michael absentmindedly rubbed at his chest where the pangs wouldn’t stop.

Alex had wanted to get back to his day, back to his life, back to his…

Michael inhaled sharply.

 _Boyfriend_.

Alex wanted to fulfill his obligation to his friends then be done. Didn’t want to spend any more time around anything ‘ _alien related’_. Michael secretly wanted more twists and turns in the day, so he’d have an excuse to stay around Alex. But Michael knew that kind of selfish behavior was what lost him Alex in the first place. Michael had been trying really hard to get his shit together.

He even made a list that night after he left the Wild Pony when Alex performed his song.

FIX YOUR LIFE LIST:

  1. Stop drinking alcohol and eat better
  2. Stop relying on acetone
  3. Be a better brother
  4. Be a better friend
  5. Practice abilities until they’re mastered
  6. Find out more about Max, Iz and I
  7. Clear up the junkyard
  8. Get certified as a mechanic
  9. UNM?
  10. Learn to talk about the crap from my past
  11. Keep away from Alex so he can live his life on his terms for once
  12. Since not loving Alex is impossible, LET ALEX GO. FOR GOOD. PINE AWAY IN SILENCE.



Fittingly, Michael had twelve. Isn’t that what the programs all have? Twelve steps to recovery?

Michael had managed to keep up with most of his list. He read over it every day to where at the end of the first month, Michael had memorized it and actually had started making progress. It didn’t follow a linear timeline and his steps didn’t always happen in order, but progress was progress and Michael felt good about that.

He’d immediately cut out the drinking and overuse of acetone. Since he no longer spent the money on beer and hard liquor, more leafy green things made their way into his cart. Even some fruit too. Michael had told anyone who would listen about how delicious mangos could be. Turns out, everyone already knew.

He’d spent more time with Max. Despite the constant literature talk, Michael was spending more time with his brother than he had in the ten years since high school. Especially when Liz left for California, Max had needed to talk to someone, and Michael had wanted to be the person his brother talked to about his life again. And it worked vice versa too. Max had been keen to hear about all the parts of Michael’s life he hadn’t shared before, including Michael growing up in the system and what it was like for him to be separated from Max and Isobel for years.

Michael’s time with his sister also enabled him to practice his abilities. Michael found it more fun practicing with Isobel instead of trying to figure out his abilities on his own. And they talked more too. He had started to tell her more about how he and Alex began, but that proved to be a painful topic for Michael. Isobel’s advancing mental connections allowed her to intentionally seek out certain memories, so Michael had agreed to be who she trained with. Granting Isobel permission to practice seeking out specific bits and pieces of Michael’s past he’d agreed to show her brought them closer too. Michael was able to piece together more research about his siblings and himself the more they spent time together.

He’d made amends with Maria and Rosa. He took his role as unofficial handyman for both the Wild Pony and the Crashdown seriously. He stopped accepting booze (and sex in Maria’s case) for helping out but freely accepted all the fries Rosa deemed his work worthy of. Michael had even managed to find himself in Arturo Ortecho’s good graces. When the man found out Michael only really knew how to make eggs, he’d taken to teaching Michael how to cook.

Michael had even made an effort with Kyle Valenti. They had actually ended up bonding over basketball of all things. Michael was just glad Kyle had accepted his olive branch and had been willing to hang out with Michael at all considering it took two months for Michael to even try to establish a friendship with the guy. They played an always intense game of one-on-one a few times a month on Wednesday nights and had a weekly game night to watch either an NBA game or some ESPN classics on Fridays. Kyle seemed to know things about the games they watched. Michael speculated Kyle must watch a lot of basketball because Michael stopped counting how many times Kyle had cheered before a three-pointer made its way into the net or booed before a player was blocked by the other team. Michael just brushed it off though, because as far as he was concerned, the guy could use his free time between saving the lives of humans and aliens however he wanted. Michael kept bringing the pizza. Kyle supplied the cable.

With Sander’s grunt of approval, Michael organized the junkyard (as much as a junkyard could be organized). He’d been given free rein to build or fix up appliances with the random parts lying around and his tinkering even caught the interest of a few people who came in for their vehicle repairs. Michael made sure to split whatever money he made with Sanders from the side jobs.

It took him two months, but Michael had earned his official certification as a mechanic. It came in handy when a semi-truck passing through needed emergency maintenance. Michael had been able to take on more legitimate work and he’d even seen Sanders crack a smile at the uptick in profits.

Michael had combed through his own belongings not too long after his overhaul of the junkyard, sorting and tossing old documents or notes. He hadn’t thought of himself as someone who kept a lot of material items, but when he accidentally came across a set of notebooks from his high school AP Physics class he didn’t even know he still had, Michael cleared and cleaned every inch of the Airstream. He eventually unearthed the business card of the advisor at UNM he’d talked to back when he was a senior. After a few days of it tucked into the corner of his window, Michael decided to make the call. To his amazement, Mr. Ramirez was still an advisor for admissions, and their conversation had been promising. Five weeks later Michael found himself enrolled in his first semester of college as an online student with the School of Engineering at the University of New Mexico. He’d even managed to receive a decent scholarship for being an adult student. It was no full ride, but Michael knew how to make do with less.

Michael had been working harder than he had for most of his life, but he felt the inevitable downs that he had in the past turned to alcohol for. One day, about six weeks from that night at the Pony when Alex performed for the first time, Michael ran into Sheriff Valenti. She made a comment about not seeing his face in her drunk tank in weeks, so he told her he’d been trying to better his life and make smarter decisions. He’d been surprised when she’d invited him to lunch the next day but accepted. When she asked about some of the life changes he was trying to make as they sat down in a booth at the Crashdown, she seemed genuinely interested. When he brought up cutting out the drinking because he’d been using it as a way to deal with painful memories and excuse his shitty behavior, Sheriff Valenti gently asked if he’d ever thought about therapy.

Michael had never considered therapy as an option for him before. He was always under the mindset that he was an alien, what did he need a shrink for human problems when he wasn’t human? But when Sheriff Valenti mentioned a therapist in town who specialized in people with traumatic childhoods manifesting issues in their adult lives, Michael had to reevaluate his position. And that was where he found himself every Tuesday and Friday at three in the afternoon. Michael was more surprised than he let on how much it helped having a professional to talk to about witnessing his mom die, being separated from his siblings, shuffling from foster home to foster home, adjusting to the new cities around the state, abusive foster parents, bullies, his sexuality, the man he loved, and his coping mechanisms for it all. He talked about everything except his alien origins and abilities.

In the four and a half months since Michael had started seeing Dr. Samuel Adermin, PhD, Michael knew he owed Sheriff Valenti a massive thank you. Dr. Adermin had asked Michael during his first visit if Michael was aware of any mental health disorders or concerns. Michael had never caught a human disease in his life. But when the doctor started explaining depression and self-harm, Michael was not at all comfortable with how relatable some of the signs and behaviors associated with both were. He hadn’t considered that his actions and thoughts could be on the same level of a human’s. He _definitely_ didn’t feel superior anymore.

Michael had always dealt with his own shit, and not in healthy ways. Talking to a professional, it really took away the burden Michael constantly buried himself under and he surprisingly didn’t feel any guilt sharing it all with his therapist. Dr. Adermin told him in a session during the early weeks that people try to handle all their emotions, thoughts, fears and insecurities by themselves because in their viewpoint, no one else should have to carry the burden. Dr. Adermin explained that most people, when trying to grapple with trauma, had a tendency to keep their pain close. More often than not, those closest are usually the most oblivious to just how badly their loved one was hurting.

_No one else needs to be drawn into my drama._

_I can handle my own problems._

_If I can’t deal with it, no one else needs to know I’m a failure._

_I don’t need to involve anyone else into my crazy, messed up life._

It sounded all so achingly familiar to Michael.

When he’d told the doctor about his brother and sister and how they weren’t privy to a lot of Michael’s experiences and trauma in the years they were separated and the years after, Dr. Adermin explained to Michael that keeping his past from his siblings was his right, but maybe sharing bits and pieces would allow Michael to see that he was loved, and sharing wouldn’t drive his siblings away, in fact probably the opposite. So, Michael gave it a try.

He’d never told Max or Isobel the _full_ story and all the gory details about how his left hand had gotten so messed up. So, Michael told them. He started with how he ended up in Alex Manes’ shed, briefly touched on what Michael and Alex shared together (Michael didn’t want to share those details with anyone, they were for him and Alex only), then Jesse Manes’ cruelty and everything after until Michael heard Isobel’s call later that night.

After Michael finished, Isobel was wiping her face and Max was staring at Michael’s now-healed hand. Then they did that weird (even to Michael) twin thing and stood up at the same time and crushed him in between them in a long overdue group hug with tears on all their faces.

Dr. Adermin seemed to think Michael was making progress.

Michael had even made headway with his eleventh list entry. Dr. Adermin had explained boundaries in a way Michael had never understood before. So, he set them for himself when it came to Alex Manes. He’d made sure not to reach out to Alex whenever he felt like it. He waved when they saw each other across the street or across a room, but Michael always made sure he’d put that distance between them first. With Michael’s increased social life, he kept himself busy hanging out with his family and friends so he wouldn’t be constantly alone and yearning after of the love of his life. The singular downside was they shared the same friends, so Michael had tried his best to appear nonchalant whenever Alex and Forrest came up in conversation. It was fucking hard. Michael didn’t know if he was fooling anyone, but he did what he needed to do in order to navigate those tricky situations. Luckily, his friends all caught on quickly that any mention of Alex made Michael go quiet.

It was the twelfth step which proved to be the hardest.

Between working on vehicles at the garage, repairing appliances, maintenance at the Pony and Crashdown, coursework, alien research, ability practice, cooking lessons, being social, being celibate, and not missing therapy sessions, Michael was almost too exhausted to think about Alex Manes.

Almost.

No matter what he did that day or who he talked to, Michael could never seem to push away Alex from his thoughts. It became a little game Michael had to play each day.

_Can I go today without thinking of Alex Manes?_

Michael lost. Every. Single. Day.

No matter how tired his body was from handling mechanics and testing out his abilities or how his brain felt like it was being bludgeoned with a bat from therapy and coursework, Michael couldn’t help himself from thinking of Alex before he fell asleep each night. It wasn’t always sexual. Sometimes it was just a brief mental image of Alex from across the street that day before Michael fell into an exhausted stupor. Other times it was the ghost of Alex’s comforting touch against Michael’s skin while he waited for sleep.

As much as Michael _knew_ letting Alex go was for the best for them both, he could never manage it. Alex was woven into the very fabric of who Michael was. Despite all the changes he was trying to make in his life, Michael couldn’t seem to let go of Alex.

As Michael sat in Isobel’s SUV taking him back to his Airstream after their latest alien-related adventure, Michael finally came to terms with the inevitable. Michael had a lot of different parts and pieces of himself, everyone does. But there were two things he could never change no matter how hard he tried the past six months or the last twenty years: Michael was an alien.

And Michael would always be hopelessly, irrevocably, _cosmically_ in love with Alex Manes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, that last line made my heart hurt. 
> 
> So, I finally finished watching season 2 which means I needed to tweak some of the chapters I'd already written before I post them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here, we get to see what Alex has been up to...

Alex had taken the last six months since his father died to finally figure out what he wanted out of his life. Between finishing out his enlistment, therapy and building up his contacts to hopefully branch out as a freelance cyber security consultant, Alex had taken some time to really think about his life. He decided on a list.

WHAT ALEX WANTS FOR HIS LIFE:

  1. Finish my enlistment and get out of the Air Force
  2. Freelance in cyber security (it’ll pay the bills)
  3. MAKE MUSIC WHENEVER I WANT
  4. Sing in public again and again and again
  5. Reconnect with Greg
  6. Be a better friend
  7. Figure out how to be gay in public
  8. AVOID BECOMING A GAY DISASTER
  9. Open up more because no one wants to bother with the book that won’t open
  10. Keep up with therapy to break habits from my past
  11. Leave Michael alone to figure out his life
  12. TRY HARDER TO STOP LOVING MICHAEL GUERIN!



Twelve seemed like a good number. Isn’t that what the programs all have? Twelve steps that’ll help you have the life you want? Maybe he was confusing Alcoholics Anonymous with Cosmo, but he thought the principal was the same.

So, Alex had twelve things written down to make his life one he chose to live. On his own terms. He’d kept the list in his bedside drawer and took it out every few days when he needed a reminder that he was fully in control of his own life for the first time in twenty-eight years.

Alex made progress on as many of those twelve steps as he could. He knew the order wasn’t important, nor was the timeline. It mattered to Alex that he had goals and was excited to achieve them all.

Well, almost all.

Alex started putting his list to work at open mic night at the Wild Pony six months ago. Alex had been nervous when he’d first decided to sing in public. But after encountering his father at CrashCon and all of that aftermath, Alex knew he needed to do at least _one_ thing his father had been holding him back from.

When Alex had walked off the makeshift stage and made the split decision to kiss Forrest Long in public, Alex didn’t let himself freak out that he’d, for the first time, kissed a man in public. Alex focused on his brother and the blue haired man sitting at his side and not on the cowboy who’d walked away or how painful the ache in his chest felt. He’d gotten a beer and locked the whirling thoughts and feelings away. Alex sat with his elbow millimeters from Forrest’s and kept his hands on his beer bottle. When the inebriated locals dropped by their table to raise their drinks to Roswell’s new ‘Piano Man’, Alex felt Forrest put his arm around Alex, smiling proudly.

Alex was trying his best to relax, to adjust to the attention and the praise, to not quickly size up anyone approaching in case they didn’t appreciate he’d kissed another man. Alex didn’t even feel it at first when Forrest’s arm landed on his shoulders, but after a beat he’d made sure to put some space back between them. Alex was also trying hard not to remember how his father’s hands had been on him, _again,_ hours before. So, Alex sat, listened to more people attempt to croon into the microphone, and tried to relax.

Maria made sure he participated in more open mic nights. She’d been pissed she missed his performance since she’d been in the hospital and insisted he performed it again one day when they’d been hanging out, just the two of them, before the bar opened. Then she punched him in the arm for making her cry.

When he told Maria after that he had no more original songs ready, she gave him her patented ‘DeLuca stare’ and promptly told him she didn’t give a shit. That she’d even suffer through listening to him play his emo crap as long as she heard him singing. So, the very next open mic night with a giant smirk on his face, Alex opened with his guitar and, in his humble opinion, played a fucking fantastic rendition of _I Write Sins Not Tragedies._ At Maria’s eye roll seen across the room, Alex played one of Panic! At the Disco’s most recognized songs. He got whoops and hollars of appreciation from the crowd and, despite the eye roll, got a free beer with a kiss on the cheek from the bar owner. He made it a point to tell Maria weekly that he loved her.

Alex wrote more songs in his downtime, but he mostly scrapped them. He couldn’t really find the kind of inspiration he wanted to write the next one, but he kept at it, always hopeful.

Alex had taken his berevement leave after the death of Jesse Manes and spent the time with Gregory. Alex wanted to get to know his brother as an adult and actually have a relationship with the most sane member of his family. He’d spent eight days with Greg on the reservation. It was nice to just hang out with his brother. Alex had wanted to talk about their father and get a sense of what it was like for Greg growing up but Alex didn’t know how to broach the subject and still keep Gregory in his life after they opened that particular can of worms. It was the Friday of Alex’s stay when Gregory came home with groceries and made dinner for the two of them. Afterwards when they’d made their way onto the back patio, Alex forced himself to ask.

_“Greg, I really want to talk to you about Dad and life at home growing up, but I also really like having my brother back in my life so I won’t push the issue if you don’t want to talk about it,” Alex had said hesitantly._

_Gregory let out a heavy sigh and replied, “I’m really glad I picked this up at the store then.” He held up a sealed bottle of bourbon. Alex was glad to know he wasn’t the only one who’d need liquid courage to get through the conversation they needed to have. Alex was also glad to see it wasn’t Tennessee whiskey. It seemed his brother avoided that particular bottle as much as Alex did._

_They talked about how scared they were of Jesse Manes’ moods and fists. How teachers had tried to intervene, but Jesse always managed to get the concerns buried. They talked about how much they missed their mother and shared what little memories each brother had of her. How much they both hated that Flint became more twisted than all of them with how much he seemed to idolize Jesse and what he did to Alex. Gregory expressed his guilt for not protecting Alex growing up and revealed how terrified he was their dad would punish him more and still go after Alex anyways._

_“By the time I was older I realized it shouldn’t have mattered how scared of him I was, he was hurting my baby brother. I should have stepped in anyways no matter how much more pain it would have caused. You needed someone to stand up to him when he hurt you Alex and you never got that.”_

_Alex had two glasses of bourbon so when he felt the urge to tell his brother about him and Michael Guerin, he let himself talk. “Actually, I did. Once. Michael and I… We had just spent our first time together and it was the happiest moment of my life. I honestly think that was the only happy moment I had for the next ten years. We were both a bit shy with one another after, which was ridiculous considering what we’d just shared. All I wanted to do was keep him in my arms and keep kissing him, but then Dad barged in and it all went to hell.” Alex swallowed his last finger of whiskey and continued. “Dad had been drinking. I could smell the whiskey on his breath. He went for my throat and started squeezing, saying I wasn’t going to humiliate him any longer with my ‘perversions’. He had picked up the hammer and I swear Greg, he was going to aim it at my skull. Dad had me against the beam by my throat but honestly, at the time, it didn’t really phase me anymore. Isn’t that sad? Seventeen, my dad trying to choke me until I pass out so he could bash my head in with a hammer, and not even a hint of surprise he’d do that to his own son. I was more concerned that Michael was there. He was seeing just how evil Dad was firsthand and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. But Michael did.”_

_Alex glanced over at his brother who was listening with rapt attention, so Alex continued, “Michael lunged at dad shouting ‘Don’t touch him!’ but Dad just let go of me and caught Michael before slamming his hand down on the work bench and swinging the hammer down on it. Michael got his hand shattered and my one happy moment was ruined by that evil fucker. Dad took a lot from me Greg. A whole lot. But he’s finally in a position to never hurt me again. Hurt anyone else again.”_

_“I’ll drink to that little brother.”_

Alex had made it a point to call Greg to check in every week since Alex’s visit to the reservation. He really liked hearing the stories about Greg’s students and the volunteer projects he’d been trying to set up there. It had been a nice change from not having contact with any of his brothers for years, to being able to call Greg whenever he wanted to catch up. Alex promised to keep Greg updated on his enlistment and Alex’s future plans with cyber security consulting. Alex had been reporting to the base for his shifts and used that time to cultivate the necessary connections he’d need in under eighteen months’ time. 

As Alex had made amends with Maria, Alex visited Rosa during her rehab stay. Rosa seemed determined to make it stick for good and Alex wanted her to know he supported her. With Liz in California for the four months following the events after CrashCon, Alex made sure to keep Rosa company as often as he could. When she’d decided she was ready to leave rehab and come home, Alex and Maria surprised Rosa with a homemade ice cream sundae bar and movies, a tradition they’d decided to continue once a month.

Alex’s friendship with Liz was trickier. They knew each other too well and were both stubborn. But the more Alex reached out, the more Liz opened up to him. She explained why she had to leave Roswell. Despite everything she’d done to bring Max back, she’d needed space after he’d destroyed her lab. Max had become the center of her world for months and even though he’d come back to her and they were working on a steady foundation, they still had their issues. She wanted to take a break from the strain of their relationship and focus on non-alien related science and herself. Once Alex had heard her say that, he immediately knew he’d been giving Liz grief when Alex realized he’d been acting similarly. Needing space from someone you loved because you both kept hurting one another. Yup, it was all too familiar to Alex. He promised himself he’d be better at supporting the people he loved no matter what decisions they made about their own lives.

Kyle had proven to be a surprise since the day Kyle had come to his father’s cabin and found Alex living there. Kyle had continued to be a solid friend to Alex throughout the alien adventures, revelations about their families, his hectic work schedule and taking the time to form a real relationship with Steph. When Kyle had mentioned one day about a month after CrashCon that he’d been watching an NBA game at home, Alex was stoked. He’d loved basketball, used to play with the guys in his unit in Kandahar. But he hadn’t played since he’d gotten his prosthesis. His leg made the game tricky.

Luckily Kyle had a free night on Mondays a few nights a month where he seemed comfortable to play a leisurely game of one-on-one and they had set up a weekly game night to watch either an NBA game or some ESPN classics on Thursday nights. Kyle seemed to know things about the games they watched. Alex surmised Kyle must watch a lot of basketball because there were countless times he’d notice Kyle would yell at the players a second before a foul or whooped in excitement _just_ as the ball touched the rim and got nothing but net. Alex didn’t mention it to Kyle though because as far as he was concerned, the good doctor could use his downtime between saving the lives of humans and aliens however he wanted. Alex kept bringing the tacos. Kyle supplied the cable.

Alex had mulled over trying to form a connection with Isobel and Max. They both made him nervous though. They were too close to Michael and Alex feared if he didn’t keep his distance from Michael’s siblings, he wouldn’t be able to leave Michael be. So, Alex kept his distance from the Evans twins. He was polite and tried to engage them in conversation whenever Alex found one of them in his proximity, but it didn’t happen often, and Alex didn’t let himself worry about it.

Alex kept up with his mental health appointments with a therapist outside the military’s network. Alex really didn’t want to have to switch therapists after his discharge. Alex did his physical therapy home but swung by the medical offices in town when he needed to help sorting through his head. Alex liked Dr. Samuel Adermin, PhD, a specialist on adults with childhood trauma. He really helped Alex when he needed to talk to a professional about his mom leaving, his dad hurting him, his brothers, bullies, his sexuality, his military service, his disability, the man he loved, the man he was seeing and his coping mechanisms for dealing with it all. Dr. Adermin taught him relationships were important but so are boundaries and respecting those boundaries from both sides. Dr. Adermin also helped Alex to forgive his mother for leaving, mantras for when Alex needed a focus tool for his anxiety, how to be open with others but still maintain privacy and how to navigate the scrutiny of being a gay man out in the world for the first time.

Alex knew he was getting better and was on the right path to leading a life all his own, but Alex knew, deep down, no matter how hard he tried by working on himself and his relationships with his friends and Forrest, Alex’s number twelve entry on his list wasn’t going to be achieved any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give Alex Manes a giant hug. Who's with me?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter is all about a panic attack so if you are uncomfortable reading about them, please feel free to skip this chapter.

Alex dragged his weary body out of his SUV and made his way to his front door. He wanted to take off his leg, sleep, eat food when he woke up, then take a shower. In that order. He absolutely did not want to talk to or see anyone he knew until he got what he knew his body needed.

Even with the five hours of sleep between him crashing at midnight and Kyle’s phone call that morning, Alex had been sleep deprived from work, fighting an anxiety attack for about the same amount of time, then suddenly thrown into a computer decryption, more alien files he’d need to look thought, Caulfield flashbacks, strategizing and executing a plan involving two carefully moving pieces where anything could have gone wrong, and the constant presence of Michael Guerin flooding his senses after almost six months of them carefully avoiding getting close to one another. All of the excitement and stress he’d already experienced happened over the course of…

_Three hours?!_

Alex’s stress levels had been raised almost the whole time, making it one of the longest weekdays he’s had in a while, but now that he was home, Alex was ready for the pulsing ache in his leg and the pounding one in his head to go. the. hell. away.

He just needed-

Alex’s whole body tensed when he saw movement on his porch. As adrenaline surged through his system he desperately felt the urge to fight not just to defend himself from the intruder but to mete out his anger at the inevitable crash Alex was going to feel for the second time that day after the adrenaline wore off. He hated the adrenaline crash. It always brought on the phantom pains in his leg.

Before Alex pulled his handgun from the small of his back he’d stashed there when they’d left Max’s house that morning, he caught a flash of blue hair. Alex let out a frustrated growl. He really was in no mood to deal with anyone, much less Forrest. But unfortunately for Alex, Forrest had already seen him and had placed himself directly in front of Alex’s door. Alex rubbed his tired eyes with shaking hands and tried to get himself under control.

Fuck, he really just wanted some sleep.

Forrest waited until Alex had stepped onto his porch before throwing his body at Alex and held on.

Alex stood stock still.

He was already shaking from the drop of the adrenaline, his no-longer attached right foot felt like a nail was being hammered into the heel and the metal of his prosthesis was cutting into his stump which meant the damn sock must have slipped, all which only added to the raging headache and the gnawing at his stomach.

And Forrest was touching him.

Alex had explained to Forrest repeatedly over the last few months when they slowly started getting increasingly more physical together that Alex did not particularly like being touched, a souvenir of his childhood, especially when he hadn’t initiated it first. It was a boundary he set early on with Forrest, but it seemed to be the one Forrest always claimed to forget.

Yet here Alex was, body staging a revolt, nerves shot, head pounding and his anger about to explode _and Forrest still won’t let go!_

Alex had a fuck ton of discipline over his anger and was always able to hold back from physical violence unless he felt threatened. But if Forrest won’t let-

_Finally,_ Forrest seemed to notice Alex was as rigid as a board and released him. Alex was shaking and he knew if he looked down at his palms he’d see eight half-moon indents that would probably be little bruises by the evening.

Forrest was looking at Alex in confusion before his expression twisted into annoyance and asked, “Damn Alex, was a hug for your boyfriend you blew off this morning too much to ask for?”

Alex could feel his blood pressure skyrocket, his body shake harder and his breathing was getting choppier. He was on the verge of a full-blown panic attack and the man who still was blocking his door wanted a fucking hug?!

Alex tried to calm himself down, but his pulse was racing too quickly. He started seeing black dots in his vision and he knew passing out was inevitable if he didn’t calm himself down. Fast.

As Forrest continued to talk, wholly unaware of Alex trying to battle back a panic attack, Alex couldn’t latch onto anything. Nothing about Forrest’s presence or what he was saying was reaching Alex. He desperately needed something to focus on before he lost what little control he had left. He needed an anchor. Anything to ground Alex to his surroundings before the panic pulled him in and he lost his grip on awareness.

Then he felt it.

It was like finding a beacon of light in the darkness.

Like the scent of rain on a cloudless desert day.

Alex _had_ an anchor. He’d been so close to it for a few precious hours that morning. Held it for a few precious seconds in the light of the dawn.

_Michael’s heartbeat._

Alex focused on that brief moment before he’d needed to wake Michael up when the hand Alex had in Michael’s curls slid down to rest against Michael’s strong, steady pulse. Alex forced himself to remember the cadence of it against his palm and used the rhythm to match his breathing.

Alex kept at it until the spots faded from his eyes and his breathing evened out.

Alex kept at it until his own pulse matched the memory of Michael’s and his body only slightly tremble.

Alex kept at it until this mind cleared and his headache became a dull throbbing.

It was in that moment when Alex had managed to get his panic attack under control, that he noticed Forrest was _still talking._ Alex blinked several times to focus his vision. Then blinked several times more. As Alex leaned against his porch beam, his hearing slowly came back. He grabbed at the beam and tried to keep himself upright, but Alex wasn’t going to be able to stay standing for long.

And yup, the phantom pain was still there. _Fuck_.

He needed Forrest to leave. Now.

“Forrest,” Alex said sharply, using his commanding ‘Air Force Capitan’s’ tone. He tried to never use it out of his uniform or fatigues, but the situation called for it. He didn’t wait for Forrest to acknowledge Alex had spoken before he continued, “I need you to leave. Now. I need to get inside my home and take care of myself and you can’t be here while I do. Go now, please.”

Alex saw Forrest’s irritation morph into anger, but Alex had told the other man exactly what he needed. He was getting inside his house in the next ten seconds and the blue haired man in front of him wasn’t going to be in his way for long.

“Seriously Alex? That’s what you say to me after I spent the morning waiting for you? What the hell? You promised me we’d-”

Alex stood to his full height; a feat he didn’t know he’d be able to pull off in his current condition and stared down Forrest Long.

Alex’s next words were infused with as much steel as he could manage and said, “I’ve already asked you to leave and you’ve ignored that. I need to get inside my house and be alone. Now, go. I won’t ask you again.”

Alex gave Forrest another five seconds to move out from in front of his door before he’d decide to go through the man who’s selective hearing was testing the flimsy threads of Alex’s remaining self-control.

Forrest moved after four.

In a huff, he stormed past Alex and down the steps before turning and said in an angry raised voice, “The least you could do-”

Alex had the door opened and shut before Forrest could finish his sentence.

Alex seriously debated crashing onto floor of his hallway but that would only put his body in worse shape later. So, with only fumes left in his tank, Alex slid himself against the wall until he reached his bedroom. He collapsed onto the bed and not noticing he’d accomplished his personal best time in removing his leg, finally passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Captain, my Captain!   
> I personally hate panic attacks, they always leave me drained so I really feel for Alex.
> 
> The next few chapters are Alex-centric and we get to see more of how he's been taking all the changes in his life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all about Alex looking back over some important moments in his and Forrest's relationship so keep look out for the time jumps. They go back to the night of Alex singing in the Pony until just before the beginning of chapter 1. Fair warning, Forrest Long does not come across well in this story.

**_Six Months ago_ **

“Well, damn. How do you feel?”

“Like I just sang a song about a guy in front of a bunch of cowboys and… I don’t care.”

“Oh, lucky guy with a song like that.”

“Yeah, it was a long time ago.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I…?”

“Yeah.”

Alex went on instinct and kissed Forrest Long in front of his brother and the locals in the Wild Pony. He didn’t feel scared or ashamed. Alex felt like a piece of himself that had been purposefully hidden away finally broke free. Alex felt a lot in that brief moment kissing Forrest Long. But he also recognized what he _didn’t_ feel.

He didn’t feel like the world melted away. Or that they were the only two people who still existed in the whole universe. Alex didn’t feel his heart trying to leap out of his chest or the zing of excitement in his blood. Alex’s fingers didn’t itch to explore nor did his entire body light on fire with desire. The kiss was just that. Two sets of lips pressed together.

He didn’t see his brother’s wide smile, nor did Alex see the devastated face of the cowboy in a black hat looking longingly through the bar’s dusty window.

When Alex leaned back into his own space and saw the smile on Forrest’s face, he knew he’d taken a huge step in the direction he’d always wanted to go but had kept himself from experiencing for years. Alex held onto how proud he felt making such a bold move in public instead of freaking out over taking such a huge risk he never dared to before. Alex plastered what he hoped was an easy smile on his face as Forrest looked at him.

Alex sat with his brother and Forrest at Greg’s table as a beer was placed in front of him and tried to push away the swirling thoughts out of his mind. Alex was glad he’d went with his instinct, but he wasn’t comfortable yet with any more public displays or touches. Alex made sure to keep his arms away from the man next to him and his hands on his beer bottle.

Old habits were hard to break under normal circumstances, but deeply ingrained techniques to keep from getting assaulted were still hardwired to Alex’s outward behavior. He tried to relax, but Alex couldn’t help assessing any person who came to their table in case they were a potential threat to his safety. Even though all the locals who stopped by to talk to him were friendly enough, Alex was still on alert. He wanted to escape to the restroom to berate himself for acting on impulse, but Alex kept himself in his chair. He _would_ be proud of himself and not let fear rule the rest of his life.

Alex didn’t realize how intensely focused he was on his internal turmoil because he hadn’t noticed Forrest had draped an arm loosely around Alex’s shoulders. Alex tuned back into his surroundings to see Forrest was animatedly talking to one of the Long farmhands about Alex’s performance. Alex’s ears heard the end of the conversation, but he wasn’t really listening, too focused on the uncomfortable weight on his shoulders.

“…encouraged him. It’s great to know I’m not wasting my time on someone who isn’t interested in the power of words. Alex has proven he can run with the horses. I like a man who can move a crowd like I can with my poems.”

Alex knew Forrest was talking, but Alex didn’t absorb anything he’d said, his whole focus on the arm around him. His plastered-on smile seemed to appease everyone so as subtly as he possible could, Alex shifted his shoulders away. Forrest’s arm dropped off and Alex took in a deep breath.

He tried not to relive the events with Jesse Manes at CrashCon. But despite wanting to keep himself in the present, Alex could still feel his father’s fist to his face. His body pin Alex’s down to the asphalt. His knee digging painfully into where Alex’s prosthetic met his leg. His hands grabbing Alex’s throat. Alex felt that moment and all the other moments from his past when his father had laid his hands on him and Alex was trying to push it all back. His father was dead. He couldn’t hurt Alex again. But Forrest's unfamiliar touch left Alex’s skin crawling and he was trying his best not to bolt for the door in a panic.

Alex glanced at Greg and when his brother gave him a sad smile, Alex had a sneaking suspicion Greg knew exactly what Alex was thinking. Alex let out a shaky breath and steeled his spine. He kept his attention on the other performers for the rest of the night.

**

After spending his bereavement leave on the reservation with Greg, Alex decided to meet Forrest at Bean Me Up, the local coffee and pastry shop. Alex didn’t want to run into anyone he knew at the Crashdown while he talked to Forrest. Alex had made a decision while he was out of town about whether or not to at least see if the intermittent flirtation with Forrest Long could lead to something more. He’d talked to Dr. Adermin after Jesse Manes was buried and before Alex left Roswell to see what his opinion was on the matter.

_“Do you think I’m ready Sam? I think sometimes I am, but then I think maybe I shouldn’t bother.”_

_“Alex, you mentioned this new man in your life, and you seemed to be at least open to the idea of starting a relationship with him. What has you on the fence about this decision?”_

_“Honestly, Sam, it’s scary. I’m scared. Sure, I kissed the guy in public, but I don’t know if I did that because I genuinely wanted to kiss_ him _or…”_

_Dr. Adermin sat patiently for Alex to continue._

_“Or if I kissed Forrest because the one person I always wanted to acknowledge in public is still the one person I can’t.”_

_“Alex, I can’t tell you one way or the other. But I can tell you it’s perfectly okay if you don’t know. I understand you’ve never dated in a traditional sense, so I let me try to frame this so you can make your own decision. The purpose of dating is to get to know someone you feel attraction towards. You can talk, can laugh, spend time together enjoying activities and making memories. You can develop feelings that turn stronger or you realize that person is not one you want to build a future with. There are many forms to dating and courtship I could go into, but I have a feeling that would be overwhelming. So, my advice, should you choose to follow it, is to determine if this new fellow is worth your time and your attention. You can do that by starting as friends or if you suspect you feel a romantic attachment to him, casually dating and see how comfortable you are with it.”_

_“Why is it Sam, that you take the stuff I already know and make it seem so clear and simple?”_

_“It’s a skill.”_

_“Well, it’s a good one. You’ve given me a lot to think about Sam. I’m going to visit my brother for a bit, so I think I’ll take that time to mull over the idea and make a decision either way.”_

_“That sounds like a good plan. Remember Alex, you’re allowed to be happy and you’re allowed to choose who is a part of that happiness. You’re allowed to be whoever you want to be. You get to choose how much you want to invest of yourself in someone else. It’s your life. You get to determine who you give your love and who you give your respect.”_

Alex had mulled over Dr. Adermin’s advice for days. Alex knew deep down that Forrest wasn’t going to be the love of his life, that designation was already taken. But at least with Forrest, Alex could get some of the standard dating experiences out of the way and maybe find out more about himself.

Alex weighed the fairness of dating someone he knew he was never going to be able to love with his whole self. He went back and forth between wanting a change and experiencing a relationship that existed in public or forever pining after a man who may never want to be with him again. Alex had been upset and hurt when Michael choose Maria, but the more Alex thought it over, the more he understood where Michael’s head was at. Maybe Alex, too, needed someone in his life who wasn’t tied to so many bad memories and who wasn’t the other half of a painful, crazy, tragic love story.

Alex wanted to talk to Forrest in person.

When the blue-haired man finally sat down across from Alex at a secluded corner table during a break in the rushes of the day, Alex knew he was making the right choice.

****

**_Four months ago_ **

Dating Forrest Long was both easier and harder than Alex expected.

They went to open mic night at the Wild Pony religiously. Forrest always liked to be the first on stage to perform whatever pieces of poetry he’d written. Forrest had taken Alex back to the paintball range with better success than the last time. Alex actually kissed Forrest and took a bit of pleasure knowing Forrest was sporting more bruises than Alex. They took Forrest’s dog Buffy to the dog park and on hikes. Alex was always secretly glad Buffy came with because her smaller stature made long hikes impossible and Alex’s leg appreciated it. They saw movies at the drive in and frequented the Crashdown for meals.

They took a day trip to a local arts festival in Albuquerque where Alex bought a turquoise ring he knew was Maria’s style and a red jasper inlaid bracelet for Rosa. When his eyes immediately caught on a polished hazel dravite tourmaline crystal, Alex felt the pang of sadness at the flash of memory of a familiar pair of hazel eyes and followed his impulse to buy it. He slipped the stone in his pocket and tried not to question his sanity as he and Forrest went from stand to stand.

Alex heard more about the Nazis and Hitler than his military history ever taught him (he did _not_ need to know about every single rumor Forrest uncovered in his research that stated Hitler was a metrosexual) and was Forrest’s constant sounding board for his theories about Nazis in Roswell during the late 1940’s (Alex refused to even _joke_ that it could be aliens instead).

Between Alex’s commitments to the Air Force and Forrest’s book needing to be finished, they didn’t see each other every day. Alex found he was okay if five days or a whole week went by without seeing his boyfriend.

Alex had explained to Forrest that first day at Bean Me Up how he’d like to explore dating which made the other man smile. But Alex had limits and he wanted to be upfront with Forrest about those before anything started.

Alex wasn’t really social; he preferred his guitar to company most days.

He couldn’t be touched without first initiating it; Alex was working on it, but unexpected touches triggered memories of his father’s abuse.

Alex took his job and rank seriously so sometimes he’d have to break plans if he was called back to base.

Alex had PTSD and his leg tired faster than the rest of him; he was in therapy and did his physical therapy at home, but Alex wasn’t comfortable talking about those aspects of his life.

Alex knew sometimes he could be moody, stubborn, and reluctant to open up, but Forrest seemed to take all of Alex’s limits in stride.

Alex had never been around town with a man before where it was obvious they were romantically involved. When they were in town together, Alex and Forrest usually ended up running into someone Alex knew. Roswell wasn’t the biggest town, so Alex expected it, but each time he found he couldn’t help putting all his focus into analyzing the behavior of whomever he saw.

He and Forrest had gone to the Crashdown for breakfast one morning after not seeing each other for almost two weeks. They hadn’t really talked much over breakfast, the conversation awkward and stilted. When they’d exited the diner, still silent, Alex encountered his former (and favorite) high school English teacher Mrs. Crumpton on the sidewalk.

But the minute Mrs. Crumpton stopped and recognized Alex, he felt Forrest grab his wrist before quickly fitting his hand in Alex’s and directed his turn-on-the-charm smile at her.

Mrs. Crumpton had smiled brightly at Alex and had greeted him enthusiastically before she asked after his well-being, friendly and open, and Alex had been able to breathe a smidgen bit easier. But Forrest’s unexpected touch was pulling his focus.

Alex had frozen at the pressure on his wrist and stayed stiff when his hand was then suddenly grasped. He felt Forrest shifting next to him and felt a tug on his hand. He glanced at Forrest and saw the other man’s irritated look before he gestured towards Alex’s former teacher with his eyes. Alex just wanted a few minutes more to talk with his favorite teacher and hopefully distract himself from the crawling sensation over his skin.

Forrest touched him first.

Alex fought against rolling his eyes and yanking his hand back before turning back to Mrs. Crumpton.

“Mrs. Crumpton-”

“Call me Elaine, dear, it’s been twelve years since you were my student.”

“Right, Elaine, this is Forrest Long, my boyfriend.” Alex had gotten practice saying those words aloud in the two months since they’d been dating, but they still felt… _off_ to Alex. Erroneous even.

“It’s lovely to meet you. Long, any relation to Kate and Wyatt Long?”

“They’re my cousins. I didn’t live in Roswell during the school year, but I came down most summers.” Forrest was wearing the smile he wore whenever he was trying to be impressive. Alex had noticed it a time or two before, but he hadn’t thought much of it.

Alex suddenly felt the urgent need get away from everyone and go home.

Alex spoke immediately after Forrest finished his sentence and said, “Mrs. Cr-Elaine, it’s really good to see you. I don’t want you to miss the fresh waffles Arturo is cooking up inside.”

“Oh, that man’s batter is divine! Maybe I’ll finally get him to give me the recipe. It was so good to see you Alex dear. Let’s catch up more soon, okay?”

Alex nodded and watched as the best teacher he’d ever had walked up the steps into the Crashdown. He remembered how she was the only teacher who’d let him turn in song lyrics for creative writing assignments. She encouraged his interest in music, even introducing him to the music teacher. She let him sit in her classroom to finish his homework after school was done for the day. She was the only one who paid enough attention to know his home life was miserable. Alex knew it would only make it worse and was able to talk her out of it, but he was still touched when she’d tried to raise concern about Alex’s mistreatment at home. Elaine Crumpton was the teacher all kids should have. Alex was grateful she had been his.

After Mrs. Crumpton had entered the diner, Alex slid his hand from Forrest’s, careful not to yank it away, and began walking quickly towards his SUV. His skin still felt like it was prickling, and he was developing a tension headache. Alex wanted to go back home and unwind. Forrest slapped a hand over the driver’s side door before he could open it.

“Alex, what the hell?” Forrest asked angrily.

“I need to get home. I’ve got a headache and I just need to get some rest. It was a long night on base,” Alex replied evenly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Forrest didn’t move. “Talk to me now. Why didn’t you introduce me to that woman?”

Alex looked at Forrest incredulously before saying, “I did.”

“Yeah, but I had to make you. I mean, really Alex, you made that so awkward. Next time just introduce me first so I’m not standing there like an idiot. I can’t believe you embarrassed me like that.”

Alex turned his head away and looked over Forrest’s shoulder back towards the diner’s doors. Alex tuned out the rest of Forrest’s loud tirade when he saw a group of three people shooting odd looks in his direction. Alex felt his panic spike and the crawling sensation spread. He turned back to Forrest and interrupted him.

“Look, we can talk later. I really have to go.” Alex managed to open his door and slide into his vehicle before the engine rumbled. Forrest stepped away and was watching Alex with an unreadable expression on his face. Alex looked towards the road and drove until he got home where no one could witness him fall apart.

****

**_Six weeks ago_ **

The heat had finally decided to back off so taking walks around town wasn’t as miserable as it had been that summer. Fall was approaching and Alex couldn’t be happier about that. Fall was always his favorite time of year.

Alex and Forrest had taken Buffy to the dog park in town and were walking towards Burrito Blast-Off for an early lunch. Alex didn’t particularly like the route from one to the other because to get to the burrito shop, they needed to pass Grant Green’s UFO Emporium. He’d already had enough reason to avoid the place he’d worked for his last summer before his enlistment. But after learning about Michael, Max and Isobel’s origins, Alex liked it even less.

Alex had stopped walking when he saw the entrance. He was reminiscing, staring at the ticket booth and trying not to remember seventeen-year old Michael Guerin approaching the glass and asking to talk and what came after. Alex tried to push the memories of arranging the emporium’s ‘alien artifacts’ out of his mind. He failed at both.

Alex was momentarily lost in the past, so he’d missed when Forrest and Buffy noticed he wasn’t with them and walked back towards him.

“Hey, let’s come back here later. It’ll be a fun date night.”

Alex blinked and saw Forrest standing too close to him. Once Forrest’s suggestion reached his brain, Alex shifted to the side and tried to find an excuse that didn’t involve having to explain Alex’s first kiss with Michael or Michael’s family secret.

Alex couldn’t think of anything better than, “I just really don't like this place and don't want to go in ever again.”

Forrest looked at Alex with an eyebrow raised. “What do you mean you don’t like this place? Alex, you’ve been staring at the doors for two minutes. Why were you trying to read the open hours if you don’t want to take me here sometime soon?”

He was trying to find the words to explain when Forrest spoke again. “Look, I know we’ve been doing this dating thing for about five months now and you aren’t super great about picking where we go for our dates, but come on, this could be fun! We’re in Roswell after all, so why not see all the alien tourist crap? We can take some pictures with the little green men and make fun of the people who believe aliens are real.”

Alex gaped at Forrest. Before Alex could respond, Buffy let out an excited bark and tried to pull her human towards another dog coming her way. Forrest immediately began chatting with the guy also walking his dog, but Alex tuned them out and fixed his gaze back on the ticket booth. The UFO Emporium reminded him of Michael, which made him think about Michael, which made Alex realize he hadn’t really seen him around. Alex was trying to think of the last time he’d seen Michael Guerin and actually talked to the man when suddenly he felt a hand around his neck yank his head forward.

Alex felt lips press so hard against his that it hurt, but Alex couldn’t move. His first instinct was to immobilize whoever put their hands on him, but Alex held still. The logical part of his brain knew it was Forrest, could even see the blue hair since his eyes were wide open, but the rest of him just felt dread. Anxiety slithered along his nerves and Alex felt like he was going to jump out of his own body.

After a beat, Alex felt Forrest pull away and Alex registered the smug smile on his face.

Alex felt his anger fueled by the anxiety and fed by the dread. “Why did you do that?” Alex asked in a low, hard tone. Forrest rolled his eyes and replied, “Doberman Guy was hard-core flirting with me, so I thought he’d get to see I’m taken.”

When Buffy wove around Forrest’s legs, his attention immediately went to his beagle. Alex was still fuming. His boyfriend touched him and kissed him without warning. _Again._

_Fucking hell, how many times do I need to tell him to stop doing that!_

Alex felt furious and out of sorts and standing in front of the building where he’d first experienced how gentle and tender a kiss could be wasn’t helping, especially when Alex lifted his hand to hold against his lips, still feeling Forrest’s bruising kiss linger there.

Forrest was back in front of Alex and glanced at the doors again before turning to Alex and saying, “Come on, I need to get Buffy home before I go to the library so let’s get our food.”

Alex didn’t want to let Forrest take his free hand as they walked away from the UFO Emporium, but there were quite a few people walking around, enjoying the cooler weather, and Alex didn’t want to make a scene. He’d have to talk to Forrest later in private. So, he kept his hand rigid and his eyes in front of him.

Alex hadn’t notice that since the moment he’d stopped in front of the ticket booth to when he’d turned the corner to the burrito shop, a familiar pair of sad, hazel eyes from across the street never looked away.

****

**_Five weeks ago_ **

When Forrest called him to ask Alex on a date, Alex said yes. They hadn’t really seen each other since the previous week so Alex thought it would be good to see his boyfriend.

Forrest kept the details to a minimum, just that Alex should dress nice. Alex had agreed and put on his dark jeans and thick grey sweater. He wasn’t trying to go for sexy, so he avoided his more form-fitting clothes. Alex went for simple but better than his usual. Alex knew he wasn’t ready to take the sex step with Forrest yet and so far, Forrest hadn’t pushed. Alex had tried to be comfortable with intimate kisses and caresses between them, but Alex had to admit he didn’t feel much in the way of strong passion or lust. And Forrest’s unexpected touches were increasing. Alex was more emotionally frustrated than sexually frustrated, so when he’d had his appointment with Dr. Adermin the previous week, Alex wanted his input.

_“What do I do Sam? I honestly am at a loss.”_

_“You’ve got a complex situation here Alex. You know why you react poorly when you’re touched without your permission.”_

_“Yeah,” Alex said with a snort of derision, “souvenir from my time under my father’s roof.”_

_“Your aversion to unwanted and unexpected touch is completely normal given your past. Your brain can determine if a person is a threat, but so can your body. Your body has to accept someone before you feel comfortable enough to allow them to touch you. You learned from your time in the service to allow protective touches when in a high stress, life-threatening situation and camaraderie contact when you survive those situations. But in a romantic relationship, touching can be tricky. It boils down to trust.”_

_“I thought I trusted Forrest though. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with him. Right?”_

_“Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for you. I will say this: trust takes time. If you feel like you trust him with your emotions but not with your body, then that’s a starting point. Do you feel like he’s pressuring you Alex?”_

_“No. It’s when he touches me without warning or without asking first that’s more the problem. He doesn’t push me for sex. Furthest we’ve ever gone was making out on the couch with some wandering hands, but I couldn’t take it any farther. I just don’t feel as safe with him as I thought I would. So maybe what you said about trust, that could be the issue. I don’t trust Forrest with my body.”_

_Alex let out a rush of air. Then he paused and said, “Well, that’s not totally accurate. Forrest was a soldier too so he could have my back if I was ever in danger and I’d trust him with my physical safety then. Which, I suppose is more of that protective touch you mentioned. But yeah, touching intimately is definitely a problem.”_

_“I know it’s a difficult issue to work through. Your frustration that you’re coming up short with a solution is not abnormal. And I’m sure you’re quite annoyed that the unwanted touching keeps happening.”_

_“Yes, to all of that. I just wish he’d ask first. And Forrest doesn’t always have to use words. Just lifting his hand out to me or coming in close without invading my personal space or stopping short before he actually touches me. But he doesn’t do any of those things.”_

_“You’ve told me that the other people in your life uses similar methods. Even though you trust your friends, they still respect your boundaries when they want to get physically close to you.”_

_“They do. That’s why I’m still confused why Forrest, after almost five months of dating me still can’t figure it out.”_

_“I want you to listen to something I’m sure you already know but I’m going to say it anyways. If you’re still dealing with this between you two after five months, then the issue needs to be addressed.”_

_“You’re right Sam. I just, I’ve talked to him about it a few times before and he’ll be great about it for a while, then whenever we haven’t seen one another it’s like he forgets again, and I have to remind him. Again. It’s getting exhausting.”_

_“Alex,” Dr. Adermin said in the most serious tone Alex had heard from the man yet, “You are strong. You are not meek. Yes, you both need to talk through this, but understand me, he has no right to your body or your personal space. No one has any right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. If he pushes too much or if he goes too far, it would be understandable if you feel justified to stop tolerating that kind of behavior.”_

Alex had felt better after his session with Dr. Adermin. The man seemed to understand Alex better than he did himself sometimes. But he was learning.

When Alex saw headlights flash against his front window and heard the beep of a horn outside, Alex was confused. Everyone he knew either came to the door and rang the bell or let him know they were outside via text or a call. Alex had been ready to head out the door and get in his car to pick up Forrest, but when Alex stepped outside, he saw Forrest in the front seat of a Smart Car. Alex groaned internally. He hated the miniature electric cars and his leg cramped whenever he’d been forced to get in one. Suffice it to say, Alex never enjoyed his leave whenever he had to travel by car in Europe. The tiny cars that went too fast were _every-freaking-where_ there _._

“Hey! Totally Lost Guy! You look just like my hot boyfriend!”

Alex ground out a forced chuckle at Forrest’s laughter. Alex didn’t particularly find Forrest’s humor all that amusing and the reminder of meeting him for the first time on the Long farm with Michael didn’t make Alex more inclined to appreciate the reference. 

“Get in man, we’re going on our surprise date!”

“But I thought I was picking you up.”

“Yeah I know you like doing that for me whenever we see each other, but I figured, tonight I’d get to treat you to my awesome surprise date night and that includes picking you up.”

Alex didn’t really want to squeeze his body into a clown car, and he was trying to figure out the logistics of getting in and out with his leg. Alex didn’t realize he hadn’t responded to Forrest until he heard the sharp beep of the horn.

“Geez Alex, get in already!”

“I’m just trying to figure out how. This car is not exactly roomy.”

Alex missed Forrest’s eye roll since he was staring into the passenger seat. “You’re kinda ruining my surprise Alex, so just put the seat all the way back and fucking relax. You’ll be fine.”

Alex felt his irritation at Forrest’s statement grow but forced it back. He had been excited at the idea of a surprise date when he’d been getting ready, so Alex tried to focus on that.

After some careful maneuvering, Alex managed to fit himself into the confines of the car. His leg was aching a bit from being crammed into the front seat by the time they made it into town, so Alex was relieved when Forrest pulled into a parking spot so he could open the door and stretch out his right leg.

Before he could though, Alex glanced outside the passenger window and recognized the lights of the building they’d parked in front of.

He froze.

“Surprise!”

The flashing colorful lights of the sign for the UFO Emporium were extra bright against the night sky. Alex didn’t even know if he was breathing anymore. He was suddenly very, _very_ angry.

“Please tell me this is a joke and you’re driving us to the real date spot in the next ten seconds,” Alex said in a hard tone. He may have been sucked into his past when they’d walked by it the week before, but Alex distinctly remembered telling Forrest he didn’t like the UFO Emporium and never wanted to go in again.

He heard Forrest huff out a breath in irritation before saying, “Well I knew _you_ weren’t going to bring me here, so I thought I’d just plan the night myself. Seriously Alex, I’m taking you out on a date, the least you can do is to go along with it. And if that’s too much for you to do, you can at least tell me _why_ you won’t suck it up and pretend for me.”

Alex ground his molars together and tried not to blurt out the real reasons he’d never voluntarily step foot inside that museum again.

“I used to work here when I was in high school, so I know exactly what’s in there.”

“Well, that’s great for you Alex, but I’m a part of this date too and I haven’t seen it. And it’s kinda selfish that you won’t even go in there again for me, _your boyfriend_. It’s probably changed anyways.”

“Look, I just, I didn’t enjoy working there, okay? Seeing all the stuff they have in there isn’t anything I want to see again.”

“What, did you vomit at the sight of an alien autopsy or something?”

Alex’s stomach turned. While he hadn’t been present for the autopsy Liz and Kyle had performed on Noah Bracken to extract his heart for Max, he knew Michael had. Alex heard about the science bits from Liz and the strangeness of it from Kyle but never heard a peep from Michael about what it must have been like to see one of his own open and _exposed_ like that. Just thinking back on that made Alex extremely uneasy. Alex _knew_ from working there that the museum had an alien autopsy display and he had no interest in faking a good time just because Forrest wanted to go in. Any other place, any other time, Alex probably could put on a brave face and endure something he knew he wasn’t going to like just because it made his partner happy. But Alex wasn’t budging.

“I’m not going in there Forrest. I’m just not. I don’t mean to ruin your plans, but I won’t stop you from taking the night tour. I can get myself back home.”

Alex could tell Forrest was livid by the hard set of his jaw and the glare in his eyes as he stared out the windshield. He didn’t say anything to Alex for minutes, so Alex waited him out. Finally, Forrest made a jerky movement and put the car back in gear.

They drove in silence to the Crashdown, ate dinner not speaking to one another, then pulled into Alex’s driveway without a word after a quiet drive back.

Alex heaved himself out of the car, barely managing to steady himself on the frame, before closing the passenger door. Alex hadn’t made it two steps away from the clown car before Forrest quickly backed out of the driveway and pealed out down the street.

****

**_Eight days ago_ **

Alex was sitting on his couch folding his laundry when his phone rang. He recognized Forrest’s ring tone and answered.

“Hey Forrest, what’s up?”

“Hey bae!” Alex cringed. Forrest had stuck him with the weird endearment after their disastrous date the month before. Alex had tried to gently tell Forrest he wasn’t a fan, but the man hadn’t budged. Thankfully Forrest hadn’t used it in public unless he’d been drinking.

“So, since today is your day off I was hoping I can convince you to spend it with me and a few of the guys from my old unit who came down for a visit.”

“Oh, I’d love to, but I can only do lunch today.”

Alex heard the silence on the other end. He really wasn’t in the mood to be guilted into an outing with Forrest and his buddies and he had a feeling it was coming.

“Come on Alex, it’s your day off. Don’t you want to spend it having fun with your awesome boyfriend and his slightly-less-than-awesome-but-still-cool friends? It’ll be fun. I promise. We’re going to Alien Gulch after they finish some farm chores I roped them into, lunch in town, then real target practice back here and a quick bite before we hit up the Pony.”

“I really can’t spare more than an hour Forrest. I’ll be working for the next seven shifts, all nights, so I need to finish some errands and housework. Besides, I can’t go out past six since I report to the base tonight.”

“What? I thought you had the whole day!”

“New orders. I report in tonight.”

“Come on, bae, I really want you to meet my friends.”

“Forrest, it’s an hour for lunch or nothing. I really don’t have the time.”

Forrest was silent for a beat before his petulant tone softened. “Alright, lunch. That’s perfect. I can have you meet my friends then tell them all about my airman and make them jealous when you leave. Meet us at the Crashdown at noon. Bye bae!”

Alex stared at his phone after Forrest ended the call. Alex had been cautious the last few weeks. He expected Forrest to be angry and ignore him for a few days after Alex refused to entertain Forrest’s night tour of the UFO Emporium. But Alex heard from his boyfriend the next day and Forrest had been unexpectedly sweet since. Forrest had been acting closer to the Forrest Long Alex had agreed to date six months ago. Alex didn’t know what changed his attitude, but whatever it was Alex didn’t think too much about it. Except the ‘bae’ thing. Alex kind of hated that.

Alex sighed as he folded his jeans before checking his phone. Two hours to get into town to see Dr. Adermin and run his errands then make it for lunch before his nights on base started.

Alex had a feeling the next ten days before he got a whole weekend off were going to be absolute madness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone feels like Forrest Long is more of a jerk in this story than he is in canon, you're probably right. I personally am not a fan. 
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter which is more of Alex's perspective.
> 
> By the way, if you spotted when Michael pops up in this chapter, props to you!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we're back to the present! This chapter is two days post alien adventure and post Alex's panic attack.
> 
> Anyone ready for a confident and determined Alex Manes?

On Friday, Alex found himself walking up the back pathway around the barn at the Long farm. He’d taken the two days of blissful silence from everyone and was finally feeling more like himself.

After helping his friends, Alex had spent the whole rest of Wednesday after his panic attack asleep to the world. It fucked with his schedule though, so Alex had taken a rare personal day to get himself back on track. He did his PT, combed through contacts and made sure he’d eaten well. Alex also had done _a lot_ of thinking back over his and Forrest’s six months together. He’d gotten lucky when he called Dr. Adermin’s office the day before and was told there was a cancellation on Friday at 4pm. So, after Alex’s impending talk with Forrest, he’d have an hour to make his appointment.

Alex really wanted to believe he could make a relationship with Forrest Long work, but Alex also had spent so much time the previous day analyzing their relationship. And what he saw didn’t sit well with him at all.

Alex found Forrest behind the barn sorting through a box of what looked like tool bits while sitting on some hay bales. Alex knew Forrest hated living on the farm and helping out, but he did it for the free room and meals which were contingent on his finishing his book for publication. Alex had a sneaking suspicion Forrest’s important question from two days ago was to ask to move in with Alex.

As Alex approached him, Forrest tried to keep his face neutral, but Alex could see the indignation clear as day. Forrest made a show of putting down the box he was sorting and sliding a good two feet away from Alex until he was sitting at the edge of the hay bale. A part of him appreciated the space, but the bigger part knew what Forrest was doing. Alex let out a tired sigh and sat down, facing him.

“Really? That’s how you want this to go?” Alex asked with a shake of his head.

“Well since I can’t even be near you without you freaking out on me, I guess so,” Forrest replied snidely. “I mean, come on Alex, how do you expect me to react when I go to your house to meet you after not seeing you for almost a week, only to wait thirty minutes for you to show up? I had something really important to ask you! Then I finally get to actually talk to you, you won’t even fucking acknowledge me, then you react like I’m some damn stranger and you won’t let me even touch you? And after _all of that,_ you kick me off your property? Honestly Alex, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Alex stared in disbelief at the man sitting two feet away from him. Then he laughed.

Alex could not stop the hysterical laughter at the absurdity of Forrest’s accusations. The man did not _at all_ see the problem.

Forrest trying to blame Alex for Forrest’s own failings and refusing to respect Alex’s personal boundaries? Yeah, that shit stopped today.

When Alex finally felt his laughter fade into a deep sigh, Alex turned and looked directly into Forrest’s angry eyes. Alex had a list of everything he’d wanted to say to the man in front of him. But what came out instead was _not_ something Alex intended on sharing.

“I am so glad we never had sex.”

Forrest shouted and threw up his arms as he lifted himself off the hay bale, knocking the box with tiny metal bits over and scattering them into the shaggy grass around them.

_That’s going to be a bitch to pick up later._

“Are you fucking serious right now Alex?! It’s your fault I’m mad at you and you throw our lack of a sex life in my face?! I really can’t believe you came all the way out here just to insult me!”

Alex knew Forrest was beyond angry, but as Alex stared at the man who’d been a good boyfriend on paper but a fairly shitty one in reality, all things considered, Alex couldn’t help but be a smidgen grateful.

“I didn’t come out here to insult you Forrest. I came out here to break up with you.”

Forrest’s mouth dropped open in shock.

“At first, it was nice having your attention. But it wasn’t until recently I actually _looked_ at our relationship. We don’t fit. You want a trophy boyfriend, someone to parade around and have people think ‘ _Wow, good for him!’_ You like it when people give you praise or compliment you and you use whoever is around you to do it. It’s not by far the worst trait to have, but when you treat me like your own _dog,_ it really isn’t so attractive. I like your dog Forrest, but I don’t want to be paraded around town like she constantly is anymore. It’s on me that I didn’t even realize it was happening, but I have now, and I won’t tolerated being treated like that ever again.”

Forrest huffed in indignation before snapping, “You never once complained before, but you are now, six months later? I can’t believe this! And I don’t _parade_ you around Alex. I think it was really generous of me to take you out on all those dates doing things I thought we’d both like, especially considering I’m not getting anything _else_ from you.”

Alex felt his temper spike at Forrest’s accusations.

“First of all, no, I really don’t like being used to boost your own ego. Is it true that I’d never been around town with an openly acknowledged boyfriend before? Yes. I’ll freely admit whenever we were out together and saw anyone else, I was focused more on my interactions with the people in my hometown, most who have known me since I was a kid, seeing me now as gay man. So, I didn’t really realize just how much I let you take over our relationship. But I want an equal Forrest. I want to have the person I’m with to take a vested interest in me. I want who I’m with not to stop trying to get to know me because they think what we have in common means they don’t need to look any further. I want someone who’s steady and dependable and always there when I need him. I want a partner.

“Secondly, you agreed to go at my pace when it came to anything physical, yet you’re repeatedly _conveniently_ forgetting that fact. I really don’t appreciate the manipulation tactic. Since you can’t seem to, I know I need someone who will respect my limits and _won’t ignore them_ ,” Alex finished pointedly.

Forrest said nothing.

“I know we talked about maybe getting breakfast that morning, but did you even realize I was having a full-blown panic attack when you saw me at my house? Seriously, did you stop rambling on about whatever it was you deemed more important or what I wasn’t giving you for a _single_ second to notice I was about to pass out on my own porch? Did you even see me struggling to breathe? Did you even care that you touching me first when I have _repeatedly_ told you I don’t want you to, that I need to be the one to reach out first, is what made an already stressful day for me ten times worse?” Alex waited for Forrest’s response.

Alex was still walking away from the man in front of him, but he really wanted to know if Forrest was so self-absorbed that even now, after two days of possible reflection, he couldn’t recognize how much harm he caused Alex.

Finally, Forrest lifted his chin and responded, “No, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I came by to ask you something really important but while I was asking, you just stood there, and you looked like you weren’t even seeing me. You were just sort of staring past me. I’ve seen panic attacks before by some of the guys in my old unit, but none of them were never still like that.”

Alex leveled him with a glare. “That’s what a panic attack looks like for me dumbass.”

Forrest threw his hands up again and exclaimed, “How the fuck was I supposed to know?”

“Because I _told you_ I’m prone to them! I _explained to you_ what might happen if you’re with me while I experience one. Just like I have told you _over and over again what touching me without my permission could do!_ You can’t seriously be so self-absorbed you don’t even remember me telling you that unexpected and unwanted touches triggers memories of my father beating me!”

Alex turned, took in a deep breath while he ran his fingers through his short locks then turned back to face Forrest again.

Forrest scoffed before saying, “Look, I know I’m not perfect. I do remember you telling me that stuff about your dad, but I just thought the more I touched you, the more you’d get used to it and get over that being an issue. You know, exposure therapy or whatever.”

Alex started at Forrest in disbelief before taking in a deep breath and hardening his tone. “Then you should have talked to me about that. If you wanted to try touching more to see how I’d react to it then you needed to have a conversation with me. You are _not_ my therapist and you have no right to assume that’s what I need. The fact that you don’t see that as an issue is scary. And surprising me like you did on Wednesday without asking my permission first was a serious breach of my trust.”

Alex took a step forward so Forrest could see just how serious he was as he continued, “Me being physically, verbally and emotionally abused my whole life isn’t something I’m just going to ‘ _get over’_ because you think I should _._ Clearly, you are not interested in accepting all the parts of me, as a whole person with a lot of baggage, since you don’t care enough to remember simple boundaries I’ve set after _six months_ of me reminding you of them, nor did you seem to retain any information about my physical and mental well-being because you were too wrapped up in your own selfishness to give a damn!”

Forrest was tugging at his own disheveled hair and pacing after Alex finished. He stopped a few feet from Alex and with a contrite look on his face said, “I’m really sorry Alex. You’re right I should have been more considerate of you and listened. I know we have some common ground, but I just thought that would mean we connected on a deeper level. I just, really like having you around. You give me an excuse to get off this farm and get out of the library. And about the other day, I was just so excited to see you and ask my question. I thought we were in a good place to move forward in our relationship.”

Forrest heard Alex's angry huff and elaborated, “I just meant that we get along, we laugh, and no, we haven’t done much physical stuff, but I think we could be good together if we, you know, were to occupy the same space. That way, after some time living together, the proximity could lead to you being more comfortable with me and it could lead to sex between us being a good thing.”

Alex waited a beat, but Forrest didn’t say anything else. He wondered if Forrest even realized how condescending his speech sounded.

Alex was truly done with this fool.

“Those are pretty words Forrest but let me tell you what _I_ just heard you say. You, Forrest, by your own admission, have not been giving me the respect I deserve in this relationship. You’ve made assumptions on what’s good for me without _asking me._ You think because we’ve both been in the service, you automatically know how I think or how I handle stress. You like having me around because I help _you_ look better. I give you an excuse to avoid the physical labor and menial tasks you don’t want to do here on the farm, and I give you an excuse to procrastinate on your research. Then you assume we’re on the same page about where this relationship is going, which we are _not,_ by the way, and that you moving in with me would lead to us finally having sex. Oh! And, added bonus for you, by you living with me, you can stop working on the farm all together and can dick around all you want when it comes to finishing your book since those were the conditions of you living here.”

Alex had one last bit to say.

“Forrest, you’re a selfish, narcissistic jackass who really needs to learn how to put your partner’s needs before your own. You need to learn to listen and make a serious effort to get to know the person you’re with. If you can’t do that, I really think you’re going to find yourself in a similar situation down the road.”

Alex released a cleansing sigh before finishing. “I will say this though. Thank you, Forrest.”

Forrest looked at Alex with a bewildered expression on his face before asking, “What are you thanking me for? Clearly I’m a terrible person who’s selfish and-”

“Seriously man, you’re doing it again. Just… I’m thanking you for helping me through a major moment in my life. We are _not_ compatible, but you showed me that being all of who I am in the big bad world isn’t as scary as I always feared it was. I could be my whole self and I learned I don't have to hide away pieces of who I am anymore. And I’m thanking you, because I know exactly what I want out of my next relationship and what I won’t tolerate.” 

Alex stepped up to Forrest Long for the last time and made a point of putting a hand on his shoulder before saying, “Sincerely, Forrest Long, I wish you the best.”

Feeling lighter and more sure of himself than ever before, Alex turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cheers and wild clapping* YOU GO ALEX!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex talks to his therapist

After Alex’s breakup with Forrest at the Long farm, he made it to his appointment twenty minutes early. He kept himself occupied, then used the restroom while Dr. Adermin finished up with his three o’clock.

When Alex was able to go in, he shook his therapist’s hand and thanked him for the last-minute accommodation in his schedule.

“It’s not a problem Alex. So, why did you feel you needed to see me today outside of our scheduled appointments?” Dr. Adermin asked.

Alex took a seat at the deceptively comfortable couch and relaxed. Alex needed to remember to send Sheriff Valenti flowers. When Alex had been needing to find a local mental health specialist, he’d been researching the practices in town while at the Crashdown when Kyle’s mom approached his booth and asked if he wanted company. When their lunches came, Alex had felt comfortable enough to share that he’d been looking into local therapists to talk to. Michelle Valenti had given Alex a contemplative look before suggesting Dr. Adermin. Taking her suggestion had been one of the best decisions he’d ever made.

Dr. Samuel Adermin, PhD. was a surprise to Alex. The man stood at 6’6 and looked like Lance Briggs’ bald twin brother. Despite the resemblance to the former Chicago Bears linebacker, Dr. You-Can-Call-Me-Sam Adermin was gentle spoken, direct, incredibly insightful, and a member of the LGBTQIA+ community himself. Alex had been intimidated at first by the imposing figure his therapist made, but after Alex’s first session with the man, he’d felt more comfortable talking to another person about his issues than he had in years.

Alex took in a deep breath then tensed. The lingering smell of desert rain filled his nostrils and Alex quickly glanced around before his eyes looked out the big window to his right that oversaw a plot about ten feet long filled with desert greenery and rocks. Then he relaxed again. The medical offices had creosote bushes growing and Dr. Adermin had his window open, the breeze carrying the light scent of desert rain. It seemed stronger to Alex though, almost as if the doctor had rubbed the plant into the fibers of the couch Alex was sitting on. But Alex was alone in the office with Dr. Adermin, so he took in another deep breath. He’d always found the scent comforting, so Alex returned his focus to his therapist.

“I wanted to come in today because I had a panic attack on Wednesday. It was a bad one Sam. I wasn’t alone, but I might as well have been.”

“Would you be able to talk about the attack? How you felt physically, what you think may have triggered it, and how you were able to stop it?”

Alex paused as he mulled over Dr. Adermin’s question before answering, “I had just come off of a really rough work schedule. I had to switch to nights on base for seven days, so my anxiety was already elevated. Before I could switch back to day shifts, I needed to keep myself awake until I could get onto a normal sleep schedule. I had gotten only about five hours of sleep after getting down at midnight when a friend called.”

Alex had carefully thought about what specifics he wanted to tell his therapist about what happened two days ago. He knew the truth wasn’t an option, so Alex fabricated the details of his day but stayed true to his feelings and thoughts. Those were what Alex deemed important for Dr. Adermin to hear.

“One of my friends had gotten into an accident and messed up his arm pretty badly with some farming equipment. I went out there to see if I could help by running a diagnostic on the computer components. My ex was there, and I think I told you how we haven’t really been in the same room together in months.”

Dr. Adermin nodded. Alex continued.

“My ex is a mechanic, so we ended up in very close proximity for hours. Trying to get the machine fixed took a lot of my concentration and it didn’t help how close he was. I was trying to keep my attention on helping my friends out, uh, _machine-related_ situations are always stressful and take a lot out of me, but with the constant presence of Mi-my ex, I felt both at ease and like I was going to jump out of my own skin.”

Alex had never mentioned Michael Guerin’s name during his therapy sessions. He’d always referred to him as ‘my ex’ whenever he needed to bring Michael up to Dr. Adermin.

“None of my friends are really the best at coming together without someone keeping them working cohesively,” Alex explained. He knew Max, Isobel, Michael, Liz, Kyle, Rosa and Maria all were incredibly capable people, but when no one was there to mediate the personalities and skill sets and get everyone on the same page, chaos tended to spill out everywhere. “This is probably going to sound self-centered, but I’m usually the one who can get my friends to work together and handle whatever situations we find ourselves in. I can take charge and keep a situation from going from bad to worse. I don’t really like it, but it just sort of happens that way.”

“Well, Alex, congratulations. You can put cat-herding on your resume,” Dr. Adermin said with a sarcastic smirk. Alex rolled his eyes good-naturedly as the doctor continued, “In all seriousness, we’ve talked about your need for control and order. Those are two things you found during your enlistment into the Air Force. It seems natural for someone with your background and commanding presence to be a leader, especially considering your rank, no matter who the group comprises of. I would encourage you to remember your ability to lead is a strength. A leader has power over those around them, but a _talented_ leader uses that power to focus others instead of taking advantage of their trust. Also remember, if your friends didn’t trust you to give them direction when you’re all dealing with whatever the situation is, you’d probably have a mutiny on your hands from what you’ve told me about them.”

Alex laughed. “You’re not wrong Sam. I’ll try to keep that in mind next time. It’s different though with my friends. I do command a team of people at work, but they all have training and are expected to follow my lead. But whenever I’m in that position with my friends, I feel extra stress and hyper-vigilance.”

“Could that be because your friends are _not_ trained soldiers? And from your viewpoint, a trained military man, you are responsible to what amounts to a group of civilians with their safety at risk?”

Alex let out a breath, sinking into the couch and resting his head against the backing as he stared at the ceiling. “That’s exactly it. I can’t expect them to know how to navigate dangerous situations but it’s extra pressure when I’m the only one who does.”

“I’m sure it is Alex. I’d like to circle back to the panic attack. What were you doing when you felt it come on?”

The image of Forrest on his porch had Alex frowning before answering, “I was just pulling into my driveway. It had taken three hours to get my friends all sorted out and by the end of those three hours I was sleep-deprived, I kept remembering how much work I needed to do on some data I’d recently gotten, none of which is palatable to go through, I was feeling the stress of helping my friends out and my whole self: body, brain, heart, felt wrung out from being around my ex. I was wired on caffeine, hadn’t had any breakfast, my head was pounding, my leg was throbbing, the sock had slipped so the metal of my prosthetic was digging into my thigh, and I had already experienced one adrenaline crash so I was feeling the phantom pains in my right foot.”

“That’s a lot to be feeling at once.”

“Tell me about it. Then when I finally get around my car to go into my house and sleep for a while, I saw a figure moving on my porch. My adrenaline flared again, which means I had to feel the crash for a second time in as many hours. I was angry because I didn’t immediately know who it was, and it felt like someone was trying to intrude on what I had to do to take care of what I could tell were my immediate needs.”

Alex leaned forward, his body tense from recounting his Wednesday morning after pulling into his driveway.

“Turns out it was Forrest. I didn’t want him there and was about to ask him to leave when he practically threw himself at me, wrapped his arms around me and didn’t let go after thirty seconds.”

Dr. Adermin’s eyes went hard. “He touched you without you giving any invitation, much less indication, for him to touch you. Again.”

Alex nodded. He saw the doctor’s nostrils flare and Alex instinctively knew Dr. Adermin was remembering their past sessions where Alex talked about Forrest’s unexpected touches and understood exactly what Alex was feeling. Dr. Adermin took in a deep breath before asking Alex to continue. 

“I was already shaking and feeling like I was going to explode from anger and all the sensations I was experiencing in my body. He finally let me go, only to then have him get mad at me for not hugging him back, not being home, then not listening to him while I was struggling to get my breathing under control. My pulse was racing too fast for me to try to regulate my breathing that way and I was starting to see those black spots in my vision. I couldn’t see or hear anything to focus on to stop the panic attack. I was so close to passing out while he was standing there talking at me.”

Alex took a moment to draw in some needed breaths. Even remembering how bad his last panic attack was had him having trouble getting air. When he finally looked back up, Dr. Adermin looked pissed. Alex knew Dr. Adermin treated a lot of patients and had probably heard about so many accounts of trauma and abuse that Alex could understand why the doctor didn’t usually react to hearing them. Not so much the case with what Alex just revealed.

When Dr. Adermin spoke next, he had ice in his voice. “Your boyfriend didn’t even notice you having a massive panic attack right in front of him? The same boyfriend you mentioned you’ve told about how prone to them you are?”

Alex nodded. Dr. Adermin took a moment to compose himself before asking gently, “Would you be able to explain how you were able to calm down?”

“This is probably going to sound all kinds of messed up Sam, but I didn’t calm myself down alone.”

“Your previous statement suggests otherwise, but I assume since your boyfriend was there he finally recognized you needed help and was the one who assisted in calming you down?”

Alex shook his head. He thought he heard a muttered _‘Asshole’_ before Dr. Adermin asked him to explain.

Alex may have never said Michael Guerin’s name in his therapy sessions, but Alex had told Dr. Adermin about how strong the connection was between Alex and Michael and how that connection never really faded. So, Alex tried his best to explain to his therapist how it was his ex-lover who, despite not physically being there with Alex, was what got him past the attack. Alex inhaled and a hint of desert rain tickled his nose.

At seeing Dr. Adermin’s carefully blank stare, Alex waited to hear what the other man thought. Hopefully he didn’t think Alex was losing his mind.

“That is one, though unconventional, method of getting yourself through an attack. But not really surprising to me that it worked.”

Alex’s jaw dropped. “Really? You don’t think it’s at all freaky I used the memory of my ex lover’s heartbeat to help me? Honestly Sam, I think it kind of is and I’m the one who did it.”

“Alex, you’ve talked extensively about the incredible connection you’ve always had to this man. For you it’s spanned over a decade and from what you’ve told me, it’s the same for him. By our previous conversations about him, this man is your anchor despite being estranged for most of your adulthood. You place an inordinate amount of trust in him. If the sound of his voice soothes your mind, if his presence stirs your blood and if the thought of him ignites your soul, then is it really so hard to believe the rhythm of his heartbeat could steady your body?”

Alex slumped back into the couch cushions. As always, Dr. Adermin had made a great point and altered Alex’s perception.

“The truly crazy thing about what you just said Sam, is that despite everything we are to one another and what we could be, despite neither one of us being able to look away, we never seem to make being together work.”

Alex saw Dr. Adermin bite his lip before replying, “Well Alex, we can talk more about your ex if you’d like.”

Alex’s eyes locked with Dr. Adermin’s before smirking and asking, “Which one?”

Dr. Adermin let out a booming laugh. He turned his wide smile to Alex and said, “I can’t wait to hear this.”

Alex smiled in return as he recounted his breakup with Forrest Long only an hour ago. When he’d finished, Dr. Adermin said, “Alex, please forgive the lack of professionalism you’re about to witness.”

Then Alex watched as all six feet, six inches of Dr. Samuel Adermin, PhD. leapt up from his chair with his arms in the air and released a booming ‘ _HALLELUJAH!’_

Alex slid off the couch laughing.

It took a good five minutes for both men to compose themselves before they could resume the session. Alex looked at the wide smile on Dr. Adermin’s face and said, “That was some incredibly out of character behavior Sam, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”

“Oh kid, I have been dying to do that for months. As your therapist and confidant, my feelings are irrelevant and I know I probably shouldn’t have let you see that, but I am so damn proud of you Alex for recognizing a toxic relationship and standing up for what you deserve. Anyone who would disregard your boundaries, not treat you with respect, ignore your needs and touch you without your consent is not someone I would recommend you invest more of your time with. Luckily for you, you didn’t need me to tell you that. You protected yourself Alex, and I am so, so, _so_ proud of you.”

Alex wiped at the tears on his face and replied, “Thank you Sam. I think that’s maybe the third time in my whole life someone has said that to me. It means a lot.”

Alex took in a deep breath before broaching the last topic he wanted to discuss for the day. “Hey Sam, how will I know if I’m ready to start a new chapter in my love story if the one person I want to write it with has probably closed the book?”

Dr. Adermin met Alex’s eyes and replied, “How do you know he’s not waiting for you with a pen in his hand?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder who's standing appointment is usually Fridays at 3pm?  
> Oh, wait..... 😉


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex crashes Girls Night and talks to Maria

“The red is sexy.”

“But you can’t go wrong with classic black!”

“Well, what about a pattern?”

“I think one solid color is better.”

“I have this neon pink.”

“Urgh. No, forget all the pinks.”

“Ah, ha! I found the dark purple!”

“Yes! That’s the one! Alex, give me your hands.”

Alex bit back a laugh and placed his hands on the table in front of Rosa. As she uncapped the polish base coat, Alex looked over to Maria studying the red bottle for her own nails. He’d known he’d be leaving Maria’s apartment with his nails done when he’d asked to crash their monthly Friday Girls Night. Alex was just grateful Rosa had a high disdain for all shades of pink.

“So, Alex, as happy as I am to finally get my hands on you,” Rosa started with an exaggerated wink, “why exactly did you want to crash Girls Night?”

He met Rosa’s eyes before looking at Maria and said, “I’ve been told there’s gossip and bitching about boys during Girls Night and I wanted in.”

Maria threw her head back and laughed along with Rosa. These women, Alex thought, could always make him smile.

“Well since that’s the reason you came by, you can start.”

“Hey, I brought you chocoflan, tequila and that fancy sparkling water!”

“Which is always appreciated _hermano,_ but you still have to go first.”

“Fine, but I need a shot.”

Maria poured a shot for her and Alex and handed the sparkling water to Rosa. They lifted their drinks into the air and shouted, “ _Pa arriba! Pa abajo! Pa’l centro! Pa dentro! Salud!”_

Alex swallowed his shot of the smooth tequila and gestured for another. Maria sat down with the bottle and leaned her elbows on the table before saying, “Alright Manes, spill.”

So, Alex did.

He told them about Forrest always taking Alex on dates where they’d always be running into someone he knew which never failed to ramp up Alex’s hypervigilance and anxiety. About Forrest’s habit of inserting himself into conversations or turning discussions about anything onto him. Alex told them he’d noticed Forrest’s small manipulations but hadn’t really recognized them for what they were until recently. Forrest’s constant posturing and inability to apologize for his behavior. Forrest ignoring Alex’s boundaries regarding touching. Forrest making him feel guilty for breaking a date whenever Alex was needed back on base. And lastly, Alex’s panic attack two days ago and Forrest’s reaction.

Maria and Rosa had matching thunderous expressions on their faces when he’d stopped to take a breath.

“Please, _please_ tell me you kicked that _carbon_ in the ass for treating you like shit!” Rosa asked furiously.

“Better,” Alex said with a confident smile, “I kicked him to the curb.”

It was eerie how Maria and Rosa mirrored Dr. Adermin’s reaction, but what was creepier was that the did it in unison. Then they shouted “DETAILS!” simultaneously as they stared at him with matching wide eyes and grins. Alex just shook his head at his crazy friends and recounted everything from earlier that day that he and Forrest said and did from the moment they started talking at the Long farm to the minute Alex drove away, newly single.

Maria and Rosa wasted literally no time before giving Alex a piece of their respective minds regarding Forrest Long.

“I love you Alex, but I never liked him. He seemed so phony.”

“It wasn’t _every time,_ but during some of the Open Mic Nights where you weren’t there, I’d see him flirting and sometimes touching other guys on, like, their arms or shoulders. He’d always be bragging about his poems and insinuating they could ‘ _inspire another’_ out of him. I didn’t want to mention it to you before because you seemed happy and I don’t think a single person ever took him up on the offer.”

“That’s just sleazy. And his poems sucked. I’d hear him practicing them out loud at the Crashdown. By himself. Into the shiny metal napkin holders.”

“I saw him do that too, but there’s that mirror behind the bar.”

“He’d always tip whenever you both ate together but never while he was alone.”

“He does that at the bar too! One of my waitresses calls him ‘Miser’ and never wants to serve him.”

“I can’t believe he called you ‘bae’. It’s a stupid thing to call someone. Who came up with it anyways?”

“I’m not a fan. Unless you’re talking about Queen Bey, in which case, who _isn’t_ a fan of Beyoncé!”

“I can’t believe I missed out on the release of _Lemonade!_ Being dead fucking sucked. But anyways, the douchcanoe.”

“Right, yeah, not a fan of him either.”

Alex had been following the back-and-forth with surprise. He hadn’t realized all the little things he hadn’t picked up on about Forrest’s behavior, but his friends clearly didn’t miss a thing.

“The fact that he touched you without your okay is not fucking okay. Can I punch him in his micropenis?” Rosa asked earnestly.

“Oh girl, get in line. I still can’t believe he tried to make you feel guilty for not having sex with him Alex. What an insecure, foolish dicknugget,” Maria replied.

Alex couldn’t take it anymore. For the second time that day he fell off of the furniture laughing.

“Did we break him?”

“He’ll be fine. Let’s go break his ex!”

From his spot on the floor he saw Maria and Rosa high five then make their way over to sit on the floor with him. Rosa reached him first but stayed almost a foot away and looked him in the eyes before saying in a deadly calm voice, “If that son of bitch tries to come near you again I’ll nail his fucking balls to the wall.”

“I’ll bring the hammers and the ten-inch nails,” Maria added with a lethal smirk.

Alex struggled to breathe but managed to sputter out, “L-love you b-both!” 

Still laughing, Alex opened his arms and pulled Maria into a tight hug, then Rosa. As he held onto his best friends, Alex knew he would always have love and support from the people who mattered most. As Rosa drew back from Alex, he saw her wipe away a tear then stood and offered her hands to help him off the floor. He gave Maria a nod before she reached under his arm and they both lifted him upright.

If _that_ wasn’t a metaphor for his life. 

When they were all seated again, Rosa asked what he did after the breakup but before crashing Girls Night. Alex told them a little about his therapy session with Dr. Adermin as Rosa applied the dark purple polish to his nails.

Alex was proud of the way he and Maria had been able to maintain their friendship over the last five months. She didn’t really want to be around anyone but her patrons for a few weeks after she ended things with Michael. But eventually she’d called, and she and Alex had another heart-to-heart. Alex maintained that no matter what, she’d still be one of the most important people in his life, one of his strongest supporters, and one of the few people he had who loved him just as he was. They both cried and promised each other to be there when the other needed them.

Despite their long talk months ago, Alex was still hesitant to bring up his feelings about Michael. But with his therapist’s words about their connection replaying in his mind on a loop, Alex decided to bring it up when Rosa went outside to answer a call from Liz.

“Maria, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

She looked up from her plate of chocoflan then scooted her chair right next to Alex’s, staring at him for a long minute. “Do you trust yourself Alex?”

He was taken aback by her question but as it sunk in, he decided to tell her the truth. “I’m not fully there yet, but I’m close.”

Maria nodded, “Then wait until you are. Until you feel like you can trust yourself, then trust Guerin with all the parts and pieces of you. Psychic, remember?” Maria said with a gentle smile at his look of surprise. Then her expression turned serious again. “You both are putting some serious effort into bettering yourselves. Keep at it. Then when the time feels right, _go get him.”_

Alex saw the sincerity on her face, but he knew he needed to hear her say it.

“Maria, are you sure you’d be okay with Michael and I together? Because, total truth, if he ever agrees to be mine for as long as we’re both on this planet, I have no intention of letting him go again.”

Maria smiled and lifted a hand towards his face, stopping before she made contact with his cheek. Alex closed the distance and returned her smile.

“ _How could I be mad at you for falling for Michael Guerin. It’s the easiest thing in the world_.”

Alex grasped the hand that was still against his cheek and let loose the tears he didn’t even know needed to fall as she parroted his words to her from months ago back at him.

“I’ll never be mad at you for being in love with him Alex. You need to know, I love him, and he loves me, but that love is rooted in friendship and respect. That kind of love is what you and I have,” she said as she used her other hand to wipe at the tears falling down his face.

“Another thing you should know Alex. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he thought he had to, Michael Guerin never stopped _being_ _in love_ _with_ _you._ So, when you’re both ready, stop running away from one another and be ready to catch each other. Then hold on tight.”

She drew Alex into a tight hug, and he went willingly. He didn’t realize how badly he needed to have Maria’s support about Michael until she’d given it, freely.

When he pulled back, he looked into her eyes which had released tears of her own and said, “Thank you. I… just, thank you.”

Maria kissed him on the forehead then smiled and replied, “I want you both happy. And once you get your respective shit together? I know for a _fact_ you will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We see more Michael after this chapter so stay tuned!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's turn on the therapy couch

“Hello Michael. You seem to be in a better frame of mind today.”

“Hey Doc. I apologize for our appointment last Friday. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of last week were _rough._ ” 

“Do you want to talk about how you handled the stress of getting through those difficult days?”

“I don’t think I handled it well at all. But if you want to know if I needed some _assistance_ getting through any of those days, then the answer is no. I’m still sober Doc. Haven’t touched a drop of alcohol in months.”

“I’m very happy to hear that Michael. Staying sober is no easy task. We’ve talked about your dependence on alcohol as a coping method and I have to say, I’m impressed you’ve managed to stay away from it after the years of dependency. Frankly I’m astonished. Most people with an addiction struggle with the making the choice not to take a drink.”

“Don’t get me wrong Doc, when I’m in a high-stress situation or if I’m extremely bored, sure, I have the thought ‘one drink won’t hurt’. But then I remember it absolutely will, so I don’t. Staying sober is my choice.”

“I think you’re doing great Michael. Have you been going to the AA meetings?”

Michael stared out the window before continuing, “Not really.”

At Dr. Adermin’s raised eyebrow, Michael rushed to explain. “I appreciate that people need to go to those meetings regularly. I hold no judgement on them. And if you remember, I did go to a few AA meetings before I started seeing you. But when I was there listening to all these other people talk about how drinking ruined their lives, I knew that isn’t the case for me. Sure, I’d end up in fights and in the drunk tank from time to time, but I haven’t experienced anything like hitting rock-bottom most everyone else at those meetings has. Don’t get me wrong, drinking still screwed me up. I drank to pass the time. I used alcohol to avoid dealing with my feelings. But I stopped drinking because I knew I couldn’t be the man someone needs me to be, _the man I need me to be_ , if I still used alcohol as a way to suppress my emotions. So, it was for him as much as it is for me.”

Michael ran a hand through his curls and continued, “Instead of sitting in a church basement with terrible coffee talking to strangers or worse, people I know, I drive out a few miles and sit under the stars and talk to the universe. I find it helps me more and I’m not self-conscious to share whatever I want. I can rant about any negative feelings I have and not have people look at me like I’m crazy. I can cry and no one will judge me for it. I can recount my day and if I struggled to not take a drink and I can be accountable to myself, just like you’ve been teaching me.”

After Michael finished, he looked back to Dr. Adermin gruffly clearing his throat. His therapist shifted in his chair and said, “Well Michael, I think as long as you have something that works for you, then great. It’s not the most conventional method, but I can understand from your explanation why it’s been beneficial.”

“It really has been Doc. Another reason why I stopped going was when I went to those first few AA meetings, everyone talked about how hard it was to stop drinking and how hard it is to stay sober. But it’s been six months and honestly Doc, it isn’t a daily struggle for me. Sure, the temptation is there sometimes, but I don’t suddenly crave a drink at all hours of the day. I don’t steer my cart away from the alcohol racks at the store because I’m tempted to pick up a bottle. I don’t even avoid the Wild Pony. My reasons for not drinking are just more important than any urge to start again. Does that make sense?”

Dr. Adermin said nothing for two minutes. Michael recognized the tactic since Dr. Adermin taught it to Michael: maintain eye contact and compose your thoughts before speaking to be sure your words and intentions were clear when you do.

Dr. Adermin finally spoke. “Michael, you’ve been seeing me for about five months now. You’ve made tremendous progress in that time and I am very happy with how you’ve been doing. I believe you definitely possess an iron will so yes, that actually makes a great deal of sense. Bad habits, addictions, wrong choices, all of those shape who we are as people. You recognized how your bad habit could have spiraled into a full-blown, uncontrollable addiction but stopping before it got to that point is very impressive. Not many people can do that for themselves. Your reasons are your own for staying on the right track and I’m glad you’ve placed them as a high priority.”

Michael let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you Doc. That means a lot.”

“I’m here to help you get to where you want to be in your life Michael. You tell me you’ve been able to keep away from alcohol, I believe you. You tell me you’ve been working through your emotions and feelings outside of this office, I believe you. Whatever you _don’t_ do to better yourself, only hurts you.”

“That’s real fucking wise Doc.”

“I have my moments.” Dr. Adermin smiled before he crossed his leg then kept his attention on Michael when he asked, “So, Friday’s appointment. You showed up last week even though I think you probably wanted to cancel?”

“Honestly, yeah. I almost did too. But then that felt too much like giving in.”

“Would you be willing to elaborate for me please?”

Michael took in a deep breath and sagged into the couch cushions. “Okay. Hopefully this will make sense. I was helping out my friends with some stuff on Wednesday last week and it brought up a bunch of memories and feelings I wasn’t expecting to deal with that day.”

Michael had debated on what he wanted to tell Dr. Adermin about the specifics of his latest ‘alien adventure’. He managed to keep the alien parts of the truth hidden away and just reveal his feelings, thoughts and reactions whenever he needed to tell the therapist about a situation. Since he knew the truth wasn’t an option, Michael fudged the details but kept the parts Dr. Adermin could actually help him with.

“We’d all been talking with one another when my mom’s… _facility_ came up. It threw me into a bad headspace which I was able to sort of set aside for a little bit, but what made the day particularly difficult was that I was in close proximity with my ex. He and I haven’t shared more than polite waves and dumb pleasantries in six months, but Wednesday I was so close to him and it felt amazing to be near him again. Until it wasn’t.”

Michael let out a tired sigh. He could easily recall Alex’s errant comment from the Crashdown: _‘we can hopefully have the rest of the day to not deal with anything else alien related, sound good?’_

Michael didn’t think Alex meant his barb to land so hard. He was stressed and was trying to save his friends from a mess they’d created, but it still fucking stung like a bitch six days later.

“So, there I was, acting like a gleeful idiot, sitting next to the man I’m still in love with. I mean, seriously Doc, I was giddy and that is _not_ a word I think I’ve ever used before in my life. I was respecting his space, you know? I wasn’t trying to force _me_ on him or make him uncomfortable by touching him when I know he hates that, but I’ll admit I was testing the waters by being so close and I thought ‘ _maybe it’s not so bad for him to be around me anymore_.’ Turns out that was wishful thinking because reality metaphorically flipped me the bird.

“I was resorting to old habits by trying to get a reaction out of him. _Something._ But the man is too fucking stoic and instead of telling me I was taking things too far, like I do, he made this comment instead. One of those ‘let’s wrap this up so we don’t have to be here anymore’ kind of comments. It hurt to hear him say that because it felt like it was aimed at me. Like he didn’t want to be around me any longer than he had to. Or, you know, I’m making this all about me when maybe he genuinely had other plans. I just don’t know Doc. I feel like I’ve got all this inside me for a man who’s just so fucking _done_ with how _much_ I am.”

Michael let out a strained exhale before finishing, “So, by Friday I was still having flashbacks to seeing my mom die and I was feeling unwanted and stupid and all these thoughts kept barreling in and all I could do during our session was sit there and try real fucking hard not curl onto the floor and bawl like a freaking baby. But if hadn’t come, if I’d missed our session, if I didn’t at least physically _go_ to the place I know has been helpful for me, I feel like those emotions would have made me surrender and I put too much effort into this therapy sh-stuff for it to drag me down now.”

Michael flopped back onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

“Is it always like this Doc? Five steps forward and fifty steps back? Because I honestly don’t know how much longer I can handle that. The emotional side of me feels like the months I’ve been seeing you were all for nothing, even though my rational side knows that’s not true and you’ve told me as much.”

When Michael finally felt brave enough to face Dr. Adermin again, he saw sympathy on the man’s face.

Despite the tall hulking frame and the bald head, Dr. Sam Adermin did gentle, compassionate giant extremely well. Michael had never felt so comfortable talking to another adult about his problems before. It took Michael a long time to realized how loved he was by the people around him, but he knew for a fact he wasn’t capable of opening up to them like he could with Dr. Adermin.

“Michael, I promised during our first session not to lie to you or sugarcoat anything. So, yes, sometimes it will feel like five steps forward and fifty back. You’ll feel like you’re walking blind for how dark it is around you. Sometimes Everest will pop up in your path and you won’t have a clue how to get around that colossal roadblock. You’ll want to just plop yourself down and resign to never seeing the other side because it will take _all of you_ to reach it _._ But that’s when we use our favorite acronym, remember?”

Michael gave his therapist a watery smile and replied, “FITFO.”

“Exactly, yes. Figure. It. The. Fuck. Out.”

“Have I mentioned how cool it is you swear Doc?” Michael said with a small laugh.

“Repeatedly,” Dr. Adermin said with a small smile. His face turned serious again before continuing, “You’ve been surviving your whole life Michael. I know you’ve been doing the best you can. But remember, you’re an incredibly intelligent, resourceful young man. So, when you have a setback, remember, you can climb Everest. You can lob dynamite at it and blow a hole to walk through. You are a highly intelligent individual Michael, a genius even. I’m sure you could figure out how to fenagle something so you can fly over it if need be.”

Michael held back his laughter at how on-the-nose his therapist was with his last suggestion.

“You will figure out how best to get to where you want to be. I believe you’ll find your way through the grief. I believe one day you won’t feel the weight of the darkness. Your heartbreak, your aching soul and the crushing loneliness will one day be a distant memory. You’ve made tremendous progress so far and I couldn’t be prouder of you for putting in the effort.”

Michael thumbed at his eye before saying, “You really believe all that, huh?”

Dr. Adermin’s eyes locked with Michael’s before saying, “Without a single fucking doubt.”

Michael nodded and ran his hands through his hair and let out a cleansing sigh. He’d always appreciated Dr. Adermin’s no-bullshit approach to helping Michael work through his issues.

When Michael had told him about how he lived practically his whole life without a family, Dr. Adermin reminded him that family was whoever Michael knew would give him support, respect and love and who Michael deemed worthy of his in return.

When Michael told him about the abuse and neglect in foster homes and schools, Dr. Adermin reminded him that Michael had earned his courage and strength from enduring the terrible situations of his past.

When Michael admitted (an edited version) to seeing his mom die in front of him after _just_ finding her again, Dr. Adermin let him cry before telling Michael that his grief may never go away, but he could choose to hold onto the precious time he’d had with his mother and her love for him.

When Michael revealed this latest relationship with a woman was complicated by his deep, unresolved feelings for a man, Dr. Adermin explained that it takes time and trust to build a relationship. If Michael found himself loving two people at once, to take a minute and really examine the love he was feeling.

It was after that particular session, which happened to be the week after Maria agreed to speak to him again, when Michael had recognized his love for Maria had been rooted in friendship and appreciation while his love for Alex was as it always had been: combustible with passion, infused with trust and their ever-present unbreakable connection.

“Have I thanked you yet Doc for helping fix my head?”

“You’re doing all the work Michael; I’m just supplying you the tools and instructing you on how to use them. But your thanks are noted and appreciated.”

Dr. Adermin kept his expression neutral while he said, “We’ve talked about your ex-girlfriend Maria, but we’ve only touched on a few of the details about the man you love or how that relationship became so precarious. Do you think you’d like to tell me more about him?”

Michael looked down at his hands, not realizing he had been absentmindedly rubbing his left where the scars and messed up bones used to be. Michael sighed then said, “He’s a secret I’ve kept for years Doc. It wasn’t until about a year ago anyone even knew he and I had been together. But I gotta warn you, it’s a sad story.”

Dr. Adermin met Michael’s eyes and replied, “My husband made me watch the Notebook last night, so I’ll make you a deal. If I find your story sadder than Noah and Allie’s then I’ll bring donuts to our next appointment.”

Michael let out a burst of laughter and replied, “You’re on Doc.”

Michael had never heard Dr. Adermin mention his spouse before, but Michael was secretly relieved that at least his therapist may understand his feelings regarding Alex Manes better. Michael hadn’t talked too much about his history with Alex to Dr. Adermin in their past sessions, hadn’t even mentioned Alex’s name before, but Michael knew he needed to talk through his messy history with Alex to someone who might actually be able to understand. So, Michael took in a breath and began.

Michael started with meeting him for the first time in school when Michael had made it back to Roswell, but they didn’t interact much until their last year of high school. Michael told him about the guitar, the offered shed, Michael feeling the beginning of their crazy connection form. How their first kiss made Michael feel freer and more _right_ than he had his whole life. How their first time was awkward and perfect.

Michael hesitated before telling Dr. Adermin all the details of the attack in the shed, but he made it through the harsh memory, rubbing his hand. “It healed, eventually,” Michael said when he noticed Dr. Adermin looking at his left hand. “But the memory of a perfect moment followed by one of violence won’t ever go away I think.”

Michael sighed heavily before continuing, “After that night, we only saw each other a few more times. I turned down my scholarship, stayed in town and caused some trouble. He enlisted, then was gone. I was locked up in the Sheriff’s office the day he left. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

Michael had a fuck ton of regrets in his life but getting himself arrested and not being able to tell Alex goodbye was towards the top of the list.

“When he came back two years ago, stationed here in Roswell, I finally saw him again. I could hardly recognize him but at the same time I knew immediately who he was. He’d gone from ‘Emo Black-Nails’ to ‘Captain Cheekbones’ in ten years. I mean, seriously Doc, he came back taller, confident, and with this commanding presence which I swear I never found attractive before. He’s as sexy as ever, for sure, but he’d definitely changed. Then he told me about losing his leg in a different desert halfway around the world and I knew, he was still dealing with his demons. Only this time, he got to add blood and pyrotechnics to his nightmares.”

Michael wiped away a stray tear when he talked about Alex’s pain. Michael never told Alex how much he admired him for managing to stay optimistic and hopeful despite having to survive instance after instance that would have crushed most people. Alex Manes was the strongest person Michael Guerin had ever met.

“We tried starting back up again. The connection we’d formed when we were seventeen never went away. Somehow it got stronger even though we hadn’t seen each other in ten years, he wasn’t living life as an out gay man and we were still a secret from our family and friends. I followed his lead because I was desperate for the scraps of attention he’d give me. He would pull me in, then push me away, then pull me in again and I swear Doc, it made my heart hurt and my head spin. I’ve never been able to look away from him, even to this day. But I eventually did walk away. I didn’t think we were good for each other and I wanted to be good for someone. For the first time, I chose different for me. That’s how Maria and I started.”

Dr. Adermin was good at keeping his expression neutral.

_The man must be a shark at the card tables._

“The thing is though Doc, even though I was with another person and I feel a kind of love towards her even still, I could never deny I’m still _in love_ with Alex Manes. I still feel that crazy connection. And I know, if he ever wanted me again, I’d be his in an instant.”

Michael looked up at the ceiling and missed the gobsmacked look that crossed his therapist’s face.

Still looking up, Michael asked, “Do you think a person should give up on their picture?”

He heard Dr. Adermin clear his throat and ask, “What picture do you mean Michael?”

“You know the one, it’s what you see in your head when you envision your future. Mine is so simple and shouldn’t be so unattainable, I think. But it is. Yet I can’t seem to get rid of it.”

“Would you like to tell me about what you see and why you deem it impossible to have?”

“Well,” Michael began, “like I said, it’s so simple. Me and Alex, side by side, leaning on each other with our home in the background, smiling like idiots because we’re so damn happy.”

_Damn, I did not hydrate enough today. These tears are a freaking annoying._

Michael wiped at his eyes again before continuing, “That’s pretty much it. When I really want to torture myself, though, I think of the details. I think of how I tricked out a desk for him that can hold six monitors and a custom-built computer that can lift and lower if he needs to stand or sit in an office we converted from a spare bedroom; a command center for my cyber guy. I think of the bookshelves with his thrillers and my mystery books, his coding manuals and my science texts. I see the photos of our adventures and vacations hanging on the walls. I see the rails I installed in bathroom he’d need for when he doesn’t have his leg on. I can picture us cooking together in the kitchen and on relaxing the cozy deck with maybe a dog running around. And if I’m in the mood to _really_ wreck myself, I see a kid running after the dog in the backyard, Alex and I laughing with one another in the sun.”

Michael swallowed against the rock in his throat as he kept going, “I’d want to show my kid how much they’re loved in this world no matter who they are. Shit, though Doc. Fuck knows if I’m even equipped to be a good parent considering my shitty childhood, and I know with Alex’s mother abandoning him and his history of abuse from his asshole father, he probably has the same thought. We never had positive role models for anything resembling normal growing up.”

Michael leaned back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling again. “That’s my picture. But that picture I don’t expect to ever exist, and I know I need to come to terms with that. Alex deserves everything he wants in life. He just doesn’t seem to want me.”

Dr. Adermin had a stunned look on his face when Michael felt brave enough to look back at his therapist after exposing his deepest and most secret wish for his future. “Doc? Are you okay? You’re looking at me like you just realized I’m in the room.”

Michael drew his brows together as he watched Dr. Adermin blink rapidly and clear his throat. “I apologize Alex- _Michael!_ That was unprofessional of me… I was listening to what you told me, and I found it very moving. Thank you for sharing.”

Dr. Adermin cleared his throat again before saying, “I understand that was not easy for you to admit out loud. I assume you’ve never told anyone about what you envision for your future self, correct? Even your… Alex?”

Michael nodded.

Dr. Adermin continued, “Well Michael, I wish I could tell you either way what to do, toss away that picture or hold on to it for dear life. It’s ultimately your decision. You were strong enough to recognize when the relationship between you and Alex wasn’t generating what you needed for you to stay happy. I believe you can make the determination when the time comes if the two of you together again will create the happiness you deserve and the lovely future you imagine.”

“I want to think I can be good enough for him one day, hopefully sooner rather than never. And I appreciate the vote of confidence Doc, but I don’t really know if I have good judgement when I’m around him.”

“Do you trust yourself Michael?”

“I’m getting there. But I know what I do trust with one hundred percent certainty. Every single fiber of my being recognizes his. Every cell in my body goes fucking haywire when I’m near him. I know he and I are only two small specks in a gigantic system of space and stars. But I swear Doc, what we generate when we’re together, the love we create when we’re together? It could fill the whole damn universe. I just don’t know if it’s the same for Alex.”

Dr. Adermin met Michael’s eyes and replied, “How do you know he isn’t as certain about that as you are?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely loved writing from Michael's perspective so I hope you all like it! 
> 
> And yes, Dr. Adermin only JUST realized who Michael and Alex are to one another but I think he covered that realization rather well.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter from Dr. Sam Adermin's perspective

Dr. Sam Adermin lived his life by a necessary set of additional rules outside of the Ethical Standards and five General Principles he’d sworn to uphold as a practicing clinical psychologist:

  1. Never break a patient’s trust
  2. Always keep calm during a session
  3. Encourage a positive outlook and mindset
  4. Never let a patient think they need to apologize for circumstances beyond their control
  5. Politely nod, but don’t otherwise engage with patients in public unless they initiate a greeting or conversation to respect their privacy



In the twenty years he’d been counseling individuals, Sam had managed to follow his five rules fairly religiously in all that time. He’d tried to add a sixth rule about not bringing work home with him, but he’d quickly found during his first year of treating patients that sometimes he needed more time to mull over his approach to helping a patient’s progress than his office hours dictated. And sometimes, Sam found it easier to do that in the comfort of his home with a mug of his favorite red rooibos tea and his Belgian Malinois, Bosco, resting at his feet.

But after his last appointment earlier that day, Sam found that even his typical routine wasn’t helping. Michael Guerin had unintentionally dropped one hell of an information bomb which Sam had not seen coming. He had to fall back on his decades of training to maintain some semblance of composure when Michael revealed the man he’d loved all his life, was still in love with to this day, was none other than Sam’s other patient Alex Manes. To say the session had been eye-opening was an understatement. Sam had felt out of sorts since arriving home, an hour before his husband would be, and taking Bosco for an early walk hadn’t alleviated the feeling.

So, when his typical methods of mulling over a case didn’t work, Sam did something he rarely did. He pulled out his notated transcripts from all of Michael’s previous sessions and poured over all the mentions and hints about Michael Guerin’s ex.

Sam had learned during his training years that having transcribed notes from his patients’ sessions helped Sam to remember vocal cues or stress indicators he may have missed during the session itself. Typically, when Sam was in a session with a patient, he’d make sure to hear them, to listen, but to also focus on his patients’ body language which helped Sam to navigate the best way to putting a patient at ease. People, more often than not, didn’t realize that their mannerisms or the way they moved gave more indicators about their mental state than what they might say. Sam didn’t like to take his notes during the sessions since he tried his best to make each patient feel like they were being heard, not studied. So, instead he preferred directly after each session to get his notes down. 

Sam had made it a point of pride to be able to shift focus from his cases to his personal life with relative ease. Spending so much time with other people’s trauma made Sam more appreciative of his life overall and he made sure to be present and enjoy what he had around him. But even dinner with his husband couldn’t pull Sam from thinking about Michael Guerin and Alex Manes. Luckily his husband had a very busy day and monopolized the conversation.

Eventually he’d pulled Alex’s transcripts as well and did the same he’d done with Michael’s. Sam hadn’t been prepared for the gut-check he felt when he realized he hadn’t picked up on it sooner.

“Darling, what are you doing? It’s after nine now.”

Sam looked up from his files and saw the concerned look on his husband’s face before trailing his eyes over the stunning half-naked man he got to call his. Ryan Adermin looked like Harry Shum Jr.’s much handsomer older brother and Sam had been in love with the man for over twenty-three years. He remembered the day they’d met.

*

Two twenty-six-year-old graduate students at UNM, tired from staying up all night writing thesis papers and conducting field trials, literally bumped into one another in the early hours of a Tuesday morning at the considerably less crowded local coffee shop off campus.

Samuel Sikes always had to be aware of the people around him because his size demanded his attention on others, so they never got injured by accident. That attention to people led to him enjoying analyzing them, leading him to wrapping up his graduate studies in Psychology.

But with Sam exhausted from being up the last thirty hours and needing to be awake for ten more, he wasn’t paying as much attention as he should have. It didn’t happen often anymore, but when the occasional stranger bumped into Sam, they tended to fall backwards. So, when someone bounced off of Sam Sikes after they’d collided on the sidewalk outside Clara’s Coffee, Sam knew he’d be helping yet another person off the ground and have to listen to how he needed to watch where he was going.

To Sam’s utter surprise though, the guy he’d knocked into didn’t fall at all.

He held on.

Sam’s arms instinctively wrapped around the man against his chest the second he ended up there. After another second to realize he had collided into a stranger, Sam looked down, but oddly for him, not too far; the man in his arms was probably just under 6’4. Sam saw thick, dark hair, smooth skin, then the most startling pair of grey eyes he’d ever seen.

“Well, usually I insist on dinner before I let a guy so close that we’re almost to second base, but coffee will do.”

Sam saw the wink, then the words of the beautiful stranger sank in. Sam quickly stammered out an apology and immediately let the other man go with a quiet hint of disappointment.

He saw the stranger chuckle and hold out his hand before saying, “Hello sexy guy from my Fantasy Man wishlist, I’m Ryan Adermin.”

Sam stared dumbstruck at the smiling stranger in front of him. Well, stranger with a name. Sam immediately stuck out his massive hand and hoped he didn’t crush Ryan’s in his grip.

He replied breathlessly, “I-I’m-m Ryan.”

Sam wanted to bang his head against a hard surface. He was usually more charming, but he couldn’t seem to get anything but stammered, almost whispered, words out. The man in front of him had proven to have a sense of humor to go with his drop-dead gorgeous looks and Sam was having a hard time stringing words together in his presence.

“Wow, you’re a Ryan too? I’ll admit, that was not an entry on my list, but I can roll with it.”

_Wait, what? Oh, fuck, I said his name back to him! Abort!_

“Uh, um-m, Sam,” Sam got out with more difficulty than he’d ever admit to.

“Ryan Sam? Are you one of those Albert James Tyler Bronson III types? Because if you are, my sincerest apologies.”

Sam needed coffee and to remember how to English. Remember how to _speak_ English. _Jesus._

Sam cleared his throat and tried to get his poor brain to work. After thirty hours intently focused on human behavior, what little concentration he had left was gone in the presence of the most attractive man he’d ever seen.

“No, sorry. My name is Ryan. _Sam!_ Damn it! _My name is Sam.”_ Sam smacked his palm to his forehead before continuing, “I’m running on no sleep or coffee. Please forgive me.”

Ryan laughed so hard he had tears running down his cheeks and Sam fought the urge to reach out and wipe them away. Knowing his luck, he’d end up accidently hitting the guy in the face.

“How about we get our caffeine and get to know one another better? I have a feeling it’s going to take more time than we have for coffee today though. If we’re both lucky, it could take years,” Ryan said with another wink.

So, they got coffee.

And Ryan had been right. They stayed together through doctoral programs and establishing careers. Through the disappointed family members and the joyous ones. Through health scares and money problems. Ryan was Sam’s rock and his home. And Sam knew the same was true for his husband, especially when they were finally, legally, married in Albuquerque six years ago. 

*

“Um, doing. Me. You?” Sam wasn’t paying any attention to his words, his whole focus on his ravishing husband. He often found himself in the same position he’d been in that first day meeting Ryan Adermin, dumbstruck and in awe of the man he got to claim as his, not remembering how to English.

At Ryan’s peals of laughter, Sam pulled his eyes off his husband and shook his head muttering, “Fuck, I hate it when that happens.”

Ryan wiped at his face and sat down next to Sam on the sofa. “Oh darling, I know you do but I absolutely adore it.”

Ryan placed a gentle but firm kiss on what Sam knew was his grumpy face. When he pulled back, Ryan was looking at him with those same startling grey eyes full of love. So, Sam kissed his husband again, because he could.

“To answer your question with actual words, I’ve been comparing the transcripts from my sessions with two different patients.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever known you to do that. Are they related or giving off the same trauma clues?” Ryan asked.

Sam adored his husband. Ryan had, over the years, picked up some on what Sam’s patients could need from him. An Agriculture Engineer, Ryan respected Sam’s patient confidentiality and never pushed for more details than Sam could give.

Sam looked at the files on his tablet and laptop and replied, “You’re right, I don’t think I have before. I don’t usually treat relatives, but it’s happened before where I’d been treating a patent and they’ve had a connection to a former patient of mine. But usually there isn’t crossover. Not so much the same here though.”

Sam couldn’t tell his husband much, but he was able to explain the gist.

“I’ve been treating two men. One is a military man, the other a local mechanic. One is gay, one is bisexual. One had an abusive father and absent mother, the other in multiple foster homes throughout his childhood. I’ve been treating the military man longer and only began sessions with the mechanic about five months ago.”

Sam took in a breath and continued, “They each talked about a man from their past they have this undeniable, strong connection to and who they have deep, genuine feelings for, to this day, twelve years later. And it wasn’t until today I put the pieces together.”

Sam saw Ryan mulling over what Sam told him when he asked, “Are they in love with the same guy?”

Sam chuckled before replying, “Nope.”

Ryan’s eyebrows lifted and asked in a hushed whisper, “Are they in love with _each other_?”

At Sam’s nod, Ryan let out a shaky exhale. “Wow, I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for them. And if they need to see you, my love, I can’t contemplate how hard their respective roads have been.”

“It’s been challenging with these two. Their stories were never the same, but now that I know they overlap, it makes it all so much more tragic.”

“Can you even help them now that you know you could be influencing the parts of each other they share?”

“I believe so. I’ll have to choose my words carefully if they bring the other up again.”

“Wait, how did you just find out if they’ve been seeing you for as long as they have, and they’ve talked about each other?”

“Neither one actually said the name of the man they’re in love with, until today. Now though, when I’m in a session with one, I can’t let on I know the other because that would betray patient confidentially. But,” Sam paused before continuing, “I think now knowing who these two are to one another, I can encourage them to each open up more and examine their relationship since we’ve so far been focusing on the trauma that’s impacted their adult lives. Reading over their sessions, I know for a fact there’s still something there between them and encouraging each of them to reflect on the relationship, past, present, future, may allow them tip the scales one way or the other.”

“Darling, that sounds like a precarious place to put yourself.”

“It is because these two overlap, but it also isn’t really too far off from my usual practices. When people with traumatic childhoods first see me there’s always a priority to focus on their safety and mental health. Once they’ve made sufficient progress on those fronts, however long it takes, when they’re ready, I can shift the focus onto romantic relationships during their adult years and how to make the transition from unhealthy or abusive relationships of their past to healthy ones in their future. So, really, it’s actually close to that time for both of these two. After all the work they’ve each put into making positive changes in their lives, these two are getting close to the finish line with needing weekly therapy.”

“That’s fantastic! I can only imagine how exciting that is from your perspective.”

“It’s always satisfying to see patients get to a point where they feel secure enough in their life to no longer need me so often.” Sam took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Now knowing Alex Manes and Michael Guerin shared such a compelling history? For Sam it was like reading a book with all the chapters finally in place instead of half of them missing.

“And these two in particular, they don’t know it yet, but both of them are _so close_ to being ready for each other in my opinion. They’ve individually learned to handle or overcome so many of the reasons I see them in the first place. But it’s surreal.”

“How so, love?”

“I’ve obviously never said as much, but I always sort of thought, if these two ever met, they’d be a terrific match for one another. Only now I learn I’ve been witnessing both sides of the same incredible love story and I didn’t even know it.”

Sam saw Ryan’s smile get bigger before he said, “And everyone thinks I’m the romantic in our relationship.”

Sam turned fully to his husband and gave him a droll stare. “Who was it that insisted a picnic under the stars was the ideal first date? Who decided a hot air balloon ride was the perfect way to propose? Which one of us insists on twice-a-month couples’ massages? And who of us decided the Notebook was the movie we _absolutely needed_ to watch last night?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Yes, fine, all me. You’re utterly correct, darling I don’t know what came over me. You’re as unromantic as a greasy pizza in sweatpants with golf on the television,” he deadpanned.

Sam snickered and said, “Oh baby, you know I can still woo you in that scenario. I can eye-fuck you all I want over pizza. I just have to slide past the waistband of your sweats to get you ready. As for golf, I can make as many innuendos about ‘shafts’, ‘balls’, and ‘holes’ as it takes for _me_ to take _you.”_

Ryan’s heated gaze lit Sam on fire, just as it always had. “Okay darling,” Ryan said in a low gravelly voice his molten eyes connected to Sam’s, “now we have our next date night planned. I can’t wait.”

Sam laughed despite his body heating up over the turn the conversation with his husband took.

“I’m definitely married the romantic.”

“You did indeed darling. Aren’t you glad you did?”

“Every. Single. Day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish Dr. Adermin was a real character on the show. He seems like he'd be so good to have around.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael gets some surprising news...

_**One Month Later** _

Michael wanted to bang his head against the thin walls of his Airstream. His connection had gone out. Again.

_This Calculus exam is due tomorrow for fuck’s sake! I just want to submit the damn thing now!_

Michael had a fondness for his trailer, it had been the only home he’d had for more than a decade, but he had come to the realization over the months since he’d started his degree, the metal walls of the trailer fucked too much with his computer’s signal. Michael had more semesters to go before he was done with school and he didn’t particularly want to be working on his degree outside where he could reach the signal when the spring rains would come during the upcoming semester, in the lingering summer heat of August when classes started again, then biting cold of winter for finals next year.

At least with winter Michael knew what to expect. It was close to the end of the first week of December and already the cold was driving Michael nuts. He’d had to sit outside to take all his tests and write his labs and freezing metal lawn chairs were becoming a literal pain in his ass.

He hadn’t gone into town much in the last month since the last ‘alien adventure’. After the trio of troublemakers left town, Michael threw himself back into his studies and working, getting enough money together to buy a basic laptop instead of borrowing Max’s or needing to limit himself to the library computers and hours. He’d gotten a little lax about maintaining his social circle, but with the holidays on their heels, everyone seemed preoccupied anyways. Michael still at least tried to make time for his and Kyle’s weekly basketball game and his abilities practice with Max and Isobel.

Michael kept his focus where it belonged: on his list.

He’d noticed over the past seven months what cutting out alcohol and adding green healthy foods in addition to manual labor and exercise did for his body. Michael was in the best shape of his life. He’d even mastered the healing ability Max had been trying to teach him and Isobel. Once Kyle helped provide the science of it, healing became effortless. Since Michael had already mastered telekinesis, all he had to focus on while healing was _moving_ the bone, sinew and skin back into place and guiding the blood and water in the body to where the injury was and powering it all with electromagnetic manipulation since humans and aliens alike are essentially bundles of energy moving around. Michael combined the science with the emotions and electricity, and he’d made a damn good healer. Even Kyle had been impressed when he saw one of his and Isobel’s practice sessions.

Michael had finally found the required part to fix the second milkshake machine at the Crashdown, so now that they could make double the number of shakes at a time, Michael was given free milkshakes for life by Arturo. The man had even taught Michael his secret recipe for churro pancakes, something no one but an Ortecho knew how to make. After Michael’s second attempt, Arturo deemed them perfect and had the whole batch accounted for by customers in under seven minutes.

Since Michael had weeks before his next semester started, he’d made the decision to look for a new place. He’d miss his trailer since it was the first real home Michael had, but Michael knew it was for the best. He had a lead on an apartment in town. It was above a garage, but it seemed sturdy and private. It even had its own kitchenette so Michael could keep cooking for himself. His scholarship money for the semester was almost gone, but he had managed to make it to the end of the semester and still had funds saved along with money from all the appliance and parts repairs.

Michael had talked to Sanders and they came up with a plan. Once Michael was ready to move into a new place, he could strip his trailer down from a living space and convert it into a workshop and move it to the area behind the auto overhang. He’d add a long wooden table against one side where his bed was and knock out an end wall so Michael could install a roll up door. In Michael’s opinion, his trailer would eventually resemble a shipping container, or the cargo hold of a semi-truck. But at least it would be his own workspace and keep his tools separate from the auto ones. When the weather changed, the walls of the Airstream would keep Michael and the mechanical parts and wires out of the elements.

Michael kept up with his appointments with Dr. Adermin. After his appointment on that Tuesday following the day of the last ‘alien adventure’, Michael had thought about what Dr. Adermin’s advice regarding Michael’s picture. He hadn’t decided one way or the other about it, but Michael knew if he held onto the mental snapshot of the future he wanted so damn badly he ached every time he conjured the image up, it would directly conflict with the twelfth entry on his list.

Dr. Adermin had, over the last weeks, been very encouraging about opening up about Michael’s relationship with Alex from the beginning to the present, twelve years later. When his therapist mentioned that adults with traumatic childhoods had a higher than average tendency to sabotage their romantic relationships because they often struggled with the concept of a healthy one, Michael had decided it was time to really think over everything he and Alex had been through.

Michael reflected on how abandoned he’d felt when Alex left for the Air Force, how alone he’d felt when Alex never reached out, the constant worry Michael experienced over never knowing if Alex was safe, drinking more to bury that worry. Guilt over knowing Alex had been permanently changed forever, _again,_ and Michael was none the wiser until the day Alex was standing in front of his Airstream parked on Foster Ranch, Michael laying eyes on the man he loved for the first time in a decade. Michael also thought more on the two years since Alex came back to Roswell and Michael knew he wouldn’t be able to keep pushing off the conversation they both needed to have.

But while Michael recognized that was what _he_ needed, he knew he couldn’t be selfish and force Alex to talk to him. To talk about _them._ After all, Alex was finally in a relationship that wasn’t burdened by the past, tainted with pain and misery, constantly fraught with secrets and alien-related drama.

Michael had made sure to keep his distance from Alex. He didn’t think he could handle many more accidental interactions between Alex and Forrest. It hurt each and every time he saw Alex and his blue-haired boyfriend. Michael avoiding town as much as he could over the past month helped. Michael kept his head down and got his errands done swiftly to avoid even having to wave if he saw the couple. Thankfully he managed not to see either Alex or Forrest whenever he did need to go into town.

Added bonus with not being so social, Michael didn’t hear, even accidentally, anything about Alex.

The downside with not being so social, Michael couldn’t hear, even accidentally, anything about Alex.

Michael sighed. He’d have to go outside again. Grumbling, Michael pulled on his coat and grabbed a blanket to keep the metal chair from numbing his ass. He picked up his laptop and settled outside to finish submitting his last exam of the semester.

**

Michael was elbow deep in the engine of a 1998 Ford Windstar when his phone rang. Michael hadn’t realized it was even his phone since hardly anyone really called him, and he barely used the damn thing anyways. After wiping his hands on a rag, Michael answered.

“Hello?”

“Is this Michael Guerin?”

“And if it is?”

“Then I’d like to introduce myself. I’m Christos Christodoulou, Dean of the School of Engineering here at UNM.”

Michael was stunned. _What did I do for the dean_ _to call me personally?_

Michael cleared his throat. “Well you’ve got Michael Guerin. Hello sir, what can I do for you?”

“Mr. Guerin, I know the holidays are fast approaching and you’ve probably put your first semester classes from your mind, but I’ve been going over your submitted work from all the courses you’d taken this past semester and I noticed some… irregularities that we usually don’t see with new undergraduate students, much less in their first semester.”

“I don’t understand sir. I haven’t plagiarized or falsified any results-”

“No, no, nothing of that sort. I’m referring to some of the conclusions you use when completing assignments. For instance, in your Mechanical Engineering Design midterm, you stated using an Excimer laser to stimulate vortices and calculate the peculiar properties that arise for a Bose-Einstein condensate may result in more visible bosons.”

“Yes sir, I did. Is there something wrong with me stating my hypothesis?”

“Absolutely not. The reason it stood out Mr. Guerin, is that first year college students wouldn’t know that since it isn’t taught in first or second semester courses much less touched upon until perhaps the seventh semester in your degree track. It’s a graduate level hypothesis and one a few chosen grad students are currently working on.”

“Again, Mr. Christodoulou I never stole anyone else’s work. I had no idea there were UNM students working on it.”

“I believe you Mr. Guerin. Truly. I’m simply astonished you knew about it. Have you taken any other college level courses at a community college, trade school or other university in the twelve years since you graduated high school?”

“No sir. Mechanics, physics and the math that explains it all has just always made sense to me.”

“As I suspected. I’d like to tell you about an unconventional idea I’ve been contemplating since I was shown your assignments and work from your professors. I believe your aptitude for the more complex areas of your degree is higher than anyone in the admissions department realized when you decided to enroll. If you’re amiable to it, I’d like you to come to campus and participate in a testing session so the university can more accurately place you in the courses you’ll excel in. It would cover the courses necessary for your current degree path along with additional physics and mathematics subject material. If you do as well as I suspect you can, you may be able to fast-track earning your degree Mr. Guerin.”

Michael stood, stunned. He knew he was smart, even called a genius by Isobel and his AP physics teacher from high school. But what the dean was proposing, Michael didn’t know if flaunting his level of proficiency at math and science reflected that.

“Well sir, not needing to take eight semesters to earn my degree sounds like an incredible opportunity, but I haven’t participated in any sort of rigorous testing like what you’re proposing. I won’t lie, it sounds overwhelming.”

“I understand Mr. Guerin. Please think it over and call me at this number in three days. I won’t lie either and tell you it’ll be fine, in fact I suspect it’ll be more grueling for you since you’ve been away from academia for so long, but I think the benefits of assessing your aptitude now will reap greater rewards in the future. We’d ideally like to get the testing to begin after the first week of the new year. It’ll give us enough time to assess your aptitude and place you in the courses you need while giving the professors enough time to prepare for the new semester. If you decide you’d like to participate in the testing, please know you’ll be set up in a room in the student housing center with a complimentary meal card for the duration and you’ll have the opportunity to meet some of the graduate and doctoral level professors.”

Michael sucked in a breath. That sort of publicity simultaneously thrilled and terrified him. Michael had tried for over a decade to forget about his dream of earning a degree, respect in his future field and a career he loved. His commitments to Max and Isobel had always come first, but the dean was giving Michael the chance to achieve the dream he’d locked away for so long. Michael was torn.

He promised Mr. Christodoulou he call back in three days with an answer. With the silence hanging in the air after he hung up with the dean, Michael stood rooted to the spot and stared at the phone in his hand.

_What hell do I do now?_

**

Michael had seriously debated for two days on if he would take the dean up on his offer. He made another list (pros and cons) to try to help but all it did was get him so anxious over the whole thing that he wanted to drive to the Pony and down a few shots of tequila. Instead he’d talked to his therapist the previous day and was about to drive to Max’s house.

As Michael hopped into his truck, he thought back to his session with Dr. Adermin the day before. Michael had looked at all the possible ways saying either yes or no could impact his life. And since Michael was a pessimist at heart, he wanted to be prepared for all the ways making the decision either way could turn out badly. He’d wanted to get the good doctor’s opinion since Michael was driving himself crazy.

_“Okay Doc, I’ve been going back and forth on an important career decision and I need your help. You’re probably the wisest person I know, and you haven’t steered me in the wrong direction yet. Like Yoda, but you know, real.”_

_“Glowing praise, Michael thank you.”_

_“Anytime Doc.”_

_Michael explained the dean of the engineering department’s idea and what the school was offering him while Dr. Adermin sat with his eyebrows rising with each new detail._

_“So, what I really need is some help figuring out what to do. If I do well on these tests, I don’t want to be paraded around or have people take an interest in me to the point where they’re digging up my past. I don’t even know if having the notoriety would be a good thing.”_

_“Well Michael,” Dr. Adermin said after clearing his throat, “as someone who holds multiple degrees in my field, I can say with some measure of certainty that the opportunity you’ve been given is a rare one. Only a very select few students are capable of catching the university’s attention but they’re usually child or adolescent prodigies. But I can understand where you’re coming from. You are not, in fact, a teenager anymore. You are a fully grown man with a past who, in the eyes of academics, has managed to keep his higher than average intelligence off of any radar. By your admission, you don’t have any higher education courses, nor have you attended any classes for any reason within the past twelve years. I take it you don’t participate in trivia events either?”_

_Michael shook his head._

_“I thought not. I’ve seen people discovered for their impressive knowledge of facts just because they were filmed doing well at trivia contests. But you hold only your high school diploma and while that in itself is an accomplishment, you’ve managed to keep yourself and your most valuable asset hidden away in vehicle engines and motors. I won’t lie to you Michael, showing the world how intelligent you are is scary. You’ll quite possibly lose the anonymity you have, and your life could very well change.”_

_“That’s what I think I’m most afraid of Doc. If I do well, if I show the professors that I understand aerodynamics and quantum mechanics as easily as I understand how to make a sandwich or sweep the floor, then I won’t ever be able to stay just a mechanic in a small town.”_

_“That’s a legitimate reason to be apprehensive. But let me ask you Michael: are you, right now, just a mechanic in a small town or is there, right now, more to who you are?”_

_Michael’s racing thoughts halted. He saw where Dr. Adermin was coming from. Michael was already a genius, already had the capabilities to go farther and make a name for himself. He just lacked the means until he’d received that phone call._

_Michael let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. “I see your point Doc. It won’t really matter if I stay a mechanic because my knowledge and potential are greater than that.”_

_“Exactly. You can decide to stay right where you are, there’s no shame in the life you already have. But you are allowed to want more for yourself. Change is really fucking hard and it takes a lot to remake yourself into an image you can stand to see in the mirror every day. It takes courage to share who you’ve decided to become, and hope people accept you. Deciding to take the risk and jump into the unknown is ultimately a decision you have to determine is worth it.”_

_“What if…” Michael trailed off, unexpectedly nervous about what he wanted to ask, “What if I can’t do it. What if I don’t pass their tests and I fail.”_

_Dr. Adermin, who during their session had been relaxed against the back of his chair, leaned his impressive bulk forward and locked his dark eyes with Michael’s._

_“Michael Guerin, you are_ **not** _a failure. You_ **will** _succeed and you_ **will** _have earned it. I believe that. I believe in_ **you** _. When you get stuck, use our favorite acronym, remember?”_

_Michael was trying to keep himself from blubbering at the earnestness in Dr. Adermin’s tone and the finality with which he spoke. Michael was still an eternal pessimist and hadn’t fully trusted whenever the good doctor told him he believed in him. But Michael decided to finally, for the first time, let himself believe along with Dr. Adermin._

_Michael had to take a few steadying breaths before he could speak again. “Okay, Doc. I hear you. And thank you.” Michael nodded as he wiped at the moisture under his eyes._

_“You’ve already grown so much and as long as you believe it too, you’ll find the happiness you’re looking for. You get to decide what you want for your future. You’ve come so damn far Michael. Keep going.”_

Michael pulled into Max’s driveway and shut off the engine. He had been to Max’s house more often over the last seven months than the previous twelve years combined. Michael had never admitted it to his brother, but he missed the close relationship he and Max used to have before the night Rosa died. Thankfully it hadn’t taken long for them to get back into the habit of opening up and talking.

Michael thought back to when Max had called Michael a few days after CrashCon asking him to come by and Michael hadn’t given it a second thought. He listened for hours to Max talk about the weird visions he’d seen when he’d touched the completed console; about how complex the alien language is and how deciphering it was like trying to shovel snow with chopsticks.

When dusk had settled and Michael and Max were sitting on Max’s patio around the empty fire pit, Michael let his brother talk out the subject Michael knew Max had actually called him over for initially: Liz Ortecho.

_“I know I messed up after all that, but I miss her Michael. I just… I know why she left but I miss her every day. I have to stop myself from jumping in my Jeep and driving to California to see her.”_

_“Trust me brother, I understand that more than you know.”_

_“Shit, Michael, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”_

_“It’s fine Max. I get it, really. You feel guilty for driving her away because you acted like a fucking idiot and you’re feeling like you need to stay away because she deserves better than what you put her through. So, your guilt and self-loathing are fighting with your conscious that rationally tells you that going after her would be a mistake because she wouldn’t have run so damn far if she didn’t need the space from you.”_

_Michael took in a deep breath as he looked out, unseeing, into the fading light and continued in a quieter voice, “And no matter how much you want to stand in front of him and look him in the eyes so he can see how serious you are about choosing a life with him over one without him, you know in your heart that letting go is better because how could he ever love someone so damn messed up...”_

_Michael trailed off, no longer in the desert with his brother, seeing Alex Manes as he was when Michael had first fallen in love with him. Alex’s dark clothes, black nails and nose ring. Alex’s messy hair, lined eyes and shy smile. Michael absently rubbed at his chest when he felt the pangs start, thinking if his seventeen-year old self had been braver, told Alex he’d fallen for him, maybe he and Alex could have left Roswell together._

_But Michael had been too scared after the night Rosa died and let his insecurities rule his judgement that summer. He hadn’t been able to stop Alex from going off to_ **war** _for fuck’s sake. Michael not knowing for ten years if Alex was ever alive. Alex never knowing how Michael survived their decade apart._

_When Michael felt Max’s gentle grip on his arm, Michael blinked and turned his head to look at his brother. Max stared into Michael’s eyes which Michael just realized were welling up. Michael was inclined to believe it was from not blinking for minutes on end and nothing else._

_“Well shit. You’ve been carrying that around all these years. Have you talked to Alex about any of that?”_

_Michael shook his head and turned back to the horizon, surprised to find the sky darkened. “No.”_

_“Why not? I mean, you both must have talked some since you reconnected.”_

_“Not really, not like we_ **need** _to. We usually end up tangled together and avoid talking. We’re disasters at communicating.”_

_Max raised his eyebrows and said, “That’s one way to communicate though, right? Maybe not the healthiest or the way to sort out what needs to be sorted out…”_

_Michael snorted and turned his attention back to Max. “Alex and I… we_ **know** _each other, yet we’re strangers to one another. We’re lovers who have no idea how best to love the other. We’re connected together but not in sync with each other.” Michael let out a sigh and took a sip from his water bottle instead of the beer and bourbon he recently stopped drinking before continuing, “We were getting closer to at least being friends, but when he started dating Forrest, I didn’t think it was fair to try to take any of Alex’s time away from someone I know he could actually have a future with. So, I stepped back.”_

_Michael rubbed his left hand with his right and tried not to think of the love of his life in the arms of another man._

_“Michael,” Max said softly, “maybe if you just talked to him-”_

_“No,” Michael said firmly. He softened his tone before continuing, “Sorry man. I just… I can’t do that to him Max. Alex deserves the world. If this were a sci-fi story, then as an alien, I should be able to take over this world and give it to him, but it’s not. I can’t give Alex what he needs. Hell, I can’t even be_ **who** _he’d need me to be. Maybe someday, but Max, I don’t have any illusions that day will be anytime soon. And I’m really sorry,” Michael paused as he looked into the sad eyes of his brother, as if Max knew what Michael was about to say next, “but I think you may be in a similar boat with Liz.”_

_It was Max’s turn to stare out into the dark desert night before he spoke, “Seriously Michael, how did we so spectacularly fuck up with the people we love most in the world?” Max asked, turning back to Michael, “Do you think it could be because aliens and humans are completely different species? Maybe we’ll never be able to understand them. Maybe we’re just not meant to love them.”_

_Michael saw the panicked look on Max’s face at his own admission, but Michael couldn’t deny he’d thought the same thing during his years of research while missing Alex._

_“I don’t know Max. I wish I had an answer for you, but I just don’t know.”_

_Both brothers looked up at the blue velvet sky and fixed their gazes there until the night turned black._

Michael opened the patio doors and made himself comfortable on Max’s couch. He hadn’t slept much the last two nights and his deadline to give the dean at UNM an answer was fast approaching. Before he made the call, Michael wanted to get his siblings to weigh in on the matter since he’d talked it through with Dr. Adermin the previous day. 

Michael still wasn’t as used to sensing Max and Isobel since he hadn’t been able to do it for as long as they have. It was nice though, to know Isobel was walking up to Max’s door without needing to be told she was coming by. They’d strengthened the bond between the three of them over the past months and Michael could sense the other two more so than he’d ever been able to before. Max had teased that it was better than GPS that they could find one another whenever they needed to.

Michael had been secretly relieved. He never admitted it, but Michael spent his whole life jealous Isobel had been able to link to Max and Max to Isobel ever since they could remember. He didn’t know why they seemed linked and he wasn’t. But since they worked together to build up their abilities, Michael found out he could link to them both too. Isobel and Max had smothered him in a hug when they’d managed it.

Isobel walked in, having clearly come from her self-defense class, and swiftly gave him a kiss to his temple in greeting before heading into Max’s kitchen to make herself a smoothie.

Max finally came ambling out from his bedroom, his shirt sticking to him from his recent shower, and dropped onto the sofa next to Michael before propping his feet up and sinking into the cushions, his eyes closing.

Michael wanted to be able to take advantage of the relaxed atmosphere at Max’s house, but he was still too keyed up.

Michael had sensed the shift in the air and turned to see a water bottle whizzing towards his head. He caught it a second before it could smack him in the forehead. Max wasn’t so lucky.

“Ow! What the hell!” Max rubbed at his head before turning his angry eyes on his sister. “Damn, Iz, what did you do that for?”

Michael was quietly laughing at Max’s petulant tone while Isobel maintained a look of pure innocence and replied, “You boys looked thirsty, so I got you some water. Sorry brother, still working on my aim.”

“Yeah right,” Max grumbled. Michael knew full well that Isobel’s aim when using telekinesis was almost as good as his own thanks to their practice sessions, but he didn’t want to spoil her fun at Max’s expense. The moments when it was just the three of them together were bittersweet for Michael. He loved being included in the fun and the banter, but it was still a reminder that he didn’t get to grow up with Max and Isobel and missed out on it all his life. But he was trying to focus on the fact that he got to be with Max and Isobel now and let the past be, just like his therapist had encouraged.

When Max and Isobel finished bickering, Max turned to Michael and asked, “So what did you want to talk to us about Michael?”

Michael explained the phone call he received two days ago from the dean of the engineering department and the opportunity he proposed. He was met with twin looks of surprise. Since they’d learned that Max and Isobel weren’t biologically related, Michael still couldn’t really believe it. They’d spent so many years as twins that it was harder to believe otherwise.

“Wow, Michael, that’s… why do you look like you’ve just been told Max gave a public tour of your secret bunker?”

“Izzy! Why are you picking on me?” Max whined.

“Because it’s fun,” Isobel replied without missing a beat. “Seriously though, Michael this sounds incredible, but you look worried and not at all excited.”

“Because Iz, I _am_ worried. I talked it through with Dr. Adermin and while he thinks it’s an amazing opportunity for me, but I still think it may be a bad idea. What if I go and I take all their tests and I do really well, and they think I’m some newly found protégé so word spreads throughout academia and suddenly everyone is trying to figure out everything about me. Academics are serious about research. That means not just my past in the foster system and my criminal history being exposed, but the mysterious seven years before we were found wandering the road. Academics are also serious about solving mysteries.”

Michael took in a breath before he continued, “The only good thing about us being separated all those years ago is that no one really knows you both are tied to me, so you both should be safe. Maybe _our_ past won’t come up. But if I do this, I’d be doing it for me and the thought that you and Max could be roped into potential fallout because I acted selfishly, isn’t something I could live with.”

“Oh, Michael,” Isobel said gently as she moved to sit on the coffee table, her knees bumping Michael’s, “I know you taking on the responsibility of keeping us safe hasn’t been easy. In fact, I think you’ve had it hardest of the three of us.”

At Michael’s soft scoff, Isobel grasped Michael’s hands in hers and met his eyes before continuing, “You’ve had to try to figure out your abilities away from us growing up. You didn’t have anyone to talk to who could understand or help. You had to lie to the one person you found you could love about who and what you are. Then, all those years ago, you had to lie again _and again_ when you protected me from Rosa’s murder and Max from Liz leaving. And when Max died,” Isobel blinked at the tears Michael saw gather in her eyes but made no move to wipe away, “you were all I had left. You may not think so, but having you to lean on, it helped me get out of bed in the morning. You, Michael, helped me remember how strong I am because despite everything life threw at you, _you_ still stayed strong.” She gently squeezed his hands.

“I know you would never put us in danger on purpose and I absolutely do not think you finally getting the education you gave up for us all those years ago is selfish. So, I say take the opportunity. You’ve put your life on hold for too long trying to keep Max and I safe and to keep anyone else from finding out about where we came from and what we can do.”

With Isobel still holding both his hands, Michael felt Max’s hand rest on his shoulder.

“Michael, you’ve been protecting us longer than I think you realize. It took a while for the memory to form, but when we came out of those pods you were the one who got Izzy and I up off the ground and led us out of the caves, making sure we were together. When that driver stopped, you pulled us behind you to protect us from someone who was a potential threat. In the group home, you kept Iz and I safe despite not knowing where we were, _who we were,_ or what was going on. You survived alone for years after we were separated, and you protected Izzy and I that night the drifter attacked. You’ve been there for Iz and I when we needed you Michael. You’ve been the glue because Iz and I tend to fall apart without you.”

Max squeezed his shoulder as fixed his no-nonsense stare on Michael. “Now, you get to live your life for _you._ I agree with Iz, go and kick intellectual ass. I’m proud of you brother.”

Max pulled Michael into a hug and Isobel sat herself on Michael’s other side and leaned in, wrapping her arms around them both.

Michael didn’t think he’d ever tire of having the support of his siblings or being the middle of their hugs.

**

Michael just finished his meeting with the always unpleasant Ralph Gibbon.

Mr. Gibbon was the stony-faced bank manager no one in Roswell particularly liked, known as the town curmudgeon in a town _full_ of curmudgeons. Despite the name, First Convenience Bank was a giant hassle and locals usually hated adding running to the bank to their errands list. The local dentist was more popular.

At seventy-one years old, the man could have retired, but Michael secretly thought he stayed working because he enjoyed denying loans and giving people a hard time when they were late for appointments. But he was the only person in town who had an available detached above-garage apartment with separate entrance. Michael had been worried regarding Mr. Gibbon’s lack of popularity around town and generally unpleasant demeanor, but the rent was low enough for Michael and the man seemed indifferent to Michael himself which Michael took as a good thing.

When Michael and Ralph had settled on the agreement details, Michael stood and shook his hand. Mr. Gibbon gave Michael’s hand a disapproving glance before gingerly shaking it and releasing as quickly as was polite.

Michael didn’t take offense, not many people who didn’t work the farms or service jobs in Roswell liked to get their hands dirty and Michael Guerin unapologetically spent his days with oil and dirt under his fingernails.

They’d agreed on January 12th Michael would come by and sign the rental agreement to move in. It gave Michael plenty of time to pack his belongings, retrofit the Airstream into a workshop and head to the UNM campus in Albuquerque to get his testing finished before his classes started on the 23rd and make it back into town.

Michael was feeling hopeful about so many of the life changes he’d made as he drove towards the Crashdown to meet up with Max and Isobel for lunch to tell them the news. Michael was still a pessimist, a trait he personally thought he’d never shake, but even Michael had to admit, things were looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! The story is not even close to being done so I needed to take some time to write more of the next set of chapters. I hope you all enjoy the rest!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has quite an adventure which leads him to a surprising destination...

After Michael dropped his duffel bag and backpack into his passenger seat and said goodbye to his siblings, he made his way to the road and the 200 miles north to Albuquerque.

Max and Isobel knew they could ‘check in’ on him, and vice versa, whenever one of them was being nosy or got concerned, so when Michael told them his departure date before he moved into his apartment, they’d told him to be careful and _call_ if he needed help.

After celebrating the holidays and dealing with Mr. Gibbons and the apartment, outfitting the Airstream to act as his workshop, fitting all his clothes into his duffel, packing his notes and belongings into boxes and dropping them at Isobel’s for safekeeping, Michael made his way to UNM.

He hadn’t been expecting the dean from the School of Engineering to contact him and present Michael with the opportunity to participate in placement testing for his degree, but Michael was looking forward to the challenge.

When he’d finally made the three-hour drive, Michael was surprised to find the campus practically deserted, but the professor offices in the Engineering building were bustling. After Michael cleaned himself up in a restroom on the first floor, he introduced himself to the front desk and found himself swept into a conference room on the third floor that easily held twenty people, all looking curiously at him.

He wondered what the hell he’d gotten himself into.

He’d been introduced to the president of the university, the dean of the college who had contacted him and professors from Michael’s classes and from other departments. It was there he’d been told which subjects they’d wanted to assess Michael’s knowledge of and what the intended schedule would be.

Michael agreed and the exams began.

He’d been tested on his degree courses: Thermodynamics, Computational Mechanics, Microsystem Designs, Aerodynamics, Turbulent Flows and Thermofluids.

Then he’d been tested in Applied Mathematics subjects: Advanced Calculus, Applied Matrix Theory, Differentiable Manifolds and Method of Applied Mathematics.

After an Astrophysics professor had introduced himself at the initial meeting and asked Michael if he’d be willing to complete more physics-related exams, Michael agreed. His last round of assessments included: Concepts of Astrophysics, Electricity and Magnetism, Quantum Mechanics, Electrodynamics, Quantum Optics and Particle Physics.

In between the testing sessions, Michael read countless textbooks and journals and talked to so many professors he was practically vibrating with excitement. He’d never been given the opportunity to showcase his skills before to people who appreciated them academically. And the tests themselves weren’t just Michael with a pencil and paper in a locked room. He’d drafted notes and papers and built models. He’d sketched out diagrams and charts. He’d even been able to use lasers to complete a quantum mechanics experiment. He enjoyed the subjects and even liked the tests the university had for him.

But after the tenth day, Michael was feeling the strain. Michael had put his knowledge and skills to work under extreme pressure a few times in the past, building Max’s pacemaker and the bomb for Helena Ortecho both came to mind. But Michael had never had to put his brain through such rigorous academics in a formal structure before, so when the professors and the university were satisfied he’d completed all the tests, his brain and body were ready to stage a revolt. Especially since Michael had forgone sleep after day nine in order to get everything finished.

Michael planned to head back to Roswell after he was done at the university but before he left the offices to make the drive back, he’d been invited to the dean’s home for dinner at seven that night. His brain had been put through the wringer and Michael had three hours ahead of him on the road, but he wasn’t quite ready to let go of the almost fantasy-like week and a half he’d had. Since the dean lived in the neighborhood only two miles away from campus, Michael left his truck there and walked, enjoying the exercise and the peaceful night air which he felt he hadn’t been able to enjoy since he drove into Albuquerque and began spending his days in labs, libraries and the dorm he’d been staying at.

When he’d arrived, Michael had gotten the opportunity to mingle more with some of the professors who’d been his testing proctors over the sit-down meal and the after-dinner conversations which lasted hours. Michael hadn’t ever felt comfortable talking about his favorite subjects with anyone back in Roswell since almost no one, outside of Liz, shared his interests, so he found himself excited to continue to converse with like-minded academics who seemed to respect his intellect. He was in a great mood when he thanked the dean and his wife for inviting him.

As Michael made his way back to his truck on campus after he’d left the dean’s home a half hour after midnight, he was wrapped up in feeling respected and accomplished, two things Michael had little experience feeling before. He couldn’t wait to go home and tell his friends and Dr. Adermin.

He didn’t notice the shadow or hear the footsteps.

Michael was thrown back into the wall of the building he’d just passed, his head banging hard off of the stone brick. Michael was instantly disoriented and dizzy, so when he was pushed further into an alley, he didn’t put up much of a fight. A fist collided with his left cheekbone and Michael felt his head snap back into the brick, this time his right temple making contact and the increased dizziness made him nauseous. It wasn’t until he felt the tip of a knife held just under his ribs against his skin, thankfully not plunged into his abdomen, that Michael was able to understand what was happening.

A dirty hand was squeezing his throat and foul-smelling breath wafted over his face as Michael heard an angry voice say, “Give me your wallet or I’ll cut you up and leave you for the rats.”

Michael was choking and he couldn’t get enough air in to tell the mugger he didn’t have a wallet or anything of value on him while blood threatened to drip into his eye. Michael had left everything in his truck: his phone, his cash, his laptop and his duffel and backpack. The only thing he had were his keys and his license in his pocket. As Michael struggled to breathe, he couldn’t even clear his head enough to focus on using his abilities, the pain was too much.

Suddenly, the mugger pulled away from Michael with a loud yell as amplified barking filled the air around them. Michael slowly sunk to the filthy asphalt of the alley and tried to keep from vomiting as the world kept spinning and was blurring out of focus.

When his vision cleared a bit, Michael saw two small dogs, their hackles raised as they barked out of the mouth of the alley into the night. The mugger was nowhere to be seen.

Eventually, the dogs stopped barking and they trotted over to where Michael sat slumped against the wall. Both dogs stopped a few feet from Michael’s outstretched arm, and he could see they were puppies. One puppy was a beagle with a small scar over its right eye and the other was a German shepherd with three legs. Since Michael couldn’t move, he left his arm out and palm up, a gesture that he hoped wouldn’t scare the dogs but invite them to approach him.

Michael closed his eyes to focused on his breathing and getting his head to stop pounding; after a while, he finally succeeded. The dizziness faded and he no longer felt as nauseous. When he felt a tickling sensation on his left hand, Michael opened his eyes and saw the German shepherd puppy was licking his fingers. Michael gently petted the dog’s tiny snout and its ears when the puppy moved its head into Michael’s hand. When he felt a nudge on his right side, Michael saw the beagle had made its way over to his knee and began sniffing him.

Michael slowly and carefully extended his right hand and placed it at his knee. The beagle nosed at Michael’s relaxed hand and Michael took that as an invitation to pet it. Michael smiled and slowly guided both dogs to sit on either side of him. The puppies were adorable.

Michael was in no hurry to move, so he kept himself against the wall in the alley and took comfort from the small animals who had protected him.

**

It could have been hours later for all Michael knew (though one was more likely) when he finally made a move to stand. The puppies had stayed with him, so Michael reached down and scooped them up, one tucked under each arm. He stepped out of the alley and made it a block before he saw the sign for Aztec Animal Clinic. Michael looked down at both dogs. They didn’t have tags, but Michael knew some owners had their dogs fitted with a microchip. Not that he knew much about dogs. He’d never had a pet before much less a dog, nor did any friends back home have one.

So, even though it had to be after one, Michael made his way around to the parking lot.

_Damn, it’s not one of those 24-hour ones._

After finding no cars, Michael found the back door and with some telekinetic help with both the lock and the alarm system, brought the puppies inside. He’d been in the lab enough with Kyle and Liz to know what he was looking at with the equipment the clinic had. But animals were not his forte. Michael spotted a book on dog breeds and another on canine anatomy and went to work.

After two hours, Michael had both dogs washed clean of dirt and fleas and gave them some water and food from the open canisters in the back. They were laying on Michael’s jacket that he’d put on the cold metal exam table and watched him read. He quickly discovered neither had a chip implanted. As he figured out how to do a cursory exam of the dogs, he found out the German shepherd was a male and the beagle a female. Both, according to the books and Michael’s estimation, were about four months old. They appeared healthy despite Michael finding them in an alley. He noticed the beagle’s scar was healed, no discoloration indicating infection, and the same with the German shepherd’s missing back leg. Michael deduced both puppies had been taken care of at some point, then likely abandoned.

He felt his heart sink. He could relate.

Michael hadn’t intended to keep both puppies with him, but as he looked at the warm brown eyes of the German shepherd and the hazel eyes of the beagle, Michael knew he would be bringing them home. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he got back to Roswell, but then Michael remembered Alex had a fondness for beagles. He’d see if Alex wanted the dog for his own. He’d figure out specifics for both dogs later.

Michael cleaned up the room and put the books back on the shelf where he’d found them. He made a quick stop to the bathroom where he finally got a look at himself. Blood had dried on the right side of his face and in his hair where his head met the bricks and his throat was sporting thick finger-shaped bruises which were significantly darker than the ones under his eyes from the lack of sleep and grueling schedule over the last ten days. His jeans were covered in dust, dirt and alley unmentionables and his nicest button-down shirt covered with the same plus a tear where the knife had been pressed point-first against his abdomen. Michael sighed and tried to clean up as best he could, but before he got farther than washing his hands again and wiping some of the dried blood from the right side of his face, he heard the whimpers of the puppies through the door. With one last hurried glance in the mirror, fighting off the dejected feeling, Michael stepped out of the bathroom and gathered the dogs.

He’d telekinetically locked the door back up after exiting the clinic before finding a box in the giant recycle bin outside. He put his jacket in the box, placed both dogs inside, then carried them the two miles back to his truck thinking he’d should have driven after all.

**

After making his way to Vaughn to stop for gas and a bag of dog food for the puppies, Michael knew he was halfway home. He watched the sunrise as he made his way south into Roswell, both dogs slumbering in the box buckled to the passenger side of his truck.

Michael felt the exhaustion and stress of the past ten days catch up with him while he struggled to keep his focus on the road. He desperately wanted to pull over and get some rest.

Despite how excited he had been to be at the university and spend days immersed in math and science, the rigorous testing which went over by two days, the last-minute dinner invitation at the dean’s home and conversations with his professors plus the unexpected mugging and taking care of the puppies afterwards had all pushed Michael too close to the time he’d promised to be back in town to meet Mr. Gibbon, his future landlord, to sign his rental agreement before sleeping for the rest of the day. Maybe the next day too.

Michael saw he’d made it into town, _finally,_ and made his way to a house located in one of the town’s residential neighborhoods a few blocks away from the Crashdown. Michael parked his truck and made sure to keep the window of his passenger side up just enough that the puppies couldn’t jump out. Michael slowly made his way to the front door and knocked, trying to breathe through his nose to keep from vomiting into the bushes along the entryway.

“We agreed on six-thirty this morning Mr. Guerin. It is now six forty-seven.”

Michael looked at the stern expression on Mr. Gibbon’s face when he’d answered his door and Michael bit back a retort he knew wouldn’t be appreciated. “I apologize Mr. Gibbon it took me longer to get back from Albuquerque than I anticipated.”

Mr. Gibbon harrumphed, then looked at Michael with intense scrutiny before saying, “I know you’re employed at Sander’s Auto Mr. Guerin, but I would have thought since you came from out of town and not from working a shift for your employer, you wouldn’t look so disheveled. And are those bruises? And _blood?_ ”

Michael had been so focused on making it back to town, alert and vomit-free, that he had completely forgotten about his appearance when he had stopped in the gas station bathroom in Vaughn. Since there hadn’t been any glass left in the mirror frame, Michael didn’t have the reminder of just how badly he must look. But Michael knew from the mirror at the clinic that the bruises on his throat had taken the shape of fingers and that there were still thick red streaks along his hairline. Before Michael could explain any of that though, he heard the barks of both puppies from his truck’s open window.

“Are those _dogs_ Mr. Guerin? I explicitly told you I will not allow animals on my property. You show up late, looking like you’ve gone on a bender. Hungover after drinking and gallivanting around all night, likely getting into a fight too I assume, and with… _two._ There are _two_ dogs in that truck Mr. Guerin. I do not appreciate this.”

Michael was bone tired, his legs wobbly, his head was throbbing and his throat was sore, so he didn’t have a quick enough retort for the man before Mr. Gibbon continued, “If this is how you intend to arrive home every night, I don’t think I can have a tenant with that sort of behavior under my roof, rented or otherwise. I absolutely will not tolerate animals either, as stipulated in the rental agreement you’ve already verbally consented to follow.”

Mr. Gibbon shook his head before Michael could get a word in edgewise, his expression as stony as ever and said, “I don’t think this is going to work Mr. Guerin. I was taking a chance on you to begin with. I’m sorry to say my suspicions have been proven correct, you are not the tenant I want on my property, seeing as you’ve already broken the rental agreement before even signing it. I’ll be shredding the agreement.”

Michael finally got past the initial shock of Mr. Gibbon’s disapproving words and replied, “Look, Mr. Gibbon, I think there’s been-”

“Mr. Guerin, please leave. If you do not get off my property within the next thirty seconds, I’ll call the sheriff.”

The door snapped shut in Michael’s face before he could explain to the man about the last seven hours. But Michael knew the man was serious about calling Sheriff Valenti, so as much as Michael wanted to pound on the door and make Mr. Gibbon listen to him, Michael couldn’t. He suspected the man already had a phone in his hand.

Michael sighed and did the only thing he could think to do. He got into his truck and left. 

**

As Michael drove along the empty road leading out of town, he felt his eyes start to burn.

He’d screwed up. _Again_. He’d gone from feeling respected and admired to feeling like the trailer trash everyone in town saw him as in the span of seven hours and two hundred miles. Michael tightened his grip on the steering wheel and tried to keep the tears from falling, but it didn’t help. Michael pulled his truck into the dirt off the side of the road and tried to keep from shaking, but it seemed the more he tensed, the harder he shook. His vision started to blur and sounds around him seemed to cease except for the pounding in his head which just seemed to get louder. Michael felt like he was about to jump out of his skin.

A small whimper and a wet nose snapped Michael out of the rioting sensations in his body. He looked down through wet eyes and recognized the small brown body of the German shepherd puppy as he carefully laid his head on Michael’s denim-clad thigh. As the wetness left his eyes to stream down his cheeks, Michael locked eyes with the warm brown ones on the puppy’s adorable face. Michael knew jack about dogs, save what he’d read in the clinic, but he could _swear_ the dog looked concerned.

Michael set his hand by the puppy’s tiny head and felt the slightly abrasive wet tongue lick his fingers. At Michael’s garbled chuckle, the puppy lifted up onto his three legs and crawled into Michael’s lap, reached up with his oversized paws to rest against Michael’s chest, and licked at the skin at Michael’s bruised throat. Michael laughed at the tickling sensation and set his hands loosely on both sides of the dog’s tiny body. The puppy hadn’t appeared unsteady in the hours Michael had him, but nonetheless, Michael didn’t want the little guy to fall since he was balanced on one leg in Michael’s lap. It felt unexpectedly good to have the attention of such a small living thing and Michael wanted to hold onto that for a little while more.

Michael looked down at the puppy who had both protected him and comforted him. Michael didn’t know _why_ he was so drawn to the small guy, but he was. Michael read in the clinic’s book about dog breeds that the German shepherd didn’t usually give affection unless they deemed someone worthy of their loyalty. Michael had a sneaking suspicion he had managed to. The pup’s coat was a beautiful mixture of tan and caramel with the color of the fur on his back dark, almost black. The little guy had big pointed ears, the tips which also had fine, black hairs covering them, same on his tail. He had three paws, massive for a puppy, Michael thought fondly, but he knew the dog would grow into them. What endeared Michael most to the dog, though, were his eyes. He had big, warm brown eyes and he was looking at Michael with adoration.

_I’ve seen that look before._

The though ran through Michael’s battered head and stuck. He didn’t think he’d have the courage to admit it out loud, but in that moment, Michael had the sneaking suspicion he knew why he’d already fallen in love with the dog in his lap.

_He reminds me of Alex._

The brown eyes, the black hair, the caramel coloring, the protectiveness and the loyalty. The dog reminded him so strongly of the man he loved.

Michael didn’t know if that was depressing or if it made him want to hug the little dog and never let him go.

_Both. Definitely both._

After the dog stared at Michael’s face for a beat, he must have deemed his cheering up the sad human a success because he let out a happy yip and with his tongue wagging, he settled down against Michael’s leg again, his tail thumping against the seat.

Michael scratched the dog’s head and muttered, “Thank you buddy,” then wiped his eyes and got his truck back on the road.

When Michael pulled up to Alex’s house, he made sure the German shepherd and the beagle stayed inside the truck with the window still down just enough and made his way to Alex’s front door.

Michael knocked, then waited a minute before knocking again. When Michael heard the shuffling of Alex with his crutch behind the door, he took a step back and waited. When Alex opened his door, Michael saw the sleepy look on his face and felt a pang of guilt. But then he remembered the puppies impatiently waiting in the truck, so he met Alex’s bleary gaze and said, “I know I’m here out of the blue, uninvited and super early on a Sunday and I’m sorry if I woke you up but I wanna show you something.”

At Alex’s dumbfounded expression, Michael turned and gingerly made his way back to his truck. He heard Alex follow him into the neat little courtyard as Michael reached into the open window before turning and setting the puppies on the ground, grabbing onto the low wall when he’d went to straighten up. Michael blinked his vision clear, then watched as both dogs explored the front of Alex’s house and immediately started sniffing everything. Alex looked bewildered at the sight but stayed silent. Michael decided sitting was probably his better option, so when he felt a wave of exhaustion hit him, he sank to the ground and rested his head gently against the wall and contemplated the likelihood Alex would let him grab a few hours of sleep right there.

**

Alex didn’t know which was stranger: seeing Michael Guerin at his home at seven in the morning on a Sunday or seeing Michael pull two dogs out of his truck. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Michael with an animal before. The puppies were sniffing around Alex’s courtyard, content to explore. Alex saw them weave around the table and chairs Alex had put out there before watching the beagle make its way over to Alex’s bare left foot and started licking him. Alex felt the tickling sensation and looked down to meet the hazel eyes of the gorgeous puppy looking back at him.

Alex fell immediately in love.

Without wanting to scare the dog, he slowly lowered himself into the chair behind him. The puppy immediately reached up and put its tiny paws on his knee and wagged its tail. Alex let out a chuckle at the sight and slid his hand over to have the adorable pup sniff. It seemed to like him, so he reached down and scooped it up, placing the small puppy in his lap. He began scratching at the dog’s floppy, velvety ears.

It wasn’t until Alex’s vision caught the sight of the small brown puppy before he remembered there was another. Alex saw the German shepherd sniff around his foot before making its way over to where Alex noticed Michael was slumped against the low wall.

On three short legs.

Alex felt a pang at seeing the three-legged dog, but the little thing seemed stable enough.

Alex watched intently as the small puppy nosed at Michael’s arm before hopping into Michael’s lap. As Alex’s hands absentmindedly petted the beagle in his lap, Alex noticed the German shepherd curl protectively over Michael’s legs and Michael rub the puppy’s head. 

Alex’s heart melted a bit at the sight of Michael and the dog together.

Then he looked at Michael, really looked at him and Alex’s concern over the man spiked. He hadn’t noticed it when he’d opened his door, but Michael looked wrecked in dusty boots, stained jeans and a tear in his shirt midway down his chest. He had almost bruise-like shadows under his eyes, his normally messy curls looked out of control and some of them were matted against his head with what Alex recognized as dried blood, and instead of the usual stubble, Alex saw the beginnings of a beard on Michael’s jaw. But Alex could make out _actual_ bruises, one on Michael’s left cheek and more on Michael’s throat that looked very much like finger impressions.

Alex swallowed hard. He desperately wanted to ask Michael where he’d been and what happened to him, but Alex didn’t want to make the clearly exhausted man more uncomfortable.

When Alex had gone to visit Maria at the Wild Pony three days ago, she’d asked if he knew anything about water pumps. At Alex’s blank stare, she’d mentioned that Michael had left town a week ago and with him his handyman skills. Alex was surprised to hear Michael had been gone for a week and was instantly curious as to what made him leave town for so long. Alex had half a mind to reach out to Isobel and Max but decided to attempt to help Maria instead. An hour later, they were both drenched and Alex regretted his decisions to not call Michael’s siblings and to help Maria.

But instead of satisfying his days-long curiosity as to Michael’s whereabouts, Alex asked, “How did you end up with puppies?”

Michael let out a weary sigh before looking at Alex with bloodshot eyes. _What the hell happened to him?_

Alex saw Michael take in a deep breath and said, “They came to my rescue by chasing off the guy who tried to mug me in an alley in Albuquerque.”

Alex’s body went still and the puppy in his lap noticed. It let out a whine, jolting Alex out of his shock and resumed petting the dog’s silky coat. Alex could see Michael was clearly not okay, so Alex knew asking was pointless. Instead he asked, “Are you hurt?”

Michael shrugged before replying “My head bounced off some bricks, so I’ve been battling a headache for a while now.”

Michael kept his eyes looking down at the small dog in his lap. Alex didn’t want to push, but he desperately wanted Michael to tell him what he’d been up to in the ten days since he left town. Alex remembered to tamp down his curiosity before asking, “So, do these two have names?”

Michael, still looking down at the puppy, said, “Not that I could find. They were in an empty alley a block over from a clinic, but these two looked like strays. After the mugger ran off, I stayed in that alley… must have been an hour or so I think. Let the dogs to approach me. Once I could move, I brought them to the clinic. Washed em’ up, gave them some food, checked them over. I didn’t find any tags or chips and they seemed healthy enough after researching with some of the info the clinic had. I found a box, wrapped them in my jacket and brought them with me.”

Alex could tell Michael purposefully skimmed over and left out details from his slightly slurred explanation, but Alex could tell the man was starting to give into his exhaustion. Alex knew Michael wasn’t going to be able to get back in his truck and drive away without falling asleep behind the wheel.

“Guerin?”

“Yeah,” came the gravely reply.

“You look like you’re about to pass out. Come inside?”

Alex saw him weigh the option of desperately needing sleep versus feeling like he would be intruding on Alex, despite the invitation. After a beat, Michael seemed to succumb to his fatigue because he nodded again and said, “Okay.”

Alex gently placed the beagle puppy back onto the ground and carefully stood up from his chair before taking a step over to Michael still slumped against the wall and extended his left hand. Michael looked at it for a beat before scooping the other puppy up and depositing it on the ground.

When Michael’s palm connected with his, Alex felt the warmth Michael always radiated and the light zing of awareness that always ran over his body whenever he felt Michael’s skin against his.

Alex braced himself with his left leg and crutch and together they got Michael off the ground and onto his unsteady feet. Alex, with his hand still grasped with Michael’s, led the man into his house and to the guest bedroom, both puppies off exploring the inside of the house. When Michael moved and released his hand from Alex’s, Alex grasped Michael’s shoulder and said, “Get some sleep. I’d really like to talk when you wake up, so don’t leave. Please?”

Michael’s tired hazel eyes met Alex’s brown ones and he must have seen the sincerity there because he nodded.

Alex nodded back and let go of the man in front of him before stepping out of the doorway. He watched as Michael took a step towards the bed then stop and rub his hand over his face before turning back and walking, albeit slowly, back out of the room shaking his head.

Alex quickly turned to see Michael make his way back to Alex’s front door, unsure of what went through Michael’s head in the last three seconds. Michael must have changed his mind. He’d decided to leave after all. Alex was going to watch Michael walk away and-

“Sorry pups, I forgot about your food. Be right back.”

Alex let out a choppy breath of relief as he saw Michael talking to the dogs then sluggishly making his way back outside to his truck. Before Alex could offer to help, Michael was walking back towards Alex’s open door with a duffel and backpack over one shoulder and a bag of dog food clasped in his arms. Michael stepped through the front door and closed it, leaning back against it and set the bag of dog chow on the floor. Alex stepped towards Michael and slid the duffel and backpack off Michael’s shoulder and onto Alex’s own before gesturing back to the guest room.

While Alex set both bags on the floor by the chest of drawers, Michael sank onto the bed and sluggishly pulled off his boots. Before he succumbed to the pull of sleep, Michael looked up at Alex with his eyes half closed and said, “Thank you.”

Then Michael fell backwards, and Alex had a suspicion Michael was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Alex closed the bedroom door most of the way before stepping back towards the front door and sliding the bag of dog food into the kitchen. He got out one big bowl, filling it with water and two smaller bowls which he filled with food. After bracing against the counter, Alex lowered one after the other to the tile and watched as the dogs happily ate and drank their fill.

Alex made his way to his bedroom and sank down onto the edge of his bed, leaning the crutch against the wall. Before he could get himself lying down again, he heard the gentle yip of one of the dogs and looked down to see the beagle puppy wagging its tail.

As Alex looked at the dog, he finally understood why people called them ‘puppy dog eyes’ and caved. Instead of questioning it, Alex just scooped the puppy up. When Alex was finally settled, the puppy curled up in the space previously occupied by his lower leg and fell asleep. Alex drifted off not far behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Michael. The man can hardly catch a break!
> 
> Okay readers. I need some help. Seriously. If you read this chapter, hopefully you have an insight that you don't mind sharing.
> 
> Normally when I'm doing research for this story, I spend maybe 15 minutes in the internet rabbit hole. I SPEND 90 MINUTES LOOKING AT ADORABLE PUPPY PICTURES AND I REGRET NOTHING! 
> 
> But I've been trying to come up with names for the two puppies in this chapter (spoiler: they stick around) but I've been having some trouble. I want the names to be relevant to the show, the ship or this story.
> 
> I've been thinking of naming the German shepherd dog Tripp for a number of reasons: the little guy is protective of Michael (like Tripp was for Nora), he's loyal (like Alex and Tripp are to their respective beloved aliens) AND the dog has three legs (Tripp earned his nickname by being Eugene Manes III and the three theme seemed to work).
> 
> If you don't like this idea, please share your thoughts.  
> If you like/love this idea, please share your thoughts. 
> 
> I just know I do not want to name the beagle puppy Willow (even though that would be adorable) because Alex already had a lizard in high school he named Willow. And I kinda want to stay away from anything that could be linked to a memory with Forrest since Alex has this puppy in his life because of Michael.
> 
> PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS IN A COMMENT! Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has a souvenir from his attacker

Michael woke up disoriented. He was lying on a bed that was miles better than the one he’d slept on in his trailer over the last decade and more comfortable than the one in the dorm room he’d been staying in at UNM. He was in a plain room with white walls and a tall pine dresser in a corner. Through the open blinds over the window, Michael saw a barren yard in the early evening light which he had to rapidly blink against.

It took another moment for Michael to remember he was at Alex’s house.

_Ohhhh shit. I’m in Alex’s guest bedroom. Ohfuckohfuckohfuck what do I do now?_

Michael quickly sat up as the realization that he’d been asleep for hours hit him. Then instantly regretted it when his ears started ringing.

He gently shook his head, hoping to elevate the ringing and regretted that too. Michael kept his head still and glanced around, seeing his bags sitting at the foot of the dresser. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all much less in his dirty and torn clothes from the night before. Michael slipped off the bed as quietly as he could and stood on shaky legs, his eyes catching on the pillowcase flaked with dried blood. He winced.

_That’s just great. Alex is going to regret letting me crash here once he sees this._

Michael went to scrub his hands over his face but released a harsh hiss when his fingers ran over the sore spot on his right temple while his fingers simultaneously pulled at the tangled, matted mess his blood and hair made. Michael felt a bit unsteady still after getting up from the bed but his sudden attention to his injured head made him unaware of how close he was to the dresser.

Michael let out a curse when his elbow collided with the edge of the tall dresser and he ended up falling, unbalanced, halfway back onto the bed before his hip hit the floor. Michael let out a louder curse when his sore temple smacked the tile and he saw bursts of light against black spots.

Michael groaned, giving up on trying to move. He decided to just lay where he’d fallen and hoped he passed out again.

_At least Alex can’t be mad if I get blood and dirt on his tile. It’s easier to clean._

Michael’s eyes were squeezed closed against the fresh pounding in his head. He wasn’t aware of anything but the ache in his body and the cool tiles he was laying on.

He hadn’t recognized the uneven sound of Alex’s footfalls, only sensed that he wasn’t alone any longer.

“Guerin?”

Michael _really_ didn’t want to move, but he knew Alex would get on the floor with him if Michael didn’t attempt to at least get himself upright again.

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

He didn’t think he sounded convincing at all.

“Michael do you need help getting-”

“Nope,” Michael groaned, using as much energy as he could and pushed against the floor to brace his torso against the edge of the bed frame. As much as Michael promised himself he’d always take any opportunity to drink in the sight of Alex Manes, the throbbing in his head intensified, particularly behind his right eye, keeping both firmly shut. Michael gently lifted his hand to the non-injured side of his face and rubbed, trying to get the pounding and ringing to elevate.

“See? I’m fine.”

“You’re clearly not fine Guerin. Here, I thought you could use this.”

Michael briefly opened his eyes and wished he hadn’t. While the outside sunlight reflected three, maybe even close to four o’clock in the afternoon, it was brighter than even a moment ago, and Michael instinctively shut his eyes again.

“Is that better?” Alex’s gentle tone floated to Michael’s ears. He carefully opened his left eye and blinked when he saw Alex had drawn the blinds closed to block out most of the sunlight. Michael sighed in gratitude.

“That’s definitely better, thanks.”

“Sure.”

Michael saw Alex move until he was standing in front of Michael again. Alex reached up and pulled a bottle off the dresser before handing it to Michael.

Michael froze, then relaxed a tiny fraction when he realized Alex was handing him a bottle of nail polish remover. Michael desperately wanted to snatch the bottle out of Alex’s hands and down the entire thing in one go. But Michael had been doing so well keeping the dependency on acetone to almost non-existent.

“Michael?” Alex asked hesitantly, the bottle still in his outstretched hand. He was giving Michael a curious look when Michael realized he was staring at the bottle and made no move to take it.

“I, uh…” Michael took in a shallow breath. His throat was still sore, and he hadn’t realized how dehydrated he was and that on top of his injuries was what finally propelled his hand to take the bottle from Alex.

“Thanks.”

Alex nodded before sitting at the edge of the bed while Michael slowly unscrewed the cap and thought back to the last time he’d needed to take a swig of acetone.

_“Geez Max, you didn’t need to crack his rib!”_

_“Oh my god, Michael! I am SO sorry! Are you okay?”_

_Michael was clutching his midsection, doubled over on the tile of Max’s house._

_He was grinding his molars together to keep from cursing out his brother, so it took him a moment to respond._

_“You were supposed to place the books onto the shelf, not hurl the shelf into me Max,” Michael said, gritting his teeth from the pain._

_“I am so damn sorry Michael! Telekinesis is harder than it looks.”_

_When Michael glared at Max, he saw the second Max realized what he’d said._

_“Shit! You already know that! I apologize Michael, I really-”_

_Michael waved his free hand to motion for Max to stop talking. Taking in air felt like he was getting stabbed in the lungs with each inhale and Michael was seriously contemplating using his own mastered telekinesis to lob all of Max’s books they’d been practicing with at his brother. But he was in too much pain for that at the moment._

_“Oh, no. Michael, did you puncture a lung? A snorlax, I think Kyle called it?”_

_“Pneumothorax,” Michael ground out at Isobel’s worried tone. He was losing the ability to draw in oxygen, and he wanted to curl up on the floor into the fetal position, but Michael knew the healing touch of Max or Isobel would be coming soon._

_“Right, that’s it. Here, drink this. It’s going to hurt more when it’s getting healed,” Isobel said, uncapping a bottle of nail polish remover._

_Despite needing it, Michael didn’t want to touch it. He’d been toughing out most of his injuries whenever he’d hurt himself at the garage or doing repairs at the Crashdown or Wild Pony, keeping away from acetone. And whenever he’d overtaxed himself during their training sessions, Michael found deep breathing worked, slower than the acetone of course, to keep himself from vomiting._

_But at the moment, Michael wasn’t getting enough air and the seconds were ticking down. He wanted to smack the bottle out of Isobel’s hand and see it land far away from him, but the black spots were dancing around his vision. So, Michael took the bottle from Isobel and after a tiny sip, thrust it back to her._

_At the shocked expression on her face, Michael asked roughly, “Will one of you just heal me, please?”_

_When Max stepped forward and placed his glowing hand at Michael’s side, Michael felt the urge to scream, which he did, and to pass out, which he narrowly avoided._

_Luckily though, only a few seconds passed before Michael felt better. He drew in deep lungfuls of air and the black spots faded. Max and Isobel propped him against the armchair and waited with twin looks of worry etched on their faces._

_“I’m okay. I’m okay. Promise.”_

_Isobel and Max exchanged glances before training their eyes back to Michael._

_“Seriously, I’m good. I appreciate the healing hand brother.”_

_“It was the least he could do considering he used you for target practice.”_

_“Iz, I said I was sorry!”_

_“I know Max,” Michael said, now that he was feeling like himself again. He took Max’s offered hand and let his brother pull him back to his feet. Michael took a much-appreciated deep breath before saying, “But how about we go back to floating pillows though, yeah?”_

Michael had been in a lot of pain during that particular training session with Max and Isobel, more than he was at the moment, he realized. He was just so tired and achy. So, Michael twisted the cap back down and set the bottle by his foot.

“Aren’t you gonna-”

“I really appreciate-”

Michael and Alex started and stopped talking at the same moment before chuckling. Michael’s head was still pounding, and his throat wasn’t happy either, but he didn’t want to risk not hearing Alex laugh so he held in his groan at the pain.

“Sorry, you go first.”

“I really appreciate you letting me crash here Alex. I apologize for your sheets though. I was so out of it I didn’t think to… I apparently only managed to take off my boots before passing out.”

Alex shook his head and replied, “It’s fine Michael, they’ll get washed and it’ll be like you were never here.”

Michael felt that familiar stabbing pain in his chest again which had nothing to do with the rest of his injuries.

_Right. Never here. I’m intruding. Time’s up Guerin. Get out of here before you do something stupid like beg Alex to want you and love you again._

His body protesting, Michael steeled his spine against the aches and pounding head and levered himself off the bed to lean against the dresser, putting as much distance between himself and where Alex was sitting on the bed as he could (he’d only moved about a foot but that was enough for Michael) without getting up and walking or worse, crawling. As demeaning an option as it was, Michael wasn’t above doing it.

He squinted against the blurry edges of his vision, trying to quickly search for his boots and without looking at Alex said in the most even tone he could manage, “Speaking of, I should really get out of your hair. Thanks again for… well, just, thanks.”

Michael spotted his boots and with more concentration than he’d used since he was eight, clumsily floated them to his side before moving to pull on the first. His body protested louder at the movement but as he always did, Michael pushed his hurt aside and focused on his task.

“Michael, where are you going?” Alex asked. Michael didn’t know if he was imagining the elevated level of Alex’s voice, but he did know he couldn’t stay any longer. His long-time companion rejection was back and as much as Michael wanted to ignore it, he knew it was nipping at his heels.

“Gotta get going. The dog is yours if you want. I know you like beagles.” Michael kept his eyes trained on his boots and his flagging energy on trying to get his foot into one. He head was still pounding, his vision kept blurring and Michael was fairly certain his temple was likely sporting a fresh bruise from meeting the tile, adding to the one from the impact with the wall from that morning. He finally managed to get his sock-covered toes to land partially inside the boot, but it took more out of him than he realized.

_You’ve been through worse. Focus. Put on boots, grab the bags, get into the truck. Simple tasks. One at a time. Just like always._

Michael took in a deep breath through his nose and tried to focus on sliding his foot further into his boot with minimal success.

“You’re leaving?”

Michael glanced up, only letting his eyes land on Alex’s knee before looking back down again. “Yup. I’ve got a lot to do and I already wasted most of the day here.”

“But-”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your Sunday plans so I should get going before… um, so you can get back to them.” Michael couldn’t bring himself to say Forrest Long’s name out loud.

Michael breathed out a quiet sigh of relief when his toes touched the inside sole of his boot.

_Almost got the one, just need the other._

“Plans? What?” Alex sounded confused but Michael didn’t look away from his boots again.

“No. Michael, stop.” At Alex’s sharp tone Michael stopped his slow movements at the command.

“This morning, I told you to get some sleep and that I’d really like to talk when you woke up. I asked you to stay and you agreed. Do you remember that?”

Michael snapped his head up so fast to look at Alex that the back of his head, which had banged off the brick when the mugger first shoved him into that building in the early hours of the day, collided with the sturdy dresser.

He felt dizzy and nauseated again and started tilting over. His ears started ringing louder than before, so he didn’t hear Alex’s yell, only felt two hands on his shoulders, steadying him, keeping him from greeting the tiles for the second time. Michael closed his eyes at how good it felt to have Alex’s hands on his body and Alex’s comforting sandalwood scent filling his senses. He felt his back meet the dresser again and a familiar hand pass through his curls to keep his head from taking any more hard knocks against walls, floors or furniture.

“Michael?” He heard Alex call his name desperately.

“Hmm?”

“Michael, are you with me?”

“Yu-s,” Michael responded with his eyes still closed, feeling more drowsy than he expected after waking up from almost nine solid hours asleep. When his arms fell limply at his sides and his legs felt like noodles, it almost seemed like his body was falling back asleep before his brain did.

“Michael, what do you remember about this morning? Come on, Michael, I really need you to answer me.” Alex’s panicked tone was barely piercing the fogginess in his brain.

Michael blinked his eyes open and tried to get his fuzzy mind to cooperate. He didn’t like it when Alex frowned. The man had a beautiful smile.

“Missss y’ur smile. Iss the bess ’mile in the whole u-universe and I’m fromm the un-verse so I can sayy tthat,” Michael managed to slur out.

“Oh, Michael,” Alex breathed. Michael closed his eyes again.

“Michael,” Alex said urgently, this time gently shaking his shoulders.

“Hmm?”

“This morning, what do you remember?”

Michael felt a nudge at his side and fur run under his fingers before the whine of a puppy reached his ears passed the ringing. Michael opened his left eye, his right eyelid felt too heavy to lift, and glanced down to see the German shepherd dog curl against his thigh. Michael slowly lifted the only two fingers that would move to run them over the dog’s big, soft ears.

“Mmm, alley, doggs, clin-nic, Gib-on, pup ’mines me of A-lex, but woke himm up…”

Michael trailed off, his head feeling like it weighed twenty pounds.

“Shit, _shit!_ Michael, try to stay with me, okay?”

Michael heard Alex’s voice, but it faded to the background as he lost consciousness.

**

_This cannot be good._

When Alex heard Michael up and literally banging around in his guest bedroom, he had been relieved. Alex had been waiting for hours to be able to talk to Michael. But when he heard the thud and groans, Alex quickly shut his book, grabbed the bottle of nail polish remover from his coffee table and made his way to the bedroom door in seconds.

Seeing Michael sprawled on the floor, unmoving, made Alex freeze before he noticed Michael’s back was moving.

Alex heard Michael’s garbled response then let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding when Michael unconvincingly said he didn’t need help before pushing himself off the floor to lean against the bed.

Michael looked _terrible._ His skin was pale, his eyes squeezed shut, tension along his whole body, his hands shaking as they rubbed against his ear on the side of his head without the bruise or the dried blood.

When Alex saw Michael flinch against the light of the room, Alex crossed to the blinds and shut them most of the way.

Michael seemed to appreciate the lack of light, so Alex made his way back to the dresser and grabbed the bottle he’d placed there, holding it out to Michael.

Michael had stared at the bottle without moving.

Alex was confused. Michael Guerin, weekly at least, drank bourbon with an acetone chaser and avoided hangovers. Alex had seen Michael down three bottles of acetone, one after the other, driving back from Caulfield. So, when Michael still made no move to take the bottle from Alex, he called his name, unable to keep the worry from his voice.

“Michael?”

He’d eventually taken it from Alex, but seemed lost in thought as he very slowly started to remove the cap.

Alex really thought he needed it. Despite the fact that the guy was clearly in pain and not at his best, he was still the most beautiful man Alex had ever met. So, Alex went to go sit on the bed beside Michael’s spot on the floor. But that seemed to snap Michael out of whatever daze he was in because he screwed the cap back on and put the bottle down without taking a single sip.

Alex was even more confused. Since learning about Michael, Max and Isobel’s ability to use acetone as the equivalent of Advil (in smaller doses) or oxycontin (in larger doses) Alex had made it a point to pay more attention to Michael’s habits whenever they were in close proximity. But Michael refusing to even take a sip of what Alex knew would alleviate some of the pain he was in, was new to Alex.

Then Alex remembered, he hadn’t _been_ in Michael’s proximity in months with the exception of the three hours they spend together that fateful Wednesday.

“Aren’t you gonna-”

“I really appreciate-”

Michael and Alex started and stopped talking at the same moment before chuckling. Alex hadn’t been so near to Michael in two months, closer to ten weeks actually, but it still felt natural to laugh with Michael. After all, hearing Michael laugh was Alex’s second favorite ‘Michael-ism’.

But after Michael thanked him for letting him stay and apologized for ruining the sheets, Michael shut down. Alex was trying to figure out what made Michael suddenly go from laughing and grinning to stony-faced and trying to leave. Alex didn’t get very far.

Michael said something about Alex keeping the beagle puppy, but Alex couldn’t keep his panic from rising as he watched Michael struggle to put on his boot. Alex didn’t understand, Michael had agreed to stay after he woke up, but Michael was getting paler and he kept trying to leave.

It wasn’t until Alex mentioned his promise from that morning, wondering if Michael had been too exhausted to remember, that Michael’s eyes finally met Alex’s before Alex heard a hard smack.

Then Alex watched as Michael’s body appeared to no longer be controlled by his brain as his torso started to slide towards the tile and his limbs went limp. Alex had yelled out and lunged forward to keep Michael’s head from meeting another hard surface by firmly grabbing his shoulders. When Alex finally got Michael upright, he’d carded his fingers through the soft, messy curls on the uninjured left side of Michael’s head and kept them moving in a soothing motion he hoped Michael could feel.

Michael hadn’t moved and Alex felt his anxiety spike. He desperately called Michael’s name, trying to get Michael to talk to him, but he started slurring his speech and his eyes, when they finally opened again, were unfocused. Alex was getting more worried by the second.

“Missss y’ur smile. Iss the bess ’mile in the whole u-universe and I’m fromm the un-verse so I can sayy tthat.”

Despite the slurred words, Alex felt that warm shimmering sensation in his chest. Honestly, was there any wonder Alex was hopelessly in love with the man?

Alex fought the urge to pull Michael into his arms and hold him since Michael was clearly about to pass out. Alex tried again to get Michael talking about what he remembered from the morning when the little German shepherd puppy made its way to Michael’s side and stayed there.

“Mmm, alley, doggs, clin-nic, Gib-on, pup ’mines me of A-lex, but woke himm up…”

Alex had been trying to follow Michael’s garbled words, but it took Alex a second to figure out what Michael was talking about.

Suddenly, Michael’s head slumped forward, and Michael appeared to have finally passed out.

“Shit, _shit!_ Michael, try to stay with me, okay?”

It was no use. The man was out cold. Alex moved the hand that was holding up Michael by his shoulder to reach into his pocket and dialed the number of the first person he could think of.

“Kyle! Thank god you answered! I need your help!”

“Alex, what’s going on? Are you hurt?”

Alex took in a shaky breath. He could see Michael’s chest moving and Alex’s thumb reached down to the base of Michael’s jaw to rest against Michael’s pulse. Alex briefly recalled his panic attack from over two months ago and how the steady beat of Michael’s heartbeat got him through it. It was having the same effect now.

“No,” Alex responded, a touch calmer, “I’m okay, but Michael showed up at my house this morning with two stray dogs looking like he’d been in a fucking street fight or something. He’s exhausted, his clothes are ripped and dirty, he’s got bruises on his face and throat like someone punched him then tried to choke him. He’d been bleeding by his right temple too. He only just woke up after sleeping for almost nine hours, but he knocked his head on the floor and again on the dresser and has been unsteady and sluggish for the past ten minutes and then passed out. What do I do?”

“Okay, well, we’re definitely talking more later about Michael showing up at your house at, geez, _seven in the morning on a Sunday_ , with dogs of all things. For now, though, let’s focus on Michael. This next bit is _really_ important Alex. It seems like there’s a lot of them, but after each one, I need you to tell me if you’ve seen or noticed Michael experiencing any of the following symptoms, okay?”

Alex felt his panic spike at the thought of Michael having _symptoms._ As far as he knew Michael had never needed to use that word before. “Okay,” Alex agreed in a small voice.

“Headache?”

“Yes, he told me he had one when he showed up.”

“Ringing in the ears?”

“I think so since I saw him rubbing at his ear not ten minutes ago.”

“Nausea?”

“He hadn’t mentioned feeling sick.”

“So, he probably hasn’t vomited then.”

“Not since he’s been here.”

“Dizziness?”

“I think so, but he didn’t say as much.”

“Clumsiness?”

“For Michael? Yes.”

“I assume yes to drowsiness?”

“Yes.”

“Sensitivity to light or noise?”

Alex glanced back towards the closed blinds, his worry increasing. “Yes.”

“Dazed appearance?”

“For sure, yes."

“Blurry vision?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?”

“Any fluid or blood draining from his nose or ears?”

“Jesus, no! Christ Kyle, how many more are there?!”

“Almost done Alex, promise. Confusion, forgetfulness or amnesia of the last twelve hours?”

Alex exhaled a shaky breath and replied, “Yes, yes, and yes.”

“Slurred speech or delayed response to questions?”

“Yes, to both.”

“Weakness in his arms or legs?”

“I think that’s how he ended up banging his head on the floor before I came in to check on him after he woke up. Definitely weakness in his arms though.” Alex recalled Michael’s uncoordinated struggle to put on his boot.

“Loss of consciousness lasting longer than 30 seconds?”

“He’s been out for almost two minutes!”

“Then in my professional opinion, it appears that Michael has a concussion. You said he hit his head on the floor and a dresser?”

“Yes. Those were from the last ten minutes or so though. When he showed up, all he would say was he was almost mugged in Albuquerque and said his head bounced off of brick which is why he had a headache when I first saw him this morning. But that was hours ago. I can see blood by his temple and there’s blood in his hair at the back of his head, both dried so I assume from the attack this morning. The bruise forming at his temple under the blood must have been when he woke up just now and when he hit his head against the dresser, it was the back of it that made contact with it.”

“Concussions symptoms can manifest over the course of hours and days even, but if he knocked his head around hard, shit _four times_ at least, I’m not surprised he’s presenting the majority of the symptoms.”

“Oh god! Should I not have let him sleep? Isn’t that a thing? Not letting people with a concussion fall asleep?”

“Alex!” Kyle’s sharp tone pulled Alex’s concentration back to his phone and away from the spiral of panicky thoughts. “I get you’re worried, but you need to calm down. No, it’s no longer considered crucial to keep a person with a concussion from falling asleep. When Michael showed up at your house this morning, he was alert. He was even able to hold a conversation when he woke up, yes?”

Alex murmured, “Yes.”

“That’s good. Now, because of the repeated trauma to his head within the last eighteen hours I’d guess, Michael will need to be closely monitored in case his symptoms worsen since I’m confident he’s got a moderate concussion. Unfortunately, I can’t have you bring him to the hospital for a head CT, so you’ll need to watch him to make sure he improves naturally, which he might and quickly given his… _genetics_. And if you can’t, then I’ll call Max or Isobel.”

“NO!” Alex shouted. He hadn’t meant to yell, but the thought of letting Michael out of his sight was one Alex refused to entertain. He didn’t care if he was being selfish wanting to look after Michael himself. Michael would probably be better off in the care of his siblings, but Alex wasn’t going to let the man he loved out of his sight.

“Sorry Kyle. I’ll be fine looking after him myself.”

Alex heard Kyle’s gentle tone as he said, “Alright Alex. Just keep him hydrated, make sure he takes his… _medicine_ , and when he wakes up, get him to talk to you about what he’s feeling, okay?”

“I fully intend to have that conversation with him, trust me,” Alex said with certainty.

He’d been waiting for the opportunity to talk to Michael about so many things for weeks, months even if he was honest with himself. It was why Alex had asked Michael not to leave that morning. Alex just hoped Michael was ready to talk to him.

“Thanks, Kyle. I appreciate it.”

“No problem. But I’ve got less than five minutes to finish my lunch before I need to make it to a surgery. Text me with updates on Michael.”

“Will do, man. Thanks again.”

Alex ended the call and shoved his phone back into his pocket. Michael still hadn’t regained consciousness and Alex debated on whether or not to move him back to the bed or wake him. Michael desperately needed a shower to get rid of the blood in his hair and some clean clothes, but Alex seriously doubted his ability to maneuver an unconscious Michael into a shower by himself. Alex didn’t even want to risk jostling Michael to get him out of his dirty clothes. So, the bed would have to do.

Alex braced both legs on the floor as he leaned forward to grab under Michael’s arms. Alex winced as Michael’s head fell further forward unsupported but let out a breath of relief when Michael’s forehead landed softly against Alex’s chest. Alex heaved Michael’s upper body up until he had Michael’s head resting against his shoulder and Alex’s arms slid down to wrap around Michael’s waist.

Alex shoved away the thought of how much he missed having Michael in his arms when he saw the back of Michael’s collar was discolored by dried blood. Alex carefully placed a hand against the back of Michael’s head and lightly pressed before removing it to see if any fresh blood covered his fingers. When they came back clean, Alex moved them again and again along the back of Michael’s skull. Again, and again his fingers came up free of blood.

Alex let out a relieved sigh.

Then Alex gently reclined on the bed and rolled with Michael until Michael’s back was against the sheets. Alex stayed pressed against him for a moment, resisting the urge to cuddle up to the warmth he’d severely missed.

Alex gently slid away from Michael on a sigh and stood before bending to pull of the boot Michael had managed to get partially on his foot, then grasped both of Michael’s feet and rotated him until Michael lay fully on the bed. Alex grabbed the pillow with the dried blood and flipped it over before cradling Michael’s abused head and lifting it to slide the fresh side of the pillow under it.

Alex moved an errant curl from out of Michael’s closed eyes and before he could stop himself, leaned down and placed a featherlight kiss to the soft spot between Michael’s eyebrows.

When Alex pulled back, Michael was still slumbering. He heard a soft whine and turned his attention to the small German shepherd puppy who had placed itself at Alex’s foot, its eyes trained to the bed it was too small yet to jump on.

Alex felt his heart squeeze and scooped up the abandoned bottle of nail polish remover and the whimpering puppy, bringing the small dog to his chest.

“Hey there pupper. He’s going to be okay. I promise.”

The dog let out a quiet yip and licked Alex’s nose briefly before wriggling in Alex’s arms. Alex placed the dog on the bed and watched as the puppy made its way on its three legs to the empty space between Michael’s right arm and his side before curling into the spot and laying its head over Michael’s wrist.

Alex didn’t think he’d ever been more jealous that the dog could go where Alex couldn’t.

Alex pushed the feeling away and looked down again at the love of his life before stepping out of the room and making his way to the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a comment last chapter, you're all amazing!  
> If you are reading this story at all, you're amazing too!
> 
> For those of you who thought this chapter would have the epic talk Michael and Alex NEED to have, there's still more story to tell until they get there. So enjoy these next chapters until then!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex takes care of Michael and the two spend some time together.

Alex didn’t know how long Michael would be asleep for this time, but Kyle did say he’d need to be monitored for at least a day. Alex flatly refused to call any of their friends to come over and spend all of the next day looking after Michael while Alex went into work. So, instead, Alex pulled out his phone and made a different call.

Since being stationed in Roswell and earning his rank of Captain, Alex had expected Major Elias Hunt to be a carbon copy of his father. So, Alex was shocked to say the least when after only two days under the Major’s command and while they were walking together on base, Alex witnessed the man himself stop to intervene on behalf of an Airman First Class on the receiving end of a loud, homophobic rant from a Staff Sergeant in full view of nearly every on-site officer and those who were headed off base after their shifts. When Major Hunt made his presence known, every single Airman and military personnel snapped to attention.

_Major Hunt stood silently for a moment, making sure each and every person was giving him their full and undivided attention before he addressed them._

_“I want it understood, here, now, that ANY form of discrimination from ANY officer or Airman will be met with disciplinary action on this base! There is no longer any tolerance for behavior or verbiage that demeans, belittles or humiliates any one of us. We are not just Airmen and women. We are_ **human** _. I expect every single ranking officer under my command to eradicate any and all forms of discrimination within their own command structure. If I catch so much as a derogatory whisper: racial, sexual, ethnic, religious or otherwise, whomsoever decided to go against my orders_ **will** _be met with a most unpleasant reality check.”_

_Major Hunt’s tone was as unyielding as carbon steel as he addressed every military person at attention._

_Alex stood, unsure if he was even breathing, captivated by the boldness of such a high-ranking officer._

_There were always murmurs of changing the toxic atmosphere the United States military had created for the soldiers under any branch, of making certain behaviors and language prohibited in order to evolve with the rapidly growing tolerance the rest of the country was moving towards. But Alex had never, not once, heard any commanding officer so publicly and so brazenly make those changes and expect others to as well._

_“The United States armed forces have a long legacy of integrity, honor, valor, and courage among other core values we all should strive to achieve no matter which branch you serve under.”_

_Major Hunt’s tone was a touch gentler but no less authoritative when he next said, “The United States armed forces also has a long legacy of conditioning recruits to the extreme to become emotionless soldiers, stamping out what makes each individual unique in order to become a more effective weapon in defending our nation. Using harsh and demeaning methods to make us feel like who we are is inferior to our cause._

_“Those tactics which have been in place for generations are difficult to break and harder to evolve from, but I personally chose to believe that the Declaration of Independence, the document which gave the founding fathers the platform to build this country, said it best: that all men were created equal. And that ideal is never more true than it is today.”_

_Alex could tell his and every single individual’s attention was firmly fixed on Major Hunt, astounded by what they were hearing from the highest-ranking officer most would ever meet in their careers. Alex wanted to let out a whoop of excitement at what the Major was saying, but he knew the importance of what he was witnessing was too great to allow himself to utter a single sound._

_“So, I expect each and every Airman and each and every military member to adhere to the new normal from here on out and present yourselves with the decorum befitting the insignia you wear. And I demand, as Major of this base, that every single individual is met with the respect they have the right to as a human being on this planet.”_

_Major Hunt squared his shoulders and exuded more of a commanding presence then he had only moments before, his unyielding tone back, and said with finality, “If any officer stationed on this base has a problem with how I expect each and every one of you to behave while under my command, I expect to see you in my office by the end of the week.”_

_Alex’s eyes jumped from one face to the next, curious about how his fellow Airmen and women had taken to Major Hunt’s words. He saw a few clenched jaws, but for the most part, Alex saw respect clear as day._

_Until his eyes landed on his father. Alex saw his father’s arms twitch, an indicator that he was clenching his fists. Alex had seen that tick more times than he could count but his father’s arctic gaze was trained on the Airman First Class. It was an angry, accusatory stare. And Alex knew, if Jesse Manes had been given permission to speak freely, the Airman First Class would have been shredded to bits for being the cause of one of the Majors of the Air Force to publicly denounce the ideals his father took to heart._

_Then Alex saw that arctic stare latch into him, and Alex saw it turn icier. His father was never particularly private about his disdain of Alex, even going so far as to try to discredit any attempts for Alex to rise in the ranks. But Alex’s decades-long dealings with his father had given Alex the upper hand and, coincidentally, a higher rank than his._

_That combined with Alex’s sexuality caused his father’s disdain to turn to hatred. Alex wouldn’t be surprised if Jesse Manes had the twisted idea that Alex put the Major up to his impassioned speech. A ridiculous thought, but one Alex would bet money was racing through his father’s head as his gaze never left Alex’s._

_When Major Hunt released everyone from attention, Alex stayed still, knowing the game his father loved to play. Alex couldn’t keep the tiny smirk from his face when Jesse Manes and two other NCO Sergeants were personally dismissed by Major Hunt, forcing his father to break eye contact first._

_Alex kept his eyes on his father’s retreating back until Major Hunt came to stand next to Alex again._

_“So, Captain, I take it that’s your father?”_

_Alex nodded, still unsure if the Major would hold his parentage against him or not._

_“Well, that’s a damn shame.”_

_Alex held his breath. He had secretly kept his fingers crossed that his new commanding officer would prove to be of a different mindset than all the others he’d had over his time in the Air Force._

_“I have a feeling though, in your case, that when the apple fell, it grew legs and ran as far from the rotting tree as it could get. Would I be right?”_

_Alex exhaled in a rush and turned his surprised eyes to his commanding officer and replied honestly, “One of those legs is cased in titanium to help it along, but yes. Doesn’t seem like I got very far though.”_

_Alex saw the brief flicker of sympathy before Major Hunt replied, “There’s some truth to that saying, ‘keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer’. I expect you subscribe to that?”_

_“Yes, sir, I do.”_

_“Thought as much. Tell me more about yourself Captain. I have a feeling being stationed here in Roswell is going to be more interesting than I originally had anticipated with you under my command.”_

“Hunt.”

“Major.”

“Manes, why are you calling me on a Sunday evening while the 49'ers are about to kick the Bengals in the spots?”

“Sorry sir, I apologize for calling you at home, but I have a situation.”

“What’s going on?”

“I won’t be on base tomorrow. I have a family emergency.”

Alex heard the commotion on the other end and waited for his commanding officer to speak.

“A family emergency? Are your brothers alright?”

“My brothers are fine sir, it’s-”

_“Levi! Stop that! We don’t waste popcorn in this house young man! Eric, Raymond, didn’t you tell your son pillows are for throwing at the tv, not delicious buttery kernels of happiness?”_

Alex stifled his laughter as he heard his commanding officer reprimand his nephew.

“Sorry about that Alex, I’m only now finding out that my twin brother and his husband allow their child– _no, Levi, don’t feed it to the dog! Don’t give me that look, you angelic troublemaker. I don’t care how adorable you are._ ”

Alex was biting his knuckles to keep from busting out laughing as he heard more of the conversation in the background.

_“Raymond, what do you mean this is the first time he’s trying popcorn? Eric told me he loves it! That’s why I sent you the big box of almost fifty packets from Costco!”_

_“Elias, Levi only just turned four. The pediatrician warned against kids eating popcorn or nuts before they’re four years old because those foods are a choking hazard.”_

_“So, your husband lied to me? Urgh! I can’t look at his traitorous face.”_

Alex heard booming laughter from the other end of the phone.

_“Best not look in a mirror then brother!”_

Alex had to put his phone on mute while he let loose his laughter at the antics his commanding officer and his family were up to.

Alex had counted himself lucky he worked under a man with a sense of humor and a strong moral and ethical compass with a penchant for fairness, tolerance and justice.

“Sincerest apologies, Alex. You were saying?”

Alex wiped his face, cleared his throat and unmuted his phone before replying, “Right, my brothers are fine as far as I know. My family emergency is for my…” Alex hesitated.

Major Elias Hunt always kept the chain of command while in uniform and on base, but Alex felt more of a friendship with the man than Alex expected, so Alex had no reservations about concealing his sexuality from the man not long after his emboldened speech during his first days running the base.

Alex’s hesitation was because he wasn’t sure what to refer to Michael as. For Alex, he’d meant what he said in earnest to Michael at Caulfield so many months ago. Michael was Alex’s family. But Alex wanted Michael to be more than that and to have the honor of calling Michael his to everyone. They just weren’t there yet.

“Alex? Are you there?”

“Sorry sir, yes I’m still here.”

“Is it your boyfriend? Is he okay?”

Alex swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. He hadn’t heard anyone refer to Michael as Alex’s boyfriend so simply before, but Alex couldn’t help how elated he felt to hear it.

“He has a moderate concussion and his doctor said he needs to be monitored closely for the next twenty-four hours so I need to be home with him tomorrow in case his condition worsens.”

“Alright, I’ll let your team know. Concussions are nasty and unpredictable injuries, so I hope Michael feels better soon.”

Alex choked on air.

When he finally managed to clear his throat, he sputtered, “How-how did you know-?”

“His name is on the emergency contact forms you updated a few weeks ago. As your CO, I’m privy to that information in case something happens to you.”

Alex shot a worried glance towards the hallway where Michael was hopefully still asleep.

When Alex had been informed he needed to update his emergency contact information last month, Alex had laid out all of his options. He had never had the freedom to choose who was called if something happened to him, since his father had taken that control away, his attempt to keep Alex under his thumb. Alex thought back to waking up in the hospital in Germany after the explosion that had taken his leg and seeing his father staring down at him with a dispassionate look on his face.

So, he debated between Kyle, Maria, Rosa, Liz and Greg. There was no way he was putting down Flint or Clay. Then he systematically ran through his options and eliminated the illogical choices.

Kyle would be best option since he was a doctor, but he had little to no control over his schedule and was usually hard to reach by phone if he was on shift; Alex would need to be lucky and catch Kyle at a rare, free moment for Kyle to answer his personal phone.

Maria was usually working at the bar where it was loud and noisy, especially at night. She’d be unlikely to hear her phone ring during the bar’s open hours and less likely to answer if she was sleeping during the day.

Rosa was still legally dead, so having Rosa on the military’s radar was unwise.

Liz was another good option except she’d been so focused with putting her life together over the past months that Alex didn’t know if he could rely on her to drop everything and come rushing if he needed her. Especially when since she’d been splitting her time between California and Roswell. Not that Alex blamed her. After how the past year and a half had gone for Liz, he could understand why she was taking the time to figure her life out for herself.

Which left Alex with Greg. Alex trusted his brother, but Greg lived hours away on the reservation. Geographically, Greg was not an ideal choice. Alex understood that plenty of people’s closest living relatives were not necessarily close by, but Alex wanted to make sure that if he needed to have his emergency contact called, they would be able to reach him in minutes.

When Alex had realized he’d eliminated all of the names he’d had, he went with the first name his brain supplied. So, Alex wrote down Michael Guerin.

After he filled in Michael’s number, Alex hesitated at the next line but ultimately went with his instincts and put for relationship: boyfriend. Hopefully if Michael ever was called, that bit could grant him access to Alex instead of the generic ‘friend’ which seemed to get _no one_ past hospital nurses.

Alex knew full well that even though he and Michael hadn’t really connected in months, Alex could always count on Michael to be there when Alex really needed him.

Alex cleared his throat and replied to his CO, “Right. Yes. Thank you sir, I appreciate it.”

“No problem Alex. I’ll see you Tuesday.”

Alex glanced at the hallway again and sighed before turning his attention to the contents of his pantry and refrigerator.

**

Michael woke up disoriented. He didn’t recognize where he was or how he’d gotten there. He couldn’t place the bare white walls and sparse furniture for a brief moment until he remembered he was at Alex’s house.

Michael sat up slowly and blinked against the muted ringing in his ears.

He gently shook his head, but immediately stopped when he felt the dull throbbing start. Michael kept his head still and glanced down at the space between his knees after sliding them over the edge of the bed and planting his feet on the tile. He saw his bags and spotted one of his boots next to his duffel, the other by the head of the bed. Michael frowned in confusion. He may be untidy, but Michael never flung his shoes haphazardly around.

When Michael’s eyes landed on his stained jeans he winced. He hadn’t meant to crash in Alex’s guest room after knocking on Alex’s door, much less in his dirty and torn clothes from the night before. Michael pulled his soiled shirt away from his chest and ran a finger along the rip.

_I feel disgusting._

Michael felt a bit unsteady still, swaying slightly as he sat upright on the bed, but thankfully not nauseated. Michael went to scrub his hands over his face but released a harsh hiss when his fingers ran over the sore spot on his right temple while his fingers became tangled in the matted mess his blood and hair made.

Michael froze.

He was experiencing the strongest déjà vu as he slowly lowered his hands from his head. Michael carefully glanced over his shoulder and saw the blinds mostly closed over the window before turning and facing the tall dresser.

Michael’s headache was staring up again, but flashes of movement and snippets of spoken words were filtering through his sore brain. When Michael’s right hand brushed against the pillow at his side, Michael hesitantly flipped it over. When he saw the dried blood stuck in the pillowcase’s fibers, it all came rushing back.

Michael groaned as he remembered waking up before, falling and smacking his head against the tile, Alex coming in, the nail polish remover, Michael trying to leave and finally knocking his head against the dresser before everything went fuzzy again.

_Well shit. I’ve been here practically all day. I was supposed to meet…_

Right. He didn’t _have_ a potential landlord anymore. Michael squeezed his eyes shut as the events from early in the morning came back to him next. Michael wanted desperately to curl back onto the bed and never get up again when he was once again caught under the onslaught of emotions he’d experienced over the course of the day.

From feeling elated at that dinner, helpless during the mugger attacking him, determined to push through the pain and sore head and drive back into town, the humiliation at Mr. Gibbon dismissing him, feeling worthless as he drove to the only place he could think of with two dogs in tow, and finally the hurt when Michael had awoken earlier and remembered Alex’s jab about the sheets and the itch of rejection when Michael knew he needed to leave before being told he wasn’t wanted.

But underneath the emotional baggage Michael was feeling, Michael knew he was missing something important.

The high-pitched barking pulled Michael’s attention back to his surroundings. Michael looked down and saw the German shepherd puppy was wagging his tail and happily panting as the little guy braced his huge front paws on Michael’s jeans and let out an excited yip.

Michael couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he reached down and scooped the dog against his chest. Michael laughed as the pup licked his jaw and cheeks, clearly happy to see him. Michael was rapidly becoming attached to the endless affection the dog seemed to have for him and pushed away the sad thought that Michael couldn’t remember experiencing anything like it before.

After being in therapy for months, Michael knew logically the people in his life loved him. Knew from the brief moment seeing his mom before she died that she did, too. But _knowing_ he’d at one time been given affection freely and openly, and actually _experiencing_ it now were two different things.

When the German shepherd licked Michael’s nose, Michael giggled and scratched behind the dog’s soft ears. His headache had receded to the dull throbbing, thankfully, but Michael suddenly became aware of the tantalizing scents coming from a different part of the house and his stomach rumbled loudly.

Michael didn’t really want to let the puppy go, but when he remembered how he’d fallen earlier after getting up from the bed, Michael knew he’d need both hands to keep him steady in case his balance was still off. So, Michael set the small dog back on the tile and slowly stood.

His legs seemed to be more sturdy, but Michael still felt shaky. He didn’t know if that was because his body was still sore, his brain wasn’t at full capacity, or because Michael suddenly realized he hadn’t eaten anything since the dinner at the dean’s house, probably close to twenty-four hours ago now.

Michael followed the puppy out of the room and into a hallway before turning into Alex’s kitchen.

Michael braced himself against the entryway partially because his legs threatened to turn back into pudding, partially because Michael’s eyes were fixed on a rare sight: Alex, sweaty and shirtless, track pants slung low on his waist drinking water like he’d been deprived of it for days.

Michael’s still felt like one giant bruise, but he couldn’t stop the arousal shoot through his blood or his body from responding to the sight of Alex looking like he’d stepped out of one of Michael’s favorite fantasies. He would have kept his eyes trained to the beads of sweat that trailed from Alex’s hairline down over the corded muscle of Alex’s chest and farther if the beagle puppy Michael hadn’t seen in hours hadn’t let out a high-pitched bark, causing Alex’s chocolate brown eyes to land on Michael.

Michael knew immediately he’d been caught, but it was Alex, so Michael kept looking.

Only when he heard Alex deliberately clear his throat did Michael raise his eyes to Alex’s amused ones.

“It’s good to see you on your feet Michael, but you’re looking a little flushed.”

Michael smirked and even though his brain felt like an over-squeezed stress ball, flirting with Alex was never something Michael could resist. “I think you need to get your air conditioner fixed. It must be hot in here if I’m flushed and you’re shirtless and sweating all over your kitchen Alex.”

Michael grinned at Alex’s snort of amusement. Taking the opportunity to make Alex laugh was something Michael refused to pass up.

“Honestly, though, Guerin,” Alex started as his face turned more serious, “how are you feeling?”

Michael felt the lightness from a moment ago turn heavy again as his focus was turned back to his aching body. He sagged a bit more against the doorframe and lifted his tired eyes meet Alex’s concerned gaze.

“I feel like my brain is two sizes too big for my skull, by body feels like I went a few rounds in the ring with a boxer named Thunder and I think I smell like I rolled around in garbage, which actually _could_ be accurate since I have no idea what I landed on in that dark alley.”

Michael saw Alex’s expression soften. “I won’t lie, you still look like hell and while you don’t smell like a dumpster, you definitely don’t smell like rain. Come on, let’s get you into a shower.”

Michael watched as Alex bent down to scratch at the beagle puppy’s ears and led both dogs outside before striding towards Michael and the hallway behind him. Michael had to close both hands into fists to keep his fingers from accidently brushing against any part of Alex as he walked by. Michael discreetly inhaled Alex’s sandalwood scent tinged with salt and tried to keep his body upright for a whole other reason.

But Michael forced himself to move, following Alex to the guest room where he’d slept the day away. Alex reached down and placed Michael’s duffel on the bed.

“I’ll grab some towels, why don’t you get whatever clean clothes you need.”

Michael murmured in agreement and began riffling through his duffel. Michael hadn’t done laundry during his days at UNM, but Isobel had insisted he’d washed all of his clothes before packing them in his duffel when he left for Albuquerque, and Michael was grateful she had. Michael entire wardrobe consisted of about two weeks’ worth of clothes and it all fit into his duffel. Finding his last few pieces of clean clothing, sweats, briefs, socks and a t-shirt, proved easy enough, but Michael sighed, knowing he’d have to wash everything again and soon. He looked down at what were once his nicest clothes, now stained and ripped just like the rest of what he had in his bag and Michael couldn’t help feeling that, as far as he’d come trying to get his life together, he still fell short. He now officially didn’t own pants without holes and that though made him feel more dejected.

_Dirty, disheveled, homeless but at least not quite penniless this time._

Michael let out a deeper sigh. As much as he wanted to wallow in a pity party, he didn’t want to put off the chance to take a much-needed shower while he had access to one. Knowing he needed to add finding a place to live back to his to-do list, Michael turned with his clean clothes in hand and walked down the hallway to where Alex was standing in front of a closed door. 

Michael expected to see a bathroom but was confused when Alex opened the door to reveal Alex’s bedroom. Michael’s confusion morphed to curiosity when he took in the sight of Alex’s sparsely decorated, all-white room and stepped inside. The room itself was spacious, but the more Michael noticed was _not_ in the room, the bigger it seemed.

Directly to Michael’s right was a wide-set single door and a set of double doors further down along the wall. But Michael’s attention was immediately drawn to the large bay window framed by walnut grilles which practically stretched from one end of the wall to the other directly opposite from the door, overlooking the unlandscaped backyard. The space where people normally built a bench to run under the bay windows was empty, with room enough for a small couch and a table by Michael’s estimate.

Alex had his mattress and box spring against the center of the far wall with two basic nightstands on either side, a plain lamp nestled against a phone charger and Alex’s spare liner resting the one closest to the bedroom door. The wall supporting the entrance to what was clearly the master bedroom of the house was free of furniture or decoration.

Michael knew Alex had only gotten the house a year or so ago, but Michael wouldn’t know that just from looking at the bedroom. It seemed the living room and kitchen were the only places Alex had decided to put any of his personality into.

Michael was distracted once he realized that he was standing in _Alex’s room,_ and therefore didn’t notice Alex had disappeared through the double doors. Michael’s attention snapped back when he saw Alex emerge from what must be the closet, carrying a set of clean clothes atop the fresh towels he’d pulled from the linen closet in the hallway.

Michael knew his head had taken several hard knocks over the course of the day, but he was having trouble grappling why Alex would lead Michael into his room, only for Alex to lead Michael out again and to a guest bathroom. But before Michael could ask Alex anything, Alex opened the single door to Michael’s immediate right and gestured for Michael to follow him in.

Michael’s jaw dropped when he stepped into Alex’s bathroom. “Woah. Alex, did you redo the bathroom when you moved in?” Michael asked, his eyes taking in all the details.

“Are you kidding? I lucked out with this house. Turns out, the previous owners were disabled veterans too and had the whole house remodeled to be more accessible. The doors are wider to accommodate wheelchairs, the counters in the kitchen and both bathrooms aren’t ridiculously high and they even redid the floor plan so the whole house is more open instead of walls everywhere.”

“Yeah, but this _bathroom_. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been so impressed with a bathroom in my life,” Michael admitted.

Alex chuckled and replied, “That was the reaction I had too when the realtor showed me the house. If she had only shown me this room, I would have bought the house on this space alone. The design is awesome. The floors are a matte finish and the mosaic pattern is designed to reduce slipping for my foot and crutches. Having the john right between the door and a sink makes it easy to get in and out when I need to. And having one counter with a sink on each side of the room allows for two people to have their own space instead of sharing, which gets crowded. The material of the countertop helps too, because no matter where you turn there’s sturdy honed marble so if I were to lose my balance, the countertop isn’t glossy, and my hands are more likely to grip it instead of sliding off. Plus, building the cabinets into the walls above the sink accommodates for a wheelchair and I don’t have to crouch down all the time.”

Alex moved a bit farther in. “But I think the shower is my favorite.”

Michael watched as Alex stepped towards the farthest wall from the doorway which was completely dominated by the biggest walk-in shower Michael had ever seen. The shower had its own alcove, covered in wide, brown sandy tiles to match the dark browns and tan colors throughout the rest of the bathroom. Two waist-high walls with mounted glass partitions reaching to the lowered ceiling of the alcove flanked a wide opening where the mosaic design on the bathroom floor met the textured pattern of the shower flooring. There was no curtain to trip over or glass doors to move out of the way to get in and out of the alcove. And the shower itself had multiple systems mounted on opposite sides of the huge space and a tile-covered bench which ran the length of the alcove wall. Grab bars were installed against the shower tile every few feet and matched the bronze of the rest of the bathroom fixtures.

Michael watched as Alex dropped his clean clothes on the counter to the left and moved to the low wall there, folding down the lower half of a teak bench to suspend over a cushioned bathmat. He sat with a sigh and said, “This was the only thing I added. It helps to have a spot to take off my leg before I get into the shower and when I need to sit to towel off afterwards. You can set your stuff on the other counter if you want.”

Michael gripped his clothes tighter in his hands as he realized Alex intended for Michael to use his bathroom. Michael’s thoughts were racing, and he had to crush the small wisp of hope that wrapped around his heart at the prospect of _sharing_ the impressive space _together._

Michael cleared his suddenly dry throat and asked, “Um, but, here?”

At Alex’s confused head tilt, Michael tried again. “I mean, I can use your other bathroom so you can shower off too. Unless,” Michael tried to clear his parched throat again with little success, “there isn’t another bathroom?”

Alex seemed to understand what Michael himself was unable to say and replied, “There are four bedrooms and two additional guest bathrooms in this house, but those have a tub and shower combo which you will _not_ be using since they’re hazardous to get in and out of in your condition.”

At Michael’s confusion, Alex continued, “Michael, you woke up a few hours ago from a much-needed nap but you hit your head, twice, in the span of about ten minutes. Do you remember that?”

Michael made a move to nod before remembering his head didn’t appreciate the gesture and replied, “Yes.”

“Well, turns out those two knocks to your skull plus the two I suspect you received in Albuquerque add up to a moderate concussion.”

Alex continued at Michael’s shocked expression. “I called Kyle because you were unsteady, your movements were shaky and clumsy, your pupils were dilated and unfocused, you were slurring your words and you couldn’t remember what had happened nine hours previously before passing out on me. So, Kyle diagnosed you over the phone. And since your concussion is more than a mild one, you need someone to look after you to make sure you don’t get worse.”

“Worse?” Michael asked, his voice cracking.

“Yeah, vomiting, your limbs giving out on you, fluid or blood coming out of your nose or ears. It can definitely get worse. Also, you could get so dizzy you knock your head _again_ and you absolutely _do not_ need that happening since we can’t exactly take you to a hospital to get checked out.”

Michael looked at the floor, embarrassed Alex had seen him like that. “I’m really sorry Alex. I didn’t know-”

Alex waved his hand and said, “I know it isn’t the best feeling in the world when you realize you need to rely on someone to take care of you because you couldn’t take care of yourself. I get it Michael, honest. But I’m just glad you came here, and you aren’t lying in a ditch somewhere along the side of the road.”

Michael hadn’t thought of that. He’d spent close to five hours alone, three of them behind the wheel of his truck that morning and if he had ended up succumbing to his injuries during that time, he probably would be exactly where Alex said.

“Thank you for letting me crash here and for looking out for me. I just… thanks.”

“Hey,” Alex said gently as Michael dropped his gaze to the floor again. He heard Alex stand and before Michael could move, Alex in his shirtless glory was directly in front of Michael. He was still feeling ashamed that Alex had to take care of him at all. Usually Michael took care of himself and historically, not well. But for the man Michael had been pining after for over a decade to see him at a low point made Michael feel about two inches tall.

“Hey,” Alex said again in a near murmur, this time gently touching Michael’s jaw. At the slight pressure, Michael allowed Alex to maneuver his face up to meet Alex’s and Michael wanted to fall into the warm chocolate depths of Alex’s eyes and never leave.

Michael knew he should step away; being in such close proximity to the love of his life had a tendency to make any good judgement Michael had fly out of a window. But his head still hurt, and Alex had a knack for making Michael feel better.

When those fingers against his jaw skimmed down to Michael’s chin, Alex’s voice was almost a whisper when he said, “I’m always going to look out for you Michael.”

Michael swallowed and kept his eyes locked on Alex’s. He wanted desperately to feel the press of Alex’s soft lips against his, but Michael had to tamp down that urge. He’d been doing so well by keeping a physical distance from Alex and Michael didn’t want to ruin the last eight months of progress he’d made exercising self-control all within the span of a second by kissing Alex. So, Michael did the last thing he wanted to do in that moment.

He broke the delicate spell created by their shared, heated gaze when he reached up and rubbed at his left eyebrow.

The motion seemed to do the trick because Alex shifted and Michael could hear Alex’s tone take on a more serious one when he said, “Since your concussion puts you at a fall risk, I don’t want to go too far, so I can wait out in the bedroom while you shower in here but the door has to stay open and you need to make a lot of noise so I know you haven’t passed out in here.”

Michael thought he deserved a medal for all the self-control and restraint he’d shown towards Alex in the last day alone, but apparently he was a hell-bent on punishing himself instead because the next words out of Michael’s mouth were ripped straight from his deepest desires and Michael was helpless to stop them.

“Stay with me.”

Michael saw Alex’s eyes widen and Michael rushed to correct his blurted words.

“If you don’t mind staying. In here. With me. That way you won’t have to worry if I fall or something.”

Michael watched as a myriad of emotions played out over Alex’s face before he settled on a neutral expression. “If you’re sure?”

Michael nodded before wincing at the movement. But it seemed to firm Alex’s resolve. “Alright. I’ll sit while you use the shower, then we can switch since I need to take one too.”

Michael bit back the flirty retort that Alex could join him; the shower was massive enough for four people so for two would be plenty roomy. But Michael caught a whiff from his shirt and decided he wanted to get clean _now._

As Alex settled on his bench, his eyes trained on the phone he’d pulled out of his pocket, Michael gave the man one last glance before making his way to the counter on the right side of the room and setting his clean clothes there.

Michael reached for his ripped and stained button-down shirt, then hesitated for a moment before relaxing.

_It’s just Alex. He’s seen you naked before._

He tensed again.

_But Alex was single those times._

Michael swallowed past the lump in his throat then grimaced when the movement stung and Michael looked up into a mirror for the first time since almost three o’clock that morning.

His red-rimmed eyes looked sunken and shadowed. The bruises around his throat looked darker, from the reddish color they had been that morning to a deep purple. His temple looked a shade or two lighter, but it didn’t hurt any less. The bruise on his left cheekbone was probably the lightest shade, but that too was purple. The dried blood from his hairline had flaked off and landed in his eyebrows and the crevices around his nose, even in his longer-than-normal facial hair.

Michael hurriedly pulled off his shirt, his eyes landing to the mark just under his ribs. He delicately outlined the thin cut which had thankfully scabbed over and remembered the blade digging into his side and the fear he felt at being helpless.

Michael pulled his hand away from his side and shut those thoughts down. Dr. Adermin had taught Michael that when emotions and dark memories threatened to overwhelm him, to find a way to ground himself. So, Michael flex his hands, almost dropping the ruined shirt he hadn’t realized was still in his grip.

When he spotted the collar, his stomach churned unpleasantly. The back of Michael’s shirt was stained with the rusted color of dried blood. The collar had been completely saturated, and Michael surmised it had been from the first impact with the brick walls of that random building.

Michael must have made a noise because Alex’s head jerked up to meet Michael’s eyes in the mirror before staring down at the shirt in his hand.

“I saw that earlier and thought your head smacking the dresser had done that, but I think it was from the attack in the alley because I checked and there wasn’t fresh blood on the dresser or you.”

Michael tried to keep his voice level, but he sounded scared to himself even when he said, “I didn’t even know I was bleeding. It just felt like my brain was hammering against my skull.”

Michael kept his eyes trained on Alex as he moved to stand behind Michael, but still within his sights in the mirror.

“Do you mind if I check the wound? I didn’t really get a chance to earlier. It’ll need to be treated too, after it gets cleaned.”

Michael agreed and felt Alex’s gentle touch against the back of his head. He hissed when Alex’s fingers touched a particularly sensitive spot but tried to keep still. His headache hadn’t gone away since he’d woke up this latest time, and he still felt weak and unsteady, so Michael focused on gripping the counter and keeping himself upright.

“Well, good news is it isn’t too deep, just scraped up pretty good. It’s scabbed over now though. It’s actually smaller than I expected since I can see it bled a lot, but head wounds tend to bleed more.”

Michael felt the pads of Alex’s fingers rub lightly against the skin over his ears as he said, “I mean, I’m biased, but don’t ever cut your hair Michael. Seems like that was what kept your scalp safe from the bricks ripping into your skin.”

Michael let out a snort of laughter then winced.

“Turn around and let me check the front wound too.”

Michael braced himself for facing Alex again. He inhaled and slowly turned.

Alex immediately stepped closer, but this time his expression was clinical even as his touch was gentle. Michael closed his eyes, feeling those careful fingers separate the curls at his hairline and lightly skim over the bruised skin at his temple.

When Michael felt Alex’s hands drop and Alex moved back a step, Michael opened his eyes and saw Alex’s eyes taking a cursory glance over all of Michael’s injuries. Then Alex’s eyes went downwards, and Michael knew the moment Alex spotted the cut on his abdomen because his whole body tensed.

“It’s just a scratch, really,” Michael said in an attempt to alleviate the tension that seemed to hold Alex’s body in a tight grip. Alex’s furious brown eyes met Michael’s before he reached out a hand towards Michael’s ribs, then hesitated. Michael saw the fury morph into hesitance, so Michael shifted forwards and Alex’s touch was once again gently exploring the injuries along Michael’s skin.

Michael wished his inner turmoil could be smoothed over as easily as the outer hurts. But while it was widely accepted that actions spoke louder than words, Michael knew he and Alex need the words to be just as loud.

That conversation would have to wait a little longer though. Michael needed to have a clearer head when he and Alex finally talked, and he didn’t think his battered brain was able to handle just how much they needed to sort through.

“Come on Michael,” Alex began, “let’s get you into the shower.”

As Alex walked back to the other side of the bathroom to give him some space to undress, Michael leaned back to brace himself on the counter and clumsily fumbled with his belt buckle then unbuttoned his jeans with trembling hands. Michael had needed to add another hole to his belt when he discovered all his pants were looser on him and his belt needed to be tighter.

If he needed another plus in the pros column for cutting out alcohol, a trimmer waist from lack of beer was one he’d gladly add.

All his clothes seemed to be at least a size too big though. His jeans did fall right down his legs these days, but at the moment, Michael was just glad he didn’t have to bend over to get them off. His briefs though needed a little nudging, but again, Michael didn’t have to risk bending over. As he toed off his socks, Michael reached out and grabbed onto the low wall by the right counter and followed it to the open entrance to Alex’s shower. Michael was so focused on the possibility of getting clean, he missed the slack jaw and stunned expression Alex was sporting as his eyes traced the firm and toned muscles of Michael’s body.

When Michael reached the complicated system mounted on the wall, he took a minute to figure out which knob and which switch would get him hot water. When he finally figured it out, water poured down from the overhead rain fixture and Michael felt the heat hit his shoulders and he relaxed. He reached out for a grab bar to steady himself under the spray and stood for a moment, letting himself feel the hot water warm the rest of him.

When Michael felt ready, he eased his head under the water and winced as it made contact with his scrapes and bruises. Michael reached his other hand for his soap and froze.

_Son of a bitch! I forgot my soap in my bag._

Michael wanted to cry at the thought of leaving the warm water to retrieve his soap but would definitely need it because Michael was getting _clean._

Michael brought his hand to wipe at the water in his face and push back his dripping hair, careful not to touch his bruises, and stepped out of the water pouring from the ceiling. He shut off the water and slowly made his way back to the low wall to grab a towel.

Alex, who must have sat back down on his teak bench while Michael had started the water, shot a confused look in Michael’s direction.

“There’s no way you’re done already. That was less than a minute.”

“Forgot my soap,” Michael mumbled as he looked for the towel.

“Michael,” Alex said in a soft voice, “just use mine. It’s on this side though.” Alex was pointing to the water system on the opposite wall from where Michael was. And sure enough, now that he was looking, Michael could see the bottles lining the inset shelves on the opposite wall from where he’d been standing. The right wall’s shelves were empty.

“Um… it’s okay, I have-”

“Michael,” Alex said, using the commanding tone Michael rarely heard Alex use outside of his uniform.

“Just turn on the water over here and use whatever you need. There’s no reason to walk already wet through the house to get your soap when there’s some right there.”

Michael looked down at the tiles and back to where Alex was sitting. “But if I turn on the water on this side, won’t it be harder for you because the floor will already be wet for when you take your own shower?”

Michael saw Alex’s features soften. “I appreciate the thought Michael, really, but I’ll be okay. Just use this side. Please?”

Michael saw the earnest look on Alex’s face and muttered, “Okay.”

Michael carefully crossed to the water fixtures on the side behind Alex and turned on the same settings he’d had before. Michael hesitated, but ultimately grabbed the bottle of body wash, flipped the cap, and tried not to seem like a creeper as he inhaled.

The scent of sandalwood wafted over his senses and Michael felt himself harden when he realized he’d be walking around smelling like Alex until his next shower. Michael smiled, and after squeezing out the gel wash, began lathering his body.

Michael got to his upper thighs before he remembered that if he bent lower he would get dizzy and likely fall over and he really didn’t want to worry Alex.

Then Michael spotted the tiled bench that ran along the length of the long wall and carefully lowered himself to sit down to finish washing his legs and feet. After stepping back under the overhead spray and rinsing clean, Michael had the shampoo in his hands and carefully scrubbed at his scalp. He managed okay, even though he flinched each time his fingers tangled into his curls. But when he rinsed the shampoo and went to add conditioner, tugging the comb though his knotted hair made his head pound harder. By the time he reached the back of his head, Michael was swearing.

“For fuck’s sake. _Ouch!_ ”

“You okay in there Guerin?” came Alex’s concerned voice on the other side of the glass. Michael grumbled before responding, “Yeah, but your comb is evil Alex. It’s trying to pull out all my hair.”

Michael heard the soft chuckle through the fall of the water and tried not to yelp when the comb teeth dug into his scrapes too hard. He really didn’t want to open the scabs and bleed all over one of the last clean shirts he had left.

When Michael was all finished, he poked his head out of the water stream and asked, “Should I shut this off or keep it going for you?”

Alex had stood up and was holding out a towel to Michael when he replied, “Just leave it running. I put some ointment on the counter by your clothes for you.”

“Thank you.”

As Michael grasped the towel to wrap around his waist, he noticed Alex had taken off his leg and _everything else._

Michael quickly averted his eyes and moved to the low wall opposite of where Alex was standing, holding onto a grab bar, so Alex could get though.

As Michael made it to the counter where he’d put his clothes, he watched as Alex moved from bar to bar to stand under the rain head.

Michael’s throat went dry.

_Stop being creepy and let the man shower in peace!_

But Michael couldn’t help one last appreciative glance at the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, toned body and flexing muscles on display as Alex washed his hair. Michael sighed to himself and ignored the spike of lust and rush of longing as he unwrapped the towel from around his waist and began the long process of drying his curly hair.

By the time his hair was damp, the rest of him was dry enough to pull on his clothes. Michael was still feeling wobbly, so he braced his hand against the counter and carefully stepped into his briefs and sweats. He was tempted to just go around in one and forgo the other, but Michael was in Alex’s home, not his own. So he struggled with this bottoms before bracing against the counter and slipping on his shirt. His socks would have to wait.

Michael uncapped the ointment and applied a generous amount to the cut at his hairline and reached around to carefully put some on the skin covered by his hair, flinching when he missed at the first attempt. Once he was done with his head and face, Michael lifted his shirt and covered the thin scab with ointment as well.

After he’d recapped the tube, Michael he heard the water shut off and found himself debating his latest problem: getting his soiled clothes off the floor without being forced down there himself by gravity.

Michael’s hands were trembling now, but he absolutely did not want to leave his gross clothes lying on Alex’s bathroom floor. As Michael debated the best way to retrieve them, he decided it was best to just throw them out. He didn’t like the thought of throwing away any of his clothes since he didn’t have many and they were usually sporting some rip or stain, but he didn’t particularly want the reminder of that dark alley any more than he already did.

Michael kicked over everything into a pile and with one hand on the counter, slowly lowered himself to the tile. His head protested, but Michael just needed to unloop his belt and empty his pants pockets before he put the clothes into a pile on the counter to take outside to toss.

When Michael was done and made a move to get off the floor, he felt a sudden bout of dizziness halfway up and began to fall back down.

But two strong arms caught him almost immediately and Michael felt a firm chest at his back.

“Woah, I’ve got you.”

Michael relaxed into Alex’s hold on him and wondered the likelihood Alex would let him stay right there in Alex’s arms, forever.

_Unlikely since he’s not single, dumbass._

Michael tightened his grip on the counter and focused on getting his shaky legs to support his weight. When he managed it after a beat, Michael felt Alex move with him, until Michael was upright again.

Michael bit back the groan at the loss of warmth at his back and rapidly blinked the momentary blurriness away.

“Are you good to walk?”

Michael was tempted to say no just to feel Alex’s arms around him again, but Michael banished the selfish thought and replied, “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for catching me.”

“Always, Michael. Besides, I was already dressed, just waiting for you. If you’re hungry, I’ve got soup in the kitchen.”

Michael warmed at Alex’s words, but tried to keep his composure. When he raised his eyes to Alex’s, his stomach let loose a loud rumble. Alex’s eyes crinkled in amusement and said, “Thought so. Come on.”

Michael gathered his smelly, ruined clothes and pocketed his keys, license, gas station receipt, belt and clean socks and followed Alex out of the bathroom.

**

The last thirty minutes had been torturous for Alex. But being tantalized by all the different parts that made up Michael Guerin was nothing Alex hadn’t survived before.

After seeing Michael standing in his kitchen doorway, clearly checking him out, Alex wasn’t sure if his pounding heart was from the three-mile run he’d taken on his treadmill or from the heated gaze of the man he loved.

_Both. Definitely both._

Alex couldn’t help flirting with the man and was not surprised that even in Michael’s condition, he reciprocated. But remembering Michael’s concussion, Alex made sure to keep his focus on how Michael was feeling. Alex wanted to avoid a repeat of when Michael had woken up earlier, so he knew he needed to tread carefully. 

When Michael had looked down at himself in disgust, Alex knew getting Michael cleaned up was a priority. They could both use a shower.

So, Alex led Michael into his own bathroom after stopping at his linen closet. Alex really didn’t want to risk Michael climbing in and out of a tub with no grab bars to shower when he was still so unsteady on his feet. Alex hadn’t given it a second thought, just grabbed his own clothes from his closet and opened the bathroom door.

Alex had bought his house over a year ago, but it had taken almost half that time to get used to his awesome bathroom.

Alex knew most people would find his fascination with that particular room strange, but those people probably never had to maneuver in one that was not totally accessible for those like him with disabilities. Alex had sent his realtor a personal thank you note after the sale went through and the house was officially his. He’d even asked she forward the one he’d written to the former homeowners. Having some of the most difficult tasks he had to deal with day to day made significantly less of a hassle, had greatly reduced his stress levels.

The look on Michael’s face was priceless when he saw Alex’s setup. And Alex wasted no time telling him about its many cool features.

Alex folded out his teak bench and sat down, needing to get off of his leg for a few minutes. He’d ran a mile more than he’d originally planned. But Michael’s look of awe was quickly replaced with hesitance when he realized Alex had intended for Michael to use his own shower instead of one of the other bathrooms.

“Michael, you woke up a few hours ago from a much-needed nap but you hit your head, twice in the span of about ten minutes. Do you remember that?”

Michael made a move to nod, but instead said, “Yes.”

“Well, turns out those two knocks to your skull plus the two I suspect you received in Albuquerque add up to a moderate concussion.”

Michael looked shocked so Alex filled Michael in on what had happened after he passed out.

“I called Kyle because you were unsteady, your movements were shaky and clumsy, your pupils were dilated and unfocused, you were slurring your words and you couldn’t remember what had happened nine hours previously before passing out on me. So, Kyle diagnosed you over the phone. And since your concussion is more than a mild one, you need someone to look after you to make sure you don’t get worse.”

“Worse?” Michael asked, his voice cracking.

“Yeah, vomiting, your limbs giving out on you, fluid or blood coming out of your nose or ears. It can definitely get worse. Also, you could get so dizzy you knock your head _again_ and you absolutely _do not_ need that happening since we can’t exactly take you to a hospital to get checked out.”

Michael trained his eyes to the floor and flushed with what Alex could clearly see was embarrassment. “I’m really sorry Alex. I didn’t know-”

Alex was quick to reassure him he had nothing to feel embarrassed about.

“I know it isn’t the best feeling in the world when you realize you need to rely on someone to take care of you because you couldn’t take care of yourself. I get it Michael, honest. But I’m just glad you came here, and you aren’t lying in a ditch somewhere along the side of the road.”

The thought of Michael unconscious on a random stretch of desert, alone, had Alex’s body tensing. Alex didn’t want the image of Michael’s truck stuck upside down in a ditch or slammed against a rock outcropping. He wasn’t totally sure _why_ Michael had ended up knocking on his door that morning, but Alex was just grateful he had.

“Thank you for letting me crash here and for looking out for me. I just… thanks.”

“Hey,” Alex said gently when he saw Michael drop his gaze to the floor again. Alex knew Michael was likely stuck in his head because he wasn’t responding. So, Alex lifted off his bench and stood directly in front of Michael.

Alex was always aware of Michael when they were in each other’s proximity. Alex could feel Michael’s constant warmth radiate from his body whenever Alex was within two feet of him and the scent of rain usually from three.

“Hey,” Alex said again, not wanting to scare Michael with how close Alex was. But since Michael was _right there,_ Alex gave into the temptation to touch Michael and rested his fingers against Michael’s jaw. Michael still had his eyes trained to the floor, so Alex gently ran his fingers along the soft hairs on Michael’s face until he reached under his chin, raising it up so he could finally look into the hazel eyes he loved so much.

While Alex was entranced by Michael’s eyes, no matter how wrecked the man looked, Alex thought he’d never looked more beautiful.

“I’m always going to look out for you Michael.”

Alex couldn’t help the words that slipped out in a near whisper, but Alex was following his instincts now. The temptation to kiss Michael was incredibly strong, but it felt familiar to Alex. For most of the past twelve years, Alex just wanted more moments with Michael’s lips on his, Michael’s breaths mingling with his own, their whole selves tangled together so closely that neither knew where the other began.

Alex raised his index finger, about to place it over that small patch of hair nestled directly in the middle under Michael’s bottom lip, wanting to kiss those lips until they were both breathless.

But then Michael reached up and rubbed at his unmarred eyebrow and Alex felt the moment shatter.

_He’s injured, you idiot. Now is absolutely the worst time for that._

Alex shifted his body back, so he was no longer leaning into Michael’s space and slipped his fingers from Michael’s face. Alex berated himself a bit more for trying to kiss Michael while the man was hurting, but his good judgement tended to flee whenever he found himself caught up in Michael.

“Since your concussion puts you at a fall risk, I don’t want to go too far, so I can wait out in the bedroom while you shower in here but the door has to stay open and you need to make a lot of noise so I know you haven’t passed out in here.”

Alex was torn between his need for Michael to remain in his sights at all times now that he was awake and giving the man some privacy. But Michael made that decision for him.

“Stay with me.”

Alex hadn’t been expecting to hear those words from Michael, much less said so adamantly and Alex wasn’t even a little ashamed to admit to himself that he’d always been longing to hear those words from Michael.

“If you don’t mind staying. In here. With me. That way you won’t have to worry if I fall or something.”

_Right. He means while he’s showering. Stop gawking over the man and let him be!_

Alex wanted Michael’s words to mean so much more, but Alex forced himself to take them at face value. Michael was trying to be considerate and Alex needed to stop romanticizing every interaction they had. To mask the disappointment in his voice, Alex asked, “If you’re sure?”

Michael nodded, then winced and Alex knew he needed to focus on taking care of Michael. “Alright. I’ll sit while you use the shower, then we can switch since I need to take one too.”

After his run, Alex had been sweaty and felt gross and he knew he’d need to shower before he could feel comfortable enough to sleep. But he didn’t want to wait. His liner tended to chafe if he didn’t wash it and his leg after exercising.

So, Alex sat back down on his bench and waited for Michael. He pulled out his phone and sent an update to Kyle that Michael was awake, alert, aware of his condition but still experiencing some of the symptoms.

Kyle responded: _‘Feed him the soup and if he’s still feeling nauseated, looking dazed or slurring more words and forgetting more time, or if he hurts his head AGAIN, then you’ll have to bring him into the hospital Alex. I really hope that’s a last resort, but while symptoms can last for days, those are dangerous ones. Otherwise, let him sleep and check on him in a few hours._

Alex responded, acknowledging Kyle’s advice and set his phone on the counter next to his arm before glancing back in Michael’s direction, noticing he was taking an inventory of the injuries on his face before turning to fiddle with the clean clothes on the counter.

Alex knew Michael still looked exhausted, the bruises looked bad and the dried blood from Michael’s hairline had managed to land in other areas of Michael’s face, but Alex was just thankful the man was otherwise okay.

Alex heard the half-whine, half-cry Michael emitted, and Alex’s head jerked up to meet Michael’s eyes in the mirror. When Michael looked down at his ruined shirt, Alex knew he was seeing the blood stain on the back.

“I saw that earlier and thought your head smacking the dresser had done that, but I think it was from the alley attack because I checked and there wasn’t fresh blood on the dresser or you.”

“I didn’t even know I was bleeding. It just felt like my brain was hammering against my skull.”

Alex knew Michael didn’t mean to sound so scared, but Alex heard the tremor in his voice. It spurred Alex to his feet to stand behind Michael but still within eyesight in the mirror. He wanted to help, but wasn’t sure what would make Michael feel better.

Without any ideas, Alex asked, “Do you mind if I check the wound? I didn’t really get a chance to earlier. It’ll need to be treated too, after it gets cleaned.”

When Michael agreed, Alex tried his best to keep his touch gentle as he explored the wound under Michael’s curls. They were matted with dried blood and hard to separate, but eventually Alex saw the scrapes and his stomach churned unpleasantly. It looked worse than it really was Alex noticed after a beat. He moved another lock of hair that was dried to the wound and winced when Michael hissed. Alex could see Michael’s body tense from the pain and Alex felt a bit helpless when he realized he couldn’t just make everything better for the man he loved. 

“Well, good news is it isn’t too deep, just scraped up pretty good. It’s scabbed over now though. It’s actually smaller than I expected since I can see it bled a lot, but head wounds tend to bleed more.”

Alex moved the fingers on both hands into Michael’s curls, loving the feeling of the silky hairs against his skin, not caring that it needed a wash. He loved Michael’s hair and had even accepted he was a bit obsessed with it.

“I mean, I’m biased, but don’t ever cut your hair Michael. Seems like that was what kept your scalp safe from the bricks ripping into your skin.”

Michael let out a snort of laughter and Alex caught the wince. Alex reluctantly withdrew his hands and met Michael’s eyes in the mirror and said, “Turn around and let me check the front wound too.”

Alex heard the sharp inhale from Michael as he slowly turned to face Alex again.

Alex immediately stepped closer to Michael again, but he tried his best to hide the effect of being in Michael close proximity. When Michael closed his eyes, Alex was glad because he didn’t think he’d be able to hide behind a neutral expression one more second.

Alex ran his hands over Michael’s bruised skin and wanted to kiss each and every hurt he saw there. But he was wrestling with the same feelings as he was not even five minutes ago. Michael was hurt and Alex needed to reign in his urges around him.

So Alex dropped his hands from Michael’s face and moved back a step. But before he could turn and walk back to his teak bench, Alex’s eyes caught on the thin cut just below Michael’s ribcage. His body ran cold when he realized what he was seeing.

“It’s just a scratch, really,” Michael said.

Alex’s father preferred to use his hands and fists to punish Alex whenever he deemed Alex in need of a ‘lesson’. But Flint had taken up a habit when Alex was eleven of carrying a pocketknife and using it whenever he felt like Alex was annoying him. Alex had learned fast to avoid getting cuts on his skin by moving his body quickly, but one day, Flint had been in a particularly bad mood and caught him and held him down before sticking Alex on his side above his hip. Alex still had the small scar there since Greg wasn’t fast enough to pull Flint off of him.

Alex, still caught in the tendrils of that particular memory wasn’t paying attention and reached out to touch Michael’s cut. But he stopped, realizing he was about to touch Michael without checking that it was okay. And Alex froze completely.

He _always_ checked first. Meeting Michael’s eyes, approaching slowly, moving his body slow enough that Michael could ascertain his intentions. Alex hated being touched unexpectedly, had even ended his relationship with Forrest Long in part for that very thing. So he always tried his best to make sure whomever he wanted to physically reach out to (not that there were many on that list), knew it.

But Michael being Michael must have sensed where his head was at because instead of saying anything, he simply shifted forwards and Alex’s hand was once again exploring along Michael’s skin.

Alex desperately wanted to take away all of the pain Michael must be in, but Alex knew it wasn’t easily done. But Alex could at least hope that Michael was ready to talk to him, to sort out their host of issues and baggage that Alex had an inkling was causing just as much pain as the physical injuries. Though, first, they needed a shower and food.

“Come on Michael,” Alex began, “let’s get you into the shower.”

Alex walked back to the counter on the opposite wall where he kept the majority of his hygiene items. But as he turned around with a tube of ointment for Michael’s wounds, Alex almost dropped it at the sight of Michael in all his naked glory.

Michael seemed focused on getting himself into the shower without falling again, and while Alex appreciated he was taking care, Alex was pretty sure he was openly, obviously gawking. He felt the strongest shot of lust race though his veins and Alex had to hold himself from taking a step forward. He didn’t know what Michael had been up to within the last eight months and had next to no idea how he was spending his days, but clearly the man was working out.

Michelangelo’s _David_ statue came to mind as Alex’s eyes trailed over corded muscle, lean limbs and smooth skin. But Alex also knew as he raised his eyebrow in appreciation, that Michael Guerin put _David_ to shame. Michael’s _assets,_ front and back, were definitely more impressive than the marble statue’s.

Alex had to tear his gaze away and placed the ointment on the other counter. When Alex sat back down, he mentally chastised himself for lusting after Michael, but didn’t get very far when the water shut off. Alex whipped his head back around and saw Michael was trying to make his way out of the shower and find a towel.

“There’s no way you’re done already. That was less than a minute.”

“Forgot my soap,” Michael mumbled.

“Michael,” Alex said, gentling his voice, “just use mine. It’s on this side though.” Alex pointed to the water system on the opposite wall from where Michael had been.

“Um… it’s okay, I have-”

“Michael,” Alex said, using the same commanding tone from earlier when Michael had been trying to leave, not remembering he promised to stay. “Just turn on the water over here and use whatever you need. There’s no reason to walk already wet through the house to get you soap when there’s some right there.”

Alex saw Michael look down at the tiles then back to where Alex was sitting. “But if I turn on the water on this side, won’t it be harder for you because the floor will already be wet for when you take your own shower?”

Alex felt his heart turn to mush at Michael’s thoughtfulness. “I appreciate the thought Michael, really, but I’ll be okay. Just use this side. Please?”

“Okay.”

Alex let out a sigh of relief as Michael carefully crossed to the water fixtures behind Alex. Alex turned back around to give Michael some privacy.

Alex smiled to himself when he caught the whiff of his own body wash and felt his smile widen when he realized Michael would be walking around his house smelling like Alex.

He turned his attention to his own clothes, wanting to take his own shower as fast as possible when Michael was done. He didn’t want Michael to be alone for too long.

As Alex was sitting in just his briefs about to remove his leg, he heard Michael swearing.

“You okay in there Guerin?”

“Yeah, but your comb is evil Alex. It’s trying to pull out all my hair.”

Alex chuckled and finished with his leg. He placed the liner next to the sink and once he had his briefs off, levered himself up and washed it. He debated on using his crutch for the rest of the night, but Alex didn’t want to risk his own mobility in case Michael fell down or hurt himself again. So, despite how much his leg was enjoying the freedom outside the prosthetic, Alex knew he’d be reattaching his leg after his own shower was done.

“Should I shut this off or keep it going for you?”

Alex had turned and scooped up a towel and made his way to the low wall and held out a towel to Michael, replying, “Just leave it running. I put some ointment on the counter by your clothes for you.”

“Thank you.”

Alex gripped the grab bar and made his way to the running water, turning his head briefly behind him to see that Michael had made it to the counter. Then Alex turned back to the water and let out a sigh as the cooler water rushed over his heated skin.

Alex quickly shampooed and conditioned his hair before moving to the bench along the wall inside the shower and soaped his body. He glanced up to see Michael was putting the ointment to his hairline. Alex stepped back under the spray and rinsed before shutting off the water and making his way out of the shower.

Alex dried off and pulled on his shirt, briefs and shorts before checking his liner and deeming it dry, rolled it on and attached his leg. Alex stood up and saw Michael had somehow managed to end up on the floor dealing with his ruined clothes, but he seemed to have gotten down there voluntarily instead of gravity forcing him down.

Alex hung his towel to dry and made his way over to Michael to see if he needed a hand up. Michael seemed to do okay, getting himself halfway up by holding onto the counter. But before Alex could say a word, Michael was going back down. Luckily, Alex was only a step away, so when Michael had started to fall, Alex managed to catch him.

_So damn glad I put my leg back on!_

Alex didn’t want to think of Michael with _another_ injury, so he just held on, pressing his chest to Michael’s back, hoping to steady him and secretly wanting to keep him in his arms forever.

“Woah, I’ve got you.”

Michael relaxed against him for a moment, then tried to get his unsteady legs to work. So Alex held him until Michael seemed to manage it, then forced himself to step back.

“Are you good to walk?”

_Please say no so I can hold you again._

“Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks for catching me.”

Alex berated his selfish thought before replying honestly, “Always, Michael. Besides, I was already dressed, just waiting for you. If you’re hungry, I’ve got soup in the kitchen.”

Michael’s gaze met his and Alex heard Michael’s stomach let loose a loud rumble. Alex tried not to laugh and settled on a smile as he said, “Thought so. Come on.”

Alex stepped out of the bathroom, hearing Michael behind him and led him out of his bedroom. When Alex had brought Michael in earlier, he hadn’t been thinking of anything other than Michael’s need for a shower. Alex had spent a lot of time imagining Michael in his space, sparse as it was, and had been disappointed he’d missed seeing Michael’s reaction to it.

Once they were by the guest bedroom Michael had been occupying, Michael slipped in and deposited the contents of his pockets onto the dresser, before lowering himself to the bed and pulling on his socks. Alex noticed Michael made no move to put away the bundle of ruined clothing.

“Do you want to throw those in the wash?”

Michael glanced up at Alex after he had both socked feet on the floor and replied, “I thought about it, but I don’t think I want the reminder.”

A dark look passed over Michael’s features and Alex desperately wanted to know what happened to Michael in that alley. But he’d been patient so far and could be for a little while longer.

“Well, I need to put in a load in the morning so if you need anything washed, feel free to add it, okay?”

Michael glanced at his bag then down at the sheets, flinching. Alex had a feeling he knew that time what Michael had been thinking.

Alex lightly smacked himself in the forehead and said, “Crap, I just remembered I forgot to change those sheets! I’ll be right back.”

Alex hastily slipped out of the room to pull a fresh set out of the linen closet. Michael didn’t have to know Alex had changed them only two days before when Rosa stayed the night after their classic 80’s film marathon. But Alex didn’t need to have Isobel’s skills to know what Michael was thinking. He was likely embarrassed about falling asleep on clean sheets with dirty and stained clothes. Alex couldn’t fix everything, but he could alleviate Michael’s concern about that.

When Alex returned to the room, Michael had stripped the sheets off the bed and set the pillows on the dresser. He and Michael quickly made the bed, Alex adding a blanket from the small closet.

Alex motioned to Michael after gathering the sheets and they made their way to the kitchen. Alex dumped the sheets in his machine, intent to add more clothes and linens in the morning, and walked towards his crock pot on the counter. The soup smelled delicious to Alex and he hoped it was equally appetizing to Michael.

“What can I do?”

Alex turned and saw Michael leaning against the island, looking cleaner but no less exhausted. Alex noticed his hands were still shaking slightly and Alex wondered if it was from the concussion or low blood sugar.

“Why don’t you let the puppies in, then go sit down.”

Michael murmured in agreement and slowly stepped over to the sliding glass door to the backyard. Earlier, Alex had taken a walk around his property, checking the height under the gate, for holes in the dirt, and anything else two curious puppies could fall into, wriggle under, or trip over. It all seemed okay to Alex, so he let them explore the yard throughout the day.

As Alex grabbed two bowls and two glasses, he filled the bowls with soup and the glasses with ice water. Alex may have wanted something stronger, but he didn’t want to have a drink while Michael couldn’t with his concussion.

Once the puppies were inside and immediately dashed to their food and water bowls, Michael carefully sat down at Alex’s small round table. Alex brought over the glasses then went back for the bowls and spoons.

Alex saw Michael take careful bites and small sips and let out a quiet sigh of relief. He took a few spoonful’s of soup himself before asking one of the thousands of questions Alex had bouncing around his head.

“When was the last time you ate anything?” Alex asked, keeping his voice even.

Michael swallowed and with a slight flinch replied, “What time is it?”

Alex glanced at the clock on the stove and read, “Eight thirty-seven.”

“Then about twenty-five hours ago.”

Alex’s spoon slipped from his fingers in surprise, clanging against the ceramic. “Over a day? How-?”

“I was at a dinner on Saturday night and we ate around seven-thirty. I was there until a little after midnight and when I was walking back to my truck, that’s when… well…” Michael trailed off.

Alex had even _more_ questions, but he didn’t want Michael to feel bombarded or uncomfortable, so Alex changed direction. “I think, if you’re up for it, we should take these two into the animal clinic tomorrow for a checkup.”

Michael agreed.

Alex continued, “You said this morning that you brought them in to a clinic while you were still in Albuquerque, but you mentioned that you were the one who gave them baths, fed them and looked them over.”

“Yup.”

“But if the clinic was there, why were you the one taking care of them?”

Michael looked away from Alex and said in a lowered voice, “It wasn’t a twenty-four-hour clinic and I didn’t want to _not_ make sure they were okay.”

Alex got what Michael wasn’t saying.

“So, let me see if I understand this correctly,” Alex said, making sure to keep judgement out of his tone, “you were attacked, then you brought these two dogs who found _you_ , to an animal clinic, and with what I assume was a mild-to-moderate concussion even _then,_ made sure that both dogs were cleaned, fed and physically okay before driving three hours _alone_ while dirty, hungry and clearly _not_ physically okay _,_ back to town. I know I’m missing huge chucks of that story and I hope you’re willing to tell me the whole thing later, but I think that’s the gist?”

Michael had been following Alex’s words with wide eyes and quietly murmured, “Pretty much.”

Alex smiled, he hoped not too dopily, at the incredible alien sitting across from him and said, “You, Michael Guerin, are one of the best people I know.”

Michael gaped and Alex chuckled and said, “Keep eating if your stomach can handle it. And if you finish, there’s plenty more.”

Alex saw Michael turn his attention to his bowl and eat another spoonful of soup. The beagle puppy was curled up at Alex’s left foot and prompted Alex to ask, “Did you at least find out how young they are?”

Michael looked up. “Both are about four months old. They must have been taken care of at some point though because the scar on her face,” Michael said, gesturing to the beagle, “is healed with no signs of infection. Same with the amputation site of this guy’s leg.” Michael lowered a hand and scratched at the ears of the German shepherd.

_So, she’s a she and he’s a he. Good to know._

“They’re flea-free as of this morning, but that was about all I could do. They still need all their shots, plus they need flea, tick, and heartworm prevention care and to get fixed. And if you want to keep them,” Michael said hesitantly, “microchips are recommended.”

“What about the German shepherd? I don’t think I could ever claim that dog as mine Michael. He’s definitely your dog.”

Alex saw the soft smile spread over Michael’s face as he looked down at the puppy, who after eating, came to lay by Michael’s foot.

“Yeah, I think so too. It sorta complicates things, but I don’t think I can give the little guy up. Is it weird to be so attached already?”

“You’re talking to the guy who fell in love with you between one breath and the next at seventeen. I don’t think it’s weird at all Michael,” Alex said honestly.

Alex saw Michael’s eyes close briefly before those hazel orbs were locked with his. He saw longing and affection in those gorgeous eyes, but Alex couldn’t mistake the fatigue either. So, as much as he wanted to keep talking about _them,_ Alex redirected the conversation.

“How do you know about dogs?” Alex asked surprised by Michael’s knowledge.

Michael visibly reordered his thoughts before replying, “Had to read the books there. I’ve never had a dog, much less any pet, so anything I know I learned this morning.”

Alex sat back and muttered, “Amazing.”

The blush that crept over Michael’s cheeks was adorable. Then Alex watched as Michael shifted, clearly uncomfortable with the praise and asked, “Don’t you have to be on base tomorrow?”

Alex cleared his throat and replied, “Nope. I’m sticking with you for the day.”

Michael froze with his spoon halfway to his mouth. “What? Alex, you don’t have to stay with me, I’ll be fine.”

Alex shook his head. “I’m not leaving you alone Michael until I know you’re steady and concussion symptom-free, for the most part.”

Michael made a noise of protest when Alex spoke again, “Michael, I get that you think you’ll be okay on your own, but I _wouldn’t_ be okay if I left you alone while I was on base. I’d spend the whole day worried and unfocused and I would have been better off taking the day anyways. So, really, it’s as much for my peace of mind as it is for your health and safety, okay?”

Michael looked surprised, but thankfully didn’t try to keep arguing. “I didn’t expect- I wasn’t- You- Thank you Alex.”

Alex chuckled and replied, “You’re welcome. Besides, I already cleared it with my CO, so he’d probably send me home anyways if I tried showing up tomorrow morning.”

“Why would he do that? It’s not like you can call this a family emergency.”

Alex forced himself to swallow his spoonful of soup.

Michael didn’t know Alex listed him as his emergency contact, didn’t know the military had documentation listing Michael Guerin as his boyfriend and _certainly_ didn’t know that Major Hunt took family emergency calls seriously.

Alex remembered back a few months ago when a First Sergeant had called out of his shift for a ‘family emergency’ and went to the MILAVIA Air Show, not knowing Major Hunt was giving a speech in place of Major Redmond at Kirtland Air Force Base last minute. When Major Hunt had seen the man, knowing the ranking officer had called out, it was made abundantly clear to all personnel on base the next day that calling out for family emergencies was _not_ to be abused.

“Michael, trust me, this counts. I’ll call the clinic in the morning and see if they have any available appointments or take walk-ins,” Alex said, wanting to bring the attention back to the puppies.

“Alex?”

Alex looked at the earnest expression on the man’s face. “Yeah?”

“You meant it, didn’t you? You weren’t just saying it to get me out of there?”

Alex didn’t have to guess what Michael was asking about. That terrifying moment in Caulfield when Alex was _sure_ Michael was going to die right in front of him replayed in his mind.

“Of course I meant it. I was scared out of my mind but no, I didn’t say you’re my family just to get you to leave with me.”

Alex was having trouble deciphering the various emotions playing out over Michael’s face. Alex knew that day was particularly traumatic for Michael, but Alex had his own nightmares and fears over that wretched place too. Yet another topic they need to talk about since they never really had. Max dying and Rosa coming back from the dead had sort of overshadowed what happened at Caulfield at the time.

“I want to talk Alex. About so many things. We really need to. But do you mind holding off for a little bit longer? My headache isn’t going away, and I’d rather be clear-headed when we sort through everything.”

Alex looked, really looked, at Michael. He saw his pale complexion that was normally golden. He saw his red-rimmed eyes, the exhaustion and aching behind them. He saw the bruises more starkly than earlier and Alex saw the tension in Michael’s slowly swaying body.

“Of course Michael. It can wait. But you’re right, we _really_ do need to talk.”

Alex saw Michael’s glass was empty, so Alex stood and filled it halfway from the pitcher in the fridge.

“Thank you Alex. For everything.”

Alex glanced over the pitcher and replied, “I told you Michael, I’m always going to look out for you.”

Michael shifted and looked down at his bowl. “I know we haven’t really seen much of each other lately, but I’m always here for you Alex.”

Alex set the glass down in front of Michael and sat down, placing his hand millimeters from Michael’s on the table. Alex smiled when Michael’s fingertips brushed his own.

“I know you are. And speaking of that, I really want to catch up with you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Michael cleared his throat, then flinched before saying, “I’ve been juggling a lot, but I just finished my first semester finals before the holidays and that was a big one.”

Alex slid his hand more firmly over Michael’s. He was shocked and excited and beyond proud and immediately needed Michael to know that.

“Michael,” Alex breathed, “I am so fucking proud of you for going back to school! And a whole semester down? That’s amazing!”

Michael smiled and squeezed Alex’s hand before gently letting go to take another bite of soup before saying, “Yeah, it was both easier and harder than I expected. The actual work was easy, but everything else… finding the time, a computer, dealing with the financial stuff, that all was admittedly less fun. And the closer to the end of the semester, I had less time to see everyone.”

Michael took a sip from his glass with his hand not holding his spoon and Alex’s attention was momentarily captured by the painful-looking bruises over Michael’s throat as he drank.

Alex had to forcefully keep from showing any outward signs of distress seeing the man he loved marked so brutally. The thought never occurred to Alex that Michael could be hurt so badly by someone who didn’t share a last name with Alex or tied to the military. But he shoved that thought away when Michael kept talking.

“I hadn’t even really been in town much, except to go grocery shopping or to the Crashdown since I don’t have to use the computers at the library anymore. Oh, that reminds me, did Forrest ever finish his research?”

Michael’s comment threw Alex for a moment. He hadn’t really thought of his ex-boyfriend since Alex had broken up with him.

“No clue. I haven’t talked to him in about two months.”

Michael’s spoon clanged against his bowl this time.

“What?” came Michael strangled question.

Alex calmly took another bite of his tepid soup before looking at the utter shock on Michael’s face. “What?”

“What do you mean you haven’t talked in two months? That’s kind of important for a relationship Alex!”

_Holy forking shirt-balls, Michael has no idea Forrest and I broke up! Everyone else knew, how did Michael miss that?_

“Michael,” Alex said in a measured voice, “I broke up with Forrest two months ago. Well, more like ten weeks, technically.”

Michael sat back in his chair, stunned. At least, Alex noticed, Michael had stopped shaking. But he was looking at Alex like he was seeing _through_ him and Alex figured the best option was to wait for Michael to say something next. Alex had no problems answering questions about his and Forrest’s relationship since he’d discussed it enough between Dr. Adermin, Rosa, Maria and Kyle.

Michael finally leaned back into the table and said, “Ten weeks ago was when Liz stole that guy’s laptop and Max was shot.”

“Yes it was.”

“What the hell happened?”

Alex couldn’t help chuckling at the confusion lacing Michael’s tone. “It’s one of the things I want to talk to you about when your brain isn’t threatening to bust out of your head. So, whenever that time is, I’ll tell you.”

Michael still looked surprised, but said, “Fingers crossed I’m all better by the morning because I really want to hear that story.”

Alex replied, “And I want to hear about how you ended up at my door this morning. Looks like we’re both hoping your head heals itself by then.”

Michael raised an eyebrow then swore before rubbing at his forehead. “Unfortunately, it’s not looking that way.”

Alex brought his and Michael’s empty bowls to the counter and said, “Well, I have this for when you need it,” holding out the bottle of nail polish remover he’d set on the counter figuring Michael may need it once he was ready to eat.

Michael stared at the bottle, his body going still.

Alex tilted his head. It was the same reaction Michael had earlier when Alex had brought it to him, and Alex still didn’t understand what made Michael react to it.

“Michael? What’s wrong? You look exactly like you did when I gave this to you a couple of hours ago.”

Michael blinked and his hazel eyes met Alex’s. “I uh- I don’t drink acetone anymore unless I absolutely have no choice to.”

Alex was the one who was stunned. “But- I thought it was a pain reliever?”

“It is. That’s the problem. It numbs the pain, it isn’t some magical healing potion, so I stopped taking it.”

Alex could tell that this topic, like so many others, had more to it that Alex was missing. But it was getting late and Alex hadn’t been asleep since Michael had woken him up that morning, knocking on his door. So he let the subject drop and set the bottle back on the counter.

Instead he asked, “Do you want more soup?”

“It was really good and just what I needed, but I’m full for now. Thank you Alex. Again.”

Alex nodded and busied himself ladling the leftover soup into two containers and rinsed the crock pot and bowls before placing them and the spoons in the dishwasher. He turned to get the glasses from the table, but Michael was already there, glasses in hand. Alex took them with a grin and dumped the remaining ice and water down the sink before placing those too in the dishwasher.

Once Alex had washed his hands, he let out a giant yawn.

He heard Michael chuckle then say, “Come on Alex, let’s get you to bed.”

Alex nodded. He motioned to the puppies as he and Michael made their way down the hallway. Alex stopped at the guest bedroom door and said, “The bathroom is two doors down and I can get you a toothbrush if you need one-”

“Alex,” Michael said gently, “I’ve got mine. I’ve got most of my stuff with me, actually, so I’m good.”

Alex didn’t understand and Michael must have seen the confusion on his face because he said, “Story for tomorrow, hopefully.”

Alex nodded and resisted the urge to nestle himself against Michael for a warm hug, knowing he’d never want to leave if he did.

“Goodnight Michael. If you need anything, come get me. Or yell, okay?”

“I will Alex. Goodnight.”

Alex took one last look at the love of his life and turned down the hallway to his room. He left the door open just in case and went to brush his teeth. Then Alex finally removed his leg, plugged in his phone, scooped up the beagle who had followed him in and lay down.

Alex knew his body was tired, but his brain seemed wide awake.

But once he was comfortable and the dog had found what seemed to be her favorite spot nestled in the empty space of his right leg, Alex couldn’t help the heavy pull of his eyelids and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you all enjoyed the long chapter! Thank you for reading!
> 
> Though they did finally clear some things up for one another, this was also not the TALK chapter. There are a few more chapters to go still before they get there!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Alex on Alex's day off

Michael felt like someone kept running a damp washcloth over half of his face. It was a foreign enough sensation that Michael woke up from his dreamless sleep confused.

Michael opened his eyes and saw that the German shepherd puppy was licking his face. Michael let out a huff of laughter. The puppy must have noticed he’d succeeded in waking Michael up because he let out a yip of excitement.

Michael scratched the dog’s soft ears before he slowly sat up. He took a minute to assess how he was feeling. The ringing in his ears had stopped and his vision was clear, but his throat was still sore and his headache was coming back. Michael decided to try standing up and let out a sigh of relief when his legs were steady and no longer shaking and his arms didn’t feel like limp noodles anymore. 

When Michael heard the small whine from behind him on the bed, he reached back and picked up the small dog and set him on the floor outside the bedroom door. Michael stood back up quickly, then remembered his brain wasn’t a fan of the motion because he felt dizzy instantly. Michael braced a hand against the door frame and took in a few deep breaths to get his equilibrium back.

The dizziness subsided after a minute, thankfully. Then his vision came into focus and his eyes landed on his backpack. Michael immediately rejected bending over again, so he slid the bag to the side of the bed with his foot and sat down to pull out his phone. It must have died sometime after he’d made it back to Roswell but he hadn’t noticed. So Michael pulled out his cord and leaned over to the outlet and plugged it in to charge.

He heard a light _click-clack_ sound from the hallway and looked up to see the beagle was making her way down the hallway, following after the German shepherd puppy into the kitchen. Michael slowly got up from the bed and made his way there, intent on getting some water. He stopped in front of the sliding glass door and opened it, watching in amusement as both dogs dashed outside.

Michael reached into the cupboard where he remembered Alex kept his cups and glasses and filled one with water from the fridge. The cool liquid soothed his dry throat and Michael found that he could swallow a tiny bit easier than he’d been able to the night before.

Michael had always been a fast healer, even from a young age sporting bruises or cuts from whichever foster parents or bullies at school, and he hoped it wouldn’t take him long to heal up this time. He did feel better than yesterday at least, but Michael didn’t know if that was his body healing or from being taken care of by Alex.

Michael leaned against the counter while his brain sorted through everything that had happened to him yesterday. Despite the incredible experience Michael had at the university, he didn’t think the ten days he spent there were half as eventful as the previous day alone had been.

He was smiling, thinking back to how supportive Max and Isobel had been when he’d accepted the dean’s offer for the placement testing.

Then he froze when he realized he couldn’t focus on the link he had to his siblings.

_Son of a bitch. If I can’t feel them, then they probably can’t feel me either_ …

Michael put down the glass of water and shuffled as fast as his headache would let him (which wasn’t very fast at all) back down the hallway to the guest room.

Michael grimaced when looked at his partially charged phone and noticed he had twelve missed calls, five from Max, six from Isobel and one from Maria and a bunch of text messages he knew would give him more of a headache than he had at the moment if he tried to read them. 

Michael sat back down on the edge of the bed, took a deep breath and called Max first.

“Michael! Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you, but I’ve been getting nothing!”

“Sorry about that Max. My phone’s been dead for a while.”

“That’s not what I meant, brother.”

Michael sighed again. “I know. I’m okay now, but yesterday was kind of a crazy day.”

“Hold on Michael, Isobel is pulling up. I’m putting you on speaker.”

Michael felt a little guilty that he hadn’t even thought of his siblings once throughout the day before. He’d been so focused on trying to move without hurting himself more and of course, Alex. Being close again to the man he loved, not to mention being terribly distracted by him, had taken up whatever remaining self-control and concentration Michael had left.

“ _Michael! Thank god! Where the hell have you been?!”_

Michael pulled the phone away from his ear and winced as Isobel’s shouts rang in his ears.

“I got into town yesterday mor-”

“And you didn’t call us?! Michael, we haven’t been able to _reach_ you and that’s never a good thing!”

“I know Iz, but-”

“And when we tried to call, your phone kept going to voicemail! How are we supposed to know if you’re okay, _when we have no way to know if you’re okay?!”_

“Iz-”

“I mean, really Michael-”

“ISOBEL,” Michael said loudly into the phone, wincing again when he felt his head start to pound.

When she didn’t immediately start talking again, Michael lowered his voice and gave them a brief recap of what had happened since he’d left the dean’s home after dinner Saturday night to when he arrived in town yesterday morning.

“Shit, Michael. That’s… damn. Are you _sure_ you’re okay?”

“Well, I’ve got a concussion Max, so it’s not like I’m totally fine, but the guy didn’t manage to stab me or anything, so I’ll take the aching head over bleeding out in an alley.”

“But your landlord, can he even do that? Kicking you out before you’d even moved in?” Isobel asked, and Michael could hear the anger in her voice.

“Well,” Max began, using his official ‘deputy’ tone, “since Michael hadn’t signed any physical documentation, only agreeing verbally to terms to be listed in the lease, the landlord is within his rights to revoke Michael’s standing as his tenant.”

“Seriously? That’s rude.” Michael heard Isobel’s huff of indignation on his behalf and he couldn’t help a small smile.

“Wait, if you got into town yesterday morning, where are you now?”

Michael’s smile slipped as he realized he’d have to tell Max and Isobel where he was and that could go over one of two ways. Either they’d give him grief for not coming to one of them first, or they’d tease Michael that he was currently at Alex’s house.

Turns out, Isobel went with former and Max went with the latter.

“You could have just come by me Michael. Your stuff is here after all and I have a guest room,” Isobel said.

“Clearly, our brother needed _comfort_ that only Alex Manes is capable of giving, Iz,” Max replied, no doubt sporting that annoying smirk on his face.

Michael rolled his eyes and contemplated banging his head against the wall but knew if he did, Alex would be _pissed._ Michael refused to further worry the man he loved because his brother and sister were impossible.

Michael listened to them squabbling for a few minutes more before he interrupted.

“Honestly, I hadn’t even realized I was headed to Alex’s house until after I had to pull over to the side of the road because having a panic attack while driving is considered unsafe, right _deputy_?”

Michael heard Max’s murmured agreement and continued, “Plus, I had the puppies with me, and I thought maybe Alex would want one of them since he’s a dog person.”

Michael rubbed at his left temple, trying to massage out some of the pressure his headache was causing.

“But guys,” he said to Max and Isobel before they could interrupt him some more, “I’m alive, I’m safe and Alex is taking the day off to make sure I stay okay. I feel bad enough that I wasn’t thinking clearly yesterday morning and literally dropped myself and my problems onto Alex’s porch. I’m really lucky he’s a great person who wouldn’t turn away someone who needs help.”

Michael did count himself fortunate that he was under the same roof as the most incredible person on the whole planet.

“Michael,” Isobel said, her voice gentle, “after today though…”

Michael sighed and replied, “I’m staying around here for the day since Alex already called out of work, but I have no intentions of encroaching on Alex’s space any longer. He was gracious enough to help me and I’m not sure how I’m going to repay him, but I won’t do that by overstaying my welcome. If I could just get this headache down from a demolition-level racket to a minor irritation, then I can think of what to do next.”

Michael knew he’d need to find another place to live, but he knew it wasn’t going to be here. Alex still deserved to live his life however he wanted, and he didn’t need to have Michael in his way and in his space. Especially when Alex never said for how long Michael _could_ stay for.

“Okay,” Max said, “But let us know if you need us, please?”

“I will.”

“And Michael,” Isobel said, “I was serious earlier. I have a guest bedroom and I really wouldn’t mind having you here. So, _please,_ don’t pull the stubborn cowboy crap and just consider staying here while you figure out what happens next, okay?”

Michael sniffed against the wetness threatening to spill onto his cheeks and replied, “Thanks, Iz. I’ll actually take you up on that and head over tonight.”

Michael exchanged goodbyes with Max and Isobel and hung up the phone.

It had taken Michael almost five months, but Dr. Adermin had worked with Michael weekly on accepting help when he needed it.

_“Michael”, Dr. Adermin said in a calm voice, “I can appreciate that you’re an independent individual, but everyone needs help every once in a while. The fact that you’re here talking to me is proof you’ve accepted that.”_

_“I understand that logically, Doc. I know there will be times that I can’t muscle through alone, but what I don’t know is what to do with how that makes me feel.”_

_“Your brother offered you the use of his laptop for your schoolwork, so you aren’t completely dependent on the library’s hours. You’re aware of how this will be beneficial, yet you’re reluctant to accept his offer. So, break it down for me Michael. Let’s start with how you felt physically when you both were talking.”_

_Michael moved to the edge of the sofa, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to relax back into the cushions anytime soon._

_“When Max offered his laptop for me to use, I felt like my skin was crawling. I was fidgety, tense, my heart was pounding and I had to keep myself from running out the door.”_

_“Okay, emotionally now.”_

_Michael ran his hands through his mess of curls then brought them together to rest on his knees before continuing, “I felt angry. Offended. Like he was looking down at me. Pissed that he got to act like the hero again by offering his screw-up of a brother charity. Then I got really angry when I was reminded, again, that he and Iz grew up with everything they needed which never fails to remind me that I grew up lacking. Which then made me feel ashamed that I can’t even buy something as necessary as a laptop for myself.”_

_Michael had gotten better at talking through his crazy mess of emotions, but that had so far only extended to Dr. Adermin. Being better at communicating about himself to everyone else was still a work in progress._

_“And what did your brother do or tell you while you were experiencing all of that?” Dr. Adermin asked gently._

_“He just sort of stood there, like he was waiting me out. Which is usually how he deals with my emotional outbursts.”_

_“Did Max give any sign or indication that he was gloating at your situation? Did he lord over you the fact that he grew up privileged and you were at the mercy of state-appointed guardians? Did he lecture you about your spending habits?”_

_Michael pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to alleviate the need to cry._

_“No Doc,” Michael responded, his hands back on his knees, “he didn’t do or say any of those things.” Michael looked down at the rug before admitting, “Before I left, he told me he loves me and that he’s here for me, no matter what.”_

_“So, perhaps, it’s possible you were projecting your insecurities onto your brother and giving yourself an excuse to turn down his offer?”_

_“Maybe…”_

_Dr. Adermin chuckled before saying, “Generally, when someone offers a helping hand, it’s genuine. Very little of the time are there hidden strings or attached agendas, especially when that offer of help comes from someone we know and trust.”_

_“It’s still hard to accept though sometimes, Doc.”_

_“Can you put into words why?”_

_“Well,” Michael began, trying to find the way to best describe it to Dr. Adermin that would make sense, “I know I’m not Atlas, but I feel like I can only trust myself with the weight of my world. That if I decided to put my trust in someone to help me carry it, then I’m going to end up crushed when they decide I’m not worth the effort, not worth helping.”_

_Michael felt ashamed admitting that. But his logical side knew working to dispel the negative feelings he constantly lived with was one of the reasons he needed to get it out._

_“Michael,” Dr. Adermin said, his tone gentle, “you’re right. You are not Atlas. You’re not being punished for surviving by having to hold your world up on your shoulders. Trusting the people around us with our vulnerabilities is scary and there is always the possibility they’ll let us down. But, if you don’t rely on the pillars around you, if you keep yourself closed off, if you keep from trusting the people you love, you’ll find yourself alone, having pushed everyone away when, I suspect, all you really wanted was to pull them closer.”_

Dr. Adermin’s words had stuck with Michael ever since. He’d made it a point to start with small things, like accepting the use of Max’s laptop (until Michael was able to get his own for school), to the bigger things like Sanders’ help outfitting the Airstream into a mobile workstation. Michael knew Isobel’s offer to have him stay with her was a genuine one and Michael knew he’d be heading to her house for the night.

For the daytime though, Michael needed Alex to see that he was taking his injuries and healing from them seriously and could take care of himself. Because as much as Michael wanted to stay at Alex’s house, Michael didn’t want to be there out of obligation or pity. He’d agreed to stay and he had. He’d acknowledged that he and Alex need to talk, with Alex agreeing to wait a little bit longer until Michael’s head wasn’t threatening to incapacitate him.

But with their issues still in their way, there was no chance Michael would take advantage of Alex’s generosity and try to weasel his way into moving in and staying permanently. Michael was not that guy.

He wanted them to be on equal footing when they decided to finally bust open the door to the airplane hangar where all of their unspoken feelings, turbulent emotions, and host of issues had piled up.

So, Michael made his way back to the kitchen and started breakfast.

Not too long after Michael started scrambling eggs with shredded cheese and warming up tortillas did he see Alex enter the kitchen. Michael and Alex had so few nights over the years when they’d been able to wake up together, so it was rare for Michael see the sight of Alex’s sleepy, chocolate eyes. After all, seeing relaxed, sleep-tousled and gorgeous Alex was one of Michael’s favorite ‘Alex-tics’.

“You’re making breakfast?” Alex asked drowsily, leaning against the counter. “Does that mean you’re feeling better?”

Michael had a hard time remembering Alex’s question when the man raised his free hand to open the cupboard above him, revealing a tantalizing peek at Alex’s hip when his shirt lifted. Despite seeing Alex shirtless then totally naked yesterday, Michael found himself utterly mesmerized by the thin strip of smooth skin.

“I am a little,” Michael replied, then smiled to himself as Alex made his way to the fridge and poured himself some orange juice, seemingly unaware Michael had his eyes glued to Alex’s shirt hem, hoping it would shift again.

Once he wrenched his gaze away, Michael assembled their egg and cheese burritos and carried the plates, albeit slowly, to the table and sat down across from Alex. Michael took a bite of his burrito and saw Alex do the same.

“How the hell did you make this?” Alex asked after he swallowed his first bite.

Michael grinned and took another bite of his breakfast.

“What? Is it some sort of secret?” Alex teased.

Michael swallowed and replied, “Actually, yes. Arturo has sworn me to secrecy on his recipes for fluffy eggs, huevos rancheros, and churro pancakes. And those are just breakfast.”

Michael saw Alex’s jaw drop before saying in a reverent whisper, “ _You can make Arturo Ortecho’s churro pancakes?”_

Michael kept his laughter light, not wanting to aggravate his headache. “Yes Alex, I can.”

“B-but,” Alex stammered, “but only an _Ortecho_ knows that recipe!”

Michael couldn’t keep the goofy grin off his face as he shrugged one shoulder. The expression on Alex’s face was what Michael had expected to see when he’d told Alex about his alien origins, that balance of wide-eyed wonder and awe.

“Since I’ve been working as the unofficial handyman for the Crashdown, Arturo has been teaching me how to cook. Plus, I fixed their second milkshake machine, so now I get free milkshakes for life. But I just add five dollars onto the tip to balance it out, which does _not_ leave this room Alex Manes. Arturo can never find out about that. Promise?”

Alex seemed to be recovering from his shock. So with his playful grin on his handsome face, Alex stretched out his arm across the table and held out his pinky finger. Michael, his grin equally wide, wrapped his pinky around Alex’s.

Their eyes locked and neither let go until they heard the unpleasant noise of nails scratching glass.

Alex whipped his head around to the sliding doors and gathered his crutch to walk over and open it. When the puppies came bounding in and started chasing one another around the kitchen, their energy baffling Michael, Alex laughed at their antics and moved to the bag of dog food to fill their bowls.

Both dogs were at Alex’s leg and crutch in an instant, their playful chase forgotten.

Alex sat back down at the table and said, “I called the clinic and they have an opening in an hour. Have you decided officially if you want to keep that little guy?”

Alex was smiling at the two dogs who had gone back to chasing each other around the kitchen. Michael had a strong suspicion Alex was keeping the beagle. But Michael had debated with himself on keeping the German shepherd dog as he was falling asleep last night. He hadn’t been kidding when he told Alex that keeping the pup would complicate things. There were a surprising number of no-pet apartments and places for rent in town and Michael would need a place for them both. Even Isobel wasn’t the biggest fan of pets and if Michael intended to stay with her, he may not be able to bring the dog with him. He was hoping when he turned up later and she was faced with literal puppy-dog eyes, Isobel would acquiesce.

As he was drifting off, Michael felt the puppy hop up onto his chest and curl up there, falling asleep, and Michael knew he couldn’t part with the adorable dog who had come to Michael’s rescue.

The least Michael could do was rescue him in return.

“I’m keeping him. I don’t know how that’ll all work out logistically yet, but I want to keep him.”

Michael looked at Alex and saw the man’s brown eyes soften. Michael knew there was a real possibility of spending the day lost in the chocolate depths he loved so much, so he cleared his bruised throat and asked, “Are you keeping the beagle?”

Alex nodded and replied, “Yeah. I’ve always wanted a dog, but my dad…” Michael watched Alex visibly gather himself before continuing, “Thank you for bringing them here Michael.”

Michael smiled shyly at Alex, not sure how to explain his decision to show up at Alex’s door yesterday outside of needing a place to bring the adorable bundles of joy.

Alex cleared his throat and said, “I want to do a load of laundry before we go though. Do you have anything to throw in?”

Michael looked down at his mostly-eaten burrito and tried to keep the embarrassment off of his face, but he must have failed.

“Michael?” Alex asked hesitantly.

“Sorry, um, yes I do, but it’s pretty much everything in my bag. I can wait until I see Isobel or make it into town for the laundromat.”

Michael may have been working on accepting help, but he still didn’t know what to do with the embarrassment that always crept up whenever someone offered it.

“Michael,” Alex said again, but more firmly, “just throw it all in, okay? I’ve got a full-sized washer and dryer here so it’ll just be wasting water if the load isn’t full.”

Michael was still mildly uncomfortable with knowing Alex’s machines would be washing his dirty clothes, but Michael told himself to be grateful he wouldn’t have to wash them from a garden hose in order to have clean clothes for tomorrow.

“Um, okay. Thanks Alex.”

After a few more minutes of silence where Alex and Michael finished their breakfasts, Michael started loading the dishes into the dishwasher as Alex gathered what of his needed to go into the washing machine. Michael then added his own clothes before getting dressed and the puppies ready to go.

Michael couldn’t shake the thought that he’d gladly take the domesticity with Alex over a wild adventure any day.

*

“How about Allergo?”

“That sounds like an allergy pill, Michael.”

“Well, that’s the only music term I know that sounds even remotely like a name.”

“Adagio?”

“Bless you?”

“Real cute.”

“Shut up. What’s adagio?”

“It means ‘slowly’ in Italian.”

“You speak Italian?”

“No, but I know music terms and most of them are rooted in Italian. What do you think of Aria?”

“I thought she already killed the Night King?”

Alex rolled his eyes and sighed, “No, Guerin, that’s not- never mind. Maybe music terms aren’t the way to go.”

“Aria sounds pretty though, and she did prove how fierce she is when she threatened my attacker. So, keep it in the maybe column?

“Yeah, okay.”

Alex and Michael were headed into town to the clinic. Alex wouldn’t let Michael drive. Not that he was complaining. With Alex in the driver’s seat, Michael took the opportunity to look at Alex without having to worry about the road.

The puppies had tired themselves out after breakfast and Alex and Michael had lined the box with a few fresh-from-the-dryer-warm towels. They had fallen instantly to sleep. It wasn’t until Michael and Alex were pulling away from Alex’ house that Alex mentioned the clinic might need them to provide names for the dogs, especially since they had decided to each keep one.

“How about a band? You know a bunch and there’s gotta be a good name there somewhere.”

“I really like _Panic! At the Disco_. But I don’t like Disco for a name. And she isn’t a blue shapeshifting imp doing the bidding of Hades.”

“How about Hayley after that _Misery_ chick!”

“You mean _Paramore_?”

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

“Or Charlotte as in _Good Charlotte_?”

“Eh, I guess, but neither bands were, like, your _favorite_ if I remember right. Plus, she doesn’t really look like a Charlotte.”

“I think Hayley is good.”

“We’ll put that in the maybe column too. How about Shiri?”

“Like Sheri Izzard from Sister Act?”

“I was thinking Shiri Appleby from that movie Havoc.”

“Wasn’t that the girl from that teen alien show?”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot she was in that. Max, Isobel and I never watched it. I heard they’re remaking it though, and it’s supposed to be better than the original.”

“I suppose that’s up to the fans to decide. Shiri, though, that could work. Or Eleanor.”

“Eleanor? Really Alex? She’s a young puppy, not a Golden Girl.”

“First of all, Eleanor is the name of an awesome character from this quirky show Rosa got me hooked on about where you go after you die. And second, none of the Golden Girls were named Eleanor.”

“No, Alex. Just no. Eleanor is a hard pass. What about naming her after the chick from that vampire stabber show?”

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“I already used the name Willow on the lizard I had in high school and I can’t name her Buffy since that’s Forrest’s dog’s name. I could see Cordelia working though.”

Michael looked down at the beagle puppy who was watching him and Alex like she knew they were taking about her.

“She doesn’t look like a Cordelia either, Alex. What else have you got?”

“I don’t hear any brilliant suggestions coming from you, Guerin.”

“Well, clearly I’m not that helpful since I’ve never seen those shows before and I’m not as familiar with the same music as you. So, unless you want something generic like Daisy, you’re shit outta luck.”

Michael watched as Alex shook his head and mumbled, “Between you and Kyle, I swear I need more cultured friends.”

Michael chuckled as Alex said, “If she doesn’t look like a Cordelia, then… Oh! Tara. How about that?”

“Tara, definitely a contender.”

“Okay, getting closer. What about Reyna?”

“Ohhhh, that sounds pretty. We’ve got a few really good ones for your dog Alex.”

“You know,” Alex said as he glanced at Michael before looking back to the road, “we could name them Luke and Leia.”

“Alex your nerdiness knows no bounds, I swear.”

“Oh, come on! They’re classic names for a reason!”

“I know. But I’m not naming my dog Luke. I mean, I _would,_ if you really want me to, but I kinda want to name the little guy something important to _me_. And I’m sorry Alex, but Star Wars is just not one of those things. Names matter, you know?” Michael said, hesitantly.

Alex was silent for a beat before he glanced at Michael again and said in a reassuring voice, “I understand where you’re coming from Michael, really. You don’t remember your own name, the one your mother gave you when you were born, and you didn’t get to pick the one you have now. And that dog who’s looking at you like you hang the moon is never going to feel like you chose him if the name you pick isn’t meaningful to you.”

Michael sniffed and kept his eyes trained on the slumbering puppy next to Alex’s more alert dog.

“Sometimes Alex, I swear you can read my mind. You sure you’re not hiding alien powers too?”

Alex chuckled and replied, “No Guerin, I’m not. I just know you, that’s all.”

_Better than anyone else._

Michael took in a deep breath and brought the conversation back to naming the puppies.

“I like Newton for him.”

“Like the scientist?”

“Well, yes, but no. It’s the force required to accelerate a mass of one kilogram at a rate of one meter per second per second.”

“Right, and _my_ nerdiness knows no bounds.”

Michael stuck his tongue out at Alex. He knew it was immature, but he’d been having a great morning just hanging out and teasing the guy. He’d missed the friendship they’d been building and wanted to get back to that.

“But Newt and Tara do sound cute together.”

“They do, surprisingly, but Michael, do you really want to name your dog Newton? How about Piston!”

“That’s a lame name for a dog Alex. Besides, it has ‘piss’ in it, and I don’t want him to get confused.”

Alex busted out laughing. He alternated using his hands on the steering wheel and wiping at his eyes.

“Fair enough,” Alex said after he’d calmed down a bit. “Come on then, Michael, what else have you got?” Alex said with a wink.

Michael laughed and said, “All right, how about Major?”

“I’m a Captain, Michael. Seriously, you need to learn my rank one of these days.”

Michael rolled his eyes and replied, “Yes oh Captain, my Captain, I _know_. But I was referring to Canis Major, the constellation, because he’s the greatest dog ever.”

“You can’t say that in front of my puppy Guerin! We don’t want them competing for our love!”

“They could never be in competition for my love. They’re both the best dogs ever in my book.” Michael looked down at the two dogs nestled in the box on his lap and reached both hands in and started scratching the dogs behind their ears.

Michael said in a quieter voice as he spoke directly to the puppies, “You rescued me, and I’ll make it up to you by feeding you and taking you on walks and give you a bath. And treats. Lots and lots of treats. Don’t worry pups, we’re all safe now.”

Michael let himself get lost in the serenity that wafted over him as he focused on the small animals on his lap. He closed his eyes, not seeing the longing look in Alex’s eyes or Alex rubbing at his chest.

Michael finally understood why people went through all the hassle of taking care of a pet. The feeling of peace and comfort from such an innocent living creature was a soothing balm on his chaotic soul. It was close to how Michael felt when he played music and his entropy changed.

Michael heard the gruff sound from his left, knowing Alex was trying to clear his throat without trying to draw attention to himself. Michael opened his eyes and kept stroking the soft silky ears of the puppies as he turned his head to look at Alex.

“I actually have a name for this little guy I’ve been thinking over. I have my reasons, promise, but I want to know what you think.”

Michael saw Alex’s brow furrow before saying, “I’m listening.”

Michael took in a breath for courage and said, “I was thinking about naming him Tripp.”

Alex inhaled sharply before briefly swinging his gaze to Michael, “Tripp, as in my great-uncle?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask why Tripp and not Eugene?”

“Because Alex,” Michael explained, “when I hear _Eugene_ , I hear _Eugene Manes the Third._ And no offense, but Manes men have not been particularly kind to my family. You, Greg and your great-uncle being the exceptions. But when I hear _Tripp_ , I think about the guy who risked his life to help my mom.”

Michael ran a hand over the unbruised side of his face and continued, “I’ve been reading that second journal he left, the one Maria found when she was going through the rest of her grandmother’s things that Mimi had. I can’t bring myself to read it all at once, but now and then the more I read, the more I’m grateful that my mom had him in her life.”

Michael looked at Alex’s profile and continued, “She had someone who protected her and loved her very much while she tried to navigate in a world she probably felt like she didn’t belong in, but with him, she felt like she did. At least,” Michael sniffed, “that’s what I like to think she felt.”

Michael kept his eyes on Alex, wondering if the man was drawing all the parallels Michael had.

“Tripp. Well, that actually fits pretty well with a three-legged dog. And German shepherd dogs have been used by military units since 1914, especially in combat, and are great protectors like that little guy has proven he is.”

_Well, so much for Alex seeing the similarities between Mom and Tripp and Alex and I._

But that was okay. Like Alex said, the name has to be meaningful to Michael. And Michael wanted to do _something_ to honor the man who had shown his mother kindness and love and the beauty this planet had to offer.

If the small puppy reminded Michael of Alex, who had grown up to emulate Tripp more than even _he_ probably realized, well, Michael was perfectly okay with that.

**

Alex and Michael stepped into Smith Animal Clinic with the puppies poking their heads above the edge of the box in Michael’s arms, sniffing the air.

As they made their way to the reception desk, the puppies got more excited and vocal.

“Hello. How can I help you?”

“Hello ma’am, we have an appointment under Alex Manes.”

“Yes, for two small puppies. Strays, right?”

“Yes, and they seem really excited to be here.”

“Excellent. You’ll be in with Dr. Smith in just a few minutes. Please have a seat.”

Alex and Michael sat next to one another in the waiting area, both looking down at the puppies who were clearly anxious to leave the box and explore. To try to calm them down a bit, Alex let them sniff his hand so he could pet them while they waited. There were several other dogs, a few cats, a bird and an iguana waiting with their owners for medicines, boarding, appointments or grooming.

“Manes?”

Alex and Michael stood up and followed the vet down a hallway and into an exam room.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Charles Smith, it’s nice to meet you both.”

Alex held out his hand and said, “Alex Manes,” as he shook the man’s hand.

The vet turned to Michael and Alex saw the man hesitate for a beat, likely taking in Michael’s battered appearance, before holding out his hand and introducing himself.

Michael placed the box on the exam table and shook the doctor’s hand. “Michael Guerin.”

“I’ve heard of you. You’re the mechanic in town, right?”

Alex couldn’t tell who was more surprised, him or Michael. But Michael quickly recovered and replied, “I’m one of them, yes.”

“I hear you’re the best. You got my brother’s car running smoother than the day he bought that rattletrap. Kevin Smith, 1984 Ford Tempo?”

Alex saw the recognition on Michael’s face as he said, “Yeah, I remember that one. The car was a pain to get running correctly, but she should have plenty more miles to go.”

“Well, I’d been trying to convince my brother to sell that ugly thing for years since it barely worked, but I’m seriously impressed you managed to get it functioning like an actual car again.”

As Dr. Smith and Michael kept up the conversation, Alex found himself looking at the certificates hung on the walls. Alex was trying not to interrupt Michael and the doctor talking, but when he heard the doctor’s tone turn flirty, Alex let his jealously override his manners.

“Is this real?”

Alex knew he sounded rude when he interrupted Michael and Dr. Smith’s conversation, but he didn’t particularly care. He was curious though. The certificate he was reading couldn’t _actually_ be legitimate.

“Oh, that. Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

Michael had stepped over to Alex, his shoulder brushing Alex’s, as he read the framed and stamped piece of stationary Alex was looking at.

“Um, so you really completed your clinicals at Ted’s Veterinary Clinic in-”

“Yes,” Dr. Smith interrupted, likely having answered the question before, “Dr. Ted Mullens is a small-town vet and gaining my experience at his clinic prepared me for the routines and surprises of small-town farming communities. The people there are some of the best people I’ve ever met. I know the town name doesn’t really reflect that though. I wish they had renamed it to Rose Creek when the Rose family bought the town, but oh well.”

Alex saw Dr. Smith turn his attention to the small puppies and begin his exam.

He picked up the German shepherd and asked, “So, what’s this guy’s name?”

Michael was looking at Alex when he responded, “Tripp.”

“Oh, short for Triple? Kind of obvious, but still cute,” Dr. Smith said with a wink in Michael’s direction before turning back to the puppy. But Michael had kept his eyes on Alex and Alex knew he was still unsure with Alex’s acceptance of the name he’d chosen.

“I really like the name, Michael. I think it’s perfect,” Alex said in a low voice, meant for Michael’s ears only. A blush stole over Michael’s cheeks and Alex resisted the urge to kiss the man senseless. But it wasn’t the time or place for that.

“And how about this lovely girl? What’s her name?”

Michael hadn’t taken his eyes off of Alex and Alex could see Michael smile in anticipation, waiting to hear the name he’d settled on after all the ones they’d discussed on the ride over to the clinic.

Alex turned fully to Michael, his back to the doctor, and said, “Mara. Her name is Mara.”

Alex saw Michael’s eyes go wide and his jaw drop. “You- you named her after…”

Alex took a step closer to Michael so they were mere inches away and replied in a soft voice, “She was a strong woman who protected you. How could I not name that adorable dog who also protected you after her? And I’m grateful to your mom Michael. Because without her, there would be no _you._ ”

Michael’s hazel eyes were searching Alex’s own, his expression close to the look of utter surprise he’d sported when Michael realized the alien he was focused on at Caulfield was his mother and she’d managed to communicate with him one last time.

Alex had explained to Kyle in a low voice on the drive back to Roswell that the alien Michael was trying to release from her cell was Michael’s own mother. Michael had whispered, _‘Mara. Her name was Mara’,_ before remaining silent for the rest of the drive.

When Alex had found her original file from 1948 listing her as Nora Truman, Michael had taken to using that name when talking about his mom. Alex suspected it was because the memory of seeing Mara as a prisoner, knowing he was never going to see her again was more painful to Michael than the journals entries regarding Nora that Tripp wrote about.

Alex felt that same sort of connection between names that Michael had talked about earlier when referring to Tripp versus Eugene.

To Alex, Nora was the alien who’d survived a crash landing and managed to survive a year before being captured. Nora was a crafty, intelligent woman whom Alex knew Michael kept close. After all, he knew more about Nora’s life from whatever records they managed to find from 1947 and 1948, than from all the years they had together on their home planet. 

To Alex, Mara was the strong woman who had put her son in a stasis pod to protect him. She was held captive and tortured for seventy years because she refused to break. Mara was the one who got to see her son before she died. And that woman was someone Alex wanted to keep close to _his_ heart, because if she hadn’t protected Michael during the crash, if she hadn’t stayed sane after being in Caulfield to tell Michael she loved him one last time, who knows if Michael would be standing with Alex now.

Alex brushed lightly at the single tear that fell to Michael’s cheek, then placed a featherlight kiss to that same spot. Alex heard Michael’s breathing hitch when Alex kissed him, but Alex refrained from doing anything more, especially when they had company.

Alex heard the doctor clear his throat, but Alex didn’t step away from Michael. Instead, with one more touch of Michael’s face, he turned to face the doctor and felt Michael’s warmth heat his back. Michael hadn’t stepped away either.

“Right, well, these two look perfectly healthy. Can you tell me where and in what condition you found them?”

Alex felt Michael shift so his shoulder was against Alex’s back and Alex relaxed into the motion, listening to Michael tell the doctor about the alley in Albuquerque. Alex saw Dr. Smith’s gaze land on Michael’s bruises again, but then the doctor’s eyes took in how close Michael and Alex were standing and his tone became more professional than Alex had heard from the man since they’d been in the exam room.

Alex held back the smirk he knew threatened to overtake his face.

“Wow, that is quite a story. I’m very happy that you didn’t leave these two in that alley, Mr. Guerin. Since they are strays, abandoned is more likely though, they’ll need a full health panel. We can take care of that today, along with the standard vaccinations, prevention medications, and what to know about each breed. Both dogs are approximately four months old, so let’s give them two months to be sure they’re as healthy as they seem before you’ll need to bring them back to make sure they both get fixed, respectively. Also, microchips are recommended if you’ve decided you’ll be keeping the dogs as your own.”

“Don’t worry,” Alex said with a glance over his shoulder to Michael, “they have a home with us.”

**

Alex and Michael left the clinic an hour later, loaded with pamphlets, vitamins and breed-specific information along with instructions on how to navigate being a puppy parent. For two men who had never had a dog as a pet before, they both were a little dazed. But Michael knew he and Alex were just happy the puppies were healthy.

As much as Michael wanted to be seen around town with Alex running errands and walking the dogs, his headache, which had been fluctuating in intensity all morning, couldn’t take it. So, when Alex suggested burgers from the Crashdown to go, Michael was relieved.

Alex had circled the street looking for a parking spot, but since it was around noon, there weren’t any left. Michael volunteered to go in since they both refused to leave the puppies alone in the car. He was a bit nervous with the visible bruises on his face and neck, but Michael just hoped he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew.

Not even twenty seconds after approaching the counter for his and Alex’s order, Arturo came out from the kitchen and stopped in his tracks at the sight of Michael. Michael tried to duck his head, but it was too late. Arturo had already seen him and was making his way to stand directly in front of him.

“ _Dios mio! Que te paso?”_

“I’m okay Arturo, I promise. It looks worse than it is.”

“Oh, _mijo_ , you look like crap.”

As always, Arturo’s tendency to state the obvious never failed to amuse Michael. He held back his laughter though, sticking to smiling at the man.

“Thanks Arturo, you look ravishing today too.”

Arturo snapped his rag at Michael with a huff and motioned to a waitress for his order.

“What happened to you, Michael?”

Michael shrugged and replied, “I’m fine really. But a few nights ago some guy thought I had money on me and tried to take it. He took off when he didn’t get what he wanted.”

Arturo had a thunderous expression on his face when he asked, “Here in town, someone attacked you? That’s not right, _mijo_. Did you tell the Sheriff?”

Michael immediately reassured the man, “No, Arturo, it wasn’t here. I was out of town.”

Arturo nodded and replied, “And you’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m really okay.”

Arturo placed the bag with his and Alex’s lunch on the counter along with two to-go cups. “Your shakes. Hopefully something cool will help your throat, yeah?”

Michael smiled and thanked him before handing the man a twenty. Arturo tried to protest, but Michael just placed the bill in Arturo’s hand and grabbed his order, saying goodbye before walking backwards out the doors. Michael had mastered that move after a few go-arounds of Arturo objecting to how much money Michael was trying to give him and Michael insisting Arturo take it. So now, Michael made sure to leave the bills and escape before Arturo could argue he’d paid too much.

Michael spotted Alex’s SUV and slid into the passenger seat. He sipped at his Little Green Man and tried not to fall asleep on the drive back to Alex’s house.

He was passed out against the window before they’d gotten down the street.

*

Michael remembered getting into the house, but he must have crashed again because when he woke up, he was tucked into the guest bed. He groaned and sat up. His headache was still going, but not as strongly as it had been all day and the day before. When Michael checked his phone, he saw it was close to eight in the evening.

Michael flinched and cursed. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep at all.

He immediately made his way through Alex’s house, hoping to find him. Michael stopped in his tracks when he heard the jumbled notes coming from Alex’s guitar. Michael always loved whenever Alex played and could listen to him mix chords together for hours.

Alex had changed from the t-shirt he’d had on that morning to a thicker sweater in a light blue color that made his tanned skin look incredible. Alex always looked beautiful in Michael’s eyes, but seeing him totally at ease made him look so peaceful. Michael rubbed at his chest to alleviate the longing he felt there.

It seemed though, that Michael was never again going to get the chance to just quietly observe Alex without the other man noticing him. The beagle puppy-

_Mara. God, I can’t believe he really named his dog after my mom. That has to mean something, right?_

Little Mara had hopped down from the piano bench when Michael rested his shoulder against the entryway and began nudging Alex’s left leg. Alex stopped playing and looked down briefly before he noticed Michael. Alex motioned Michael over closer to where he was sitting on the couch.

He perched himself on the arm of the couch before saying, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep again. I’m really sorry Alex.”

Alex shrugged and replied, “Your brain, which is the consistency of Jell-O, has been bounced against your skull four times in one day Michael. You need rest, clearly, so take however many naps you need.”

“I wanted to eat lunch with you though. Maybe hang out more before it got too late,” Michael said, cautiously.

Alex met his eyes and said, “Well, your burger from lunch is in the fridge and it’s officially closer to dinner time now, but we can still hang out for a little bit.”

“Oh, are you headed to bed or something?” Michael asked, confused, since it looked like Alex was dressed to go somewhere.

“No,” Alex began hesitantly, “I was going to mention this when we got back here but I didn’t want to wake you. Kyle and I made plans a few weeks ago to meet up with a friend of ours tonight. I was hoping you were up to coming with.”

“Oh,” Michael replied, “Where are you meeting at?”

Alex shifted in his seat before answering, “Planet 7.”

Michael blinked.

_Alex goes to Planet 7?_

“It’ll just be the four of us I think, five with you there. I know you’re typically good with beer and Planet 7 has a crazy menu, but you can’t drink with your concussion. They have other non-alcoholic drinks though and we’ll mostly just be sitting at a table.”

Michael winced, forgetting that he and Alex hadn’t really gotten to talk much about, anything really, but especially the past eight months. Alex didn’t know Michael had stopped drinking.

“Shit, actually Kyle’s supposed to be here soon since he agreed to drive,” Alex said as he looked at his watch, “I didn’t realize how late it got.”

Michael watched as Alex closed a notebook Michael could see was filled with Alex’s familiar handwriting and place his guitar on a stand next to the couch. Then Alex stood up, pulled on his leather jacket and pocketed his phone, wallet and keys.

Alex must have realized Michael hadn’t give him an answer because he asked, “So, how about it?”

When Michael stayed silent a beat longer, Alex said, “Michael, we don’t have to go. I just figured, maybe you’d like to get out of the house for a bit. But we can stay here.”

Michael had given himself the day, just Monday with Alex, before knowing he’d need to leave. And Michael internally cursed his messed-up head for making him miss out on almost half of the day in Alex’s company. But Michael had intruded long enough. While he wanted to take the opportunity to be close to Alex just a little while longer, Michael knew his time was up.

“That’s okay Alex. Go have fun. I should probably get my stuff and head out anyways.”

Michael stood up, thankfully on steady legs, grateful his headache had gone down to a minimal pounding.

“What are you talking about Michael?”

“Alex, I really don’t even know where to begin with everything you’ve done for me in the past two days, and I appreciate it more than you know, but I think it’s about time I head out. And you should too. Go enjoy the rest of your night and see your friends.”

Alex seemed to go through several emotions before settling on bewildered.

“But you said you’d stay. Why do you think you need to leave?”

“Alex,” Michael began, “I did stay. And it was beyond amazing of you to let me and take care of me, especially today with work and everything, but I don’t want to intrude any longer than I already have. Isobel said I can stay with her for a bit while I figure out living logistics and I can’t imagine you’d want me encroaching your space for however long that takes.”

If anything, Alex looked even more confused. “Michael, what the hell does that mean? Why would you stay with Isobel? Not that you should be alone in your condition, but why wouldn’t you go home?”

Michael shifted uncomfortably. “Right, we haven’t gotten to that yet. Look,” Michael said, hoping Alex would understand where he was coming from, “you were right last night, there is a lot we need to talk about. And we will, I promise. But you don’t need me crashing here and bringing my problems with me until we do.”

Now Alex looked angry. “You don’t get to decide that for me Michael.”

“I know that Alex. I’m just trying to respect your space. It won’t take me long to get my stuff and I’ll be out of here soon. I can come by tomorrow or-”

“Damn it Michael!” Alex yelled as he threw his hands in the air in frustration, “Can you stop being so fucking self-righteous and just-”

Michael was the one mad now. “Self-righteous? What the fuck Alex? I’m just trying to-”

“No! You’re telling me you’re leaving, Michael. Again. After you said you would stay!”

“You don’t need me here Alex!”

“Stop telling me what I do and don’t need!”

“I’m just trying to-”

They both turned towards the window when they heard the honk and saw the headlights from outside.

Alex turned back to Michael and said, “If you had woken up and realized I wasn’t here, if I’d’ve gone out without telling you, would you have just left?”

Michael felt his headache come back, full force. “I wouldn’t have just left without saying goodbye Alex, but I wasn’t planning on staying the night.”

“I can’t believe this. Sometimes I really question why I offer you places to stay at all. First the shed, now this.”

Michael felt like he’d been slapped.

He wanted to hurl a biting retort back at Alex. But then he remembered what Dr. Adermin told him when Michael admitted that when someone else’s words hurt him, his first instinct was to say something hurtful right back.

_“Sometimes Michael, during conflicts when tempers and adrenaline are running high, usually without meaning to someone will say something hurtful. When that happens, forcing your body to physically take a step back, helps to hold back the urge to reply with something brash and hurtful in retaliation. Most people believe that actions speak louder than words, but **words hold equal importance**. Words can be used as weapons. Words can paralyze. Words can ignite emotions and feelings either bad or good. Words can put meaning to what our bodies can’t say. **Words are powerful** , Michael. So, when you feel like you’re about to say something you may regret, take that step back and see if you can’t find a better way to use your words to express what you want to convey.”_

So, Michael did just that. He cleared his still aching throat and tried to level his tone despite the hurt crashing through his body and the increased pounding in his head.

He took his step back and said “I will always be grateful you gave me a safe space when I needed it. Then and now. Thank you for letting me into your home and for everything you’ve done since. I really do appreciate it. I want to see you again, soon, but I won’t impose any longer. I’ll be gone before you come back tonight.”

Michael stayed still, waiting for Alex to say something else, _anything_ else.

But instead, Alex shot his angry glare at Michael before striding to his front door, wrenching it open, then slamming it shut behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left a comment for one or both of the puppies names!
> 
> Special shout out to @TootsieGrl for recommending Mara. I really liked how that ties Alex's puppy to Michael and the name Tripp ties Michael's puppy to Alex. They'll always have that connection to one another that I think is so important.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex can't stop thinking about that fight with Michael...

“Perfect timing.”

“Alex, are you alright?”

“Honestly Kyle, not really, no.”

“We don’t have to go out tonight if you’re not up for it.”

“It’s your night off and Steph is visiting family in Miami so even though I may not be, it’s better than fighting with Michael at home.”

“Fighting with Michael?”

Alex let out a sigh of frustration. After he and Michael talked, _yelled_ at each other was more like it, Alex was just tired. He hadn’t mean to throw out that last bit, had seen the hurt on Michael’s face after the barb landed. But Alex had just been so _confused._

Michael was trying to leave when he said he’d stay.

_Why doesn’t he want to stay with me? He keeps leaving!_

Then Alex realized, _he_ had been the one who walked away from Michael. _Again._

_Son of a bitch._

Unfortunately, he hadn’t come to that realization before walking out of his front door. He knew that he and Michael needed to _really_ talk. Communicate much better than they had been not ten minutes ago. He and Michael needed to cover a lot of heavy topics and they still had a ways to go before either one of them was ready for what comes next.

Then Alex remembered, Michael had asked Alex the night before to hold off for a little bit on the talk they _both_ acknowledged they needed to have while his head recovered and Alex had agreed to wait a little longer.

But as Alex was thinking back over the time they’d spend together over the last two days and the heated argument just now, he recognized that he hadn’t actually _told_ Michael that he _wanted_ him to stay. Hadn’t made it clear, instead of implied, to Michael that Michael was _welcomed_ and _wanted_ in Alex’s home, not just tolerated. That _Alex wanted Michael with him_.

And not just for another few nights.

_How the hell does that man put up with me?_

Alex had really wanted to go back to his house instead of hanging out with Kyle and their friends, but Alex was trying to keep plans he made instead of finding excuses to bail. And truthfully, Alex could use some breathing room to process the fight he’d just had with the love of his life. Especially since Michael told Alex he wouldn’t _be_ at his house if he were to go back.

So instead, Alex focused on his and Kyle’s plans for the night. Kyle, Alex knew, had an interesting history with Planet 7.

_When Alex and Forrest were still in the early weeks of their relationship, Forrest had shuffled a reluctant Alex into Planet 7 for what Forrest had deemed the best place for an ‘outing’. Forrest’s suggestive eyebrow waggle and lackluster pun had initially put Alex off of the idea for their date night, but the more Alex thought about it, the more the idea gelled in his mind. Planet 7 was Roswell’s local gay bar so the likelihood of lowering his guard there was higher than if they’d gone to Saturn’s Ring. When they’d arrived though, Alex became more apprehensive about all the bodies dancing in close proximity, so he’d stuck to the corner of the bar. After about ten minutes of sitting and not speaking with Forrest passive-aggressively pouting next to him, Forrest left Alex in his stool and made his way to talk to some people he knew at a table towards the back, promising to be back in five minutes._

_It was about fifteen minutes later when Alex, who had been nursing a Cosmos-Politian on his single bar stool alone, spotted a shock of dark hair and the colored lights reflecting off of glitter around a pair of familiar dark eyes. When Alex finally realized he was seeing Kyle Valenti with gold lips and glitter all over his face, Alex threw his head back and laughed. Kyle must have heard him because Kyle was in the open seat next to Alex a moment later._

_“Well, this is a surprise Valenti. You know this is a gay bar, right?”_

_“I know, isn’t it great! I love it here. Wanna know why?”_

_Alex tried to keep his amusement off of his face, but he knew he was failing._

_“Enlighten me.”_

_“I’ve been coming here for a few weeks. I like Maria, but sometimes it’s nice to just be away from the atmosphere of the Pony. When you walk in there, it’s like there’s this heaviness, you know, this despair even, that weighs in the air. Like all the troubles and worries of the people in this town have seeped into the walls and chairs and it can be really depressing sitting at a table and everyone is either scowling or sad or trying to find a distraction.”_

_Kyle gestured haphazardly to the dancing bodies and the colorful lights as his eyes widened comically, “But this is a place where there’s fun and dancing and glitter Alex! GLITTER!”_

_When Kyle’s shout caught the attention of the people behind him, Kyle turned and raised his hands for high fives as they cheered. Alex was really trying to reign in the laughter that wanted to burst out when he realized Kyle was three sheets to the wind and waxing philosophical but clearly having a great time._

_“You did seem to find the glitter my friend,” Alex said pointing to Kyle’s shimmery-lined eyes when Kyle turned back to rest his elbows on the bar. Said eyes widened again and his smile grew bigger._

_“Zenith did it! They’re the best and whenever they and I are both here I always end up super sparkly.” Kyle’s gaze was a bit unfocused, so Alex figured his friend had been drinking for a while, but Alex was glad he hadn’t been letting loose alone._

_“Alex!” Kyle suddenly exclaimed, turning his whole body to face Alex. “You have to meet Zenith and let them make you sparkly too!”_

_After a beat, Alex had put his hand in Kyle’s outstretched palm and let the drunk doctor lead him through the throng of people until they reached a high table against the big decorated windows. Alex was introduced to Zenith, Bartlett and Miss Tygra._

_Within twenty minutes, Alex had let Zenith artfully decorate his face in a starburst pattern that Kyle admitted he was jealous of. He found himself in a deep discussion with Bartlett about how narwhals are actually unicorns who had decided they were done with the surface and liked the ocean so much that they stayed. Alex even went out on the dance floor with the fabulous queen Miss Tygra for more than one song._

_Alex had a blast, having so much fun with Kyle and the new people he met as they kept talking, dancing, drinking, and having an overall great time. Alex had even forgotten he was supposed to be on a date with Forrest who had disappeared more than an hour ago._

_And Alex discovered a new side to Kyle Valenti he’d never seen before: adorable, naive drunk._

_Kyle had been trying to figure out why the owners picked the name of the bar when Bartlett said, “Oh honey, it’s pretty clear why they picked ‘Planet 7’ for a gay bar.”_

_At Kyle’s confused, bleary gaze, Alex giggled as Miss Tygra spoke, “You’re a doctor hot stuff, so I know you’ve got a brain. Admittedly, it’s vacationing on Long Island and swimming in tequila at the moment, but which planet in our solar system is the seventh from the sun?”_

_Kyle started counting out the names of the planets on his fingers, the music drowning out his whispered words. Suddenly stopping and holding up seven fingers, Alex saw Kyle’s glittery eyes go wide and his jaw slack. Zenith sat back against their chair and crossed their arms with a satisfied smirk and said, “There it is.”_

_They’d all busted out laughing and it was then that Alex, under the haze of alcohol, realized he hadn’t felt so accepted by strangers and free to be himself in public since… ever._

_Alex made himself a promise to come back._

“Look,” Alex said to his friend, “I promised I’d come out tonight, so that’s what I’m going to do. Bartlett’s still meeting us there, right?”

“Yeah,” Kyle confirmed, “and he’s bringing his new boyfriend so be prepared to hear this guy’s entire life story.”

When Kyle fell silent, Alex turned in his seat to face his friend. Kyle kept his eyes trained on the road, but Alex saw the moment Kyle decided to let loose his curiosity about Michael.

Alex inhaled and resigned himself to spend the next twenty minutes recapping their day and the day before, including the argument he’d just had with Michael.

*

As Alex sat listening to Bartlett tell the story of how he and Geoff went snorkeling in Montego Bay where they’d spent the holiday, he found his mind drifting back to Michael.

Who was he kidding? His thoughts hadn’t strayed from Michael Guerin in years.

Alex had missed Michael the moment he’d left Roswell for basic training. Alex didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye to him.

Alex hadn’t managed to bring much with him when he’d left town, his father had made Alex throw out or donate everything in his room, save the furniture, in the days before he’d left, but Alex managed to smuggle a few things with him.

He had learned a long time ago to never get too attached to possessions since they could be destroyed to make a point or used as a bargaining chip. And being the youngest of four boys, most of Alex’s clothes and toys growing up had once belonged to one of his brothers. His father hadn’t believed in spoiling his young sons with new things.

So, the few bits Alex managed to hold onto for his own, he’d snuck past his father’s careful inspection. Two pocket notebooks of lyrics he’d managed to keep hidden, the colorful rope bracelet he’d made with Maria and Liz in the seventh grade, a small velvet pouch with a rare 1911 Indian Head $5 Gold Coin belonging to his great-grandfather that his mother had given to him before she’d left, and lastly, one single picture of him and Michael taken the summer after graduation, each holding a guitar.

His father had checked Alex’s bag the night before he was set to leave for basic training, removing the band t-shirts Alex packed hoping to hold onto a small piece of himself. And his father had watched with an eagle eye as Alex removed his piercings and nail polish. Before his alarm had gone off at dawn the next morning, Alex woke up and tucked his notebooks to the bottom of his backpack, and the bracelet, coin and laminated photo into the extra pair of socks he wore over his first pair before putting on his shoes. He knew his father could check his bag again before they’d even left the house and Alex wanted to take no chances of having his small mementos taken away from him.

The notebooks had stayed buried in his backpack until eighteen months into his first tour. One of his bunkmates had brought a guitar into the barracks from his leave and let Alex borrow it whenever they had downtime. Alex had started creating new music and the little notebooks began to fill with lyrics and song ideas again. After a few weeks of playing in the dusty, desert heat by himself with the occasional soldier passing by, word had spread of the Airman on base who was talented with the guitar. It had shocked Alex when he’d gone to his usual spot outside one day and found a small group of his fellow Airmen and women waiting for him. He indulged them a few songs and eventually the group grew until there was a modest audience from his and the surrounding barracks. Alex still managed to find time to play just for himself, but one night a week he took requests and tried to bring an impromptu concert feel to the otherwise militant atmosphere.

Alex had given his bracelet to a young Iraqi girl after he’d pulled her away from a collapsing section of a popular Qaysari bazaar in Kurdistan while on patrol during his second tour. She had been separated from her mother and scared, but had stopped crying when Alex offered her his colorful bracelet. Her smile had made giving up one of the few pieces of home he’d had left worth it.

Alex kept the coin with him for luck. He’d had it with him for every flight and each patrol, save the one which almost killed him but had taken his lower right leg instead. He’d been in a rush to leave that day, his unit had been called in to serve as backup for a transport last minute, and he hadn’t slipped it in his pocket. But it had been with his possessions in his room at the barracks which had been brought to him at the hospital in Germany where Alex recovered from his injury, and Alex made certain it was always in his pocket from then on.

As for the picture of him and Michael, Alex had gone to the library the day before he was set to leave Roswell and begged the librarian to use the laminator. She’d agreed when he’d spun a story about leaving a girl he loved behind and how he’d wanted to keep her picture safe when he went off to war, even going so far as to show her a photo of Ashley Benson that he’d cut out of one of Liz’s magazines, hoping the librarian wouldn’t recognize her famous face. Luckily someone had approached the desk for help, so when the librarian left him with the machine, Alex swapped the cut out of the young actress with the photo of him and Michael he’d cropped down so it was just the two of them and their guitars.

Three weeks later, Alex was grateful he’d taken the risk to laminate the picture. He’d stashed the photo between the pages of his San Antonio guidebook for the first few weeks of basic training. He had to force himself not to pull it out from between his thin mattress and the metal bedframe every night and stare longingly at Michael’s grin, missing him with a gnawing ache in his chest, despite recounting all the reasons he’d left in the first place. But after a particularly brutal hazing prank, where Alex and a few other guys had ice water dumped over them while they’d been sleeping, his guidebook had been soaked through. The picture had thankfully been spared. It wasn’t until after his injury, though, that Alex deemed it safe enough to keep the picture in the uniform pocket of his fatigues over his heart.

Alex kept that small piece of Michael with him wherever he went over the decade they were apart. And when they saw each other again after Alex was stationed back in New Mexico, Alex knew that single photo hadn’t done the man justice. But even after reuniting and everything they had gone through since, Alex sometimes gave into the urge to take out the only picture he had of Michael and traced that happy smile, hoping to see it directed at him again someday.

As Alex sat at the bar table with his friends, he tried to pay attention but it was pointless. Alex was still replaying his and Michael’s argument, wanting to kick himself for overreacting instead of listening.

With all the work he put in with Dr. Adermin’s help and guidance, Alex thought he’d be a better communicator by now, especially since he was working on that with Michael in mind. But if tonight was any indicator, Alex needed to put everything he’d learned to use instead of defaulting to lashing out.

_Michael was asking for time and a little distance so he can heal. He deserves that, yet I got defensive and angry and I walked away from him. If I were Michael, I don’t think I could keep putting up with the man I love walking away from me, especially since I’ve done it to him too many times._

Alex wanted to scream in frustration. But that would likely draw the attention of all the bar patrons, so he refrained.

He’d been close to Michael, able to tease Michael, take care of Michael over the last two days, but it wasn’t enough. Alex wanted more.

Alex had stopped caring a long time ago about _how_ the crazy cosmic connection he shared with Michael formed. He was just grateful it formed at all. Alex had, for most of his life, felt so disconnected from everyone society decreed he was supposed to love: his father, his brothers, his friends even. But with Michael Guerin, Alex finally felt intrinsically linked to another person for the first time in his life.

Despite being different _species_ , Alex knew he would only be half of himself if weren’t for Michael.

Because for Alex, despite their differences, Michael’s voice calms his mind.

Michael’s presence stirs his blood.

Just the thought of Michael sets Alex’s soul on fire.

The beat of Michael, the rhythm of his very being, centers Alex like nothing and no one in this world ever could.

For Alex, Michael Guerin is his past, his present and his future.

And now, it was time to trust Michael with all the parts and pieces of himself that Alex had kept hidden for too long. 

*

Alex stepped out into the crisp winter air to take in a few lungfuls. He’d been nursing the one glass of bourbon all night, so Alex knew he was sober, but he wasn’t in a fun mood and his friends knew it. Luckily he, Kyle and Bartlett made plans for a low-key night instead of one of the themed nights Planet 7 hosted weekly. Alex had sat at that table with his friends and couldn’t focus on anything they were talking about. Alex felt guilty for being so caught up in his own confusing mess with Michael and knew he owed Bartlett and Geoff an apology.

So, Alex excused himself from the table, leaving his leather jacket on his chair, to take a few minutes outside to clear his head. But Alex was still so frustrated with himself.

He knew he’d hit a nerve with his last comment to Michael before he’d left his house. Alex hadn’t really thought about it before, what his life would have been like had he never offered Michael his shed. But the jab at Michael had made that thought run rampant and skip along all the possibilities of what was and what could have been.

Alex was absentmindedly toying with the decades-old dog tags around his neck while his thoughts were flying, when he suddenly froze.

His racing thoughts came to a screeching halt and his body went cold, having nothing to do with the temperature outside and his lack of a jacket.

He had digitized the journal after they’d found it in Patricia’s box so many months ago and the second one Maria had found not long after in a trunk of her grandmother’s things so Michael, Max and Isobel could all read at their own pace and hopefully find some comfort in the words of a man who had tried his best to protect their kind.

Alex frantically pulled out his phone where he kept his copies of both journals and opened the second one, flipping to an entry from the night Nora Truman had been captured:

_Nora told me about her son and Louise’s daughter and the third child hidden away in pods deep in the maze of the turquoise mines. She’d told me she’d had to fight against the desperate need to have her son with her everyday but held that urge at bay until she, Louise and we all could be safe._

_Under the night sky the day she told me about her past, Nora showed me her dreams of what she envisioned for the future. She’d placed her glowing hand against mine and I saw it._

_It was miraculous and beautiful. Nora was smiling with her arms around an adorable boy of seven with the curliest, unruliest hair and the widest smile matching his beautiful mother’s. And when I saw the image shift to include me standing with them, I nearly broke down in tears. Unbefitting of a Manes man, but I stopped caring of such things the moment I had my service weapon trained on Nora the night of the crash, hesitating to pull the trigger._

_I couldn’t help but want that very same future after that. The vision had taken root in my mind and I knew I would keep it until my dying day._

_But when she’d been captured, with her chained to that freezing floor in the prison the military created to hold her kind, I could see her hope for that future die. Nora told me then that fifty years would pass if she or Louise weren’t around to bring their children and the other into this world. If no one could wake them from their stasis, it would not be until June 14 th, 1997. It would be safer then. I knew in my heart she was right. The crash would be a distant memory, maybe even a town legend by then. I told her I’d be long gone, for there was very little chance I would make it alive to 1997. _

_The anguish at the new reality we were facing almost broke the both of us. Her next words made me want to break her chains with my bare hands and take on any soldier who dared to stand in my way of freeing the woman I love. I knew it cost her dearly to say it, but if I had a son to pass along all I’d learned of Nora and her kind, maybe there would be a chance._

_But I knew the truth. With the woman I loved more than anything in this universe locked away forever, there was no longer a future where I could have a family without her._

_I couldn’t even wipe away her tears or kiss her goodbye before she urged me to go when we heard the footsteps approach. Only the thought that Louise and her innocent child needed my protection spurred me towards the door. Only the knowledge we would both die by Hiram’s hand and he’d make me watch as he killed her if he caught me with Nora, could have made me leave the woman I loved behind._

_I couldn’t afford to lose my composure while I slipped away from the prison._

_I’d made a silent vow to Nora to check on the children for all the years I could manage to stay alive. She’d taken me there once and I remembered the route. But I needed to be careful. Hiram was closely watching my every move._

_So, I made my way into the desert, knowing there I could rage against the unfairness of what had come to pass._

_I made it through to the caves in the hours before dawn after seeing the woman I loved for the last time. I went to his first. Nora’s precious boy, the little guy I had one day hoped to have by my side with his mother. His serene face and closed eyes wouldn’t know for fifty more years that his mother was gone, taken away from him again. He would be alone in the world save for the other boy and Louise’s daughter floating in stasis alongside him._

_I spoke to him, even though Nora told me they couldn’t hear through the pods. I told him how much he was loved by his mother and how I had hoped he could come to accept me one day. I apologized that the future his mother envisioned for him was now gone, stolen from him forever. I begged the boy for my forgiveness that I couldn’t protect both him and Nora and make them a family again._

_I pulled out the sealed box Nora had given me just the day before._

_She hadn’t wanted to go to the fair, had wanted to come to the caves to see her beloved son instead, but went for Louise. So, she’d given the wooden box to me, what it contained I had no idea, but I know she’d intended to share the contents with her boy once he was again by her side. As I stared at the box with the only mementos Nora’s son may ever have of her, I let my tears fall at what he and I both lost. But I knew I couldn’t keep the box with me, it was meant for Nora’s son and him alone. So, I wrapped it in a bit of plastic and buried it at the base of his pod and prayed that one day, he’d find it._

_I knew the chances of Nora surviving to see her son again were less than mine surviving to meet him. There was nothing more I could do but put my hand over his curls where they rested against the inside of his pod and wish he would one day find someone to love him as much as I love his mother._

Alex didn’t care that there were tear tracks on his cheeks or that he was struggling to breath past the emotions clogging his throat. He managed to slip his phone back in his pocket as the startling realization took root in his mind.

_Tripp and Nora, if they survived and managed to live together, had planned on having Michael with them in 1948._

Alex stumbled back a step as that thought sank in.

If Eugene Manes had been hours or even _minutes_ earlier to evacuate Louise and Nora from the Long farm, then he and Nora could have built a life together. They would have gotten Michael out of his pod and Michael would have had his mother and a man Alex knew would love him as a father should.

But the scariest thought, the one that almost made Alex’s knees give out as his chest tightened, was that if they’d managed to have the future his great-uncle and Nora envisioned, Alex would have never even _met_ Michael Guerin.

 _I never would have had him in my life at all. It wouldn’t have mattered if I had never offered him the shed because Michael wouldn’t have grown up during the same decades as me. I never would have kissed Michael or held him in my arms. And I could be living in a world where Michael Guerin has never loved_ **me**.

Alex felt the horror at what he could have lost over a century before he’d been alive slither down his spine.

_Michael and I could have existed without ever knowing one another. Without ever loving one another._

Alex was so caught up in his epiphany that he didn’t see the shadow or hear the footsteps until it was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are great for sticking with Michael and Alex through this story! Stay tuned for the rest of the chapters still to come!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Alex deal with what comes next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: this chapter deals with violence, graphic medical scenes/terminology and gunshots.

Michael glanced down at the bags sitting at his boots, unsure of what to do.

It had taken him almost twenty minutes to pull his clothes out of the dryer, fold them, then pack them away in his duffel. He’d changed the sheets on the bed, putting the freshly laundered ones on the mattress, then found the broom and swept the minuscule dirt particles off the tiled floor of the guest bedroom. Then Michael unloaded the dishwasher and spent another ten minutes opening all of the drawers and cabinets in Alex’s kitchen to put away the clean dishes. He let the puppies out and watched for a bit as they sniffed all over Alex’s barren backyard.

Finally, he gathered his bags and carried them into the living room, lowering himself to the couch. There was nothing else he could think to do to put off walking out of Alex’s front door.

Michael still felt slightly off balance and the pounding in his head hadn’t let up any.

Yet Michael couldn’t help but want to go back a half hour and smack himself.

Alex had taken Michael’s sudden appearance at his doorstep two days ago in stride. The man had been incredible. Frankly, Michael had been half expecting to see Max or Isobel show up because Alex called them to tell them their brother needed someone to look after him while he was injured.

But they hadn’t, because Alex never did. He’d taken on the responsibility of caring for Michael like it was the most natural thing in the world.

And that freaked Michael out. Michael had always taken care of himself, never had anyone to rely on before, but seeing Alex do it like it was second nature forced Michael to squash all the rising feelings of _rightness_ that made Michael want to plop to the floor and refuse to leave if anyone tried to make him.

But while Alex asked for Michael to stay, Alex never said for how long.

Michael didn’t actually _want_ to leave Alex’s house. It was where _Alex_ was. Michael didn’t want to give Alex the chance to regret Michael being around though, and Michael knew, that could happen sooner rather than later.

And Michael knew for a fact he wasn’t strong enough to stay under the same roof with the man he loved more than anything else in the universe with all their issues still in between them.

_God, we need to talk so damn badly. If we can’t seem to go three minutes without arguing, though, I have no fucking clue how we’re going to be able to get through everything and actually communicate with one another._

Michael let out a loud yell of frustration into the empty house.

Michael hadn’t intended to get into an argument with Alex before he left for the night, but if there was one thing Dr. Adermin had taught Michael, was in an emotionally charged situation, take a breather before saying something that couldn’t be taken back later. So, he’d done that.

And watched as Alex walked away from him. _Again._

Michael didn’t know what else to do. How was he supposed to prove to the man he loved most in the whole damn _universe_ that he didn’t _want_ to spend another day without Alex in his life? The past eight months of Alex taking the time to live his life on his terms and Michael sorting out his own had been necessary but Michael enduring going days, weeks, months without talking to Alex had been fucking _torture_.

Michael had spent that time getting his shit together, and for the most part he had. There were some minor snags, sure, but Michael was ready to live his life in the best way he knew how. And Alex was the best thing to happen to Michael, even when he used to think love was the worst.

He’d been close to Alex, teased Alex, had felt so cared for by Alex over the last two days, but it wasn’t enough. Michael wanted more.

When Michael felt a nudge at his shin, he saw little Tripp turn those huge brown eyes to his and run his front paw over his nose.

Michael reached down to pet him and said, “Are you ready, boy? I think it’s time to go.”

Even as he said the words, Michael felt the warring emotions get stronger. They were heavy in the air of the empty house. But Michael had made a decision and despite the fact that it went against his aching heart and screaming instincts, it was the right thing to do for now.

With one last scratch behind the ears, Michael stood, about to reach down to hike his backpack over his shoulder when his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered.

“Hello?”

“Michael! Wherever the hell you are, get to the hospital as fast as you can! Alex needs you!”

“Kyle? What-?”

“I don’t have time to explain! Get to the ER, Michael. NOW!”

The line went dead.

Michael was out the door and in his truck before he’d even realized he’d moved. He heard the faint sound of the metal locks of Alex’s front door click before the engine of his truck turned over.

Michael’s keys were still in his pocket when he put the truck in gear, racing to the hospital.

*

Michael was grateful Alex was no longer staying in than that old hunting cabin miles outside of town. It was so much better that his house was about eight minutes away from the hospital. Michael made it there in three.

Michael hurriedly pulled into a parking spot before the engine stopped and jumped out of his truck, barley remembering to close the door before he ran to the automatic doors of the hospital’s Emergency Room.

_Please be okay Alex! Please be okay Alex! Please be okay Alex!_

Michael burst through the doors and ran up to the desk.

“Sir!” exclaimed the slightly alarmed nurse “Are you okay? You look like you need medical attention.”

“No, no, I’m fine. I’m looking for Alex, Alex Manes!”

“Sir, your injuries-”

“I’m fine!” Michael bit out.

“Sir, please give me your name so I can get you seen by a doctor.”

Each second that passed without Michael setting his eyes on Alex was another second he was closer to a panic attack. He took a breath in, trying to calm himself down.

“Please,” Michael said, hoping he didn’t sound so crazed, “I need information about Alex Manes.”

“Michael!”

He turned to see Kyle rushing towards him from where Michael knew the emergency beds were behind another set of doors, dark red blood staining his green shirt. Michael saw Kyle’s eyes widen as he took in the state of Michael’s face and neck, but quickly masked his shock. Before Michael could ask what was going on, the nurse spoke first.

“Dr. Valenti, who-”

“It’s okay Shelia, he’s here for the man brought in two minutes ago. Can you issue him a visitor’s pass please?”

Michael could see the confusion on Shelia’s face before Kyle cleared it with a single sentence, “This is his boyfriend, and he’s anxious to see Captain Manes.”

Michael missed the nod of understanding from the nurse, staring at Kyle who seemed unphased about referring to Michael as Alex’s boyfriend.

Nurse Shelia handed him a white ‘Visitor’ sticker and Kyle grabbed his arm, leading Michael past the waiting area and through the doors to where the patients were. Michael absentmindedly stuck the badge to his shirt before he spared half of his attention to Kyle, the other half quickly searching all the beds they passed for man he loved.

Kyle stopped before an empty bed and lowered his voice as to not have it carry past the curtains separating all the beds from one another and said, “Jesus, Michael. You don’t look so good.”

“Where’s Alex?” Michael demanded, scanning every bed in his sight for the man he loved.

“Michael, I need you listen to me for literally sixty seconds and to not freak out about what I need to tell you.”

“Ky-”

“No, Michael, just listen. Alex was attacked, then stabbed by Flint outside of Planet 7. He’s pretty banged up, but he’s also got a giant fucking knife lodged in his abdomen.”

Michael gaped at Kyle while his friend continued, “He’s lying on a bed in a fuck-ton of pain with that knife still sticking out of him. My mom is going to be here in a matter of minutes, so as much as I know you want to, you can’t heal him.”

Michael was stunned at Kyle’s news, but the doctor wasn’t done.

“Alex managed to knock Flint unconscious before he was arrested by a deputy when the ambulance got there. But in order for charges to stick and for Flint to get locked away, Alex needs to have the Sheriff take his statements which means you can’t react in any _alien_ way, okay? No making anything move, no shorting out the equipment, and no healing.”

At Michael’s pained expression, Kyle kept going, “I know what I’m asking is really fucking close to impossible, but Alex needs you Michael. He needs you to follow his lead and trust that he knows what he's doing, even though it may not look like it. Do you understand?”

Michael couldn’t get his voice to work. His whole body quivered at the effort to stay next to Kyle instead of running down the aisle, shouting Alex’s name.

“Michael, I need you to tell me you understand,” Kyle said sternly, giving Michael’s arm a slight shake.

“I-,” Michael started. His headache was being suppressed by his adrenaline, thankfully, but the anticipation of seeing Alex made his entire body tremble. 

“Yes. I- Alex?” Michael managed to croak out of his dry throat. Michael tried to process everything Kyle had told him, but all Michael wanted was to see that Alex alive with his own eyes.

Kyle must have deemed Michael’s answer as good as he was going to get, because he finally marched Michael over to a set of drawn curtains a few beds down and with a glance in Michael’s direction, pulled one back and stepped aside.

Michael’s lungs stopped working.

His heart stopped beating.

Time stopped completely.

Alex was shallowly reclined on a bed, his normally tan skin pale. Angry red impact injuries had started forming over his left eye, temple and bridge of his nose, along with his cheekbones. His lip was split and there was a shallow but jagged cut peeking out from the neck of his sweater. But scariest of all was the huge knife plunged in Alex’s right side. The blade’s hilt was protruding above Alex’s hip and Michael could see the blade tip poking out through Alex’s back.

Michael winced as he suspected there were more injuries hidden by the rest of Alex’s once-pristine clothes.

When Michael saw Alex’s head move, he must have made a noise because Alex’s previously closed eyes flew open. When they locked with Michael’s, the air came rushing back into Michael’s lungs. Michael could see Alex was clearly in pain, his chest moving but his breaths labored.

Alex stared at Michael and Michael stared back, locked in a trance of their own making which seemed to stretch out forever. But the spell broke when Alex let out a whimper of pain and Michael wasted not even a second before rushing forward and placing himself as close to Alex as he could get with the bed rails between them.

When Michael felt Alex’s left hand on his neck covering his no doubt racing pulse, Michael took the invitation and instantly wrapped his own hand softly around the back Alex’s neck. He bent his head to touch his forehead gently to Alex’s, content to breath in the same air, as Alex slid his hand down to grasp Michael’s free hand.

“Alex,” Michael breathed. He pulled back slightly, only to stare into the eyes Michael could never manage to look away from and ran his fingers through Alex’s soft hair.

“What did he do to you?” Michael whispered.

Alex didn’t respond, just pressed his forehead more firmly against Michael’s.

Michael didn’t know how long they stayed that way, breathing in one another, keeping a tight hold on each other.

It wasn’t until Michael heard a tiny groan of pain from Alex that he finally tuned back into the world around them. When Michael pulled back slightly to run his eyes over Alex’s battered face, he noticed the voices from behind the curtain were getting louder.

Suspecting doctors were on their way to check in on Alex, Michael shifted to take a step back, but Alex’s grip tightened and he locked eyes with Michael, keeping him from moving away from Alex’s side.

_“I don’t give a rat’s ass how long it takes, interview every single on-duty personnel at that facility and find out how the hell he got out of there!”_

Alex’s head whipped away to focus on the curtain just before a man impeccably dressed in full military uniform yanked the curtain open and strode to Alex’s bedside.

Michael straightened and loosened his hold on Alex’s hand, expecting Alex to let go, but he held on tight; so Michael did too.

“Major.” Alex’s voice was thready and hardly above a whisper. Michael’s eyes widened as Alex made a move to salute.

“At ease, Manes,” the Major said before Alex could get his arm up.

Michael saw the relief on Alex’s face before the Major spoke again.

“For fuck’s sake Alex, you were supposed to be taking care of your injured boyfriend, not getting injured yourself!”

Michael must have let out another involuntary noise, because suddenly the Major’s attention was on _him_. 

“And you must be Michael Guerin. I was going to give you a call when I’d finally seen Captain Manes here alive with my own eyes. I’m Major Elias Hunt, your boyfriend’s commanding officer.”

Michael was confused as to why everyone seemed to think he was Alex’s boyfriend, but he didn’t dare question it when he held out his left hand to the Major, refusing to let go of Alex. Alex’s CO didn’t blink an eye at their grasped hands and shook hands with Michael.

“Elias,” Alex said, his breathing still labored, “not that I don’t appreciate it, but what are you doing here?”

“Well, son, it’s not every day I get a call from the sheriff of Roswell telling me one of my Captains was attacked by his own brother in full view of civilians, especially when that brother is supposed to be under the care of psychiatrists at Kirtland Medical.”

Michael’s eyes widened. No one had really questioned Flint’s whereabouts after Max had almost killed him at CrashCon and frankly, no one seemed to care as long as he wasn’t anywhere near Roswell.

“And,” the Major continued, “since Flint Manes was under psychiatric care, he wasn’t active-duty and therefore has no direct CO. So, I’m here as the highest-ranking officer in the interim until the Army gets a Sergeant Major at least down here, then your brother is their problem. God knows when that will be though.”

Michael hadn’t wanted anything to do with the military for so many reasons, and therefore had no idea of the internal command structure or how the different branches interacted and dealt with their soldiers.

“Where is he now Elias?”

“The sheriff’s holding him at the station until the Military Police can make it there to take Flint Manes into custody. Then he’ll be transported to the base until the Army comes to collect him.”

Michael couldn’t tell what was going through Alex’s mind at the moment other than registering that he was in a world of pain. Luckily, the hospital staff had him hooked up to an IV which Michael hoped contained some strong painkillers.

“I’d read the reports,” Major Hunt continued, “after you brother woke up from his coma and was moved to Kirtland that he was doing well. But Alex…”

Michael could tell the next bit the Major needed to say wasn’t particularly pleasant.

“With this, your brother will likely get slapped with an attempted murder charge. I don’t know to what degree, but this isn’t looking good for him.”

Despite having been attacked and the instrument which was more than likely intended to cause more fatal results still stuck in his abdomen, Michael could tell that Alex looked dejected. Alex’s belief in redemption had always baffled Michael and Michael hadn’t made it a secret in the past to Alex what he thought about that idealistic way of thinking. But as Alex was laying on that hospital bed with his brother’s knife sticking out of him looking more upset about the consequences of his brother’s actions than angry that his brother attacked him, Michael saw it.

He saw the strength it took to have compassion for people who absolutely did not deserve it. He saw how incredible Alex was as a human being to be able to have hope for those everyone else deemed a lost cause. Michael had ridiculed that trait. Had even called it stupid. But Michael had been wrong. So very wrong. And when he’d realized how wrong he was, it was Jesse Manes who had heard Michael admit it. Not Alex.

_Well, I know what I need to add to my list of things to apologize to Alex for._

While Michael may not be the best at empathy, he knew that was something he could learn from Alex. He just hoped Alex gave him the chance.

Michael hadn’t realized he was caught up in his own thoughts until he’d heard the Major say, “Effective immediately, you’re on a mandatory medical leave for the next six weeks. Don’t even think of arguing with me Manes, it’s pointless.”

Alex did look like he wanted to object to that, but managed a hoarse, “Six weeks is-”

“Exactly what you need. I can make it eight, Captain, if you’d like,” Major Hunt said with a raised eyebrow.

Michael suppressed his smile. It sounded an awful lot like the kind of scolding Michael and Alex never got growing up. Their respective admonishments had always been more violent.

“Six is fine,” Alex grumbled.

“Good. Once we’re done here, you’ll have to see your specialist. I’ll have them driven up from Holloman and meet you on base in two days. And don’t even think of driving yourself Alex, or I swear-”

“He won’t,” Michael said. He felt embarrassment creep up his spine when he realized he’d interrupted Alex’s boss.

“I’ll be fine,” Alex ground out. He wasn’t looking at Michael anymore, keeping his eyes trained on the checkered curtain around the bed and medical equipment. Michael narrowed his eyes a fraction and squeezed Alex’s hand for the first time since the Major had walked past the curtain.

Alex turned to look at Michael and when Michael saw that stubbornness that both loved and irritated him, he parroted Alex’s own words from the day before back at him.

“I know it isn’t the best feeling in the world when you realize you need to rely on someone to take care of you.”

Alex’s eyes widened and Michael continued, “Luckily for you, I’m here.”

Michael saw Alex’s eyebrow raise and his expression turn stony. Michael _knew_ Alex was thinking of their fight and Michael wanting to leave Alex’s home, but Michael met his eyes and stared right back.

He could be just as stubborn as Alex and there was no way in any of Dante’s nine circles of hell that Michael was leaving Alex hurt and alone, just like Alex couldn’t leave Michael that way.

Their stare-off was broken when Kyle opened the curtain and stepped in. He had changed into a scrub top and donned gloves and stepped to the right side of Alex’s bed as Major Hunt stepped over to stand near Michael to the left.

“Alright Alex, let’s see if we can get that thing out of you.”

Alex turned his eyes back to Michael, but this time, Michael could see Alex was trying to prepare himself against the pain he knew was coming.

“Shit on a shingle, is that a fourteen-inch Serrated Sawtooth Bowie Tactical knife?” Major Hunt asked, his tone and expression slightly horrified.

“Yeah,” Alex wheezed, “It was dad’s eighteenth birthday gift to Flint and we all celebrated by going survival training. Flint used it on a Bighorn Sheep after he’d shot it. Dad taught him how to carve up the poor thing with it.”

Michael flinched and accidentally squeezed Alex’s hand a bit too hard. Alex didn’t seem to mind though because he squeezed right back.

“Your dad was a real piece of work Alex. The more I learn about him, the more I wish that SOB had been stripped of his rank years ago. And it’s looking like Flint’s apple never strayed far from the trunk.”

Alex seemed to know what Major Hunt was talking about because he replied shallowly, “Dad messed with us all, but he twisted Flint differently. Flint’s career as a Special Weapons Sergeant started with a fascination with knives and Dad made sure to encourage it.”

“Yup,” Major Hunt breathed out, “serious piece of work.”

Kyle, who had been checking Alex’s vitals, moved to pick up a pair of shears from behind him. “Alright, Alex. Let me take a look.”

Major Hunt cleared his throat and said, “Right. I’m stepping out Manes. Doctor, please let me know when you’re all finished.” With a nod from Kyle, Major Hunt slipped between the curtains.

Michael debated on whether or not to follow Alex’s CO. He didn’t want to be in Kyle’s way or make Alex more uncomfortable than he clearly was. Again, Michael was presented with the opportunity to stay or go. And again, Michael knew he couldn’t be selfish and do what he really wanted which was attach himself to Alex’s side and never leave. So, Michael eased his grip on Alex and made to take a step back.

_Maybe it would be better if I let them be while-_

“Don’t even think about it Michael,” Alex replied, his grip tightening on Michael’s hand.

Michael saw the determined look in Alex’s eyes and Michael fought against the urge to soothe out the lines of pain around them.

“I- Okay, okay. I’m here. I just-”

“No,” Alex said, his tone firmer, “No more. We’re not doing this again. _I want you right here Michael_.”

Michael swallowed hard and opened his mouth to respond when Alex beat him to it.

“If you don’t want to be here because _you_ don’t want to be here, then fine. But I want you here so please, don’t leave, okay?”

Michael let out a sigh of relief. “I don’t _want_ to go anywhere Alex. I never did.”

Alex used his hold on Michael’s hand to tug him down closer so Alex could rest his forehead against Michael’s again.

Kyle cleared his throat loudly then said, “I’m glad to see you both are capable of communicating without yelling, but I need to get the rest of Alex’s sweater off of him, then he needs to lay on his left side if I’m ever getting this knife out.”

So, Michael reluctantly stepped away for the brief moment it took Kyle to cut away the rest of the once beautiful blue sweater and get Alex fully reclined, but was back at Alex’s bedside and gripping his hand once Alex was lying shirtless on the hospital bed.

Michael and Kyle both gasped at the multitude of red abrasions and lacerations that covered Alex’s chest, ribs, back and forearms along with the injuries to his face and the knife sticking out of him. Michael wanted to burst into tears seeing Alex’s previously healthy, tanned skin marred so viciously, but knew that would only make Alex worry.

So, Michael sniffed and gripped the bars against the ER bed. He noticed the small lever and pushed it down telekinetically, lowering the rails to reach Alex better. Alex shifted again and rested his head against Michael’s hip which was level with the bed. Michael carded his fingers of his free hand through Alex’s hair and tried his best to keep Alex and himself calm.

Michael watched as Kyle swallowed hard before leaning over to examine the marks and the knife wound. He disinfected the shallow scrapes and cleaned the soon-to-be-purple marks before he started irrigating around the hilt and exposed tip of the knife with sterile solution. Michael waited with bated breath as Kyle gently cleaned away the blood from the entry and exit slits in Alex’s skin. Michael was no stranger to violent wounds, but he felt nauseated at the evidence of such on _Alex._

Michael had spent more nights than he would admit since Alex came back to Roswell wondering what it would have been like if Michael had been able to be with Alex after the accident which took his lower leg. Michael had always thought he’d’ve been able to handle it, but seeing the man he loved clearly in pain and used as a human punching bag, Michael admitted to himself he maybe wasn’t as tough as he thought.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Kyle exclaimed as he set his sole focus to the weapon, “He managed to get the knife all the way through your internal and external obliques but he missed the lateral cutaneous intercostal and subcostal nerves. He didn’t even nick your gastrointestinal tract.”

“Kyle,” Alex said in a pained whisper, “dumb that down for me.”

Michael saw Kyle shake the surprise off and reply, “Obviously, the knife has gone clear through your muscles. But the two major nerves, one that branches off to run along each rib and the other which trails closer to the hip, aren’t in danger of pinching from the blade touching them nor are either in danger of being severed. And, your large intestine and kidneys are safe too. You’re one lucky man Alex Manes.”

Alex’s scoff quickly turned to a hiss when Kyle pressed against the skin where the knife blade was buried.

“The bottom serrated teeth worry me more than the top ones since the bottoms are so much bigger. It’ll be less damage internally if I lift the knife up and pull it out instead of-”

“Kyle,” Alex ground out, “I don’t need the commentary. Just do it. I trust you Magoo.”

Kyle let out a snort of amusement and shook his head before his focus was again on Alex’s injuries.

Michael exchanged a worried look with Kyle, but Michael saw the moment Kyle shifted into the professional surgeon he was. Michael knew he was going to be less than helpful, so he resigned himself to watch Kyle remove the blade and keep Alex as calm as possible.

“Okay, Alex, you should feel some pinching, which is the localized anesthesia, but after that you should just feel pressure and some tugging. Let me know if you feel anything more than that.”

Alex murmured his agreement and squeezed his eyes closed as he squeezed Michael’s hand, pressing his head closer to Michael’s hip.

Then Michael watched as Kyle administered the anesthetic, widened the entry wound with a scalpel, then maneuver the knife free.

Michael didn’t think he breathed as Alex squeezed his hand so hard he was likely crushing Michael’s fingers.

He’d seen Kyle do his doctor thing a few times before, for Noah’s autopsy, the countless tests he’d run on Michael himself and the tail end of Max’s heart transplant. And while Michael had been grateful for Kyle Valenti’s skills as a doctor in those moments, he couldn’t deny that seeing his friend treat Alex topped those all.

Michael felt Alex’s deep sigh which seemed to come from his whole self. Michael moved to massage at the tense muscles of Alex’s neck as Kyle began cleaning the open wounds again.

“Well Alex, you’re officially metal free,” Kyle said with a wide smile.

Michael raised his eyebrow and Alex snorted in amusement. “Not exactly, Kyle, but I appreciate it anyways.”

Kyle looked confused for a moment before the lightbulb went on and he glanced down at Alex’s jean-clad leg saying, “Right, sorry.”

“Oh good,” Major Hunt said as he reappeared from behind the curtain then paused as he took in the marks that covered Alex’s upper body. Michael saw the man visibly collect himself before he continued, “My god. You look like you went a few rounds with Anderson Silva and lost. Epically.”

Michael saw Alex’s brief smile but then set his mouth in a grim line before replying, “The stabbing aside, I had worse from my father growing up.”

But before anyone could say another word, another soldier appeared and trained his panicked look on the Major.

“Major Hunt, we have a situation.”

Michael and Alex both tensed as they listened to the soldier’s news.

“Son of a bitch!” the Major roared.

Michael saw Kyle blanche, sporting a wide-eyed look of fear and Alex tense even further despite the oddly calm expression.

Before anyone could utter a word, Major Hunt snapped into action and strode out of the curtain, pulling out his phone and barking orders. Michael tuned him out as Kyle started furiously pacing by Alex’s bed.

When Michael looked back to Alex, he saw that calm expression turn hard and Michael had a sinking suspicion he knew what was coming next.

“Alex…”

“Kyle, can you wrap me with some gauze or something? We’re leaving. Now.”

Alex gritted his teeth and sat up on a yell which snapped Kyle back into doctor-mode.

“Alex, you can’t move yet, the wounds aren’t even closed! Any more movement could cause you to seriously bleed.”

“You can glue them shut for all I care.”

“Hold on, let me get the laceration closures at least.”

Michael both could and couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Alex was actually going to leave the hospital in his state and confront his crazy, armed brother who had taken the _sheriff’s office_ hostage.

He fixed his incredulous gaze on Alex before saying, “Alex, you can’t be serious!”

Michael was immediately slammed back to his and Flint’s interaction when Alex had been abducted before CrashCon and Michael’s search to find him had led to Flint Manes.

Michael had never really thought much of Alex’s brothers when they were teenagers since it was only Alex in the house with his dad by then. But Michael had hoped for Alex’s sake that they had turned out to be decent people. Michael had never met Clay so he couldn’t say one way or the other about him, but Michael knew that Greg had.

Flint, though, not so much.

Michael had really thought he’d had the upper hand on Flint while Michael had him zip-tied to that chair. But when he started to tell Flint about Alex being an amazing person, Flint had seen it. Without meaning to, Michael had exposed his soft spot for Alex. And Flint exploited that.

Michael had wanted to scare Flint into giving up where Alex was being held. Had wanted to shock the smug, evil look off Flint’s face when he realized how far Michael was willing to go to get Alex back. But when Flint told him that he’d taken Alex on purpose to get to Michael to cooperate, had told him Alex would die if Michael didn’t, Michael knew he couldn’t risk Alex being hurt because of him. Flint had outmaneuvered Michael and Michael had no choice but to go along with Alex’s fanatic brother.

It hadn’t been a perfect plan, in hindsight, but Michael had been so focused on finding Alex and seeing him again, that he’d essentially struck a deal with the devil.

And now that devil was back and Michael couldn’t help but be afraid of what he wanted this time.

Michael had seen first-hand how deep Flint’s depravity ran. His contributions to Caulfield, abducting his own brother and holding him hostage, ransoming Alex’s freedom by leveraging it to make Michael commission a bomb to wipe out a whole species based on prejudice and fear, and now attacking Alex in the open and taking over the sheriff’s station.

“I’m going Guerin.”

Logically, Michael knew the man had a stubborn streak wider than the Rio Grande and Alex would never just sit back and let someone get hurt if he could help them. Especially when it was someone he cared about. But Flint had overpowered Sheriff Valenti and whomever else was on duty. For Michael, logic had taken a hike and anger had taken its place.

“No!” Michael’s angry shout caused Alex and Kyle to halt their movements. “You just had a fucking knife literally sticking out of you Alex! There’s no way you need to be the one going after your psychotic brother!”

Michael saw Alex’s own anger replace the painful grimaces.

“Damn it Michael! I need to get out of here and get to Flint before he decides to make everything ten times worse. He’s my brother and it’s my decision!” Alex’s shouts weren’t as loud as they normally were when he and Michael were fighting, but Alex was no less serious.

“The actions of your fucking family are not on you Alex! You don’t need to go rushing in there to be a damn hero or prove some stupid point!”

“They _are_ on me, Michael, they always have been! I’m not trying to be a hero; I’m just trying to keep Flint from hurting anyone else!”

“There’s the whole damn Army-”

“Air Force!”

“WHATEVER!” Michael shouted as his arms flung out to his sides. “There are plenty of other soldiers who could deal with your brother! Send in a fucking SWAT team for all I care, but _you_ don’t have to go!”

“Yes I do, Michael! It’s my responsibility to mitigate the inevitable disaster, like always!”

Alex was glaring at Michael, but Michael was glaring back.

“Oh yeah? And what if you get hurt worse than you already are Alex? Then what? You get to be a martyr and the rest of us just get to stand by and watch?”

Michael knew arguing with Alex wasn’t what either of them needed, but Michael couldn’t help it.

“As if I ever get to stop hurting Michael,” Alex said with a scoff.

Michael squeezed his eyes shut as his headache came roaring back and ran his hands through his curls. He felt like he was unraveling as his anger at Alex’s words kept spiraling through him.

He tugged at his hair, the pull sparking a memory loose from his early sessions with Dr. Adermin.

_“I’m angry Doc, all the time.”_

_“Would you be able to give me some instances of when you feel anger Michael?”_

_“Where the hell do I start?”_

_“Start at the beginning. Do you remember the first time you felt angry?”_

_Michael sat back against the deceptively comfortable cushions and thought back to his earliest memories._

_“My brother and sister were taken away from me, literally whisked away from the chairs next to me and when I tried to go after them, someone held me back. I started screaming and yelling, trying to get them to come back, but Max and Isobel were just gone.”_

_Michael wiped at his eyes as discretely as he could before continuing, “I threw those chairs against the wall and jabbed a marker, hard, at anyone who tried to come near me.”_

_“And now,” Dr. Adermin asked calmly, “when do you as an adult feel angry?”_

_Michael blew out a breath and said, “Okay, let’s see, when I feel a situation has gotten out of my control, when I try to talk to my friends and no one can be bothered to listen to me, when no one takes me seriously. When I get dumped because I’m too much for one person yet not enough for another. Oh, and of course, I can’t forget the times my siblings decide to do something stupid then call me the reckless one!”_

_Michael threw his hands in the air to punctuate his last point._

_Dr. Adermin leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and waited until Michael was able to meet his gaze. When Michael finally could, his therapist began speaking._

_“Here’s the thing about anger Michael. It’s used too often as a placeholder for our true feelings. Many people, yourself included, turn to anger because it’s the safer option. It’s the emotion we have the illusion of control over. And even when it’s not the case, being in control makes us feel better. Yet anger is a volatile emotion. We use it to protect ourselves, even if that means blowing up the ground we’re standing on. And that eventually hurts the people around us because when we unleash our anger, it finds a target._

_“Using anger is easy. Despite the pitfalls, it’s seems so much easier than identifying our true emotions. But I want you to really think, in those instances you described, do you remember the emotion you felt before your anger took over?”_

_“I’m sure I could. But if it’s been working for me, why change it Doc?”_

_“Has it though?”_

_Michael went still. He thought back to that moment in the group home and knew he’d been terrified. He’d been so scared because he suddenly found himself alone. Michael released a breath and tried to clench his shaking hands._

_“When you rely on anger, Michael, it rarely brings satisfaction. You don’t gain much of anything from unleashing your anger, especially when you’re really using it to mask another emotion. Again, anger is volatile, destructive. So, my advice is next time, try to put the anger aside and be vulnerable.”_

_“I don’t do vulnerable Doc.”_

_“I get it Michael, believe me. In the past, vulnerability got you hurt, abused and taken advantage of. But you’re no longer a child who can’t protect yourself. Showing vulnerability as an adult can actually open up more honest communication. It can help to resolve whatever conflict you find yourself in. Being honest can lead to more rewarding interactions and can actually bring that satisfaction you’ve long been missing.”_

Michael took in several deep breaths and exhaled slowly after each one. He managed to lessen the pounding in his head and release the tension and anger that had gripped his body. Michael had been trying so hard to work on his issues and he was really trying to take Dr. Adermin’s advice. So, between breaths, Michael recognized that under the layers of anger he was hurling at Alex, lie the real emotion.

Fear.

Michael _hated_ feeling afraid. But feeling every emotion, no matter how uncomfortable he was with them, was what he signed up for when he started therapy. And love of his life, even hurt on a hospital bed, was one half of the driving force behind Michael continuing to be a better person.

So, Michael decided then and there to be honest and stop hiding behind his anger. To feel it all and be as vulnerable as he needed to be, no matter how much he felt scraped raw doing so. Alex deserved that much from him.

“Alex, you’re scaring me.”

Michael knew he sounded like a terrified child for admitting that to Alex, but when he saw Alex’s shoulders droop and his features relax, Michael knew he had made the right decision.

“Oh Michael,” Alex said with a sigh as he also seemed to let go of his own anger. “I’m in too much pain to be anything but honest right now. I don’t want to move from this bed. I don’t want to have to think about how my legs may not even support me standing if I try to. I would love nothing more than to let the MP’s or literally _anyone_ else for that matter deal with Flint. But I made a promise regarding my brother. And I intend to keep that promise.”

Alex was looking at Michael with stark honesty on his face and Michael couldn’t help but think of how right Dr. Adermin was. It was much better to lose the anger and see what being vulnerable could lead to.

“But I don’t want to do this alone, Michael.”

Michael’s breath hitched as he watched as Alex reached out his hand.

Michael knew how loaded the gesture was. Alex hated being touched unless he allowed it. And even though Michael knew Alex was a strong man, a strong soldier and needing someone was not in his nature, Alex had only ever reached out so plainly to Michael a handful of times before.

But it was also so simple. Alex was reaching out for _him_ and that small gesture was what Michael had been wanting his whole life.

_The pieces want to be together._

Michael felt that was more true regarding he and Alex than any glowing fragment that tied Michael to his past.

So, Michael did what he’d always wanted the freedom to do. He slid his palm against Alex’s and held on tight.

**

Alex felt like his side was on fire and his body was one giant, throbbing ache.

Every time he breathed had made the knife feel like it was ripping more of his insides. Even though Kyle was able to get it out with minimal damage, holding onto Michael made the rest of the pain he was in lessen, if only by a fraction and Alex wanted that back. He also just wanted Michael, so Alex reached out.

And Michael slid his hand against Alex’s own.

He looked into the scared eyes of the man he loved and wished he could erase that look, but Alex didn’t have that luxury. He needed to get out of the hospital and soon. Alex wasn’t going to risk the lives of Kyle’s mother and whomever was in the sheriff’s office with her for much longer.

Alex took a grating breath for courage, and despite having two arguments within the span of an hour, placed a kiss to Michael’s hand, hoping that was apology enough for now.

Kyle cleared his throat and Alex turned his head back to face his friend. Alex felt instantly guilty for taking up time yelling at Michael, since it was Kyle’s mother who was in Flint’s crosshairs this time.

“Sorry, Kyle, I’m ready when you are.”

“Okay. The closures are on, but I need to wrap you up so stay still for a minute Alex.”

Alex knew his friend was under a lot of stress at the moment and he appreciated Kyle thinking like a doctor instead of the scared son he actually was.

Once Kyle had Alex wrapped up snuggly, Kyle helped Alex swing his legs over the edge of the hospital bed and Michael helped him off before moving to take his weight, clearly trying not to accidently hit one of the injures Alex was sporting.

Alex tried not to grimace as each shuffled step made the sliced muscles at his side pull, but at least he wasn’t walking alone. He glanced around after finally being out from behind the privacy curtains around his bed but found all military personnel had vacated the hospital premises.

So, he and Michael followed Kyle as he led them out a set of doors before dashing off to get his car. Michael stopped in front of the outer wall of the hospital and propped Alex against it before sliding out from under Alex’s arm and taking a step back to pull off his own shirt.

Alex felt a bit unsteady even having the wall behind him, missing the warmth of Michael at his side. But once Alex saw Michael tug at his shirt, Alex’s eyebrows flew up and the aches, pains and hurts melted away, desire beginning to course through his body. Alex knew it was one of the absolute worst times to be feeling any whispers of passion or lust, but the simple act of Michael removing his clothes had a direct link to Alex’s libido. 

He felt slightly disappointed when Michael had only removed his buttoned shirt, leaving his white undershirt on. But when Michael stepped towards Alex, that disappointment faded.

Michael moved so his feet were bracketing Alex’s, his hips pressed against Alex’s. Michael’s body was closer to Alex’s own than it had been in months. Alex couldn’t take his eyes off Michael’s as he felt Michael skim a hand lightly along his spine, until Alex was resting his bare chest against Michael’s covered one, allowing Alex to lay his head on Michael’s shoulder.

He felt Michael’s hands skim down his arms, causing goosebumps to break out along Alex’s skin. Alex felt his breathing hitch before Michael said in a whisper, “Let me.”

Alex relaxed against Michael while Michael kept them upright, braced at the waist against the hospital wall. Then Alex closed his eyes as Michael guided one of Alex’s arms into a shirt sleeve, then the other.

Once Michael’s shirt was over Alex’s shoulders, Michael gently guided Alex backwards to lean against the wall. Despite the wound at his side and the likely rapidly-forming bruises across his upper body, Alex still felt his muscles clench in anticipation as the ghost of Michael’s touch trailed down his chest, buttoning the shirt as he went.

Alex should have felt trapped by Michaels body pressed almost fully against his. He should have felt alarmed while his back was literally against a wall and was for all intents and purposes pinned there. But Alex only felt safe.

When Michael finished the last button, he looked at Alex through his lashes and Alex was instantly entranced in the hazel depths of Michael’s eyes. Alex reached up his hand and managed to trail his fingers lightly against Michael’s jawline when a loud beep broke through the air.

Alex released the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and caught Michael’s small smile before Michael was at his side once again and had taken most of Alex’s weight to walk them to Kyle’s car.

Maneuvering into the backseat had Alex gritting his teeth against the urge to yell out in pain. But the second he and Michael were seated and the door was closed, Kyle sped off.

Alex yelped as a sharp turn knocked him into the car door. No longer distracted by Michael’s body and Alex’s own desires, the pain in all the areas of his body returned.

_Fucking Flint._

Alex tried to brace himself as Kyle took another sharp turn but failed. He heard Michael shift against the seat next to him and when Alex look over at him, he saw Michael had turned to put his back to the door and lifted one booted foot up onto the seat between them.

“Do you trust me Alex?”

Alex didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”

Then Michael’s fingers were sliding through his beltloops and Alex was being pulled between Michael’s legs as Michael wrapped one arm across Alex’s upper chest and the other braced against the passenger seat.

Alex immediately let out a relieved breath. Leaning back against Michael stabilized him and Alex no longer felt like he was being tossed around the inside of the car like a rag doll.

“Inertia, centripetal force and Newton’s first law combined can be a bitch,” Michael rumbled against Alex’s ear, “But lucky for you, I’m a genius who can help with that.”

Alex laughed and grimaced simultaneously when his muscles pulled before saying, “Making me laugh is not a great idea right now, _genius_.”

Alex felt Michael’s chuckle more than he heard it.

“Alex,” Kyle called from the driver’s seat, “What happened to Flint? I thought he was fine.”

Alex sobered as he remembered _why_ he was in a speeding car instead of back in his hospital bed.

Reaching up to grab hold of the arm Michael had across his chest as Kyle made another sharp turn, Alex answered, “He was. At first.”

Alex heard Michael’s muttered curse when Kyle sped through a yellow light.

“When he was brought into the hospital here in town, Flint claimed to have no memory of what happened at CrashCon. But he was carrying what amounted to a small arsenal in his backpack. He had guns, knives, smoke bombs, tasers and a grenade even, so it wasn’t really a huge leap to determine he had dangerous intentions.”

Alex tried not to yelp in pain when Kyle ran over a piece of debris on the road making them jostle around, before continuing.

“So, he was taken into custody by the Military Police for carrying weapons into a civilian-sanctioned event while not in uniform and attempting to harm civilians by starting a fire and inciting a panic. And when it was discovered that Dad had been there-”

Alex held tightly onto Michael’s arm as Kyle swerved abruptly.

“Do they think Flint killed your dad or something?” Kyle asked.

“I read the report and they determined that Dad had gone after Flint in an attempt to stop him from harming civilians. They posited that Flint had been engaging a gun-toting alien fanatic when Dad interrupted and that was how he’d been shot. And since there were no other witnesses in that scenario, no one else came forward and Flint didn’t remember anything, there was nowhere for the investigation to go.”

“So, your father goes down as a hero instead of a monster and Flint gets pinned as alien-obsessed and dangerous? What the fuck Alex?”

“I know, Kyle. But it was a messed-up situation with the only positive outcome being that none of my dad’s or Flint’s intended targets were harmed or exposed.”

Alex caught Michael’s squeeze to his shoulder, so Alex squeezed back. He heard a loud sigh from the front seat before Kyle spoke again.

“Well, when you put it like that. But where has Flint been all this time Alex?”

“He was transferred to Kirtland Medical Facility in Albuquerque. Once he got there though, he had a seizure and fell into a coma for three weeks. Whatever Max did to him had a delayed effect. But whatever it was, it thankfully didn’t leave a handprint. Once he was awake, he started raving about how aliens were coming to kill us all so he was placed under the care of the psychiatrists. He’s been at Kirtland for over six months. I went in to check on him a few times after he woke up from the coma, but he’d never let me in to see him. Nor would his doctors give me much information on his diagnosis or treatments until I was able to prove that Flint’s listed power of attorney had died and I was the next of kin.”

Alex tightened his grip on Michael’s arm when the car made another fast turn.

“And they were able to keep him there?” Kyle asked.

“He had two more seizures _after_ he woke up from the coma, then was diagnosed with a TBI. That coupled with the alien ravings and violent outbursts kept him under the care of the psychiatrists with regular checkups from the neurologists.”

“I really thought Max had killed him Alex.”

“I know,” Alex replied, “And as much as I probably _should_ say I wish Max had, I can’t.”

Alex felt Michael’s thumb rub a soothing pattern against his shoulder as Michael buried his face in the crook of Alex’s neck.

“Even after all this?” Kyle asked, no longer hiding his anger and panic.

Alex took in a breath. He knew that families were messy and complicated. For Alex, he loved his family but only actually _liked_ Greg. But no matter what Flint had done, he was still Alex’s brother.

Alex just hoped he’d be able to reach him before Flint went too far.

“He’s my brother,” was all Alex could say.

“I don’t know how you managed to become a decent, loving, loyal person, Alex, considering the truly shitty people who share your last name. But,” Kyle said, his voice softening as he sped along the street, “I’m really glad you did.”

“I’m really glad you did, too,” Michael whispered against Alex’s ear.

Alex suppressed a shiver at Michael’s words but reached one hand up to thread his fingers through Michael’s curls and just held it there. Alex felt the press of Michael’s lips against his skin and resisted the urge to turn over and pin Michael in place as he kissed him senseless.

Neither of them was in any shape for that.

So, Alex settled for tilting his head to rest against Michael’s and let himself sink into Michael’s warmth.

*

Too soon, Kyle had the car stopped and dashed out to the line of military vehicles lining the street. Michael and Alex extracted themselves from the backseat and followed him.

“Manes!”

Alex immediately straightened his spine and made his way to his commanding officer.

“Major.”

“What the fuck Manes! You’re supposed to be in a hospital bed!”

Alex took in as deep a breath as he could while trying to ignore the pain wracking his body and said, “Normally, I would be. But I have a feeling you’ve been having some difficulties getting through to my brother.”

“We just mobilized six minutes ago Captain,” Major Hunt replied, “But you’re right. We haven’t been able to get Sergeant Manes to cooperate.”

“Mind if I give it a try Major?” Alex asked. With the dozen or so various ranking officers blocking off the street and surrounding the building, Alex knew he needed to be careful. And he needed a plan, fast.

“Have you been able to call, radio or signal to anyone inside to determine who all is in there?” Alex asked.

“Sheriff Valenti we know for sure. But other than that-”

“Major!”

A soldier wearing a Military Police Corps insignia walked towards Alex, Kyle, Michael and Elias with a worried-looking man trailing behind him.

“Julio!” Kyle exclaimed as the man approached them, “thank goodness you’re okay.”

“I am and I’ll never complain about changing a poopy diaper again since that’s why I’m late for my shift.”

Kyle quickly introduced the newcomer.

“Major, Alex, Michael, this is Deputy Sheriff Julio Guzman.”

The man nodded and shook hands with everyone before asking, “Can y’all tell me what’s going on?”

As Elias filled in the deputy, Alex tuned out everything and everyone around him as his brain created and discarded contingencies and plans to get into the sheriff’s office.

As Alex analyzed the situation, the memories of his childhood crept in and the pain wracking his body faded into the background.

Jesse Manes had always encouraged his sons’ roughhousing with one another. Told them it built character and strength. And once all four of the boys were old enough (Alex had just turned six), he took them all on survival trips in the desert. Alex hadn’t always hated the weekend trips with just his dad and brothers. In the beginning, it was all an adventure. Alex learned how to find water like he was on a treasure hunt, figured out how to find the plants he could eat hiding among the ones he couldn’t like a game of hide-and-seek, and pretended he was an explorer as he learned how to read the stars which could guide him to safety.

By the time he was eight though, his mom had left and the survival trips became arduous and grueling. His dad had begun training them all like soldiers and Alex stopped pretending it was all an adventure.

Alex and his brothers had to erect their own shelters and were responsible for their own food and gear. Instead of working as a team, Jesse Manes encouraged each of his sons to figure out their own individual strengths and would pit them against one another to see who was victorious. Alex learned _very_ quickly what that meant.

Clay, the oldest, was the best at strategy. He could create and deploy any plan he came up with, automatically making corrections and alterations as he went with few errors.

Flint, the second oldest, was the best at handling and using weapons. He could out-shoot them all and was the fastest with a knife, able to create traps to slow everyone else down.

Greg, despite being only two years older than Alex, was physically the strongest. He ran faster, tackled harder and could overpower any of them in one-on-one fights, sometimes taking on all three of them going after him at once.

Alex, the youngest, was the stealthiest. He had adapted, out of necessity, to making himself invisible or blend in so well that his brothers rarely could determine where he was and how he’d gotten past them.

And those skills each brother had, became a major factor of their adult careers. 

Clay, a Sergeant Major, was a master strategist and coordinated classified missions for the Marine Corps.

Flint had become a Special Weapons Sergeant for the Army, designing weapons and coordinating their uses.

Greg had risen to Petty Officer First Class, using his incredible strength at sea performing dive missions before retiring from the Navy.

And Alex, well, he’d applied all he’d learned from honing stealth and patience into become a codebreaker for the Air Force and rose to Captain.

So, as Alex stared at the front door of the sheriff’s office, he’d replayed those survival trips with his dad and brothers until he had a workable plan in mind.

“Deputy Guzman,” Alex said, not caring who he was interrupting, “How many entrances does the sheriff’s office have?”

“Four,” he and Kyle said in unison.

“Wait,” Major Hunt said, turning to the deputy, “we scoped out three and have each of them covered. The front entrance, the side door and the prisoner transport bay around the back.”

“This is Roswell, Major. Most of the buildings here in town were built with a bunker or fallout shelter during the 50’s and 60’s and the farms surrounding the town will have one or the other plus a root cellar reachable from the main house.”

“And you’re saying there’s an internal, in-ground shelter that’s accessible from inside the sheriff’s office?”

“Yes, sir I am. The outer doors are in an alley a block over. Only thing,” Deputy Guzman said, “is I don’t have the key. One stays with the Sheriff at all times and the other is kept with the on-duty Deputy Sheriff.”

Alex processed that, then after a beat, turned to Kyle. It took a second, but Kyle met Alex’s gaze and when Alex raised an eyebrow, Kyle looked sheepish.

“Um, actually,” Kyle said, shooting Alex a look, “I have a key.”

Both the deputy and Major Hunt looked at Kyle in surprise.

Kyle cleared his throat and said, “It was my dad’s copy from when he was the sheriff before he died.”

“Wait, that breaks protocol-”

“Deputy Guzman,” Alex said again, “This can be sorted out between you and the Sheriff after we’ve gotten her and anyone else from inside safely out. Until then, I could use your help.”

Deputy Guzman straightened and replied, “I’m listening.”

As Alex explained his relatively simple plan, he felt Michael tense behind him. Alex wanted desperately to grab his hand and reassure him that everything would be okay, but Alex knew better.

“And how do you know this is going to work, Captain?”

“Because,” Alex replied with a shrug, “Despite developing weapons and the most effective method of using them, Flint always lost when it came to tactical strategy.”

“I said it when I first met you Manes and I’ll say it again. I had a feeling being stationed here in Roswell was going to be more interesting than I originally anticipated with you under my command,” his commanding officer said before turning and conversing with the MP’s around him.

As Alex saw Deputy Guzman strap on a bulletproof vest, a soldier handed one to Alex. He was tempted to take it, but having it on would only make his already tender injuries throb unpleasantly and Alex didn’t need the distraction.

Alex could tell Michael wanted to question Alex’s refusal of the protective vest, but he kept silent as they both watched uniformed soldiers move around them.

“I really wish it didn’t have to be you,” Michael said from next to him, his voice reaching just Alex’s ears.

“Me either, Michael,” Alex replied as he faced Michael fully, “but I can’t risk it being anyone else.”

Alex could see the various emotions cross Michael’s face before he settled on resigned.

“I swear to whatever god is listening Alex,” Michael said in a whisper as he closed the distance between them until there were inches left, “if something happens to you in there, I don’t give a shit how many military people are here. I’m coming in to get you.”

“Michael-”

“No, Alex. I mean it,” Michael said earnestly, “I don’t care if I have to spend the rest of my life locked away being prodded and studied.”

Michael brought his hands to lightly trace Alex’s split bottom lip, “Because living a life without you in it?”

Michael rested his forehead to Alex’s as he whispered, “Wouldn’t be worth much at all.”

Alex had told himself earlier that it was time to stop hiding away all the parts and pieces of himself he’d kept hidden for too long.

So, he grasped Michael’s chin and tilted his head so their eyes met.

Then Alex captured Michael’s lips with his. He didn’t care about the sting of pain, only caring that Michael was kissing him back.

They hadn’t shared nearly enough kisses in the twelve years since they’d become so important to one another. But _this one,_ was nothing like the ones that had come before.

Because for the first time ever with Michael, Alex could feel the promise of a future.

*

Alex made his way through the dusty metal-lined corridor trying not to breathe too deeply or fall over. The descent into the bunker had sucked. His prosthetic had been jarred enough times during Flint’s surprise attack earlier that night and Alex’s leg was feeling the fatigue. His stump was swollen since he could feel the attachment of the prosthetic digging painfully into his muscle.

Alex cursed under his breath, wishing for the hundredth time he’d stayed in that hospital bed.

But Alex knew what could happen if he left his brother for anyone else to deal with. Flint, despite the traumatic brain injury, knew too much about aliens and Alex absolutely did _not_ want anyone questioning the credibility of any possible rantings from Flint. Caulfield was gone. Project Shepherd was over. Jesse Manes was dead. Flint was the only threat left from the government to Michael, Max and Isobel.

When Alex and Deputy Guzman finally reached the inner door, Alex watched as the other man fit Kyle’s key into the lock and turned. Alex hoped no one inside heard the whine of the un-oiled hinges.

They stepped out from behind a well-disguised door and silently made their way out of the storage closet and into the law enforcement building. They passed the empty office with Michelle Valenti’s name etched into the glass and moved to stand on either side of a door with a small inset window with security glass, looking out at the empty deputy desks.

Michelle Valenti and Jenna Cameron were sitting on the bench behind the gated cell, Michelle slumped over, unconscious, on Jenna’s lap.

Flint was nowhere in sight.

Alex opened the door and slipped out, Guzman trailing close behind him. Jenna had looked up to see them emerge and the look on her face was of stark relief. She motioned for them to be silent, before looking to Guzman and pointed to the lock mechanism, shaking her head. With a nod, Guzman quickly slipped back behind the door.

Alex made his way to the locked cage and whispered, “Is she okay?”

“He pistol-whipped her, but her breathing is normal. I think she’s just unconscious,” Jenna whispered back.

“How about you?”

“Pissed, but otherwise okay.”

“And Flint?”

“Checking the front. He left about forty seconds ago but I wouldn’t chance taking your time getting us out of here Alex.”

“Anyone else here?”

“No, just me and the sheriff. I was the one who arrested him after he attacked you.” Jenna gave Alex a cursory glance then asked, “How the hell are you even standing right now Manes?”

Alex winced and answered in his hushed tone, “I won’t be for much longer.”

Deputy Guzman appeared at Alex’s side with a different key, this one opening the cell.

“Michelle?” he asked Jenna quietly.

“Unconscious.”

Deputy Guzman stepped inside the cell and in one fluid motion, had Michelle Valenti over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift.

“Let’s move Cameron.”

As Deputy Guzman stepped back through the door he and Alex emerged from not even a minute before, Jenna held back when Alex made no move to follow.

“Come on Alex, it’s go time.”

“I’m staying Jenna.”

She looked at him with wide eyes as she said in an aggravated whisper, “He’s certifiable and armed Alex! He could kill you this time!”

“Jenna, did he say anything in front of the sheriff about-”

“No,” she said quickly. “After he overpowered me, he took down Michelle. He’s been ranting and raving, but I was the only one awake to listen.”

“The cameras?” Alex asked, suddenly remembering them.

“He disabled them after locking us in there.”

Alex let out a small sigh of relief. At least that was one problem he didn’t have to worry about.

“I’m glad you’re okay Jenna, but you’ve got to go. We came in through the bunker.”

Jenna nodded, but didn’t move to leave. “Alex,” she began, “he’s in a bad way. He keeps talking like your dad is still alive, like Jesse Manes is right next to him and can answer him.”

She quickly glanced over her shoulder then said, “And he keeps saying he needs to kill them all.”

Alex swallowed then nodded, replying quickly, “Max almost killing him messed with his brain. He was diagnosed with a TBI and had been under psychiatric care before he escaped the hospital.”

“Alex, he’s dangerous. Even more so now that he’s not fully in control of his own devices anymore. Add his military training and he could do some serious damage.”

“I know Jenna.”

“So, what are you gonna do, Manes? I don’t think he’ll just let you lead him out of here.”

“Hopefully distract him, so I can disarm him then drag his unconscious ass out of here. There are MP’s outside waiting to take him in.”

“And if he starts talking to them?” she hissed, “Then what? He knows about _all_ of us Alex, not just Max, Michael and Isobel. He could have us all in matching cells a helluva lot smaller than this one.”

“He’s been ranting about aliens for months while in the hospital, but so far, we’ve been safe.”

Jenna looked at Alex in disbelief. “You can’t be seriously banking on that Manes.”

Alex saw the desk out of the corner of his eye and rested his hip against it for a brief reprieve, letting his exhaustion show.

“Honestly, Jenna,” Alex said in a low voice, “he’s the last government tie to the danger Michael, Max and Isobel, and those of us who care about them, are in. I’d love to be able to tell you I have a way to keep Flint from ever exposing us all, but I don’t.”

When they heard footsteps approach, Jenna grabbed Alex’s shirt and dragged him behind the door separating the deputy desks from the hallway and closed it. Alex motioned for her to leave, and with one last glare, she quietly sprinted down the hall and turned the corner.

Alex tried not to think of how much he wanted to run after her. He was so tired of his family trying to destroy what Alex knew to be good about the world. The Manes men embroiled in the truth about aliens were power-hungry and prejudiced men with a serious god complex, save himself and his great-uncle Eugene.

But as his brother’s footsteps got louder, Alex knew he’d have to take responsibility for his family’s sordid crimes again, hopefully for the last time.

Flint’s enraged roar made Alex wince. He risked a glance through the small window in the door and saw Flint flip over a desk before striding angrily straight towards Alex. When Flint reached for the handle, Alex made his move.

Flint was thrown backwards as Alex shoved all his weight against the door as he opened it before Flint could. When Flint was slammed to the ground by gravity, Alex advanced.

Alex immediately pressed all his weight down on his metal foot over Flint’s wrist, forcing his brother to release the hold on his gun. Flint swung his fist towards Alex, but hit Alex’s lower leg. Alex could feel the reverberations from his prosthetic as Flint’s howl filled the air, holding out his no doubt throbbing hand. Alex ignored the increased pressure to his stump. Alex quickly crouched down to deliver a blow to Flint’s cheekbone then scooped up the fallen gun and took a step back. He’d been on the other end of Flint’s attack only an hour ago, but Alex was prepared this time. He wasn’t going to let his brother lay a hand on him again.

“You’re done, Flint,” Alex said as he kept the gun trained on his brother.

Flint’s crazed laughter filled the air.

“Done. Do you hear that Dad? He thinks I’m done!”

“Flint, Dad is-”

“DEAD!” Flint screamed, his wide-eyed stare trained on Alex, “And YOU killed him Alex!”

“Damn it Flint! I told you before, _I didn’t kill him!_ ”

“He’s dead because of you! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!” Flint roared.

“Flint,” Alex said in a low voice. But Flint wasn’t finished. He stood to his feet and pulled out a knife he’d stashed at the small of his back and brandished it in Alex’s direction.

“He was supposed to see that I was the best! He told _me_ about the aliens. Not Clay, not Greg, and _sure as hell not you!_ But then you had to come in and ruin it all!”

“For fuck’s sake Flint, you could have blown Roswell off the map and it still wouldn’t have been enough for him! Nothing we ever did was good enough for Jesse Manes,” Alex bit out.

“NO!” Flint roared, “Nothing YOU ever did was good enough. But I was BETTER THAN YOU! And I was better than HIM! But you couldn’t even let me have that!”

Flint began pacing, gesturing with the knife in his hand which glinted off the overhead lights. Alex swallowed. The wounds from the other knife Flint wielded earlier that night throbbed.

“I was proving to him that I was better. I outranked him! He was supposed to see ME!”

Flint stopped and turned to face the cell, staring vacantly to the empty cage and yelled, “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SEE ME!”

Flint rolled his head to the side and trained that same vacant stare at Alex and said, “It was my mission. _Justice can’t be served until after disaster has struck_. I didn’t need him anymore.”

Then Flint snapped his head back to the cage as he heard something only he could and hollered, “I DON’T NEED YOU FOR THIS OLD MAN!”

Alex bit his already split lip against the urge to cry as he watched his brother get lost in his own warped reality.

Alex shook his head and cleared his throat, hoping to focus Flint back on him.

“Flint, please-”

Flint’s maniacal laughter rang in Alex’s ears.

“As for _you_ ,” Flint said as he twisted his head sharply to the side and met Alex’s eyes, his body slowly turning to follow, “I’m not _done._ Not by a long shot.”

Flint’s movements which had been so quick a moment ago, slowed as he advanced towards Alex.

“First,” Flint whispered as his eyes went as wide as his smile, “I’m going to capture the one who tried to kill me. Max Evans, I’m going to start with him _._ I’m going to have him strapped down and introduced to some of the techniques I used on the other aliens in Caulfield.”

Alex swallowed against the horrible visual. But Flint continued, “And then, little brother, I’m going to take _Michael_.”

Alex suppressed the shiver at the malice in Flint’s voice as he said, “And _he’s_ going to watch while the other alien loses his mind. Then, I’ll take Michael apart, piece by piece.”

Alex felt like he was going to be sick as the image of Michael suffering through Flint’s torments flashed in his mind. 

“Which bit of himself should he see first Alex?”

Alex tried to keep the hand that was holding the gun to stop shaking, but he knew he was failing.

“Don’t worry, you can give me your vote later since you’ll be there witness it all.”

Flint’s mad smile was back. “And then Alex, you’ll get to see that disgusting, vile, _alien_ die right in front of you. How does that sound little brother?”

“Flint, _please_ ,” Alex begged, hoarsely. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take seeing the twisted, unhinged _being_ his brother had become.

Flint’s gaze once again turned to an empty cell as he said, “I’m going to do what you never did. I’m going to kill the aliens, Dad. Just watch.”

Flint slowly turned his head back to Alex and with that crazed grin, ran at Alex.

Three rapid gunshots rang out and Alex reacted on instinct and shielded away from the noise.

When silence filled the space again, Alex straightened to see Flint on the floor of the station, unmoving.

He forgot about his aches and pains as he saw his brother’s final expression etched on his face. Alex took in a few deep breaths as his brain tried to process what his eyes were seeing.

When it finally registered, he looked over his shoulder to see Jenna Cameron with her gun drawn, pointing it at Flint’s lifeless body. When she seemed satisfied that Flint was down for good, she turned and met Alex’s shocked expression.

“I heard everything he said Alex. And while I’ll probably have nightmares for weeks, my conscious is clear.”

Alex gaped at her as military personnel suddenly burst in with their guns drawn, looking to assess the threat.

Alex tuned out Elias’s voice as the man barked out orders and the rest of the sounds around him. He watched as Michael came rushing in behind the uniformed soldiers and ran straight to him. Michael was steps away when Alex felt his legs start to give out as the adrenaline left his body and his exhaustion took over.

Michael caught him and held him against his chest before Alex could hit the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to bring back Flint since we didn't really hear what happened to him in the season 2 finale and while Flint Manes might seem a bit out of character in this chapter, Kiowa Gordon can do wide, crazy eyes and terrifying REALLY well. 
> 
> Getting both Alex and Michael in a place where they're both able to help one another and truly show how they've grown (and doing it in a dramatic way) was a challenge for sure! I hope you all like how this chapter turned out. Stay tuned for the next few chapters to see where Michael and Alex go from here.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens next...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumps multiple POV's. First Kyle, then Liz, then Max, then Alex.

Kyle was exhausted.

He was a surgeon and was pretty damn familiar with feeling fatigued, wrung out and desperately needing to shut out the world for a while in order to save lives and do it all over again day after day.

Last night had proven to Kyle that while he’d experienced stressful scenarios before, nothing could top seeing his friend, his _best friend,_ attacked then stabbed by his own brother. But he’d been proven wrong when Kyle then had to witness Alex enter a hostile situation to rescue Kyle’s own mother.

It was like someone had reached into his head and extracted the highlights from one of his worst nightmares. He hadn’t been able to sleep a wink and decided to forgo sleep all together.

After the situation at the sheriff’s office was deemed under control, Major Hunt had insisted everyone go back to the hospital to get properly treated and checked out. Kyle’s mom had gotten an exam and Alex’s still-open stab wounds had gotten stitched up. Kyle had been flittering between his mom and his friend until the military police escorted Michelle Valenti home and Kyle dropped Alex and Michael back at Alex’s house. But instead of going home himself, Kyle had driven around aimlessly. Two hours later, he’d ended up in front of the Crashdown. Kyle walked inside, intent to sit at a secluded booth, when he spotted a familiar figure at the counter. Kyle approached the seat next to the man and sat down.

“Morning Dr. Adermin.”

Dr. Sam Adermin turned and greeted Kyle with a wide smile. “Dr. Valenti, it’s good to see you. Though,” he paused, no doubt seeing the lines of exhaustion on Kyle’s face, “it looks like you just came off of a long shift. Are you alright?”

Kyle started to nod, then slowly shook his head. Dr. Sam Adermin had his own practice in town, but he came to the hospital weekly to the psych ward for patients and was one of the hospital’s registered employee psychologists. Kyle had met the man while Isobel had been admitted the year before when she’d started blacking out, before they’d learned the truth behind Noah Bracken’s sick and twisted control over her.

Kyle had initially been intimidated by Dr. Adermin, but the man exuded a calming presence and was the easiest person to talk to. So, when Kyle felt his world turn upside down by learning about aliens, the truth about his father, Jesse Manes coming after him, bringing Max back to life, meeting Steph then finding out about her diagnosis and everything that fell in between, he booked an appointment with the busy doctor, grateful to let out his frustrations and how overwhelmed he was.

Kyle had promised to keep Max, Isobel, Michael and eventually Maria’s origins a secret, so he edited the scenarios he talked through and stuck to how he was feeling and handling everything.

It had helped. A lot.

Last night though, that was particularly stressful, and Kyle desperately wanted to talk to Dr. Adermin about it and get his professional viewpoint.

“Something major happened last night Sam. I wasn’t on a shift at the hospital, but it was still traumatic for me. I don’t want to take up your time out of the office, though, so I can book an appointment and we can talk about it then.”

Kyle respected the doctor on a personal and professional level. But his opinion of the man increased when he said, “How about you order some breakfast Kyle and we can talk over pancakes, okay?”

Kyle must have looked visibly relieved because Dr. Adermin chuckled and said, “I’ll go grab us a booth.”

Kyle placed his order with the waitress and joined the doctor with a fresh cup of coffee for them both.

“Excellent. Thank you Kyle. So,” Dr. Adermin said as he accepted the mug, “why don’t you tell me what happened to make you look like a stiff breeze is going to knock you over.”

So, Kyle did. He talked about being on shift when he’d learned his best friend Alex’s almost-but-not-quite boyfriend Michael showed up at Alex’s house Sunday with a concussion. But when the two of them had a breakdown in communicating the very next day, Kyle took Alex out to meet up with another friend of theirs at Planet 7. Alex had been so distracted though that he’d spent the night moping. When Kyle had gone to check on Alex who had stepped out of the bar minutes before for some air, he’d found his best friend being attacked by his own brother.

Kyle told Dr. Adermin about the knife, calling Michael, the hospital, and finally, learning Flint Manes had overpowered the arresting deputy and Sheriff Valenti, barricading them in the sheriff’s office while with the military police surrounded the building. It had looked like the kinds of scenes exaggerated on television with vehicles blocking off the ends of the street and uniformed men and women everywhere he looked.

Kyle explained how scared he was that he had to remove the knife Alex’s brother stabbed him with from Alex’s bruised body, only for Alex to then sneak into the building to face off against his brother again, alone. How Kyle couldn’t do anything to help his best friend or his mom trapped in her own station, not until one of the deputies came out with his mother unconscious over his shoulder and he could check her over for himself.

He’d been scared plenty over the years with her wearing the sheriff’s badge, but nothing felt worse than seeing proof she’d been attacked.

Before his mother had come out and with Alex still in the building, Kyle waited with Michael. But he’d been a nervous wreck and hadn’t done much to comfort his friend. All he could do was stand there with Michael, helplessly, behind the protective line of soldiers and military police.

Kyle wasn’t sure about mentioning Flint dying on top of everything, so he refrained. He knew Alex was coming to terms with it and wanted to respect that.

“Well, I must say Kyle, dealing with that sort of traumatic event would have most people curled up in bed for a few days.”

“Believe me Sam, I’m tempted to do just that.”

He was looking at Kyle with a contemplative stare. Kyle knew the look and took a bite of his omelet, waiting for whatever words of wisdom the doctor had for him.

“Kyle, you’re a doctor, a surgeon. You are primarily a man of action. You save lives and use your knowledge of medicine and healing to do so. I can understand why, then, you felt helpless and powerless during the events of last night. But I encourage you to remember, while you are an incredible doctor, friend and human, you are not without limits. And in my personal opinion,” Dr. Adermin explained, leaning on his elbows and maintaining eye contact with Kyle, “you pushed beyond yours to help your friends and managed to support your mother, then go on to help Alex and Michael both. That’s courageous in my book.”

He sat back and sipped his coffee, his words to sinking in for Kyle.

It took a few minutes, but eventually Kyle could understand what Dr. Adermin was talking about. Except...

“I followed you up to the bit about Michael. I don’t think I did anything to help him at all. If anything, he was the one who helped _me._ He was the one telling me it would all be okay, making sure I didn’t dash off like an idiot to try to help, keeping me from bothering the soldiers while they were doing their jobs.”

“Well, it may seem that way, but from what you told me, you were the one who alerted Michael to Alex’s being injured. You got him to Alex when Alex needed Michael most. You never kept him separated from Alex when you were treating him, allowing Michael to remain as a source of comfort to Alex during what I can only imagine was an incredibly painful experience. And while Michael was standing outside of that station, no doubt scared out of his mind that the man he loves most in this world had voluntarily placed himself in harm’s way, _while already injured,_ he wasn’t facing the possibility of losing Alex for good all alone.”

Kyle hadn’t considered that. He let out a relieved sigh. “I hadn’t thought of any of that. Thank you, Sam. I really needed to hear that.”

“I’d never tell you something that wasn’t true Kyle, nor would I give you platitudes to assuage your ego. It’ll probably take some time, but I have faith in your ability to take complicated and stressful scenarios like the one you experienced last night, in stride. You’re an impressive man Kyle Valenti. Your friends and family are lucky to have you.”

Kyle gave the man a grateful smile then took another bite of his omelet.

“Can I ask, Kyle, how are Alex and Michael holding up after everything?”

Kyle thought back to the tension-filled silence that had permeated the atmosphere of the car while he’d driven them both back to Alex’s. They’d each gone through some heavy shit over the last few days, but despite everything still up in the air with them, Alex and Michael hadn’t let go of the hold they had on each other until Kyle had stopped in front of Alex’s house. Kyle had, in the span of an hour that night, witnessed both of them be a source of comfort for one another and also a point of contention. But with both of them injured and obviously not wanting to part from one another, Kyle wasn’t sure what was going to happen between those two next.

“I don’t think they’re doing all that great Sam, individually or as a couple. Last night was stressful for them both. But Alex told me they’d tried talking a bit earlier that day and the communication broke down. They seemed to be fine one minute, then arguing with each other the next, then can’t manage to let one another go. I didn’t know if leaving them after I’d driven them to Alex’s was the right thing to do, but they were adamant they’d be okay.”

Kyle let out a huff of annoyance and continued, “Honestly, Sam, I really want them to work their shit out. It’s been _over a decade_ and yet somehow, those two idiots can’t seem to put the past in the past and focus on a future together. It’s so frustrating knowing they’d have a great life together if they’d just work though their issues, you know?”

Kyle had looked down at his plate and took an agitated stab at the peppers that had fallen out of his omelet, missing Dr. Adermin’s exasperated head shake and eye roll in commiseration.

“I can understand that frustration Kyle.”

Kyle looked back at the doctor’s neutral expression as the man continued, “While I don’t subscribe to the common idea of ‘locking two people in a room so they’re forced to talk to one another’, I do think that limiting outside factors does tend to maneuver both parties into a position where confronting their issues and focusing on one another, will yield to a result. Whether that result has a positive impact on the relationship or a negative one, is impossible to predict, unfortunately.”

Kyle tilted his head and contemplated Dr. Adermin’s words, an idea mulling in his head.

“When you say limiting outside factors, what do you mean?”

“For instance,” the doctor said after another sip of his coffee, “if both parties are reluctant to initiate a conversation, removing an excuse one of them could use to postpone talking by say, going to the grocery store or running errands, can open the lines of communication sooner.”

“So, by essentially removing the possibility of an escape, it forces them to confront their issues?”

Dr. Adermin’s expression turned serious when he said, “Forcing someone into a scenario they are uncomfortable with is parallel to taking away their choice. Each party needs to give their consent to put themselves through an emotional upheaval. You never know what may trigger a person, and not giving them a way to take a mental or physical break if the conversation becomes too difficult for one or both to handle, may result in disaster. I would hate for one or both parties to live through the potential fallout if that were to happen.”

Kyle swallowed and nodded. “I hear you Sam. Thank you for clarifying. And thanks for letting me talk your ear off. I’m sure you wanted to enjoy your pancakes in peace.”

He smiled and replied, “It’s no trouble Kyle. I found myself without my usual companion and decided to treat myself to breakfast. I’m actually very glad I didn’t need to eat alone. So, thank you. I do need to run though. I have an appointment in an hour and a mountain of paperwork to do before then.”

Kyle nodded and said, “Go on Sam. Your breakfast is on me.”

Dr. Adermin clapped Kyle on the shoulder and replied, “Good man,” before making his way out of the diner and across the street.

Kyle sat for a bit longer, thinking of everything the doctor had told him. Then, he picked up his phone and dialed the first number.

**

Liz had been dreaming of pandas.

Suddenly, the pandas were wearing leather pants and studded jewelry while jumping around on a stage at a rock concert. Guitars materialized out of nowhere and the pandas began playing them while singing “My Hero” by the Foo Fighters.

Yanked out of her bizarre dream by her cell, Liz groaned and reached blindly for her phone on the nightstand. She opened one bleary eye, noting the time on her digital alarm clock, then answered the call, knowing who it was by the ringtone alone.

“It’s five in the morning. You better have a good reason for waking me up Kyle Valenti.”

“I do, promise. Can you come downstairs and bring Rosa with you?”

“You’re here at the Crashdown?”

“Yup. And I have an idea but I need yours and Rosa’s help.”

Liz grumbled and looked at the sleeping lump across the room. Then she swore under her breath. Rosa was _not_ going to appreciate being dragged out of bed.

“This better be good Kyle or I’ll sic our sister on you, and she gets _mean_ when she doesn’t get enough sleep.”

“I’ll take the risk. Just, come down whenever you’re decent. There aren’t many customers here yet.”

“Yeah,” Liz replied with an eye roll, “I know Kyle. It’s a Tuesday.”

She hung up before he could respond, annoyed she’d been woken up before her alarm was set to go off. But Liz made no move to get out of bed or wake up Rosa just yet.

She’d gotten back into town three days ago and was dreading needing to leave again tomorrow morning.

*

When Liz left Roswell eight months ago to take the job in California, she knew she was running away. Again. But everyone and everything in Roswell had become a swirling pit of quicksand she found herself sinking into with no way out. The deeper Liz had gotten into her research with alien DNA, her relationship with Max and the secrets she’d been keeping from everyone, the stronger she felt she was being pulled under.

Liz had left after high school to find out who she was outside of Roswell, New Mexico and needed to leave eight months ago to do the exact same thing.

Liz had been trying not to let the feeling of betrayal from Max overwhelm her, but the sting lasted for three months. She’d thrown herself into the work at Genoryx, trying to keep an upbeat attitude and be grateful she landed somewhere she could make a difference. She avoided Diego’s seemingly endless questions about her prior research as best as she could. He had been constantly asking her about her mysterious lab in Roswell and was practically glued to her side whenever she was running her experiments. It was annoying the first time he’d done it after her first week at her new lab space, and three months later it was insufferable. Liz hadn’t recall him hovering so badly when they’d worked together in Denver.

Liz had been tempted to confront him, but when she’d overheard Dr. Margot Meyerson and Diego whispering about Liz’s secret lab in Roswell twelve weeks into her employment there, she’d been instantly intrigued about what their motives were. She wanted to keep a closer eye on the pair, and instead of quitting then and there, stuck around. Liz also had her father’s citizenship to consider. So, Liz kept their interactions polite and friendly, despite knowing Dr. Meyerson had an agenda.

Liz had made a call to Alex immediately after that and within thirty-six hours, she had a new tablet to secure all her private notes under an unhackable digital encryption. She’d converted everything over and breathed in relief knowing her research was safe from prying eyes. Her shared work was stored on Genoryx’s servers, but Liz was more careful about what was saved there. After overhearing Diego and Dr. Meyerson’s whispered conversation, she no longer trusted Diego or anyone else at Genoryx.

But still, Liz stayed.

She’d gotten her grant money and found a small place in LA, not too far from her lab. But Liz was sad and lonely there, despite initially feeling fulfilled by the work she was doing at Genoryx. She didn’t make many friends, too homesick for everyone she’d left behind. She didn’t explore the city she’d chosen, still too raw from everything that had happened in Roswell.

She’d been so excited that day under the gazebo when she asked Max Evans to run away with her and he’d lovingly said, ‘ _Anywhere_ ’. But that happiness had been eclipsed by the absolute feeling of betrayal when she’d discovered it was Max, the man she trusted and loved so much, who had tried to destroy her research. The fallout from his decision, having a year of her work obliterated, felt like he had destroyed _her_. She’d poured so much of herself into saving Max, helping Max, loving Max, that she felt like she’d lost herself in him.

A few days after she’d received her gift from Alex, she’d gotten another parcel in the mail. Her address was in Michael’s handwriting (she’d recognize that scrawl anywhere) which confused her since she hadn’t talked to him since she’d left, but she’d taken the package into her apartment and opened it. Inside was a note which simply said, _‘Hope these help’_.

So, she read them.

It took her most of the weekend to get through them all. She brewed countless cups of coffee and cried countless tears as she read letter after letter, all of them addressed to her and signed by Max. It had taken three days and ninety-seven letters, but Liz finally felt like the ground she’d been standing on was no longer shaking.

Those letters were a revelation. She had left Roswell so suddenly and so hurt, that she didn’t get the full explanation from Max as to _why_ he felt he was justified in taking such a drastic measure. She had told Diego when they were in Roswell that she couldn’t satiate his curiosity about her research there because she’d signed an NDA. He didn’t know that was a cover. But _she_ hadn’t known that he and Dr. Meyerson had made a plan to attempt to break into her lab and see what she was working on for themselves, only to show up and see the lab explode. The whispered conversation between the two had made more sense after that.

But the letters contained so much more than an explanation. Max wrote down things he’d never told her before. He wrote about being so hopeful for his future but the night Rosa died had changed everything, how he had to sever the connection with Michael afterwards for the sake of Isobel even though it physically pained him to make the choice between his siblings, the loneliness and guilt that plagued his waking and sleeping hours for months and years after. He wrote about joining the force. About growing up, his parents, and most of all, the never-ending, all-consuming love he had for the girl who, to him, felt like she was the reason his heart was beating.

Liz knew Max hadn’t sent the letters himself. She guessed he hadn’t because he feared she’d destroy them before reading them. And if he had sent them right after she’d moved to LA, she knew she would have done just that. But instead, she reread them for days after, letting herself remember the good things about being in love with Max Evans. The letters weren’t a magical fix in the slightest, but they were a bridge.

Liz knew she needed to stay in LA and at Genoryx. But four months after moving to California, she took her first three-day weekend and drove to Roswell. She’d been apprehensive about going back, not really knowing what to expect when she got there. But when she’d walked into her family’s diner and her father spotted her, he’d let out an excited ‘ _Mija!_ ’ before dropping his cloth and opening his arms. Liz had flung herself into them and held on. She’d missed her father and her sister so badly it was like a constant ache. But Liz knew that ache had to do with a certain alien she’d left behind, too.

After spending that first night catching up with Arturo and Rosa, Liz had fallen asleep and felt so at home she’d cried into her pillow, questioning all the decisions she’d made in recent months. It hadn’t been until the next day in the early morning hours that she’d grabbed her bag with Max’s letters, two cups of coffee and a bag of pastries from the kitchen and drove to his house. She’d wanted to see him, but Liz knew she’d need to be cautious.

After their first attempt at a relationship exploded like her lab had, Liz knew they needed time to get on even footing, on solid ground. She had no illusions that they’d be ready to pick up where they’d left off or even start up again, nor did she want to. But she missed Max so much (even before reading his letters) and wanted to open that line of communication again.

So, she’d knocked on his door and waited until his, sleepy, handsome face filled the doorway. She smiled when he startled awake, not quite knowing if he was dreaming or actually seeing _her_. And she couldn’t lie to herself, it had been awkward. They’d acted like strangers instead of the lovers they’d once been. But that all changed when she’d pulled out his letters.

Max had been initially confused, asking her how she’d gotten them. When she’d explained they’d been sent via Michael, his expression told her without words that Michael was getting reamed out next time they saw one another. But when she’d told him that his letters where the reason she was brave enough to come back to town _and_ see him, Max had been surprised. They’d ended up sitting outside on his patio until well after noon talking.

Liz had made sure to take regular visits back to Roswell after that.

*

Eventually Liz had woken up Rosa before darting into the bathroom first. Once she and Rosa both made their way downstairs half an hour later, Liz noticed Kyle and their other friends sitting around the large corner booth. Liz’s eyes met Max’s and she slid into the empty spot at his side. Their relationship was primarily long-distance, sticking to phone calls and messages. And, surprisingly, it was working for them. They’d managed to really talk and be open with one another. It was harder than she’d though it would be, especially after Max had gotten shot during one of her visits two months ago.

But Liz knew she needed more time before she could come back to Roswell for good and thankfully, Max agreed.

After giving Max a kiss on his cheek, Liz turned her attention to the rest of the occupants of their booth. Isobel and Maria were chatting with Rosa about her latest art piece and Kyle was staring into his cup of coffee, looking like he needed to sleep for a few days.

Eventually Maria spoke first.

“Okay, Valenti, spill. Why did you call us all here at six in the morning on a _Tuesday?_ ”

Everyone’s attention turned to Kyle. He looked up and Rosa added, “Especially since you look like you need more sleep than the rest of us. What’s going on _hermano?_ ”

Kyle cleared his throat and asked, “Did any of you hear about what happened last night?”

Only Max had. “I heard only a little about it before I got here. Jenna called me to tell me. How’s your mom doing Kyle,” he’d asked gently.

Kyle responded, “She’s a bit banged up but otherwise okay, all things considered. I can tell thought that she was shaken up.”

“Jenna mentioned what happened and-”

“Okay,” Isobel spoke, “want to fill the rest of us in please?”

So, Kyle did. He told them everything starting from when he and Alex showed up at Planet 7 to see their friend, to dropping off a wounded Alex and Michael at Alex’s house a few hours ago.

He was met with looks of surprise from everyone around the table.

“Is Alex okay?” asked Max.

“Does it make me a bad person if I say I’m relieved that Flint won’t ever be able to come after any of us again?” Isobel said aloud.

“Oh my god, that must have been terrifying for Alex!” exclaimed Liz.

“Alex Manes is a tough cookie, so he’ll be okay. But I’m officially taking monetary contributions to the Jenna Cameron ‘Thank you’ basket.” Rosa said, her palm out.

“We should be talking about this at the Pony. I have alcohol there and I think I need a shot.” Maria added.

“Last night,” Kyle started, “was traumatic, I won’t lie. But Alex will eventually grieve and heal and my mom will be back behind her desk in no time, if she isn’t already. I asked you all here because there’s something I need all of your help with before we can start day drinking.”

“Last night isn’t enough of a _reason_ to start day drinking?” Maria asked.

“Wait, telling us what happened last night _isn’t_ why you pulled us all out of bed?” asked Rosa.

“No,” Kyle replied. “I have an idea, but I need you all to tell me if I’m so sleep-deprived that it’s insane or totally within my boundaries as a friend.”

Then Kyle told them about Michael’s concussion, Michael showing up at Alex’s house with puppies, then Alex and Michael’s failed attempts at resolving their issues, and the fight they had before Kyle and Alex had gone out.

“I swear,” Isobel said with a toss of her sleek blonde hair and a roll of her blue eyes, “those two idiots need a reckoning with one another.”

“Those two _still_ haven’t sorted out their issues?” Liz asked incredulously. She knew it took time, but even she and Max had managed to work out why they’d fallen apart and were actively working towards a healthy relationship.

“Yeah, Alex and Michael have been more actively avoiding one another which is annoying as hell,” Maria said. “I don’t get how they don’t _see it,_ though. I mean, clearly, their auroras are intertwined.”

“Can I just say I think it’s fucking adorable that those two are looking after one another while they’re both injured? I mean, if they don’t take advantage of being under the same roof, I’m disowning them both,” Rosa stated, crossing her arms.

Kyle smiled and replied, “That’s actually where I need help from all of you.”

**

The early morning sun was shining, the radio was tuned to his favorite oldies station, and the love of his life was sitting in his passenger seat, her long dark locks blowing in the desert breeze, the scent of jasmine wafting over him.

Max wanted to take a snapshot of the moment and frame it. But he was driving, and he thought it might be a weird thing to say out loud.

Max couldn’t deny that the last eight months had been grueling. Being without Liz for four of those months, then only seeing each other a few times each month since. Max couldn’t tell which was more torturous. And even though he’d initially been pissed Michael had mailed his letters to Liz, Max couldn’t help feeling grateful his brother had.

Max had never intended to send them. He’d needed to get his feelings and thoughts down and writing was always where he excelled. So, he’d written a letter every day, sometimes twice a day, put them in a box and tried not to let his sadness at losing Liz Ortecho overtake his whole life. He found himself acting a bit recklessly where he had once prided himself on his control. He’d been distracted and unfocused, really only caring about writing his letters at the end of each day. Thinking about Liz was what had caused Max to break focus and hurl his bookshelf into Michael during one of their training sessions. Max felt immensely guilty afterwards, but looking back, he suspected that was when Michael had found his letters and mailed them. Not for retribution, Max knew that, but to hopefully get Max and Liz talking again.

It had worked. 

But it was hard to live each day knowing he’d had the love of his life for a little while before his actions caused her to take her love and leave him. Max hadn’t really experienced that before. When Rosa had died, Max had been a part of all that without a doubt, but he hadn’t had to live with knowing he was solely responsible for driving Liz away. But after causing her lab and a year’s worth of her work to blow up, Max became achingly familiar with the feeling and he hated it.

Max had gotten a taste of what Michael had spent the last decade feeling and had Max regretting every lecture or harsh word he’d ever said to his brother. Max had barely survived the first four months with no contact from Liz, knowing _he and he alone_ was responsible for his own misery.

Max had no damn clue how Michael managed to survive _over a decade_ feeling that. But then he realized, Michael had been doing just that: surviving. His brother hadn’t really been _living_ his life. Looking back over the choices Michael made in the years while Alex Manes had been at war, Max could see now that Michael had been punishing himself, thinking he didn’t deserve any better for himself.

Max wasn’t naive enough to think there weren’t other issues that factored into Michael’s life choices, but Max knew that driving away the person you loved most in the world permeated every other area of your life.

Max also knew that he owed his brother. Big time.

So, when Kyle had proposed his plan at the Crashdown, Max and Liz paired off. They’d hit the farmer’s market, then the grocery store. Max usually took any time he had with Liz and tried to make the best of it before she left again and today was no different.

When Max pulled up in front of Alex’s house, he saw Kyle and Rosa already there and pulled up next to Kyle. Not even a minute later, Isobel pulled up in Michael’s truck that she had recovered from the hospital parking lot, with Maria’s truck stopping behind her, before both women made their way over to the group.

“How are we doing this Kyle?” Isobel asked.

“Um, well…”

“Kyle, this was your idea. Please tell me you thought past all of us getting here with everything we brought.”

At Kyle flustered murmurs, Rosa rolled her eyes and stepped to the front door and began rapidly knocking. They heard the high-pitched frenzied barks of both puppies before a bleary-eyed Michael opened the door. He looked so confused and Max wanted to wrap his brother in a hug. Before he could though, Max saw Alex had made his way to the door on his crutches, his face lined with pain and Max wanted to hug the both of them.

Before either Michael or Alex could speak, Kyle was berating Alex for being mobile and fussing over his stitches and bandages. He was supposed to be resting and lying still. Kyle squeezed passed Michael to usher Alex back into the house which left Michael standing on the porch, confusion still etched on his tired face.

Then Max noticed the bruises.

Isobel must have noticed them too because Max and Isobel were both rushing towards their brother and sandwiched him between them, hugging him but remembering not to squeeze too hard. Max didn’t notice Liz, Maria and Rosa hauling grocery bags, pet supplies and tote bags into the house, leaving him and Isobel to fuss over Michael. He was checking over the purple marks on Michael’s face, Isobel doing the same.

“You said you had a concussion, not that you look like you were illegally street fighting Michael!” Isobel exclaimed.

Max gently turned his attention to the bruises on Michael’s throat. They looked like they hurt the most.

“I can heal these for you if you want Michael.”

Michael turned to look at Max and with a tired smile replied, “I’m good. Honest. Besides, I’ve already been seen in town like this and people may get curious as to why I’m suddenly bruise-free. But I appreciate it brother.”

Max nodded. He didn’t like seeing his siblings hurt, but he understood Michael’s logic.

Once Max and Isobel were given reassurances that his injuries looked worse than they felt (neither believed that for a second), Michael started for Kyle’s car but was promptly ushered back inside by Maria who immediately began fussing over him.

Max began unloading the vehicles and once everything was settled inside Alex’s house, made his way into the kitchen. He saw Liz slipping a covered pan into the oven and Max leaned against the entryway, content to drink in the sight of the woman he loved.

Suddenly, he was being poked and looked down to see Rosa handing him some celery. “Instead of staring at my sister, you could be helping,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

Max smiled and replied, “You’re an artist Rosa. You should know better than anyone how captivating true beauty is.”

She busted out laughing as Liz whipped around to gape at him, her cheeks reddening. Max walked behind her, placing a kiss to her flushed cheek before filling the fridge with the food they’d bought that morning.

Once everyone finished their tasks, they gathered in the living room, Michael and Alex sitting on opposite sides of the couch, both of them looking like they’d been through hell and back between the marks, bruises and lines of exhaustion on both their faces.

No one asked for details from Alex or Michael about the night before. But Max, Liz, Maria, Kyle, Isobel and Rosa spread themselves out on the chairs and floor, letting both Michael and Alex know that their friends were there for support. Alex thanked them for coming by and for caring enough about him to pass along their sympathies, even if it was for someone who had been a threat to them.

“Your fridge and pantry are fully stocked and there’s huevos rancheros warming in the oven. Also, Dad sends his condolences Alex, along with a tray of his enchiladas and rice which you can heat up later, so no need to worry about food or supplies from the stores for the next week or so,” Liz said.

“Kyle and I stopped at the pet store and we may have gone a bit overboard. But at least these adorable cuties have bowls, food, treats, collars, toys and beds,” Rosa said excitedly as both puppies climbed over her, licking her face as she scratched their ears.

“You have a brand-new coffee machine, you’re welcome Alex, and I brought over your stuff Michael,” Isobel said tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. Michael started to protest as Alex’s mouth dropped open, but Isobel was having none of it. “Just because you can’t drink caffeine yet Michael with your concussion, doesn’t mean Alex needs to suffer. I got you tea pods though, don’t worry. As for your boxes, I have a feeling you’re going to need them here.”

“Iz-”

“No, Michael. I was wrong. I think this is exactly where you need to be.”

Before Alex or Michael could get a word in edgewise, Kyle spoke next. “I really don’t want it to feel like we’re forcing you to spend time together. But with everything that happened yesterday…” Kyle cleared his throat before continuing, “I really hope you two can take this time you both have to heal. And I don’t just mean from your physical injuries.”

Kyle paused again before addressing Alex and Michael again. “I’m really happy we’ve managed to become friends, so I hope,” he said, looking at Michael first, then Alex, “that you can trust me when I say I think the best thing you both can do for yourselves is while you’re healing, to reconnect and hopefully, talk. Obviously, you can make that determination on your own. But as someone who cares about you individually and together, trust me on this?”

Max wanted to echo Kyle, but he had something to say to his brother that he thought Michael would completely understand.

“You guys,” Michael started, “this is all…” he turned to Alex who had turned his face towards Michael and just blinked at him, “great of you, but we really don’t need-”

“Michael,” Max interrupted, “consider this me mailing your letters, okay?”

Michael looked surprised and Alex looked confused.

Then Maria turned to Alex and said, “You’re both _there_ Alex. Trust and don’t let go.”

At her wink, it was Alex’s turn to look surprised and Michael to look confused.

“Seriously though guys,” Kyle said again, “If you won’t do it for you, do it for me? Please? I’m watching too much basketball and Steph keeps complaining I’m waking her up by talking about statistics in my sleep. I’d like to go back to watching a different basketball game every week, not _the same game twice in as many days._ ”

Alex and Michael exchanged glances before looking at Kyle again.

“Alright, I’m heading home to get some sleep. We’ll see you in a few days or so I suspect. Call if you need me, though, okay?” Kyle said before clapping Alex and Michael gently on their shoulders and left.

Everyone else said their goodbyes and made their way out the door, leaving Alex, Michael and their dogs together.

Max stopped when he’d gotten close to his Jeep, then turned and saw Liz walking to him.

“Can I give you a ride back home?” Max asked. He was tired, but he didn’t want to give up any time with Liz that he could get.

“Are you working today?” she asked, stopping to stand inches from him.

“Ah…” Max had to force his brain to work as Liz’s closeness surrounded him, “no. Not today.”

“Well then,” she replied, skimming her hands up his chest to loop around his neck, “spend the day with me?”

Max stared at the beautiful brown eyes and warm smile he’d fallen in love with before he even knew what love was and nodded, saying, “Absolutely.”

Max hoped Michael was able to clear the air with Alex soon. Because nothing was better than having the person you loved with your whole self, looking at you with that same love shining in their eyes.

Then Liz kissed him and all his thoughts scattered to the wind, scented with rain and jasmine.

**

_Alex tried to yell past the tape covering his mouth, but it was useless. He was chained to the freezing floor of the windowless room, his prosthetic gone, and watching helplessly as Michael was fully strapped to a table, faceless figures covered head to toe in white circling him._ _Alex’s wrists were bleeding as he strained against the cuffs, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to get free, but trying his damndest anyways._

_Michael’s face was a mess of cuts and bruises, but he kept his hazel eyes on Alex, never looking away._

_Alex began sobbing, straining against the strong metal chains. He didn’t think he was strong enough to witness Michael being tortured._

_Alex tried to get the attention of one of the figures surrounding Michael, but no one paid him any mind._

_Suddenly, he felt a hand on the back of his neck. Then the hand squeezed painfully. Alex struggled to look up but when he did, he saw his father, his dress blues covered in blood, staring at where Michael was strapped to the table with dead eyes and hate on his face._

_“This ends now.”_

_Through the tears trying to blur his vision, Alex whipped his head back to witness Flint, his mad, excited smile plastered to his face, plunged his hand through Michael’s chest._

_Alex screamed and began fighting against the chains again as Michael began choking and convulsing until he went completely still. Michael’s once-beautiful hazel eyes were staring lifelessly back at him._

_Flint’s maniacal laughter filled his ears as he held up Michael’s shimmering, pulsing heart._

_Alex screamed again._

“Alex! _Alex!_ Wake up!”

Alex felt like something was tugging at his body, but that made him fight harder against it.

“Alex, please! WAKE UP!”

Alex’s eyes popped open. He was struggling to recognize his surroundings as his brain tried to make sense of what his eyes were seeing.

“Alex!”

Alex stopped moving as Michael’s worried voice reached his ears.

“Mi-Michael?” Alex wheezed as he tried to get his breathing under control.

“I’m here. I’m here,” Michael replied in a low voice. Alex moved to sit up then yelped when his muscles protested. He flopped back down onto his bed and wiped at his face. Once he cleared the crud from his eyes, Alex saw Michael hesitantly sitting on the edge of the bed, Alex’s sheet clutched in one hand.

Alex ran both hands over his face as he woke up and realized what happened.

His moving around during his nightmare tangled his legs in his sheet. It had happened more than once over the years. It looked like Michael had come in and was trying to help a struggling Alex free himself while attempting to wake him without touching him.

Alex took in as deep a breath as he dared.

“I’m sorry, Michael, I-”

“You have been through an understandably traumatic experience Alex. Nightmares are an eventual side effect. Don’t ever feel like you need to apologize for that.”

Alex looked up at Michael’s curls framing his still-bruised face and nodded. “Thank you.”

“Do you want help sitting up?”

Alex nodded again and together, they managed to prop Alex against the wall at the head of the bed.

Alex had hoped he’d be fine, since he’d been nightmare-free the night everything happened with his brother and the night after that. But apparently, his brain decided to lure him into a false sense of complacency before the bad dreams began.

“Do you…” Michael hesitated before continuing, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Alex opened his mouth to reply, but since he was awake, a niggling in his brain stopped him. He had no problem remembering his dream, but he was forgetting something important. He picked up his phone and read the time on the digital display and let out a curse.

Suddenly, Alex remembered his appointment with his doctor on base was that day.

“Shit! My appointment is in a half hour.”

Alex held a hand against the bandages at his side and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Despite elevating, resting and icing his right leg most of the day before, Alex was hesitant to put on his prosthetic since it had gotten damaged during Flint’s attack. Just looking at it made his leg throb unpleasantly. Alex glanced to the spot next to his nightstand where his crutch usually was, but the space was empty.

He turned to Michael and saw the other man holding it out to him. Alex shot him a grateful look before standing up and instantly regretted it. His bruises (which had turned dark purple yesterday) and muscles were still, thirty-six hours later, sore and in full protest of Alex moving around.

He’d been lucky yesterday. After their friends had left, almost by mutual silent agreement, Alex and Michael refrained from bringing up the events of the previous night or talking about anything heavier than what movie to watch. Neither of them could go back to sleep, so Alex spent the day sprawled out on his couch with little Mara curled up by his head and Michael in the chair next to it with little Tripp in his lap. They were content to just relax and keep themselves distracted. Alex knew they needed a few days to breathe and just be.

So, they watched movies and ate Arturo’s delicious food. They (more so Michael) sorted through the pet supplies Rosa and Kyle brought over and were entertained by Tripp trying to reach his collar to chew it off, then going after Mara when she pushed his nose with her paw, inciting a chase around the living room. Michael had even set up Alex’s new coffeemaker. When Alex had asked how Isobel knew he needed one, Michael had blushed and admitted that he’d texted her before they’d left for the vet, wondering how Alex survived his mornings without one. Alex had been thinking of reading a book after lunch and when he mentioned it, Michael asked him if he would read it aloud which he did until they’d both been too tired to stay awake.

As Alex made his way into his bathroom, he realized he never answered Michael’s question. He turned to do so, but Michael had disappeared.

By the time Alex managed to pull on clothes, he was already cursing up a storm. Alex seriously considered going barefoot to his appointment so he wouldn’t have to go through the effort of bending any part of his body to put on a shoe. And since he only had the one foot that was still skin and bone, he couldn’t slip on a sandal unless he wanted to eat the pavement. That was a lesson he learned the hard way during his early days of rehab learning to live with one foot.

As Alex sat at the edge of his bed wishing he had Michael’s telekinesis to get a shoe from his closet, one came floating through the door. Alex was surprised and had for a split second thought he’d actually summoned it himself. But when Michael ambled in after Alex’s shoe had placed itself by Alex’s foot, Alex just chuckled lightly, careful not to pull at his stitches.

Michael had changed into jeans and a t-shirt and donned his boots while Alex had been getting ready.

“Do you need a hand with that?”

Alex weighed looking weak by not being able to put on his own shoe against Michael’s admonishment if he tried. Michael had been great yesterday. He’d taken care of Alex, getting him food, making sure he was comfortable and keeping hydrated. It felt weird being taken care of like that and Alex had a sneaking suspicion it had felt the same for Michael when he’d shown up at Alex’s front door.

“Yes, please,” Alex said after a beat. He _really_ didn’t want to deal with the pain that would come with putting on a sock and shoe; just that and no other reason was why he’d taken Michael up on his offer. Having Michael _right there_ wasn’t even a thought.

Alex blushed slightly as Michael kept his eyes trained on Alex as he sauntered over to the edge of the bed sank down to one knee directly in front of Alex. Alex tried to remember to breathe when Michael slid his fingers around Alex’s heel and brought his foot forward. Alex forgot to breathe as Michael’s thumb made a pass against the skin at his ankle. Michael’s eyes never left Alex’s face and vice versa, so Alex missed the socks zooming out of his closet too, unfolding in midair. Michael lifted his other hand and caught one of the socks before sliding it on Alex’s foot.

Alex gulped and tried not to think about how intimate it was. Michael’s fingers were massaging against Alex’s ankle as Michael put on the shoe, Michael finally looking down so he could tie the laces. With a final squeeze to Alex’s calf, Michael shifted back and those hazel eyes were back on Alex’s face.

“You ready?” Michael asked in a gruff voice.

Alex nodded as Michael stood, pulling himself up off the bed with a groan.

“Could you grab my leg please?” Alex asked Michael. He looked over to the spot against the wall and seemed to get lost in thought for a moment.

“Michael?”

“Hmm?”

“My leg?”

“Right! Yes, sorry. I’ve got it.”

Alex slanted his eyebrows in confusion before following Michael out the front door.

*

“So, what’s this appointment for?”

Alex had been trying not to groan when every bump his SUV hit seemed like they were running over a boulder. Alex wished again that he was back in bed.

“Even though I was seen by a doctor, by Kyle, I need to be checked out by a military doctor in order to be officially on medical leave. And since my appointment with my regular doctor was supposed to be next week, Major Hunt arranged for it all to be done today.”

Michael was behind the wheel and Alex couldn’t complain at the view. He had been staring at Michael since they left the house, hoping that focusing on Michael would distract himself from the pain he was in.

“Is that why you wanted your prosthetic?”

“Yeah. I get evaluated with it every four months by my doctor and after the other day, well, I think I may be due for a new one.”

Michael’s brow furrowed before asking, “How many have you gone through since…” Michael trailed off and kept his eyes on the road.

“A few. It’s definitely been trial and error finding the right kind.”

“The one you have is a pin and lock, right?”

Alex raised his eyebrow in surprise. “How did you know that?”

Alex couldn’t help smiling when Michael blushed.

Michael cleared his throat then winced in pain before admitting, “I may have gone down the rabbit hole of research on transtibial prosthetics.” 

Alex’s gaped at him. Then Alex remembered that Michael was interested in most mechanics and Alex’s leg probably appealed to that part of Michael. After all, this was the man who built his brother an alien-tech based pacemaker in seven hours.

Before Alex could respond, he saw Michael tense. Alex looked out his window to see the check-in station they were driving towards. They’d made it to the base and Alex hadn’t even noticed.

Michael was looking uncomfortable and a bit worried. Alex reached out and gently nudged Michael’s elbow to get his attention. When Michael looked at him, Alex said, “It’ll be fine Michael. Just stay calm and follow my lead, okay?”

Michael nodded but his grip on the steering wheel tightened.

As the guard on duty ran his vehicle’s plate number, Alex pulled out his military ID, gesturing for Michael to pull out his own license. If anything, Michael looked even more freaked. Alex placed his hand on Michael’s forearm and gently ran his thumb back and forth in a soothing motion as the guard asked for their ID’s.

“Captain Manes!” The guard snapped into a salute.

“At ease, soldier. I’m not here in an official capacity today.”

The guard, Greenfield, nodded and glanced behind him before lowering his voice and stepping closer to Michael’s open window.

“Are you alright, sir? I heard about the other night and I just wanted to let you know I think you’re incredibly brave. And my condolences for your loss, sir.”

Alex swallowed against the lump of emotion at the solder’s words. He appreciated them, but at the same time, Alex was suddenly more apprehensive. If a guard soldier, whom Alex only saw occasionally during the week as he was coming on base or leaving, knew about the situation with his brother the other night, then it was likely everyone else knew by now too.

“Thank you, Airman. But there are men and women in those buildings more brave than me.”

Greenfield nodded and handed back their ID’s, giving Michael a clip-on visitor pass.

Alex nodded back and thankfully, the security rails lifted and Michael drove through. Alex directed him where to go and soon enough, Michael parked and turned off the engine. Alex hadn’t realized he was still holding onto Michael’s arm until Michael patted his hand before opening his door.

*

Over the years, Alex had thought he’d gotten used to people looking at him whenever he walked by. But this was a whole other experience. Most of the uniformed soldiers he passed actually knew him by name since there were only so many Captains stationed near Roswell and Alex was one of them. He had always felt a hint of relief whenever he was out of his uniform, but Alex felt particularly exposed without his fatigues and bars, having only dressed in an Air Force t-shirt and sweatpants that morning. And while he wasn’t the only officer in workout gear since fitness tests and medical exams didn’t require fatigues, thankfully, he was the only one who looked like he’d been in a street fight. Alex was sporting bruises and cuts that were clearly visible on his face, neck and arms and he wasn’t walking with his leg on, leaning heavily on his crutch.

Add that to Michael, clearly a civilian and sporting his own bruises, carrying Alex’s leg in his hand as he walked next to him, and Alex felt like his skin was crawling.

Alex wasn’t sure if he was relieved that Major Hunt was approaching and distracting Alex from all the stares or irritated Elias was drawing more attention to them as the stares and whispers increased.

Alex just felt grateful when a moment later, Elias turned his imposing stare to the lingering Airmen and women before they rushed off.

“Thanks Elias, I appreciate it.”

“Sure thing Alex.” He turned to Michael and said, “Hi again, Michael. I had hoped to meet you for the first time under better circumstances than the events of the other night, but it seems Alex here has a flair for the dramatic.”

Alex snorted then grabbed at Michael’s shoulder to steady himself as his laughter rang out, his tears a mixture of mirth and pain. “Right, _I’m_ the dramatic one,” he wheezed.

Elias rolled his eyes and motioned for them to follow him once Alex’s pained laughter subsided.

“I’ll admit, I half expected Alex to have driven himself and come alone,” Elias said to Michael.

“I hid his keys,” Michael admitted with a grin.

It was Alex’s turn to roll his eyes. He concentrated on walking while Michael and Elias talked and from what Alex could tell, they got on quite well. Alex smiled to himself, relieved that his friend and mentor and the man he loved seemed to be comfortable around one another. Alex, personally, thought Michael would be stiff and awkward if not almost dismissive of Elias, but Michael seemed at ease as they chatted.

When they finally reached the small cluster of medical offices, Elias left them be. He called out ‘ _six weeks Manes_ ’ over his shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

After verifying his doctor had arrived and he was led to an exam room, Alex sighed in relief to no longer be standing as Michael helped him onto the exam table. Once Alex was settled, he saw Michael hovering awkwardly by the door and Alex let out a huff.

“Seriously, Michael,” Alex said sternly, Michael’s gaze swinging to Alex, “if you step out that door because you think I won’t want you in here with me, I will drag you back in. Even on one leg.”

Michael just stared at him for a moment. Alex raised his eyebrow, knowing Michael Guerin of all people would actually do it, just to see if Alex would make good on his promise. Michael, though, must have seen Alex was completely serious, because he nodded then flinched as he sank into one of the chairs in the room.

With his free hand Michael rubbed as his forehead and Alex’s concern spiked. “Is your headache back?”

“It never actually went away. It’s been fluctuating in intensity since Sunday.”

Alex furrowed his brow. “It’s Wednesday.”

“Yes it is,” Michael replied as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Maybe we should call Kyle.”

“Nah,” Michael said as he widened his eyes briefly before blinking rapidly, “It’s been more on the irritating side since around lunchtime yesterday.”

“But you seemed steady at the…”

Michael shifted uncomfortably and replied, “The adrenaline sort of took over once I was rushing to get to you in the hospital to when Kyle dropped us back at your place. Luckily we were both exhausted when we got back to your house and we could sleep, otherwise the headache may have kept me awake until the people we consider friends came knocking on your door.”

Before Alex could ask Michael any more questions, his doctor came in.

Alex met Dr. Gemma Barrington when he’d come back stateside. She was the best prosthetists west of the Mississippi river and had been stationed on more bases overseas than anyone Alex had ever met. Luckily for Alex, Dr. Barrington had family in New Mexico and had decided to come home. Normally, Alex drove down to Holloman AF Base to see her, but he was grateful he didn’t need to make the two hour drive this time.

“Hi Gem,” Alex said as Dr. Barrington closed the door behind her.

“Alex Manes, my favorite patient! I heard you were-” Dr. Barrington had finally turned to face Alex and halted when she saw him.

“Crap on a cracker! Hunt said you were hurt, but he didn’t say you went a few rounds with Bane then lost!” She came up to the table and peered closely at the injuries on his face. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Michael mouth ‘Bane?’

“Seeing as how Bane is a comic book character, I imagine Major Hunt wouldn’t have said as much,” Alex deadpanned.

Dr. Barrington rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah, yeah, tease me all you want Captain, but you still look like hell. And who’s this with you?”

Alex opened his mouth to introduce Michael as his boyfriend but the words stuck in his throat when he remembered that wasn’t exactly true. Luckily, Michael was quick on his feet.

“Michael Guerin. It’s nice to meet you Dr. Barrington. I’ve read about your work using 3-D printing to produce custom fitted sockets instead of the standardly used vacuum chamber.”

Dr. Barrington’s smile widened as she shook Michael’s offered hand. “Right, of course. It’s nice to meet you Mr. Guerin. I’m a bit surprised you read about that. Not many people outside of the medical field find my research interesting. Are you a doctor?” Dr. Barrington asked politely.

Michael smiled and replied, “Call me Michael. No, I’m an engineering student. But I was curious why you were using aluminum plating in your new design instead of copper.”

Alex saw Dr. Barrington’s niceties turn to genuine intrigue before she must have remembered to start Alex’s evaluation.

“Well, Michael, let me get your boyfriend’s exam finished and we can talk.”

Michael opened his mouth to speak again, yet closed it. Alex caught the confusion that had been on his face at the hospital the other night and saw it on Michael’s face again.

_I really need to tell him about the emergency contact change._

“Alright Alex, I assume since you have a brain in that head of yours, you’ve been seen by a town doctor?”

Alex nodded and said, “Yes. He took care of my injuries when I got to the hospital.”

“Well, good. I still have to check you over though. You know the drill Manes.”

Alex pulled off his shirt and caught the look of surprise on Michael’s face which quickly morphed into a grimace. Then Alex slid off his sweatpants, leaving him in just his boxer briefs, and saw Michael’s eyebrow hike up. Alex bit back a smile at Michael’s appreciative glances but tried to focus. He absolutely did _not_ need Dr. Barrington seeing him aroused. So he bit his split lip, hard.

It did the trick.

“Please tell me there’s a tattoo under that bandage Alex,” Dr. Barrington said with a stern look on her face as she glanced at his abdomen.

“Wish I could Gem, but I’d be lying.”

Dr. Barrington let out a stream of curses under her breath as she notated each bruise and abrasion on his skin, then pulled back the bandages and winced before covering them again. When she motioned her hand for his arms, Alex held it out for her to look over his bruises there. She was muttering under her breath as she moved to examine the shallow cut along his collarbone. When she was done with his upper body, she sat down on the remaining chair and took a look at his leg, noting the bit of road rash on his left shin. As she examined his right leg and stump, Alex saw her concerned expression turn serious.

“I iced, elevated and stayed off of it for most of yesterday, I promise,” Alex said in a rush, knowing she was about to ask.

“That’s all exactly what you were supposed to do. But I don’t like that it’s still red and a bit swollen down here Alex.”

Dr. Barrington softened her tone and said, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, but you do need to tell me about all the impacts your leg took the other day.”

So, Alex took in a breath and gave her the details of Flint’s attack outside of Planet 7 whenever his leg had been injured.

When he was finished, Dr. Barrington looked angry before she smoothed her face into a neutral expression. “Well, no wonder your leg was unhappy. Taking that many blows and having the prosthetic twist twice is not good. I’m glad you didn’t force yourself to put your leg on this morning. Keep it off for the rest of the afternoon and if the swelling hasn’t gone down, stay off of it until tomorrow then check again in the morning. Let me see your prosthetic.”

Alex gestured to Michael who had been sitting unobtrusively while Alex talked to his doctor. When Dr. Barrington slid her chair over towards Michael, he handed her the battered and bent prosthetic. Dr. Barrington cursed up a louder storm when she saw it.

“You said your attacker knew you wear a prosthetic?”

Alex shifted uncomfortably before affirming her question.

“They knew what they were doing. The socket is cracked and the pin is damaged. The ankle joint is bent too. Alex, you’re going to need a new one and fast. I don’t want you wearing this with the parts compromised.”

“I have my old one.”

“There’s a reason we made this one.” Dr. Barrington sighed as she ran her gaze over the leg again. “I only want you to wear your older leg _if_ you need to and only for a week at most. I’ll call the lab and see if we can get your new one finished by next week.”

“What were you thinking for the design?” Michael asked curiously. Alex could see the gears turning in Michael’s genius brain, so Alex pulled his clothes back on and leaned back against the exam table as Michael and Dr. Barrington discussed an elevated vacuum suspension versus a suction suspension with a titanium shaft and carbon fiber foot for the next prosthetic.

Alex tuned them out and closed his eyes.

*

After getting home from his appointment on base, Alex spent the rest of the day much like the one before. He didn’t move much from his spot on the couch before falling asleep after dinner.

The next day was more of the same and Alex was growing restless.

He appreciated Michael’s help, but Alex had taken care of himself since his mother left and his dad made sure each of his sons could fend for themselves. Even while recovering and going through physical therapy after his leg was gone Alex had pushed himself to get as close to self-reliant as he previously had been. But laying on the couch for days was making his skin crawl. It had felt too much like he was confined to that hospital bed in Germany, even though logically Alex knew it wasn’t the same. But logic had taken a backseat and his bad mood was in full swing by mid-afternoon.

He knew he was being difficult and unpleasant on purpose, but Alex didn’t care. He’d snapped at Michael a few times already and Alex could tell Michael was losing patience. Alex gripped at him again before getting up and going to the bathroom.

When he came back into the living room, Alex stopped, his eyes widened in amazement. Michael was standing in the middle of the room completely still while various objects floated passed him. Alex saw blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, two camping chairs and his cooler which all piled up at the front door. Then Alex’s own jeans, socks, shoes, jacket and the older prosthetic he’d dug out of the closet along with his liner came flying out from behind him and landed on the couch.

Next came some of the pet supplies before fitting into the box Michael had brought the puppies home in.

Once the air was free of flying objects, Michael turned to Alex where he was rooted to the floor. Alex wasn’t sure what was happening so he tried to keep his voice neutral when he asked, “You going somewhere Guerin?”

Alex had a suspicion he failed when Michael turned his stony gaze on Alex and replied, “ _We_ are going somewhere.”

Alex didn’t have time to formulate a response before Michael was out the door with an armload of gear. Alex lowered himself to the couch and glanced over at the pile of his clothes. He smiled when Mara jumped onto the couch and burrowed her way under the pile.

Despite his shitty mood, Alex scooped up the puppy who made him smile for the first time all day. As he scratched at her ears and laughed as she licked his face, Alex felt better instantly.

_What did we do to deserve dogs?_

As Mara tickled him again, Alex remembered he wouldn’t have her if it wasn’t for Michael showing up four days ago. So, Alex gave his dog one last scratch behind her ears and pulled everything on. Alex let out a sigh of relief that his leg wasn’t sore or red or throbbing and slid into the socket easily. It still hurt to bend over and put on his shoes, but not as much as it had the last few days.

Alex wanted to smack himself for being a moody pain in the ass and knew he needed to apologize to Michael. Clearly his body appreciated the rest.

Michael walked back in and turned his attention to Alex. Alex didn’t feel the usual rush of desire knowing Michael’s eyes were roaming over his body because Michael gave him a cursory look before motioning for Alex to follow him. 

Alex grabbed his crutch and ignored his conscious berating him for being a jerk to Michael earlier. Alex locked the front door and made his way to the passenger side of Michael’s truck before getting in. Alex didn’t _think_ Michael was going to drive Alex into the desert and leave his snarky ass out there. But, with the mood Michael appeared to be in, Alex couldn’t count that possibility out.

Alex made sure to keep his voice light when he said, “Where are we going Guerin?”

Michael’s hazel eyes locked on Alex’s and replied, “To talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If that seemed like a filler chapter to anyone, that's because it was. But a necessary one because the next few are going to be angsty, emotional and a rollercoaster of feels. I hope you all like what comes next...


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the long-awaited talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When real life gets in the way, it REALLY gets in the way. I know you all have been waiting for this since probably the beginning and I can't say how much it means to me that you've stuck with this story. I really hope what comes next has been worth the wait. I truly hope you all are ready because these next chapters are a rollercoaster of emotions.

Michael was doing his best to drive the speed limit while trying not to unleash his temper. Alex had been a moody bastard all day and Michael had had enough. He could handle angry Alex, hurt Alex, scared Alex, hell even sad Alex. But Michael drew the line at snarky, bitchy Alex.

Michael got it. He really did. He wasn’t much better when he was forced to be dependent on anyone else for their help. It was why Michael had kept a lid on his frustration. But everyone had a limit, and he’d reached his with Alex. Michael loved Alex, but he wasn’t going to tolerate Alex’s directing his foul mood towards him any longer. Michael had learned all about the importance of maintaining his mental health and boundaries and keeping himself safe from other people’s negativity. Michael was no expert yet, but he was trying and Dr. Adermin thought he was improving.

Alex needed to vent and rant and rave and Michael knew the best place to do that.

So, he decided to put his plan into action a few days early. He packed some food and drinks in a cooler, some pillows and blankets for the bed of his truck, and two camping chairs. He hoped that by being on neutral ground, they’d _finally_ be able to work through some, if not most, of the issues between them.

Michael had been feeling so much better physically over the last twenty-four hours or so. His throat was no longer sore, his head bothered him intermittently instead of being one constant ache. He was steady on both legs and his vision hadn’t blurred on him since Monday morning. Michael knew he wasn’t healing at some weird alien speed, but he had always been a relatively quick healer. Michael always bounced back, but he never managed to stay scar-free.

He had asked Alex to wait for Michael’s concussion to be on the mend before they delved into their tangled, messy history, but Michael had seriously thought about what Kyle had said the other morning. Michael, while not completely healed, knew he needed to take the opportunity and talk with Alex. He only hoped that Alex was willing to, too. 

“I’m sorry Michael.”

Michael was pulled from his thoughts when Alex spoke for the first time since they’d pulled out of his driveway, but Michael purposefully kept his attention forward and stayed quiet. They were almost there.

“I’ve been a jerk to you all day and I know you didn’t deserve that.”

Michael flicked his eyes briefly over to Alex and gave him a curt nod before finally seeing the turn and guided his truck along the familiar dirt tracks. Once the rocks and boulders came into view, Michael put the truck in park and turned off the engine.

Michael turned his full attention to Alex and saw his look of skepticism before Alex asked, “What is this place Guerin?”

Michael looked out through the back windshield into the early evening sky and said, “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Michael got out and rounded his truck, pulling down the tailgate, then walked a few feet away and took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. Michael repeated the action a few more times before he felt calm enough to explain to Alex why he’d driven them to a random stretch of desert with no one and nothing around for miles and miles.

Michael glanced over his shoulder and saw Alex leaning against the tailgate, silently watching him. Michael could see the dark bruises and marks that adorned Alex’s face from where he was standing. It hadn’t gotten any easier over the last few days to see them each time Michael looked at Alex which was _always_ now that they were in such close proximity.

He had been surprised when Isobel had told him she’d brought his boxes from her house to Alex’s. Michael had been apprehensive about it, not wanting to make it seem like he was moving in. Michael _refused_ to take advantage of the situation between him and Alex and just assume Alex was okay with Michael as a long-term houseguest. So, Michael ignored the boxes that were stacked in Alex’s guest room where Michael had been sleeping the last few days. He’d been both happy Alex hadn’t mentioned it and afraid Alex would.

Michael _wanted_ to stay with Alex. Alex’s house felt like a home, one Michael never really had before. But until Alex made his opinion on the matter explicitly clear, Michael was walking on eggshells and pretending his six cardboard boxes didn’t exist. He was prepared to take Isobel up on her offer to stay with her once he found a place of his own, but Michael still kept a secret flicker of hope that Alex wouldn’t want him to leave.

It was something Michael wanted to carefully broach with Alex, among the other things they needed to set straight.

Michael walked back to stand opposite of Alex and made sure he held Alex’s gaze. “This is where I come to when I need to… let it all go.”

At Alex’s tilt of his head, Michael continued, “When I get… overwhelmed, whether it’s the stress of juggling everything day-to-day, or confronting my feelings and emotions, whenever I need to rant and rave about my past, I come here. And I tell it all to the universe.” Michael looked up at the sky which still held the sun’s rays, knowing that in an hour or so, the light of dusk would fade and the brilliant starry sky would be visible.

It was usually at night when Michael came out to the spot he’d found eight months ago, and he’d always felt better after yelling at the stars. He liked to believe that since that was where he’d come from, maybe someone out there was listening. It seemed a ridiculous notion to his scientific mind, but Michael pushed away that logic. Coming out to this spot made him feel better and that was what mattered.

Michael kept his eyes trained to the sky when he continued, “I think that’s what you need right now Alex.”

Michael turned to catch the disbelief on Alex’s face. “You want me to yell at dirt and rocks about my problems?”

“Alex, you’ve been through more crap than anyone I know. Everything with your parents, your brothers. In the last twelve years alone, you’ve been to war, injured permanently, thrust into a new reality where aliens are real, gotten hurt more times than I can count, watched your abusive father die and now with everything that happened with your brother? Alex, you have more reason than anyone to be furious about how unfair life has treated you.”

Alex swallowed but stayed silent so Michael continued, “You are the strongest person I know Alex. You always have been. But take off the armor and break, just for a little while.”

Michael gave him a small smile before walking back towards his door and slid behind the wheel. He wasn’t sure if Alex would actually let go and release some of the pent-up anger and repressed emotions of the last few days, months, years, but Michael hoped he would.

Michael sat in the cab of his truck to give Alex some privacy. He watched in his review mirror as Alex stared out to the horizon. For a while, Alex just stood there. But eventually Alex walked out a bit, away from the truck and the rocks and boulders they were almost completely surrounded by.

Michael didn’t want to pry, but he hoped Alex would eventually find some semblance of peace. Michael had, and he hoped Alex could too.

Michael wanted to talk to Alex, badly, but he needed to be cautious. Patience and clearly communicating were never some of Michael’s strengths, but he was learning. As Michael looked out his mirror, his eyes unfocused and Dr. Adermin’s words from their third session rang in his ears.

_“Often times, Michael, our impatience can get us into trouble.”_

_Michael laughed bitterly at Dr. Adermin’s statement._

_“Surprisingly, Doc,” Michael snapped sarcastically, “I figured that one out for myself.”_

_Michael felt immediately chastised when he saw Dr. Adermin’s eyebrow raise and the look of admonishment on his face. He hadn’t meant to be rude and knew he needed to apologize to the man he’d slowly come to trust._

_“Sorry, Doc. I didn’t mean for that to come out the way it did.”_

_“Michael,” Dr. Adermin replied, “you said it exactly how you meant it. I understand that therapy is new for you and sharing doesn’t come easy. But I’m not here to belittle you or make you feel stupid.”_

_Michael took in a breath and met his therapist’s eyes, despite wanting to keep them trained to the floor._

_“I’m here to help you and give you the tools you need in order for you to make some positive changes in your life. If you don’t want to continue, we don’t have to. I won’t force you to listen to me and if you’re reluctant to continue with therapy, well, I wish you well on your future endeavors.”_

_Michael felt ashamed and a spike of fear shot down his spine. He’d only had a handful of sessions with Dr. Adermin, but Michael had felt better after each one, despite the emotional upheaval he experienced every time he saw Dr. Adermin. He didn’t want to give that up just yet._

_“I don’t-” Michael took in a breath before he continued, “I don’t want to stop. I’m real sorry I said that. I know I have shit I need to deal with, but I’m no good at working through my feelings.”_

_Dr. Adermin, straightened in his chair and waited until Michael felt brave enough to meet the other man’s eyes._

_“If at any time, a topic becomes too much to work through or talk about, we can take a break. I understand you’re not the best at dealing with your emotions, but that’s part of why I’m here. But Michael, throwing around snarky comments isn’t exactly helpful. Do you feel good right now in this moment?”_

_Michael shook his head but Dr. Adermin kept his dark eyes on Michael until Michael responded, “No, Doc, I don’t.”_

_“Then please remember that when talking about a sensitive topic, to respect the person you’re talking to. Saying something offhand may seem like a good idea because it appears to lighten the heaviness of the conversation, but in reality, it can be off-putting.”_

_“I’ll keep that in mind, Doc. Thank you.”_

_“One other thing before we get back to our previous topic, has anyone explained the difference between ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I apologize’?”_

_Michael tilted his head before replying, “No.”_

_Dr. Adermin took in a breath before saying, “You’re not alone there Michael. An apology, by definition, is an acknowledgement of an offense or behavior. When you have wronged someone with your words or actions, specifically saying, ‘I apologize’ means you are taking ownership of that offense and trying to repent.”_

_Michael let that sink in for a second when Dr. Adermin paused. Then the man continued._

_“People say ‘I’m sorry’ nowadays as almost a reflex whenever they want to make amends. It lacks a certain accountability though. There’s a reason the word ‘sorry’ is derived from ‘sorrow’. Feeling distress, especially through sympathy with someone else's misfortune is when it is appropriate to use ‘I’m sorry’.”_

_Michael mulled over his therapist’s words and understood what he was trying to teach him._

_“I apologize for being rude earlier Doc. And I appreciate you telling me all that.”_

_“Thank you for your apology Michael,” Dr. Adermin replied, “Do you feel a bit better?”_

_Michael let out a light chuckle and said, “Actually, yes.”_

_“Words have meaning, Michael. Words carry weight. Using our words to express ourselves, especially when we’re trying to communicate across heavy, painful issues, is important to do correctly, otherwise, what we want to say gets lost in translation. And if we can’t properly communicate, then our world descends into chaos and we risk losing those around us.”_

_Dr. Adermin cleared his throat before he continued._

_“Back to impatience, if you’re okay continuing on that topic Michael.”_

_Michael nodded and replied, “Yes, I’m good, Doc.”_

_“Excellent.”_

Michael had a feeling he’d be eternally grateful for Dr. Adermin. The man was a freaking savant and Michael found himself often replaying parts of their sessions and putting the lessons the man gave to Michael to use. Dr. Adermin had been right; he had been teaching Michael how to use the tools he had at his disposal to make better and smarter choices. He figured the man deserved a fruit basket or something at least.

Michael had been caught in his own recollections and hadn’t been paying attention to the world outside his truck. But Michael was suddenly drawn back to the present when he heard distorted shouts and caught the reflection of arms waving about in the mirror.

It seemed Alex was making progress. Whether that was a good or bad thing Michael didn’t know yet.

Michael quietly exited his truck and pulled the camp chairs from the back. On one jaunt out here, Michael had set up a small stone-circled fire pit. It helped to have a heat source when the nights turned cold and Michael was too worked up or too spent to leave. So, he set the two chairs outside the ring of stones and grabbed a water bottle for himself and the lone beer Michael packed for Alex. Michael had a feeling Alex may need it.

Michael sat and tried not to stare too much at Alex’s back. But _damn,_ witnessing the strength Alex possessed was something Michael didn’t think he’d ever stop admiring. Alex had compassion and kindness, even for those that didn’t deserve it. He persevered and never gave up on those he deemed worthy of his affection and love. Michael was learning to be his own pillar of strength, but seeing Alex do it so effortlessly for everyone else, made Michael appreciate him in a way he couldn’t at seventeen.

As Michael took a sip of his water, he thought back to the past two days taking care of Alex. He didn’t regret a single second, despite them needing to come to Michael’s secluded spot in the desert. Alex had taken care of Michael when Michael needed it, and he was grateful to repay Alex’s kindness. Michael still wanted to break something though when he thought about _why_ they were in the situation they found themselves in _._

Michael, even months later, hadn’t regretted his decision to work with Flint and Helena in order to secure Alex’s safety. Michael had only wished he and Alex had managed to have more than that brief conversation when Michael was finally able to see Alex for himself.

Michael hadn’t liked for a second that Alex was chained and had been pissed to see that his leg had been taken away, but despite his feelings, Michael had thought it for the best in that moment since Alex’s father was going to unknowingly kill Alex with that atomizer.

When Michael had told Alex he was coming back for him, Michael had meant it. But then he’d seen that console and everything begun to spin out of control. And the next thing Michael knew, he was looking at Alex facing off against Jesse Manes with the man’s gun pointed straight at him. 

Michael had been scared plenty before, but when the gun when off, only missing Michael because Alex tackled his father to the ground, Michael was terrified. He’d grabbed the atomizer but couldn’t leave Alex to his father’s mercy. He’d tried to get in between them before with disastrous results. But Michael wasn’t a seventeen-year-old kid anymore.

Then that gun was trained on Michael again and Michael was suddenly very angry. Jesse Manes was about to succeed in his mission to eradicate aliens, and simultaneously manage to get the object of his son’s unnatural perversions out of the way. If Michael had been able to use his abilities, he would have used them on Jesse Manes and on Flint for his part in the events of that night.

But he couldn’t and while Jesse Manes had died, Flint had been free to come back and wreak havoc on Alex’s life again.

Michael had wanted to wrap Alex in a giant hug and keep him there ever since Kyle had dropped them back at the house in the early hours of Tuesday morning. But with Alex’s injuries and the attack so fresh, Michael refrained. Over the last few days even, Michael wanted to be close to Alex, to reassure himself and Alex that they were safe. But again, Michael held back. He didn’t think he could handle Alex shrugging him off, freezing at Michael’s touch, or pushing him away if Michael tried to get physically close to Alex. So, Michael made extra sure to always have a treat or two on him to lure Mara to the couch so Alex could take comfort in her endless puppy snuggles instead.

Michael did the same with little Tripp and he thanked whatever higher power was listening for bringing both puppies into their lives when he and Alex needed them most.

Michael took another sip of his water and checked his phone and saw the text from Max. Michael had called his brother to ask if he could take to dogs to his house for the night since Michael had a sneaking suspicion that he and Alex would be away for hours. Luckily, his brother agreed.

Michael’s ears picked up another shout and he turned his attention back to Alex’s figure. He seemed to, deflate a bit, and Michael hoped that was a good sign. He saw Alex look to the ground for a minute before the man shuffled back a step and turned, making his way back towards the truck.

Alex slowly walked to the chair to Michael’s right and wordlessly sunk into it on a sigh, massaging his thigh. Michael winced, remembering Alex’s doctor didn’t want Alex standing on his old prosthetic for long periods of time. Hopefully, Alex would be comfortable in the chair. If not, that’s why Michael brought along blankets in case Alex needed to stretch out in the bed of his truck. 

Michael was hesitant to break the silence in the dusk that surrounded them, but he was itching to know if his instincts had been right about bringing Alex out there.

“I don’t feel better.”

Michael glanced over at the marks on Alex’s face and saw that more of the tension in his body had released.

“Maybe not _better,_ ” Michael said, “but did that help?”

Alex stared out for a moment at the pink hues blanketing the sky before he replied, “Surprisingly, yes.” Then Alex turned to Michael and asked, “How did you know that would work?”

Michael met those chocolate eyes he loved so much and replied, “I found out the hard way.”

Before Alex could ask any more questions, Michael asked one himself. “You don’t have to talk to me about the other day and everything that happened with Flint, Alex, but I hope you do talk to someone.”

Alex let out another breath and slumped down into his chair to get a bit more comfortable and replied, “I don’t think I want to rehash the attack outside the bar.”

“I respect that, but can I ask one question?”

Alex looked over to Michael and seemed to find something in his expression because Alex nodded.

Michael fiddled with his water bottle before asking, “How did you avoid getting stabbed somewhere more… Somewhere else?” He didn’t want to think about Alex getting stabbed in a more dire spot on his body, but Michael had been there when Kyle noted how lucky Alex was that the knife hadn’t struck something more vital.

Alex turned his eyes back to the horizon before replying, “He’d already tried to slice at my chest but I dodged that enough that it ended up being only the shallow cut above my collarbone. But Flint, he had his arm across my throat, pinning me against the wall outside the bar. I tried to hold him away from me, but he had already banged up my prosthetic pretty good by then. My shoe slipped on a pebble or something because suddenly I was leaning left against the wall as he-”

Alex took in a broken breath and continued, “That’s how it ended up in my side instead of somewhere worse.”

Michael didn’t like the almost detached way Alex recounted his brother stabbing him, but Michael didn’t say a word about it.

“I know you’re probably not _okay,_ but I’m glad you’re okay Alex.”

Alex briefly glanced at Michael before replying, “I’m not, but yeah. Thanks, Guerin.”

Michael nodded and let the sounds of the desert fill the silence between them.

After a minute, Alex seemed to relax a bit more and twisted the top off his beer before saying, “You never told me about what happened to you, Michael, in Albuquerque.”

Michael was immediately back against that alley wall, dizzy and disoriented. He felt the scab at the back of his head itch at the memory, but he took in a deep breath and a long pull of water before he answered Alex.

“No, I didn’t. Do you really want to hear the details?”

“Honestly, no. But I’ve been really curiosity about why you were there in the first place.”

“Well,” Michael smiled when Alex looked at him, “that’s actually a much longer story.”

Alex shifted his chair so he was facing Michael more fully and said, “Stories around an empty fire? That seems wrong. Let’s light it up and break out the s’mores.”

Michael’s laughter rang out and he saw the smile on Alex’s face for the first time in days.

“I don’t have the stuff for s’mores, but I can start the fire now if you want.”

Alex glanced up at the darkening sky and said, “Yes please. It’s getting dark.”

Then Alex’s eyes went wide as he suddenly seemed to remember something. “Michael! The puppies! They’re-”

“Safe and being looked after. Does it make me a terrible person to hope they’re running around Max’s house while he’s failing epically to try to corral them?”

Alex snorted and replied, “Nope. That would be hilarious to watch. Those two do love a good chase.”

Michael smiled a bit wider as he bent over to start a fire.

“You and Max, you seem closer.”

“Yeah,” Michael responded as he relaxed back into his chair as the embers glowed, “since Liz left town after he blew up her lab, we’ve been hanging out more. It’s been nice, actually. I was angry at him for so long that I didn’t realize how much I missed just hanging out with him.”

Alex took a sip from his beer bottle before saying, “When I mentioned that you two hadn’t hung out at all that summer since the night my dad-” Alex inhaled sharply, “It wasn’t because of that at all, was it?”

Michael hadn’t realized that while he’d talked to Liz, Max and Isobel about the events of the night Rosa was killed by Noah using Isobel’s body, he’d never really explained to Alex what had happened.

Michael remembered that night after reluctantly leaving the Manes property. Jesse Manes had dragged Alex out of the shed and threatened to do worse to Michael than just crush his hand if he came back to find him there. Michael had wanted to go after the crazy bastard again, but he was broken and bleeding and Alex’s pleading face kept Michael from doing anything more than hurriedly pulling on his shirt and jacket, stifling his screams when his hand brushed against the fabrics. 

“No,” Michael said softly. “I was in my truck after trying to bandage my hand and I must have gone through four bottles of acetone. I was hurting, a lot, but then I felt this sharp pain in my head and I got these flashes and this feeling that something was horribly wrong.”

Michael saw Alex’s brows furrow so he continued, “You have to understand, I’ve always been connected to Isobel and Max, but it was only until recently that I could reach out to one of them like they’d always been able to do with each other. I was always out of the link, only feeling when one of them was in danger. And that night, Isobel was.”

Michael told Alex all about the night Rosa died, about what they’d done, what they’d covered up, how the only way Max and Michael could think to protect Isobel was to keep their distance from each other and give up any plans they’d had for their futures.

“It hurt, though,” Michael said, “I felt like he was my rock but then that was taken away from me too. My foundation, shaky as it was, felt like it was crumbling from under me.”

Michael toed at the loose rocks by his boot as he sniffed, trying to keep from letting free the tears that threatened. “Once I learned to trust Max after being sent back to Roswell, he was always _there._ I managed to shake off foster parents, social workers, teachers, pretty much anyone that was _supposed_ to care about me. But I could never shake Max, despite all the times I pushed him away or told him I didn’t want him around.”

Michael clenched around the water bottle in his grip, hearing the plastic crunch before he continued.

“It took me a long time to accept that he would always be there. No matter what. Whether I wanted him to be or not. Even after he knew I was holding it against him that he got a family and I didn’t. After Rosa died, I spent a decade without my closest friend. Then he had to go play martyr bringing Rosa back, killing himself in the process and I found myself real fucking lost.” Michael wiped at his eyes, before continuing, “After Max and Isobel were taken away from me as kids, I was completely alone. For most of my life after coming out of my pod, I’ve been alone. And I stayed that way until Max led Isobel to find me again.”

Michael kept his eyes trained to the dancing flames, lost in his memory.

“I was a kid that nobody loved. I didn’t know kindness from anyone, unless they wanted something from me. I had no friends and wouldn’t have known what loyalty was if it bit me in the ass. And family, well back then family meant people who lied and hurt or left.”

Michael noted that Alex had shifted his chair so they were close enough for their knees to touch. Michael looked up from the flames to see Alex’s gorgeous face saddened.

“I know that you get that more than anyone, Alex. But you never saw love as a temporary thing like I have for most of my life. You’ve always had a huge capacity for love.”

Alex ran his thumb under his wet eye and gave Michael a small smile. Michael tilted his head and studied the bruised face of the man he loved. Michael wanted to get through all the emotional crap to the part where he got to hold Alex again. But Michael still wasn’t one-hundred percent certain that that would be an option for him when they’d both said all they needed to say.

“I don’t know how my brother managed to never give up on me,” Michael continued, “because loving me definitely takes work.”

“Yeah, Michael, I know,” Alex said gently, nudging Michael’s knee with his own.

Michael smiled sheepishly and replied, “Yeah, well, Max never seemed to mind it which I couldn’t understand. It was almost like he’s been waiting this whole time for me to catch up. It took me a while, only within the last year or so, to realize that my brother is my hero. And letting me down is not something Max does easily.”

Alex tilted his head and Michael answered his unasked question.

“Not too long after Isobel had started blacking out again, Max found out about Isobel and I sending Liz away that summer so Max wouldn’t be tempted to tell her our secret. He did _not_ take it well. I went over to his house and he told me off.”

Michael rested his head gently against the back of the chair, looking up at the stars slowly peeking out of the fading sunlight.

“He was pissed. Told me I wasn’t his friend or his family.”

“He actually said that to you?” Alex asked quietly.

“Yup,” Michael responded. “Couldn’t really blame him either. Iz and I thought we were making a decision for his own good, but he made a good point when he brought up you.”

Michael didn’t see the surprise on Alex’s face but he heard it in his voice when Alex said, “Me?”

Michael tilted his head to meet Alex’s gaze before replying, “I don’t know how, but Max knew. About us. And when he asked how I would feel if the reason you left town that summer was because of him, I got it. If Max had been the reason you went to war, Alex, I told him I would have hated him for that.”

Michael saw Alex’s jaw go slack as his words sunk in.

“The thing about my brother, though, Alex, is that even when Max tried to stay mad at me for something I did that hurt him, he couldn’t. In Max’s mind, I messed up. But Max could never completely write me off. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that Max would never abandon me, even if he wanted to. He never believed me when I tried to be something I wasn’t.”

Alex cleared his throat and said, “When I asked if you were in love with Max, you said it was more than that, but less than that.”

Michael sat up and looked over to Alex as he replied, “It wasn’t exactly something I could explain at seventeen.”

Alex shifted his shoulders and looked into the fire as he said, “I get it now. But no. I don’t think I would have understood even if you’d tried, despite having three older brothers.”

Michael cleared his throat. He was hesitant to bring it up, but Michael knew he needed to take responsibility for what he put Alex through that summer after high school. “Speaking of that summer…”

Alex’s attention was back on him as Michael leaned forward and met Alex’s gaze full on when he said, “I was angry and out of control that summer, Alex. I apologize. I know it’s over a decade late, but you didn’t deserve that kind of behavior from me; you deserved so much better than my anger and my bad decisions.”

Before Alex could say anything, Michael took in a breath and finished, “And I can’t apologize enough for _intentionally_ getting myself locked up the day you left.”

Michael had been holding that in for twelve years. He had never admitted to anyone, not even to Dr. Adermin, that Michael had timed his petty crime intentionally. He knew Max suspected, but his brother never said a word about it after bailing him out. Michael knew even back then that he had messed things up with Alex and Michael took the coward’s way out. He stole Kyle’s hubcaps and made sure to do it when he spotted a deputy on patrol. Michael didn’t know if Alex would accept his apology, and if the tables had been turned, Michael couldn’t say for sure that he would.

“My behavior was cowardly and there’s really no reason I can give you that doesn’t sound like an excuse.”

Michael studied Alex’s face, but he was so stoic and kept his expression neutral. Michael let Alex see the remorse and guilt Michael harbored over treating Alex like crap that summer. It took several minutes but finally Alex spoke.

“Humor me.”

Michael squinted at Alex in confusion. “What?”

“Humor me, Michael. Give me your reasons that sound like excuses. I’d like to hear them.”

Michael took a cursory glance over Alex as he sat in the chair across from Michael. He expected Alex to be tense and rigid, but Alex appeared calm. So, Michael took in a breath for courage and unleashed his honesty, no matter what that decision would cost him.

“I wasn’t strong enough to handle saying goodbye to you.”

Michael ran a hand over his hair and continued, “It wasn’t like I could have gone with you to the airport and we got to have a tearful goodbye like in the movies.”

Alex kept his attention on Michael as he responded, “That would have been impossible for a lot of reasons. My dad flew with me to San Antonio and I went from his watchful eye to immediately under the Air Force’s.”

Just hearing that made Michael a bit sick. But Alex said it so matter-of-factly, and that made Michael want to cry. But he kept that urge back and continued.

“Yeah, and if I had to guess, you father had you on the earliest flight, if not the red-eye out of New Mexico.”

Alex nodded as he replied, “Guessed it in one, Guerin. But you were locked up overnight, so the actual day I left wasn’t really when I wanted to say goodbye to you and you know that.”

Michael rubbed at his knees, not even noticing his finger catch in a rip, and admitted, “I do, yeah.” Michael knew Alex wanted him to continue, so Michael began absentmindedly picking at the threads stretched across the rip in his jeans. The words were on the tip of his tongue and Michael wanted nothing more than to release them, but his old habit of keeping everything in to protect himself was in the way. Michael shook his head and stood up to pace. Alex just sat patiently and waited.

“Okay!” Michael practically shouted. “Okay,” he said in a quieter voice. He let out a deep sigh and told Alex the rest.

“I push people away. That’s what I do. It’s what I’ve done my whole life every time someone gets too close to caring about me. I push and I push and I push them right out of my life. I put you through the wringer that summer Alex, and before you could tell me to my face that you were giving up on me, I hid like a fucking coward. That was all tangled in the fact that I was _so in love with you_ back then, and I couldn’t handle that maybe you would try to stay with me, then wish you had left once you found out the truth about who and what I am.”

Michael paced away from the fire, purposely keeping from looking at Alex. “You were going to war and there was no reason for you to be any sort of distracted by _me_ , a nobody with no one and nothing. I didn’t understand our connection and I didn’t believe in it, couldn’t trust it.”

Michael didn’t care that he still had bruises on his face, even if they had become less purple and more green, he pressed his fingers into his eyebrows before shaking out his arms.

“You told me more than once that I needed to get my shit together, Alex, but I figured, the more I acted out, the faster you would realize that I wasn’t worth it. Worth you.”

Michael stopped pacing and faced the fire, but he kept his eyes to the dirt, afraid now that he’d revealed all of that to Alex that Alex would judge him. Or worse, _agree_ with him.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to hear that Michael. Thank you for telling me.”

Michael snapped his head up so fast he heard a crack in his neck. “ _What?_ ”

“Michael,” Alex began, still as eerily calm as before Michael admitted to being a colossal asshat and just how much he hurt Alex twelve years ago.

“First of all, you were a scared kid with these giant secrets you were carrying. Alone. You’re right Michael, back then, you had no one. No one you could trust and no one who was supposed to take care of you. I get that, Michael, _I know_ you know that.”

Michael gaped at him, shocked at what Alex was saying.

“Honestly, at the time, I was so mad at you for not letting me say goodbye, but I’ve thought about that moment a lot over the last decade or so and Michael,” Alex said with total sincerity in his eyes, “I still to this day have no idea what I would have even said to you if I had gotten the chance to.”

Michael didn’t bother trying to pick up his jaw from the ground as he stepped back to his chair and sank down into it, his knees brushing Alex’s again.

“You push people away, Guerin. But I was never great at confrontation. I didn’t need much pushing to leave and that was mixed all up with that crazy, weird connection to you that pulled me in over and over again. And you’re right,” Alex continued, his brown eyes never leaving Michael’s, “if you had told me about the alien thing back then, it would have consumed my curiosity and it would have been that much harder to adjust to the new reality I was facing. And trust me, the military does not appreciate distractions.”

Michael didn’t know what to say as he watched Alex take in a sharp inhale before opening his mouth to say something else.

“I grew up in a house that never felt like home. I had no one I could turn to either. And the guy I thought could save me from that was battling his own demons and it would have been unfair of me to expect you to rescue me from my shitty life Michael.”

Michael bit his lip to hold back the emotion that was threatening to spill out over his face. So, he placed his palm on his knee and hoped Alex would take the invitation. Michael let out a half-laugh, half-sob when Alex slid his hand against Michael’s and grasped it tightly.

“I do understand the irony in wanting to escape the violence at home and going off to war to achieve that. But you,” Alex said softly as he ran his thumb across the inside of Michael’s wrist, “ _you_ were never someone I wanted to escape. And Michael?”

Michael grasped tightly onto Alex’s hand.

“You are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

Michael rubbed at his eyes as he lost any control over holding back his tears. But Alex, it seemed, wasn’t done.

“You weren’t the only one who wasn’t strong enough to handle saying goodbye. But can we just, agree that we were both scared, messed up teenagers in _way_ over our heads and forgive our past selves?”

Michael nodded and closed his eyes as Alex brought their foreheads together. Michael was working on forgiving himself with Dr. Adermin, but hearing that Alex had struggled similarly helped Michael _finally_ let that part of their past go.

He was openly crying now, but instead of tears of pain, they felt freeing.

They stayed that way for minutes or hours, Michael couldn’t tell. All he knew was Alex was there with him and Michael was just so grateful.

Eventually, Alex slowly pulled back and Michael smiled when he felt Alex place a light kiss to his nose.

“Okay,” Michael said as they both relaxed into their chairs again, their legs tangled together as their hands slid away from one another. “Albuquerque.”

Alex let out an excited, ‘ _Finally!_ ’ before taking a small swing of his beer. Michael laughed and acquiesced. “Okay. So, remember how I told you I was going back to school?”

Alex nodded and Michael filled Alex in about his classes and how the semester had gone for him. Then Michael mentioned the call from the dean and that Michael accepted his offer for placement testing in Albuquerque.

Alex’s jaw was open and his eyes were widened in surprise at each new detail Michael revealed. Michael became more excited the more he told Alex, even going into detail about the different tests that were set up for him with each subject. Even though Michael knew most of the stuff he was talking about wasn’t in Alex’s wheelhouse, Alex just seemed content to listen and enjoy Michael’s enthusiasm.

“They said they’d call by the end of the week to tell me if I did well enough to skip certain courses or if I need to stick to my current degree track. I’m nervous though,” Michael admitted to Alex.

Alex was quick to reassure him though, “Michael, you’re a freaking genius! Of course you did well! Damn, I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Michael Guerin was not someone who blushed. But somehow, Alex Manes always seemed to bring it out of him and Michael could never figure out how the man managed it. As they sat there in the fading sunlight, a small fire going next to them and Alex’s proud smile on his face, Michael was full-on blushing and he couldn’t stop.

“I know you’re not at one-hundred percent yet, but a beer won’t hurt I think. We should celebrate!” Alex said enthusiastically as he quickly glanced down for the cooler that was still in the truck bed.

Michael’s smile dimmed a bit, remembering there was still so much more about the last eight months that Alex didn’t know about.

“Shoot, the cooler is still in the truck. I’ll be right back.”

“Alex, wait,” Michael said quickly, stopping Alex from rising out of his chair. “There isn’t another beer bottle in that cooler. And I wouldn’t drink it even if there was.”

Alex looked full-on confused before asking Michael to elaborate.

“Alex,” Michael began, “I haven’t had a drink in eight months.”

When Michael had told his siblings he was cutting out alcohol, they had been surprised, but ultimately supportive. Maria had taken it in stride, making sure to always have ice-cold seltzer for him whenever he stopped in the Wild Pony to make repairs or to hang out at the end of the day. Kyle had talked about his newly-discovered love of virgin daiquiris and proceeded to make them for he and Michael on the nights they watched basketball games. But it had been Rosa who looked at him with respect and empathy when she’d heard. Michael had tried his best to not think about what Alex would say about it if Michael had the courage to reach out and tell him (and failed spectacularly).

“ _You_ stopped drinking?” Alex asked with a chuckle and a raised eyebrow.

Michael grimaced. Michael knew Alex had seen him in bad shape before when he’d imbibed too much. Alex had been witness to the aftermath of Michael’s drunken decisions and fights, so he could understand the skepticism, even if it stung. Michael hadn’t really given Alex a reason to believe him, but Michael was determined to stick with it. After all, Alex had once accused Michael of wasting his life and Alex hadn’t been entirely wrong. But Michael was learning to own his mistakes and he was getting better about being candid about the issues he was tackling.

“I did,” Michael said proudly. Michael respected Alex’s input, but even Alex’s doubt wasn’t going to deter Michael from being proud of himself. “I came to terms with some hard truths and I realized that I was hiding at the bottom of a glass or the whole bottle sometimes in order to avoid dealing with my emotions and feelings. So, I stopped drinking.”

Alex had a sheepish expression on his face and said, “I apologize, Michael. I didn’t intend to sound so dismissive. I’m just surprised. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you without a drink.”

Michael nodded and replied, “Thank you. And that is a fair point. Hence why I stopped. I was becoming too reliant on alcohol and acetone to get through the day and while I haven’t seemed to hit rock-bottom, I knew I needed to cut the dependency out before I wrecked my life completely.”

“Wow,” Alex said, his beaming smile back on his face, “You sound like you’re making some real changes Michael and I sincerely am proud of you.”

Michael didn’t hold Alex’s reaction against him. Michael totally saw why Alex hadn’t initially believed him; Michael had never given Alex a reason to believe that he could function like a normal person off of either bottle. But for Michael, it was more important that Michael believed in himself. Trusted himself to figure out a healthy balance between dependency and moderation.

“Thank you Alex. It’s been a busy last eight months or so.”

“I want to know everything.”

So, Michael told Alex about the alien research he and his siblings have been trying to compile. Ever since Max touched the remote at CrashCon, they’d been trying to determine more about their pasts and decipher more of the symbols of their language. And since they’d decided they wanted to be stronger, Michael, Max and Isobel had started training to master their abilities. There were plenty of stories Michael relayed about the sessions with his siblings as the stars brightened above them in the darkened sky.

Michael mentioned his mechanic certification and clearing up the junkyard and all the gems he’d been able to find, salvage or repurpose. How Michael found he could apply the lessons he was learning in college to repairing appliances as a profitable side job.

And he talked about how difficult but exciting it had been building his relationships back up with his friends and the people he found himself close to and making the effort was more rewarding than he imagined. Michael blushed again when Alex teased that his circle of friends was bigger than ever. 

Michael sat back against his chair as he told Alex about how difficult it was balancing his day-to-day stuff, being busier than he’d ever remembered being in his life. But Michael didn’t want to give up a single thing.

“You’ve been busy Guerin.”

Michael rubbed the back of his neck and replied, “Yeah. But it’s been a good thing. I can’t really explain it, but I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” Alex said as he knocked his knee against Michael’s.

Michael did feel proud of himself for all the effort he’d put into living his life better. He was relieved that Alex was happy for him. Alex’s opinion meant so much to Michael. But Michael felt like he’d been monopolizing the conversation.

“Tell me about what’s been going on with you.”

“It’s not nearly as interesting as your stuff Michael.”

“Come on,” Michael said with a smile, “I wanna know.”

“Alright.”

So, Michael relaxed into his chair and took a swig from his water bottle as Alex told him all about his plans for becoming a freelance cyber security consultant after his enlistment was over.

Michael felt a twinge of guilt when he’d heard that. Alex had reenlisted because they’d needed someone with the access and clearance inside the system in order to work outside of it. After that one conversation outside of Alex’s house not long after Noah’s wake, they’d never talked about it again.

“Do you regret still being in?” Michael asked quietly. He was a little afraid of the answer.

Alex was silent for a moment before saying, “No. At first I did it out of a sense of responsibility, but I actually am glad I stayed in for another stint. I’m in a better position to have the future I’ve always wanted and some of that stems from my decision to stay in.”

Michael shifted uncomfortably before asking, “So it wasn’t just because of all the alien stuff?”

Alex gave Michael a small smile as he said, “No, not just because of the alien stuff. I’ve been working on more classified cases and my team has been recognized for multiple service efforts which better their careers as well as gives me more recognition for when I’m ready to go out on my own.”

Michael smiled back as Alex told him stories (the parts that weren’t classified) about the base, his team, and Major Elias Hunt. Michael really liked Alex’s commanding officer and was glad Alex had someone looking out for him that deserved his respect.

Alex talked about how he too had been trying to be more social and about some of the new friends he’d made at Planet 7.

“When we’re both healed up, would you introduce me to them?”

“Yeah,” Alex said with a grin, “I think they’d all like you.”

When Alex mentioned that he’d taken time to spend with his brother Greg after CrashCon, Michael had admitted he’d been a bit worried about how Greg was holding up. Alex told Michael about the visits he took to the reservation every month or so and how Greg admitted to Alex he’d been in therapy.

“I think it’s been good for him. Greg has a lot of guilt over how Dad was to me growing up. See,” Alex explained, “Greg was always physically the strongest. But he never put himself between Dad and me and he’s never really forgiven himself for that. Add to what happened at CrashCon…”

“Thank god for Greg,” Michael replied, “But still, to live with shooting your own father…”

“Yeah,” Alex said, “It was a messed-up situation with no positive outcome and I know Greg knew that.”

Alex stared into the fire as Michael could tell the events of CrashCon were replaying in his head.

Michael could understand completely why Greg was getting the help he needed. It wasn’t easy to talk about trauma but Michael thought Greg could only benefit from it, like Michael had.

Michael hadn’t been sure how to mention that he was seeing a therapist too, but the mention of Greg, Michael saw his opening.

“I’ve been seeing someone.”

**

His father holding the gun to Michael, then the shot ringing out before his father collapsed was playing on a loop in Alex’s head. He had been dazed after his father had hit him and hadn’t realized Jesse Manes was about to shoot the man Alex had loved forever. It had all happened so fast. Then his dad was on the ground, Michael had blood on his face and Greg had a gun in his hand.

Alex and Greg had talked about it during that first visit when Alex went to the reservation after CrashCon, since they couldn’t really discuss the matter with their therapists since the military had the investigation handled.

But sometimes for Alex, that moment where Michael was seconds away from being hurt at the hands of his father _again_ ran on repeat.

That was where his head was at as his ears picked up Michael’s voice. Suddenly, the words registered and Alex froze. He was sure he’d misheard Michael.

“I wasn’t sure how to bring it up before. And since this is the first time we’re really _talking,_ I figured it was the best time to tell you.”

Alex felt like his heart dropped into his stomach.

_Michael’s been seeing someone?_

“Honestly, when I met him,” Michael continued, unaware of the riot going on inside Alex, “I didn’t think I would like him. But the more we talked, the more I felt comfortable opening up to him. Now, second to you, he knows the most about me.”

Alex hadn’t realized how hard he was gripping his beer bottle. All he could focus on was the anger and jealousy coursing through his body.

_Second to me? What the hell? Michael’s been seeing a guy in town and is only telling me now? After everything we’ve-_

Alex felt a cold slither of shame run along his spine. Michael had come to Alex’s door not even a full five days ago, exhausted and hurt. Alex had invited Michael into his home, had _wanted_ him there. Alex had trusted Michael; had _kissed him_ in full view of his commanding officer and whoever else Alex was likely to see on base.

Alex felt so furious that he’d been made a fool of. Then a thought made him still.

_Maybe Michael was actually going to see his new boyfriend instead of to see Isobel like he said._

Alex had been so consumed by his thoughts that he had tuned Michael out, only to tune back in and instantly regret it.

“I know it’s been six or seven months now, but he doesn’t seem to mind that I just need him to listen. He actually prefers it when I unload on him,” Michael said on a sigh.

When Michael smiled out to the setting sun, Alex couldn’t hear another word.

“Are you fucking kidding me Michael?!” Alex shouted as he stood. Michael jumped, startled, and gave Alex a confused look.

“What?”

“Why did you even bother coming to me if you have someone you’re _seeing_ who you can apparently talk to and _unload on?_ ”

Michael looked more confused.

“Alex-”

“You could have told me you have a boyfriend Michael!”

Michael’s jaw dropped and looked utterly gobsmacked.

“A boyfriend? Where the hell did you-”

“Seriously, Guerin! What the fuck is wrong with you!”

Now Michael looked angry. He stood up but kept a few feet of space between them. “Alex, calm the hell down for one damn second okay, I-”

“Calm down? Calm down!” Alex began pacing and turned away from Michael, throwing his almost full beer bottle against a rock in anger before saying, “You expect me to calm down when, after everything the last few days, you tell me you’ve had a boyfriend this whole-”

“I’ve been seeing a therapist!”

Alex whipped around to face Michael again. His anger was consuming him and his pulse was throbbing in his ears, blocking out most of the sound around him so Alex wasn’t fully certain he’d heard him correctly.

“What did you say?”

It was Michael’s turn to pace.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist. A shrink, counselor, psychologist. Like Greg.”

“You,” Alex paused, trying to maintain some of the composure he’d lost, “you’ve been seeing a therapist?”

“Yes,” Michael replied on a sigh.

“But you said- the way you phrased it-”

“Poor choice of words on my part,” Michael said as he ran his fingers through his mess of curls. “So, let me try again.”

Michael took a step towards Alex and made sure he kept eye contact with him as he said, “Alex, I’ve been attending weekly sessions with a professional psychologist for over six months now. I was initially skeptical about the whole thing but then he, and by **_he_** I mean **_my therapist_** _,_ really got me thinking about all the ways I’m messed up and have messed up. It isn’t all that fun being picked apart and realizing all the things that are wrong with me, but it’s become easier to talk to him with each session.”

Alex swallowed as his curiosity momentarily overshadowed the anger that was still coursing through his body. He didn’t think Michael was the type to seek out a mental health specialist. But evidently he had.

“Other than _you Alex,_ Doc knows the most about me. I’ve been able to tell him things Max and Isobel never even knew. He encourages me to talk about what’s bothering me and he’s helped a lot when it comes to my destructive behavior and habits I’ve always relied on. And when I’ve had a stressful day,” Michael said as he took another step towards Alex, “I can unload or _unburden_ whatever stress and crazy emotions I was feeling and Doc helps me work through it.”

Alex was regretting shattering his beer bottle. But before he could ask Michael anything, Michael spoke again.

“You reacted pretty strongly when you thought I was talking about another guy,” Michael said and Alex narrowed his eyes at the smirk on Michael’s face, “Were you jealous Alex?”

Michael was about a foot away from him now, his eyes flickering over Alex in that _way_ he had as he put his hands in his pockets, his thumbs framing his belt buckle. But Alex could still feel the shimmers of anger underneath his bewilderment at Michael’s confession. He didn’t want to admit to Michael that he _was_ jealous, so Alex defaulted and stuck to his anger.

“I was angry because it sounded like you came to me to help you out and take care of you so you could then run off to be with another guy!”

Michael’s eyes stayed locked with Alex’s as he continued, “And I was pissed because I didn’t understand why you would let me feel-why you would kiss me if you had someone else.”

Michael’s smirk had faded and his hands came out of his pockets. He shuffled backwards, away from Alex, hurt written all over his face.

“You-,” Michael visibly swallowed before saying, “you really think I’d take advantage of you like that? Do you really think I would spend all this time being close to you, helping you, and _kiss_ you in front of all those people if I was involved with someone else?”

Michael looked like he’d been slapped. Alex immediately felt awful for jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, but before he could say anything else, Michael’s whispered words floated between them.

“You really think that little of me?”

Alex knew he should apologize, but his emotions were in turmoil and Alex felt cornered. And when Alex felt cornered, he tended to lash out.

“I don’t exactly know, Michael. Not all that long ago, we were supposed to talk. Then next thing I know, you were with my best friend.”

Alex saw his barb land, but he couldn’t stop.

“And then when I thought _maybe, just maybe_ you’d be able to hear my side of whatever _this,_ ” Alex gestured between them, “is, you disappeared!”

Michael had put significant distance between them now and Alex wasn’t sure if he hated it or not.

Alex saw Michael take in a breath before he said, “When are-”

“My song, Guerin!” Alex took a step towards Michael involuntarily.

“I may not have known you were going to be there, but you _were._ I saw you at the Pony, you couldn’t _not_ hear what I was singing about. Then suddenly, you vanished!”

Alex dug his nails into his hands as he remembered back to his performance of the song he’d kept in his heart for over a decade. Alex couldn’t help but recall all the old memories of him and Michael as he was singing and he’d hoped that Michael was remembering them too. Alex had been feeling so much in that moment, but it was the hurt he clung to when he looked up and saw that Michael had left the bar. He’d been confused, then insulted, before the hurt crashed over him. He’d pushed it down for the sake of appearances, but Alex couldn’t deny that seeing the spot where Michael had been listening empty had played a tiny part in Alex pushing past his deep-rooted insecurities and kiss Forrest Long in public.

Michael never heard the end. Never heard the last line. And, if Alex was being honest with himself, hadn’t really forgiven Michael for that.

Michael’s expression had gone sort of blank, but on Alex’s admission, he just looked sad. Alex fought the gut-instinct to sooth that sadness away. Alex was still clinging to his anger.

“I heard it Alex. I walked out, but-”

“You left Michael!” Alex had to clench his fist harder to keep his tears at bay.

“Alex-”

“No! One minute you were there, then when I looked back up, you were gone! You can’t stand there and tell me you listened Michael. Because, clearly, you didn’t hear it all.”

_He can’t just claim that he knows what I was trying to say. He didn’t hear the whole song! That hurts more than him walking away. How could he not listen to a song about us?_

“I did,” Michael said the sad expression still on his face.

“I don’t believe you.”

“You,” Michael rasped, looking to the ground before turning his wounded eyes back on Alex, “You really don’t, do you?”

Alex shook his head hesitantly.

Michael rested his hands on the camp chair he’d moved behind. Alex felt his heart fall to his knees as Michael made a move to close it up, running a hand over his face before he did.

But then Michael stopped, and Alex saw him visibly gather himself before meeting his eyes and saying, “I suppose it doesn’t matter then. But I’ve known for a long time, Alex, that you are the best of me, too.”

Alex stood, stunned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APOLOGIES TO ALL for waiting so long to post. I've been a reader of fics on AO3 for almost a decade, never writing anything of my own until now, and it always drove me a little crazy how some stories take longer than I wanted for updates. Well, now I get it. 
> 
> If anyone wants to message me, I am on tumblr, same username as here.
> 
> Thank you to all of you who waited for this chapter!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night at the Wild Pony, from Michael's perspective and what brought him on the journey that started this story.

**Eight months ago**

Michael parked his truck in the lot of the Wild Pony. It felt a bit weird knowing he was going into the bar but Maria wouldn’t be behind it.

He’d been trying to keep a lid on his foul mood after talking to her in her hospital bed. The breakup had really messed with him, but he had barely any time to process it before he was reading the journal left by Alex’s great-uncle and learned more about his mom. He was feeling hurt and raw and miserable.

Michael had spent so long not letting anyone in, not caring about anyone but Max and Isobel. He’d tried with Alex before, but that just caused more heartache. Then he’d tried with Maria, but that also crashed and burned.

As Michael stepped out of his truck, he pushed the thoughts of the two people he’d allowed himself to feel anything for and strode towards the door, intending to bury the rest of his feelings at the bottom of a tequila bottle.

Michael groaned internally when he heard the applause from inside the bar.

_Great. I’ll be getting drunk to locals singing bad karaoke._

Isobel was standing under the yellow light above the bar’s entrance, shooting her impatient look at him. Michael sighed. He knew he was late, but after the chaos of the last few days, Michael was too worn out to care. She rolled her eyes as he gave her a sarcastic smirk and shook her head.

Michael loved his sister and could deal with her _Isobel-ness_ fairly well, but tonight, he was in the mood to get drunk.

Before Michael could step through the front doors, he heard a melody that immediately hooked him. He liked it, a lot. He made a mental note to ask Alex later if he recognized it.

The first sung words were almost murmured. Michael bet it was a first timer, but the first line of the song was instantly gripping.

_‘My father taught me home is where the hurt is_

_So I built a fortress’_

Michael reached to grasp the door handle and pulled open the dark wood door to the Wild Pony so Isobel could walk in first.

_‘Where I lived alone’_

He stepped into the low lights of the Wild Pony and followed behind Isobel towards the bar, his back to the makeshift stage.

_‘He said ships were never meant to have a harbor’_

Almost automatically, his ears recognized the voice singing. Michael had never been able to forget or drink away the memory of that voice since he was seventeen.

_‘So I’ve worn this armor’_

Michael stopped and turned his head, hoping his ears were playing a joke on him.

_‘I’ve fought and flown’_

Michael turned towards the stage, pulling his black cowboy hat off his head, and looked in stunned disbelief at the man sitting behind the keyboard.

_‘I was raised a soldier_

_Put my weapons down to hold you’_

Michael knew what he was seeing, but his brain was having a hard time processing it. Alex Manes was sitting in front of a crowd, his fingers playing the keyboard keys as his unforgettable voice poured into a microphone. Michael had always known Alex was an amazing singer and talented musician but Michael had never actually seen Alex play for anyone but him before. As Michael watched the man who was never far from his thoughts perform in front of a bar full of locals, nothing else existed for Michael except Alex Manes and the sheer bravery he was witnessing.

_‘Is a kiss an act of war?’_

Michael knew Alex hadn’t seen him walk in, but nevertheless, their eyes locked over the heads of the crowd and Michael saw that brief look of surprise, followed by Alex’s barely-there smile.

_‘I just tried to keep you warm’_

Alex briefly glanced down at the keys before his gaze was on Michael again. But Michael didn’t look away. He never could.

_‘Even though I couldn’t stay, no you never looked away’_

Michael wasn’t just listening to Alex’s words; he was _hearing_ them. Michael felt that same pull, that same crazy connection he shared with Alex fill his whole self. Michael had plenty of practice over the years hiding his emotions and true feelings from everyone, including Alex. But as Alex’s warm chocolate eyes stayed locked with Michael’s hazel ones, Michael stopped caring about hiding. He stopped caring about everything but Alex.

_‘Now I can’t look away’_

Michael’s breathing hitched as he started in wonder at the only man he’d ever loved sing a song he wrote about them, about their story.

_‘Would you meet me in the middle?_

_Could we both stop keeping score?_

_There’s a battle I must fight alone_

_It’s you I’m fighting for_

_If I called off the battalion_

_Break my walls down stone by stone_

_Tear down my defenses_

_I can build your heart a home_

_And if I did’_

Michael felt captivated, like he existed solely for Alex Manes and the incredible words he was singing. Michael forgot about everyone and everything as he listened to the man he knew was the love of his life.

_‘Would you come home?’_

Michael stood unmoving as Alex’s words flowed right into his heart. Michael recognized the yearning he felt deep in his chest. It was the same yearning he’d been trying to ignore and suppress since the day he’d met Alex Manes. Michael suspected he’d never stop feeling it.

_‘Together we could quiet all the noises_

_Drown out the voices, play our own song’_

Michael smiled, the memory of playing music with Alex in the desert, both of them holding guitars, flashed through his mind. Music was one of the strongest forms of magic. It had to be, since playing music together had centered Michael like nothing had before. Sharing that common ground with the beautiful boy next to him had made the world go quiet and Michael never wanted those moments to end.

_‘Boys becoming men under the desert sky’_

Michael saw Alex’s gaze shift to the tables in front of the stage, and naturally, his eyes followed. Michael was glad, if not a little surprised, to see Gregory sitting alone, smiling at his brother on stage. But it only took a second to notice blue hair one table forward, directly in front of the stage. Forrest Long.

Then the startling realization hit Michael. Alex may be singing the song of their past, but Alex’s present, maybe even his future, was sitting in the front row.

_‘But something dark inside said it was wrong’_

Michael released a breath as his heart caught up to his head. For years, Michael had wanted to tell someone, _anyone,_ that he was in love with Alex Manes, but he never did. Michael had never been able to publicly acknowledge Alex before as someone he was romantically involved with because Alex never wanted anyone to know. Despite wanting to change that by rushing up onto the stage and stake a claim to Alex _very publicly,_ Michael knew he’d lost that privilege a long time ago. It seemed, though, that someone _else_ would have that honor. Fighting against the ache at his realization, Michael nodded in resignation, looking down at the dirty bar floor. He needed to let Alex go. For good, this time.

_‘I was raised a soldier, put my weapons down to hold you_

_Is a kiss an act of war?_

_I just tried to keep you warm_

_Even though I couldn’t stay_

_No you never looked away,_

_Now I won’t look away’_

Michael willed his body to move, yet fought to stay rooted to the spot. He wished that Alex would take the chance and try again with him. Make the choice to tell the world that he choose Michael over anyone else. But Michael had learned at a very young age that no one would choose him. No one ever had before, so why did he think now would be any different?

_‘Would you meet me in the middle, could we both stop keeping score’_

Despite hearing Alex’s words and longing to make them true again, Michael knew Alex was singing their song for one reason: to put the past behind him and move on. As much as Michael wanted to believe it was a song of hope for them, he couldn’t. So, Michael raised his head and with another glance at the man he’d long ago given his heart to, he nudged Isobel’s shoulder and moved to take a step towards the door.

_‘There’s a battle I must fight alone’_

“Michael,” Isobel said as she grabbed his arm to stop him, “don’t leave.”

_‘It’s you I’m fighting for’_

“It’s a sad story, me and Alex,” Michael replied as he looked back to drink in the sight of Alex Manes, finally comfortable on stage. Alex was the bravest person Michael had ever met. He wished he’d told him that every day.

_‘If I called off the battalion’_

Faking bravado, Michael continued with a shrug, “I have to walk away so we can start a new one someday.”

_‘Rip my walls down stone by stone’_

“It’s not our time, right now.”

_‘Tear down my defenses I can build your heart a home’_

“But it will be,” Isobel said surely. Michael looked back at the smiling blue-haired man in the front row, enraptured with Alex’s performance before setting his eyes on Alex again.

_‘And if I did’_

“I think so,” Michael replied keeping his tone light, hoping Isobel was believing the words he was forcing out of his mouth because Michael sure as hell didn’t.

_‘Would you come home’_

Michael walked out the doors of the Wild Pony and walked a few feet to lean heavily against the wall. He could still hear the notes of Alex’s song as his fingers curled around the brim of his hat and he desperately wanted to be back inside to watch Alex and show him how proud of him he was. But he couldn’t, and the next words of the song of their messy, complicated love story reached Michael’s ears loud and clear.

_‘I still find my father’s shrapnel buried, beneath my skin_

_But I’ve begun to heal in all the places_

_Your hands have been’_

Michael tried to blink back the wetness from his eyes but it was no use. He felt pieces of himself break as Alex poured his heart out. He quickly made his way to the dusty window and stood still as he stared longingly through the glass.

_‘Would you meet me in the middle?_

_Could we both stop keeping score?_

_There’s a battle I must fight alone_

_It’s you I’m fighting for_

_If I called off the battalion_

_Break my walls down stone by stone_

_Tear down my defenses_

_I could build your heart a home_

_And if I did_

_Would you come home?’_

Michael put his hand to the glass, wishing he was hearing Alex sing their song for the first time directly to him instead of a bunch of locals who wouldn’t understand. But that was the point, Michael surmised. Alex had been surprised when he noticed Michael had been listening. He probably never intended for Michael to hear the song at all. 

_‘Wish I found the words when we were seventeen_

_You were the best of me_

_You are, the best of me’_

Michael wasn’t able to hold back a sob as the last words of Alex’s song hit him right in his heart. He suspected that for Alex, singing that song was therapeutic, a sign he was letting go of the past. But Michael just felt shredded. The memories from their shared history were flying through his head, all their interactions following one after the other.

His memories were jumbling around inside his head when he saw Alex step off the stage with a confidence Michael had rarely seen from him out of uniform and approach Forrest’s table. But everything that was racing within him came to a screeching halt when Michael witnessed Alex lean forward and kiss Forrest Long in front of his brother and the entire crowd of the Wild Pony.

Michael ripped his eyes away and put his back to the window before he slumped down to the ground and ran his fingers over his wet face.

Michael wanted to yell out in frustration and grief. He wanted to march back into that bar and demand Alex tell him why he’d sing that song with those beautiful words only to walk into the arms of another man.

Michael wasn’t sure how many minutes he’d been sitting on the ground against the wall of the Pony, caught up in his own misery. But he hoped he looked like just another drunk needing solid ground and not the emotional wreck he actually was.

“Oh, Michael.”

Michael had been so consumed by the words of Alex’s song and the memories of them together to realize Isobel had followed him out of the bar. She knelt down and Michael felt the light touch of a hand run through his curls.

“Michael, you’re shaking.”

Michael had been locked in his own racing thoughts and turbulent emotions to notice that not only were his hands shaking, but his whole body was too.

“Michael,” Isobel said suddenly, her tone serious, “we need to get you out of here. Now.”

Michael didn’t fight her as Isobel took hold of his arm and heaved him off the ground. He kept his head down as he tried to keep his shaky legs under him. Isobel lead him to his own truck and into the passenger seat before jumping behind the wheel and pointing the truck to the street.

Despite sitting in his passenger seat speeding down the road, Michael was still at the bar as the image of Alex kissing Forrest Long looped through his head. He felt like his heart was squeezing in a death grip in his chest, like each and every nerve ending in his whole body was exposed and rubbed raw. As the shaking increased, Michael tensed more. But that seemed to make the shaking worse.

His head was pounding and he was having trouble getting in oxygen. He felt hyper-aware of the clothes touching his skin and his truck bouncing around the dirt road. Yet it was as if he was drowning, like he was untethered, struggling to reach the surface but all he could feel was the crushing pressure and all he could see was the vast nothingness above him.

After what seemed like seconds stretched over hours, Isobel quickly turned off the engine and ran around to his door. Michael’s mastery over his own body was slipping as he tried to keep from tripping when Isobel pulled him out of his truck with a panicked expression on her face.

Michael was unraveling, the threads that made up the fabric of his very being were ripping apart and falling away. Michael was being dragged under the weight of _everything_ and he was sure that soon, that weight and pressure would crush him into dust and be carried away by the wind.

Isobel got him a decent ways away from his truck and in front of a massive outcropping of rock before the energy building up inside of him became stronger than his control.

“Iz, move!” Michael ground out, not wanting her harmed by whatever was about to happen.

Then, with a whimper, Michael’s world stopped.

Michael felt the earth halt on its axis. Time froze between one beat and the next. All the parts and pieces that made Michael who he was ceased to exist. He wasn’t connected to his body anymore because the shaking, the pressure, all sensation and feeling vanished. Nothing moved around him. There was no wind, no air, no awareness running under his skin.

Everything was quiet. Finally, _blissfully_ quiet.

Until a thunderous explosion filled the stillness. 

Michael screamed, every sensation and emotion, all his chaotic entropy, slammed back into his body at once. His telekinesis shot outward uncontrollably, blasting apart the rock formation he was standing in front of. The rock, dust and foliage burst upward and outward into a wide arc with Michael in the middle of it all.

Newly formed boulders and broken rocks slammed back into the ground and Michael felt the tremors shake the desert. Or maybe the tremors were coming from him. He couldn’t tell the difference.

Michael swayed before he listed to the dirt, drained. He couldn’t feel his legs, his arms, his curls brushing against his skin. It was as if the stress had been forced out of him along with his anger, panic, fear, pain, longing, hurt, grief, sadness and everything else. He felt as light as air.

Michael took in deep breaths, allowing his lungs to fill with precious oxygen. When the world went sideways, he closed his eyes and fell into oblivion.

*

It was empty.

For the first time he could remember, his mind was devoid of anything and everything. It was as if he were back in his pod, suspended in stasis, a complete blank slate. There was no chaos, no pain, no connection at all. He couldn’t feel much of anything; he was an apparition of his former self.

Michael started forward, not sure where he was going or what he would find. His footfalls made no sound as he wandered around the vast emptiness of his mind. He began to search for pieces of himself he could recognize. He saw no mathematical calculations scribbled about, no flashes of painful memories, no volatile outbursts threatening against strained control.

Just complete emptiness.

He wasn’t afraid, merely curious as he continued on. And the farther he went, the stronger his curiosity became, almost as if something was pulling him forward.

So, he kept going.

And going.

And going.

Then he reached the very recesses of his mind. It was a quaint space, homely even, a stark contrast to the almost unending emptiness he’d passed through to get there. What made Michael himself at his very core was before him and Michael knew immediately he was safe.

Michael saw the three glowing, swirling iridescent pink and orange lights first. They were alive, moving gently in and out in a formation unique from one another. Two seemed to be more in sync than the third, but all of them were so familiar to him. He reached out his hand and touched the first swirling light.

He saw Isobel, flashes of her at every age. Her smiles, her joy, her excitement for life. His wonderful sister, whole and happy. Michael let that connection to Isobel in and he felt like he was on even footing again.

He reached for the second light.

Then he saw Max. Max as a terrified child, Max as a gawky adolescent, Max as an adult. His brother, his hero. Michael’s biggest pain in the ass. Michael’s biggest supporter. Michael’s fiercest protector.

Michael felt steadier as he moved to the third dancing light.

His mother. Michael’s beautiful, healthy, happy mother was right in front of him. She was smiling at him and Michael was helpless not to bask in the warmth of the love he’d been missing for as long as he could remember. Her arms wrapped around him and Michael felt grounded and safe.

The echo of her laughter tickled his ears as her hands gently swept over his riot of curls. Then he felt a kiss to his temple before he stepped back and she was a dancing light once more.

Michael took another step back to see all three lights glow a bit brighter. When he looked down at his hands, the light danced over him instead of through him and he was no longer a fragment of himself. But he still felt like a piece of himself was missing.

Then he saw it. It was a few feet away from the others, resting in its own space, but wholly belonging there.

Michael moved to stand in front of what looked like molten gold suspended before him. There were no edges, but it was continuously moving, pliable and shapeless.

Until Michael stepped close enough to touch it. Then shapes began to form in front of his eyes.

He saw a skateboard, then a sweater, then a visor.

The shapes moved from one to the other faster and faster.

A shed, a poster, a hammer.

Faster and faster. The shapes were forming almost too fast for Michael to see.

A plane, a compass, a medal. 

A guitar, a crutch, a piano.

Michael reached out his hand and the molten gold formed one final image. Warm brown eyes, dark hair, a smile he adored and a face he loved more than anything.

Michael felt whole again.

*

When Michael came to, it took him a minute to realize that his cheek wasn’t resting in the desert dust, but against denim.

“Thank god Michael! I was getting worried,” Isobel whispered as she reached down and stroked her hand through his hair. He’d always felt soothed when she did that and now was no different. The motions also helped Michael slowly reorient himself.

“What happened, Iz?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No,” Michael croaked out. He felt _exhausted_ and his whole body ached down to his bones.

“Well, you had a… Let’s call it an episode. ‘Mantrum’ seems a bit harsh.”

Then he remembered. The Pony, the song, Alex. And suddenly he hurt all over again.

“We just came from… and he…” Michael squeezed his eyes shut.

“Oh, Michael. With Alex. I had no idea…”

“No one does- did,” Michael ground out in a raspy voice. “No one knew what it was like for us. We didn’t have anyone to talk to but each other. It didn’t seem so important back then when I got to hold Alex in my arms. But then he left and I had really had no one to talk to about us.”

Michael didn’t care that he was crying, didn’t care that he was betraying Alex’s confidence by finally talking to someone about _them_. But fuck that. After all, Alex was the one who decided to tell a room full of drunks so Michael didn’t think it mattered anymore.

“You could have told me, Michael.”

Michael let out a sigh. “I really wish that were true Iz.”

Michael felt her hand falter, so he continued, “But with everything going on with you and your weird moods, Max’s pining for Liz, then everything with Rosa, my love life didn’t seem important.”

Isobel sighed too, then resumed stroking his hair. “Max wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been happy in the last decade, was he?”

Michael shook his head as he burrowed farther into her lap.

“Oh, Michael.”

“Even before I understood what love was, I was in love with Alex Manes, Iz, and I know he loved me too. But we never said it to one another. Not like we needed to hear it. I’ve only heard him say he loved me, past tense, twice and one of those times we were arguing. So, now, hearing what he said, hearing that he wanted to build my heart a home when I’ve never had one-”

Michael bit his lip in an attempt to stop more tears from falling. It didn’t work. He cried in Isobel’s lap, hugging her knees and folding his own closer to himself as he cried at what he’d lost.

_I’ll never have a home with him. His future belongs with someone else._

Michael cried harder as he felt his heart break to pieces and his self-loathing filled the cracks.

“He said you are the best of him Michael, present tense.”

“He thinks that now, Iz. He hasn’t gotten the chance to be his whole self before. He doesn’t know yet that there’s someone else out there waiting to be the best of him. And when he finds them,” Michael squeezed his eyes shut as it pained him physically to say, “I’ll just be a bad memory.”

Michael felt Isobel wrap her arm around him and lean her head down against his as he cried. Michael hated crying. Hated it even more that his sister was here to witness him fall apart, completely. But as Isobel hugged him and rocked him through his pain, he knew he was grateful he wasn’t completely alone.

Michael heard Isobel take several breaths before she spoke in a gentle voice.

“You told me once that you love Alex Manes and that you probably always will. But Michael,” Isobel said with a heavy sigh, “are you sure he’s worth it?”

Michael let her words sink in for a few minutes. But eventually he wiped at his face as lifted himself off of Isobel’s lap to sit up across from her. Michael was grateful she didn’t seem to mind sitting in the dirt with him.

Michael knew, in her own Isobel way, that she was trying to look out for him. But Michael had faced the truth a long time ago. Not loving Alex Manes proved to be impossible. He knew he needed to let Alex go, for good. Alex had a future with someone who could give him everything he deserved. And as much as it almost killed him to admit to himself, Michael also knew, he’d spend the rest of his life pining away for Alex Manes. He’d just have to keep that love and yearning to himself, like he always had.

Michael wanted to cry all over again when he realized that he would be essentially reliving the last decade or so for the rest of his life. The only difference, would be that Michael would see Alex around town and know that Alex was alive and happy, without him.

Michael thought that actually may be worse than not knowing at all if Alex was alive in a different desert across the world. 

Michael was caught in his swirling vortex of harmful thoughts and painful emotions. He was spiraling but couldn’t find anything to pull him out.

Then suddenly, Michael felt the ghost of a hand along his jaw. Felt the whisper of a thumb against his lip. Then Alex was there in front of him again. Sleep-tousled, bare, and touching Michael like he’d never held anything so precious before in his life.

It was that early morning when Michael had woken up to realize Alex had stayed after the night they spent together when Alex had come back to Roswell. The touch lasted only seconds, the span of one heartbeat to the next, but Michael had felt such _peace_ in that moment. And Michael Guerin had too few peaceful moments in his life.

Michael dragged his hands out of his hair and rested them against his knees, taking in deep lungfuls of desperately needed air. Michael let the melody of Alex’s new song into his heart and he felt his entropy still. Michael faced Isobel again as the truth filled his whole self.

“He is.”

Michael had long suspected that love was the worst thing to happen to him. But Michael had never been able to regret Alex.

“He always has been.”

When Isobel raised her eyebrow in confusion, Michael put it into what he knew she would understand.

“Despite everything, Iz, outside of you and Max, Alex is my person.”

At her sharp inhale, Michael continued, “Not that it matters much anymore.”

Michael absentmindedly picked at a few small stones and kept his eyes trained to the sediment.

“But Michael you said-”

“I know, Iz. That was wishful thinking on my part.”

He kept his eyes down when he heard Isobel shift to touch her knees to his as she settled a bit closer to him.

“So, you really think that this is it? You both won’t ever find a way back to one another someday?”

“Alex and I were just never meant to work, Iz. After everything- the past, his dad, Maria…” Michael trailed off as he stared into the bright blanket of stars above him.

He took in a breath and continued, “There’s too much in between us now. Besides, I never could understand why he’d want a broke mechanic with a hair-trigger temper who’s drunk every other day and oh, and let’s not forget, _an alien_. I’m not someone he should waste his love on.”

Michael’s eyes met Isobel’s blazing blue ones before she grasped his hands between hers.

“I want you to never, ever forget that you are worth loving Michael. No matter who you were, who you are now, or who you end up becoming, you will _always_ be worthy of love. Especially mine. Which means, you stubborn man, you are **ALWAYS** loved. I choose you Michael. You’re my family, my brother, no matter what.”

Michael looked into Isobel’s determined eyes and just… let himself believe. He wanted so desperately to feel like someone was choosing him for once and Michael was too tired to caution himself against what Isobel was saying to him like he had for most of his life.

Michael nodded and said, “You’re my family too, Iz.”

“Good. Because I have some things I need to say to you, and I want you to listen. Then, Michael, I hope you feel like you can talk to me. Really talk. And I’ll be the one listening. Deal?” Isobel said pleadingly, as she grasped his hand in hers.

“Deal,” Michael replied as he gently squeezed her hand.

“Okay,” Isobel said again, then started, “I know we’ve sort of danced around on how growing up it was supposed to be the three of us, but it ended up more like me and Max with you tagging along after us once we were all together again. But we’ve always _wanted_ you Michael. Both of us. I know it’s not easy to believe that, but you really hope you do.”

Michael stared at Isobel as her words sunk in, he knew he wasn’t done with letting his emotions show for the night.

Michael had never really opened up to anyone. Sure, he’d talked the littlest bit to Max and Isobel about what growing up was like for him alone with his abilities, but they seemed more preoccupied with trying to act human. With all the different foster homes and social workers, Michael learned to close himself off. The few people he wanted to let in hadn’t really bothered to find out what was under the façade Michael showed the world. A vault door with an iron lock was where his insecurities, pain, rejection, fear and all the rest had been kept away for as long as he could remember.

He didn’t talk much to anyone, but Michael knew Isobel needed him to, and after the emotional rollercoaster he’d been on already tonight, he thought it was maybe about time he did. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea and had less practice doing it, but Michael decided to let his sister in, just a little.

As Isobel stared into Michael’s hazel gaze, he saw just how badly she wanted him to believe what she was telling him. Over the last year or so, he, Isobel and Max had gotten close again and while that was initially weird to Michael, he’d been grateful. Michael had missed being able to reach out to one of them whenever he’d wanted to see them without feeling guilty that he shouldn’t in the years since high school when they’d been closer. 

“I know you mean well, Iz, but it’s kinda hard to accept that you guys don’t just _need_ me because we are all each other has on this planet.”

Michael sighed and revealed a little more of the feelings he’d kept buried for such a long time.

“Look, I know I’m not the easiest person. I know you love me, but we never really talked about me. Over the years it just got easier to focus on you and Max and keep myself in the background.”

“Michael,” Isobel said with a measure of remorse, “I hope you know that was never intentional.”

Michael sniffed and nodded, but Isobel wasn’t finished.

“I’m not making excuses because you’re right. Max and I always seemed to demand your attention. You gave whenever we needed, and we took, without questioning if that was the right thing for you. I am so sorry, Michael, that we’ve been selfish and overlooked when you needed us the most.”

“Iz,” Michael said on a sigh, “I got real good at hiding what I needed. I managed on my own for so long, it was second nature to never reach out and ask for anything. You and Max are two of the most important people in the world to me. But some habits are just too hard to break.”

After Michael hung his head from his declaration, Isobel reached out and gently lifted his chin so he eyes met hers once again. Michael could see her brilliant blue eyes were shining from her unshed tears.

“I see you, Michael, and I love you. Can you forgive me for taking you for granted?”

Michael let out a wet laugh and nodded.

“How can I say no to my favorite sister?”

Isobel’s tears broke free and Michael let go of holding his back in. Then he did something he hadn’t done since the days they were all together in the group home. He pulled Isobel into his arms and gently rocked her as they both cried in the empty desert under the star-studded sky.

Michael felt like he’d released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. He had very few memories from their time together after being found. It had been too painful to remember Max and Isobel in the years he’d been separated from them, so he’d buried those memories the best he could. But Michael did remember feeling so safe with Isobel tucked against his side under one arm and Max in a mirror position on his other, despite the bizarre place, foreign language and strangers. He’d missed that feeling so much and took comfort from just being able to have his sister back in his arms again.

It took a while for Michael to find his voice, but when he did, he rasped, “I remember coming out of my pod. I remember looking around and being really scared. The cave was so cold that night, but the light coming from our pods was really warm. Who came out first is a bit fuzzy for me, but I just remember feeling weak and alone one moment, then _connected_ and stronger the next. Then you and Max were there. You took my hand, Iz, then grabbed Max’s and you both looked at me with terrified eyes. So, I led us out of the cave, the best I could.

“I didn’t know where to go or what to do. But all of us together made that really stressful experience a little bit easier. Then that trucker picked us up on the side of the road.”

Michael looked up to the starry sky and wished for the millionth time that he hadn’t ended up by alone after that, but Michael long ago accepted that he couldn’t change the past.

“After we were entrusted to the sheriff, you and Max were still so scared. I tried, Iz, I really did, to make sure you and Max and I stuck together. As long as I had you both with me I could survive anything. And we did, for a little while. Then you both were taken from me and I felt like I lost everything.”

Isobel had wrapped her arms around Michael’s waist and hugged him. “Oh Michael, I’m so sorry. You never really talked about what happened to you after Mom and Dad, well-”

Michael sighed and said, “Honestly, Iz, I don’t think I can go into all that now. But I can say that while it was awful being separated from you and Max for so long, I’m just glad you both had people who love you and took care of you.”

“I wish you had that too,” Isobel whispered.

Michael hugged his sister tighter for a second before placing a kiss to her hair and said, “I learned to take care of myself, Iz, so it wasn’t all bad.”

Isobel gently extracted herself from Michael’s arms and sat back across from him in the dirt.

“Michael,” she began, “I love you, but honestly, I don’t think you have been. Not like you need to be.”

Michael sighed, unable to disagree with her.

Michael had spent most of his years on Earth surviving. He may be a genius and he may have an extraterrestrial advantage over humans, but very little in his life had been hopeful or fulfilling. Michael had always just accepted his lot in life, learning never to expect more. Learning never to expect that one day he’d be happy and content in his own life. Whenever he envisioned a better life for himself, he squashed those musings down so far they never saw the light of day again, if only to save himself from the inevitable disappointment.

“I can’t say you’re wrong, Iz,” Michael reluctantly admitted.

Isobel’s face lit up and Michael recognized her mischievous grin.

“I think it’s about time to change that Michael. You can take your time and truly find yourself. Find all your potential and life the life _you_ want. Maybe then you’ll see that you’re more than a broke mechanic with a hair-trigger temper who’s drunk every other day. And being an alien is just a bonus, really.”

Michael gaped at his sister as she continued in a softer tone, “Maybe, Michael, you’ll find that by loving yourself, you can see why Alex Manes has spent so many years loving you.”

With the fierce determination Isobel Evans had put into everything she did since becoming her whole self, she stood up, dusted off her jeans and turned her palm up, giving Michael the choice.

Michael knew he’d have to make some major life changes. Not that he had any ideas right then and there on how to do that.

_I’m going to have to make a list or something._

But one thing was evident: keeping himself in the dirt because he didn’t think he deserved the stars was a habit he needed to break.

So, with a small smile, he slid his wrapped hand into hers and stood up. With a squeeze, Isobel released him.

“Alright then,” Isobel said, a proud smile on her face, “I need a milkshake and the Crashdown is still open. Let’s go, brother.”

“It’s pretty late, Iz.”

Isobel swished her blonde hair over her shoulder and replied, “Arturo loves me. Besides, he’s been grumbling about his second shake machine. Maybe you can take a look at it for him.”

Michael chuckled as Isobel rambled on about free milkshakes for life before he saw her stop at his truck and take a curious look around.

Michael was confused as to why Isobel had gone silent before she scrambled into the bed of his truck before climbing onto the roof of the cab.

“Iz! What are you doing?”

“Michael, this sort of looks like a crop circle,” Isobel replied, turning in a full circle as she studied the broken, fractured rocks, “but with rocks and stones instead of, you know, crops.”

“What?”

Michael hurried up after her and when he was high enough, he saw it. The rocks he’d blown apart with his telekinesis had fragmented and compiled themselves into an almost perfect arc about fifty yards in each direction. Michael noted that there was a ten-foot gap between the ends of the arc, keeping it from becoming a complete circle and trapping them inside.

Michael swallowed and said, “Shit, Iz, I didn’t mean to do that. I don’t even know _how_ I did that.”

Michael looked at the contemplative expression on his sister’s face and waited for her to say something.

“This kind of reminds me of that time Max shorted out all the power to town after he healed Liz.”

“He had some sort of energy build up,” Michael said quietly, remembering how awful it had felt and cringed. He’d have to ask Max about his experience with it later.

“From what it looked like, Michael, you had a cross between that and a panic attack when I first got you here.”

“Yeah,” Michael blew out a breath, “felt like it too.”

“Maybe…” Isobel hesitated, “Maybe we should do more to learn about us. Together, though.”

“You mean like the training you’ve been doing?”

“Yes,” she replied, turning her gaze to Michael, “I think if we take the time to figure it out together, then maybe we’ll discover more abilities or skills. We’re stronger together Michael. We always have been.”

Michael knew she was right.

So, he agreed and helped her off his truck until they were back inside the cab. Michael let Isobel drive, still feeling drained from the burst of telekinesis and his talk with her.

Michael reached under the seat for his emergency bottle of acetone and uncapped it.

_‘I can’t be your medicine.’_

Alex’s carefully spoken words from years ago filtered through Michael’s memory. Michael hesitated to take a swallow of the nail polish remover as more of that brief moment with the boy he loved ran through his mind.

_‘I want to be with you, but not if you’re wasting your life.’_

The pang was still there over a decade later. In all that time, whenever Michael felt like torturing himself with thoughts of Alex Manes, he replayed their conversations over and over again. He knew it was twisted, but it made him feel like he still had a piece of Alex to hold on to. But Michael knew that Alex had been right back then.

So, for the first time he could remember, Michael put the cap back over the bottle and stowed it back under the seat.

Michael stared down at the bandana wrapped around his left hand. He thought back to his conversation with Max when they’d been trapped down in his bunker during the gala at the Emporium.

_“I didn’t let you heal it because I needed the reminder. I needed the evidence of what could happen when you believe that humanity might be good. Alex made me feel like there was a place for me here. Hope’s a dangerous thing. These scars, they remind me to avoid it in the future.”_

But the scars had healed and Michael had no excuse to hide behind the dusty fabric anymore. Then Michael remembered his disagreement with Alex just before he’d been taken by his father.

_“You miss your injury because you want to hurt. Your anger made you feel safe. I will always hate my father for what he did to you. But I don’t want to live in that tool shed for the rest of my life. I don’t want to walk around thinking people don’t change. That one day everyone’s just gonna let me down.”_

Michael rubbed his thumb absentmindedly along the fabric of the bandana. If he could finally let go of the hopelessness and the anger, then maybe he had a shot at figuring out how to work through the chaotic sensations and strange feelings instead of trying to bury them in alcohol and acetone.

Maybe Michael had a chance at the long-buried dreams he’d turned away from years ago.

Maybe now, he could finally figure out what comes next.

Michael untied the knot, slid the bandana off his hand, and held it out the open window.

He watched as it slipped from between his fingers as it blew away in the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've watched and rewatched the scenes with Alex singing and Michael gazing at him like Alex is the only person in the room. And since I've watched it so many times, all the expressions and split-second glances led me to question what really went through Michael's head. And that was what sparked this story in the first place. 
> 
> Now you all see what choices Michael made that led him to where he is in my story. How even what happened in canon messed with how he perceived his relationships and himself.
> 
> If you liked this chapter, then I truly hope that you all stick with me to the end. ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make my day! I truly love reading them and each one feels like a little boost of confidence to keep writing. 😊


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